Category Archives: October

“Ring Camera”, Short Film Review, (Dir. Alex Magana), Case Wright

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Happy Horrorthon, I suppose. Why am I hedging? I’m hedging because I’m reviewing an Alex Magana short. Yes, I’m watching this on purpose.

Ring camera begins with a woman in an apartment, I think the apartment is actually Alex’s residence.

At least, I hope it’s Alex’s apartment because it’s kind of a dump and I don’t think he should live in a very nice place. I’m not saying his apartment should be infested with Camel Spiders like this one:

Or 1,000 Camel Spiders that are like this breed:

This one looks feisty. I don’t want his apartment to have Camel Spiders like this one above because he makes terrible terrible art, but what about Cicadas…Cicadae? Anyway, they are pretty gross.
They don’t have teeth, but they’re annoying and terrible like his films. So, Cicadae…go forth and meet your new roomie!

Honestly Cicadae, he’ll probably cast you. How are you with terrible acting?

Back to my misery, the lady has a “Unfamiliar Face” on her ring camera. I wonder if he films these with his iPhone. The creeper approaches her apartment and starts knocking. She opens the door and it’s a delivery guy.
Ma’am, I’m not judging too hard, but that’s a large bag of food for one person. Look:

This is too much food. You should not eat your weight in food. Ma’am, the bag is half your size. Did you get fired? Is Alex making you do a 3 film deal? You can’t fill the pain Alex has created with Door Dash!
Then, she looks around and she gets killed by the evil ghost.
I know that watching this short will make you sad, but remember- maybe you’re not that good? I mean, how many good things have you actually done today? Maybe, you deserve this film more than you know? Maybe, this film will be like a Scared Straight and put you on a better path? Maybe, you just need the pain that this film provides- you weirdo! In any case, this film is for you. You know what you did!

“Whisperer”, Short Film Review, By Case Wright

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Hi Horror and Case Lovers! So, I could not find a title card image for this short, but clowns scare the $#!% out of me so here we are. Just remember, that’s their real skin, not makeup. The oversized shoes and red nose are just to get you to let your guard down before they kill you! Now, you are able to face the world once again!

The short begins with a college student doing some cleaning at home. He checks the hallways and he sees…. yes a clown! Damn it! WHY?! WHY?!

Clowns, between you and me – why are you even a thing? I know what motivates you to make people mess their pants regardless of the season- you must feed, but why?! Can’t you just be anything else and still feast upon the living?

The Clown confronts the young man and…. he tries to kill him with a crowbar, but the would-be victim fights back with GUNS!!!
Yes, GUNS ARE THE ANSWER! GUNS! They are Clown Repellent! They are Clown-Be-Gone!
The Crowbar vs Clown is pretty effective too.

Now, is this short the result of two bored frat guys? Probably, but I’m ok because clowns are a menace!
Yes, it ends with a gun solving the Clown Menace! This short worked for me!

“Cookies” Short Film Review By Case Wright

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Hello Horrorthon readers! Here is another short film review because this is midterms season and I pressed for time, BUT I want to do right by my Glorious Leader – Lisa! I can’t write that I hated this. I must be getting soft. It’s really difficult to understand this particular short, but it began and ended.

A boy scout is selling Boy Scout cookies and a very aggressive woman wants to buy his cookies- if he comes inside her home. The boy runs away. It is a story. It turns out that she’s got man held captive and we don’t know why or care, but the story began, ended, and I laughed once. Considering how bad some shorts are- yes, I’m looking at you Alex – defiler of all physical laws – Magana, which I prove here:

https://unobtainium13.com/2022/10/12/smiling-woman-2-review-by-case-wright/: “Cookies” Short Film Review By Case Wright

Maybe this is all that I need or deserve? Maybe my life should be more simple? My life is subtracting now and I would give anything for addition, but I would need an interested lady for that and that’s hard to come by right now; so, I’m left with subtraction and this okay short……

A Smiling Woman Halloween, Dir. Alex Magana, Review by Case Wright

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So, this is how it ends. This has been a very challenging October. Midterms, illness, and despair…at least two of those things were caused by Alex Magana. I still don’t fully grasp his motivation to make terrible things. Is it money? No, I checked his revenue from YouTube. Alex Magana makes these terrible terrible things for the love of the game and that game is pain. I wonder if he edits his films cosplaying as Pinhead?

The premise is just so strange! A lady soon to be victim is seeing people cosplaying as the Smiling Woman. I don’t get it; cosplaying as the Smiling Woman is like cosplaying as Sam, my neighbor, who is a fine man in his own right, but doesn’t warrant any fanboys or fangirls. Although Sam is a bit edgy, I mean he does wait until Wednesday morning instead of Tuesday afternoon to bring his garbage cans back from the curb and we all know what that does…..a stern letter/reminder from the HOA….take that society!!! I’ll be seeing a number of Sam trick or treaters tonight with his signature polo shirt and jeans.

The soon to be new smiling woman starts getting the texts!!! Yes, that’s the life cycle of the creature. She slides into your DMs, breakdances, consumes you, and you …. yes you are the next Smiling Woman. Never mind that it violates the First Law of Thermodynamics – Conservation of Mass! You can read about that here and yes poop is discussed!

Smiling Woman 2, Review by Case Wright

Look, we’ve all done something that we’re not proud of and we must perform some sort of act of contrition. Yes, you deserve this….you know you do…yeah….that’s right….maybe watch it two times…Feel that SHAME!!!!

If a meme no one know falls in the woods…something something…I whimper alone on the floor.

The Gift, Dir. Brian E-RAD Simmons, Review by Case Wright

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This is the Horrorthon short that I am used to seeing: a true James Nguyen level of garbage. There was nothing on IMDB to give me a title card; so, I went with this cute Crab-Dog. One note about this film is the outrageous number of easter eggs referring to people no one has ever heard of. It’s like giving yourself a nickname. I don’t understand. It’s also just a terrible short and what makes it worse is that it purports to be a comedy- WHY?

There’s a woman who gets home from a bad date and the date is presumably stalking her or might be Michael Myers from the Halloween films- I really can’t tell. I hope John Carpenter does a Cease and Desist order. She tries to block the creep and he shows up at her house and stabs her- laugh riot…it’s like some people want me to feel pain. Maybe I deserve the pain? Maybe they know that if they make this horribleness that I’ll have to watch it and reflect upon my failed existence?

If you want to punish yourself and the pain of 7 minutes feeling like 7000, this is for you! Maybe Pinhead made this film and I’m in a Hell Dimension in the Houston Suburbs?

This is the 7 minutes and change of my discontent.

Rain, The Teskey Brothers – Rev. Case Wright

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Happy Horrothon! “I know you’re gonna say, this isn’t horror! This is Thor singing the blues!” I hear your critique and I reject it! The greatest horror stories especially in science fiction have trauma, fear, and hope. Alien, for example, terrible things happen to this crew of…. I guess…. miners, but at the end – there’s hope because Ripley overcomes. I always have a bit of anxiety at the end of the New “Outer Limits” or films like “Life” because it’s a good twist, but everyone is now dead and the heroes failed- that’s too much like life!

In “Rain”, a woman is alone and there appears to be a guy in the friendzone who REALLY wants to be with her and can sing and looks like Thor. For the interest of Horrorthon, we’re going to presume that- I don’t know this lady’s name but I’ll call her Susan- that Susan’s previous guy was eaten by a …got it…. a werewolf! Take that doubters told you I could contrive this into a horror review- BWAHAHAHA!

Side note: Susan, you’re being too picky. I’m sure that you had a rough time, but this guy even wrote a song for you, looks like Thor, and sounds like Otis Redding reincarnated. Maybe your standards are just WAY too high?

Susan’s boyfriend was werewolf puppy chow and Thor is trying to tell her that it will be okay. He has felt her pain because there is probably at least another werewolf in town that probably ate his girlfriend too. Can you imagine that support group? They must hate Iams and Doggy costumes! The line “Is that rain or are you crying again?” gets to me because when you’re broken-hearted – it’s like the tears can’t stop. “A soul with no face is a lonely embrace” this line is all about not seeing your soulmate again- Fucking Werewolves, we gotta do something about them, but then this song wouldn’t exist; so, I’m torn!

As they try console each other, “now’s there clouds between us all”; so, they likely hooked up, but they also have to worry about the full moon coming- probably. I like that at the end of the song – he says – “You ain’t gonna be ain’t gonna be alone” and notice, he doesn’t say- With me – Wonderful me. He’s left her better off and maybe he will be alone and live out his days as a werewolf hunter?

Out There, (Dir Uncertain), Review by Case Wright

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Welcome! Welcome! Welcome! Happy Horrorthon! It’s October!!! Yes, I passed my engineering classes last year; so, I will be working for Big Oil. Huh, my mother works for Big Pharma and I work for Big Oil – hmmm if only I could get my daughters into banking; then, we could finally bring about He Who Shall Sit At The Head of All Tables……BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Sorry, I digress. I’m beginning this Horrorthon with a scathing review, but sometimes people just aren’t good at things. “Out There” is 4 minutes and 21 seconds long and I can’t write that everything Laila Iravani did was terrible because in the first 20 seconds there is a title card and everything was spelled correctly; so, there’s that. The other positive is that it was only over 4 minutes long. I had a mild COVID heart attack in 2021 and I think that the heart attack was about the same amount of time….maybe this film was even shorter than my heart attack? So, this film was briefer than that.

“Out There” was a story because there were characters, people, and I guess somethings happened. There were three or four bad actors who kind of could not go outside or the movie would skip. I really couldn’t write about the plot because I would have to do a lot of Laila Iravani’s work for her. Hold on, I’m really trying to be positive…the camera appeared to be on the whole time. There, I did it!

I can’t say that I’m sad after watching this because I love October and maybe like some other years this is the year of the crap short film. I think it’s Alex Magana creep because he makes terrible films and other people are like – “Hey, I’m bad at things too! I’m gonna make something terrible and Case will have to review and I HATE him already without knowing him because he likes art and this will be the opposite of that.” Laila Iravani you made me hurt a little, but only for 4 minutes and 21 seconds! So, Yay?

I got a note that Laila Iravani might not have made this terrible film. Laila, I’m glad that you did not do this. Supposedly, it’s in a film festival circuit going round and round and round. Hopefully, it will stay within the circuit and not spread to the greater world. It is really terrible. I’m not sure who made this terrible film, but maybe that’s sort of its mythos? Maybe, “Out There” is like one of the old ones such as Cthulhu- it has always been …. Waiting and once it finishes the film festival circuitry, it shall be released to the greater world and devour all of mankind????

Close Your Eyes, Review by Case Wright

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Happy Halloween, once again my friends! I know many of you read my posts for the extremes. Really, who cares about the 3 Star Amazon Reviews?! It’s all about the love or the rage. This short did not scare me, but the writer and director has some talent. There’s actually no writer listed; so, it fits that it felt like improv. The story has a beginning, middle, and end. It is satisfying. Although this is a middle of the road short, come on keep reading because my last post helped you avoid Space Herpes! You owe me!!!

Vincent and Martin are roommates. Vincent sees his roommate sleepwalking and figures why not talk to him? I’m not sure what he expected of his half-asleep roommate, but apparently he’s communicating with an evil spirit with serious OCD. The half-asleep Martin has his ear against the door and says that “She will tell you secrets if I listen at the door.” Vincent tries it, ah….Martin corrects him- “you have to close your eyes.” My first response would be: Why the F#@& do I have to take orders from some ASMR whispering cretin in my own GD house- you melatonin addict?! I get the wanting to communicate with other side, but what’s with all the pre-requisites?! I’ve already had Differential Equations; so, tell your Evil Spirit Guidance Counselor to go #&*% and other various Q-Bert symbols!

I’m gonna spoil this a little because…. you know what you did! Vincent runs into the monster in the kitchen and she’s… super bendy and naked, which I guess is scary. I’d just be like take your best shot; you-not-showered-for-a-week-orthopedic-nightmare-somehow-forever-damp-naked- #$^& B@!! She’s obviously got bone issues. You have the greater reach!

He does pick up a guitar and try to fight, but defeats him with …… ASMR?! Is she reciting Goodnight Moon?

One note, what’s with the Darkness?! I can barely see what’s happening in films now with the lighting so low?! I’m not sure if he dies here or if she’s just a close talker. In any case, the film’s over and it basically is an ad for getting a deadbolt.

It Came Nameless in Spring, Review by Case Wright

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Happy Halloween! I really tried to contribute as much as possible this year. I’ve been beaten down by really really hard engineering classes and a Professor who shows up slurring words- Bombed. It’s annoying/sad. However, this short film is neither annoying, nor sad. I didn’t know that a person could make an alien invasion boring, but here we are.

There are survivors fighting and killing each other over basic staples. There’s a husband and wife, but he’s ill!!!! So, his wife goes on the hunt for medicine. What medicine? Who knows? Also, how would she know what to give him or how much? These questions aren’t raised or answered. She enters a supposedly empty home and fights the owner in the dumbest way possible. She knocks the owner down, but turns her back on her because it’s gotta be stupid.

Another issue with alien invasions stories I have is disease, people are all surviving. How? Our bacteria and viruses would not be able to compete. War of the World would’ve been mutually assured destruction.

I was always weirded out by Mass Effect that way; Shepard is way to eager to jump the bones of an alien species. We just got exposed to coronavirus, does this horny weirdo think that this hot blue alien wouldn’t have some sort of virus? She’s from another planet, you degenerate weirdo! Things evolved there and it wasn’t us! At the very least, she’ll give you an alien cold sore that’s probably Sapient Space Herpes (SSH), there’s not enough Blistex in the world to fight that!

I can’t stand morons! I was yelling at my computer screen the whole time and not in a good way. Listen, it’s either the apocalypse or not. If the aliens are killing everybody, you either fight or jump to your doom because chances are they will eat us. They’re not here to fall in love with us.

Back to my boring short film, you eventually see the floating alien, which is a big jellyfish. This is just dumb; I can suspend some disbelief for a spaceship, but you’re serving up a big Man-of-War jellyfish to take out humanity. We could just all pee on it! Problem solved!!! I’m sorry, things just float about in the air- stop it! I get Brian Otting slept through physics, but come on – haven’t you ever been on a plane before?! I’ll review something else! I can’t let this be the last of Halloween!

RUN! Short Film Review by Case Wright

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Normally, I would have all kinds of tags about the filmmaker and actors, but I can’t find any. There are far too many “RUNS!”. I didn’t know that the horror short of “a woman being chased while jogging with her headphones on” wasn’t as much of a subgenre as much as it was a meme.

Not to say that running alone with your headphones on is not an extremely dangerous activity- IT IS! However, do we really need 30+ shorts of this same thing?

HOW ABOUT NO?

They were trying to be funny, but they ended up being kinda scary. I know they didn’t mean to do it, but it failed up. I was unsettled by it. It’s also possible that I’m burned out from too many Alex Magana films and by studying this all day:

Yes, I know to solve this… mostly. Slow down ladies, there’s enough Case for everyone.

I know many of you are thinking: sure steam generators are hot and sexy and all, but we’re here for the short-film review and now I’m all sweaty. Fine, I’m here for it.

This film creeped me out because it’s too much like real life. When I moved across the country, I was alone except for my cat- Love you, wherever you are. I would see signs in Montana- Next Services 250 Miles. I realized that if my truck broke down, I’d die here or if some psycho disabled my vehicle, I’d be lost forever and ever. The actress’ vulnerable got to me. I mean Without a Trace had 9 Seasons – that’s According to Jim territory. Point is, we’re not as safe as we want to believe that we are. We could vanish. We are at the mercy of the social contract, but not everyone is a party to it.

This short tapped into that. It failed, but it did fail up.