4 Shots From 4 Films: Special Alan Parker Edition


4 (or more) Shots From 4 (or more) Films is just what it says it is, 4 (or more) shots from 4 (or more) of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 (or more) Shots From 4 (or more) Films lets the visuals do the talking.

81 years ago, on this date, the late director Alan Parker was born in London.  One of the many British directors, like the Scott brothers and Adrian Lyne, who began by directing advertisements, Parker went on to become a director known for both his intense visual style and his revolutionary use of music as a storytelling device.  It’s time for….

4 Shots From 4 Alan Parker Films

Midnight Express (1978, dir by Alan Parker, DP: Michael Seresin)

Fame (1980, dir by Alan Parker, DP: Michael Seresin)

Pink Floyd — The Wall (1982, dir by Alan Parker, DP: Peter Bizou)

Angel Heart (1987, dir by Alan Parker, DP: Michael Seresin)

 

 

Love On The Shattered Lens: The Bitch (dir by Gerry O’Hara)


“Joan Collins is THE BITCH” announced the opening credits of the 1979 film, The Bitch.  Seriously, how can you not love a film that opens that way?

Joan Collins returns of Fonatine Khaled, the character that she previously played in The Stud.  Once again based on a novel by Jackie Collins, The Bitch follow Fontaine as she adjusts to life as a freshly divorced woman.  Though she received a good deal of money in the divorce and she has her own personal fortune as well, Fontaine is struggling to maintain her extravagant lifestyle.  A new disco has opened and is taking away the crowds that used to populate her club.  She’s running out of cash and soon, she might not even be able to fly first class!

It’s on an airplane that she meets Nico (Michael Colby, who is not particularly charismatic but still isn’t quite as dull as Oliver Tobias was in The Stud).  In an amusing in-joke, the movie that they watch on the plane is The Stud.  Nico says that he can’t decide if the movie is funnier with the sound or without.  “It’s not meant to by funny,” Fontaine replies.  Nico claims to be a wealthy Italian businessman, which immediately gets Fontaine’s attention.  Of course, Nico’s lying.  He’s actually a con artist and a jewel thief.  Fontaine figures that out when Nico tries to use her to smuggle a diamond through customs.  Fontaine is angered but she’s intrigued.

Nico is in debt to the Mafia.  The head of the British mob is a man named … and I’m not making this up …. Thrush Feathers (Ian Hendry).  Thrush Feathers demands that Nico cause a horse to lose an upcoming race.  The horse belongs to Fontaine’s friends from the first film, Vanessa (Sue Lloyd) and Mark Grant (Mark Burns).  Thrush Feathers also offers to help Fontaine keep her club open but his help comes with a price.  Whatever the price is, could it possibly be worse than being named Thrush Feathers?  Seriously, in what world is someone with that name going to take over a London crime syndicate?  How do you go from the Kray Brothers to Thrush Feathers?

Anyway, the plot really isn’t that important.  There’s a lot of double crosses and manipulation as Fontaine lives up to the title of the film.  The plot is really just an excuse to tease the viewer with visions of the decadent rich.  The clothes are expensive.  The mansions are ornate.  The conversations are always arch and full of double entendres.  This film is less about how the rich live and more about how middle class like to imagine the rich live.  It’s also about sex, though none of it quite reaches the lunatic abandon of The Stud’s swimming pool orgy scene.  The important thing is that whole thing is scored to a disco beat.

As with The Stud, it’s Joan Collins who holds the film together, giving a fierce and uninhibited performance in which she gleefully embraces the melodrama and delivers her lines with just enough attitude to let the viewer know that she’s in on the joke.  “Bitch” may have been meant as an insult but, as played by Joan Collins, Fontaine wears the title as a badge of honor.  She understands what had to be done to survive in a male-dominated world and she makes no apologies for it.  Even more importantly, she knows that once you fly first class, you can never go back.

The Bitch is not necessarily good but it is definitely fun in its sordid way.

Love On The Shattered Lens: The Stud (dir by Quentin Masters)


Oliver Tobias is …. THE STUD!

It is true that Oliver Tobias does play the title character of this 1978 British film, which was itself based on a novel by Jackie Collins.  Tobias is cast as Tony Blake, a youngish Englishman who runs the hottest discotheque in the UK.  He runs it on behalf of its actual owner, the decadent Fontaine Khaled (Joan Collins).  Fontaine is married to the fabulously wealthy Benjamin Khaled (played by Walter Gotell, who also had a recurring role in the James Bond films as the head of the KGB) but she seeks her carnal pleasure elsewhere.  Tony’s job and all the glamour that goes with it is dependent upon being Fontaine’s personal plaything.  If Fontaine wants to do it in the elevator while the security cameras film, that is what’s going to happen.  If Fontaine wants Tony to take part in a swimming pool orgy while she swings back and forth over the festivities, that’s what is going to happen.  Tony Blake is the stud, after all.

Tony, however, tires of all the nonstop decadence.  He’s not as empty-headed as Fontaine assumes him to be.  Tony’s complicated.  Tony has feelings.  At least, that’s what the films wants us to believe.  To be honest, Tony is kind of boring but we’ll get to that later.  Tony allows himself to be used by Fontaine but he finds himself truly falling in love with Fontaine’s stepdaughter, Alexandra (Emma Jacobs).  But does Alexandra feel the same way towards Tony or is she just using Tony to get revenge on her hated stepmother?

Let’s start with something positive about this film.  The Stud is one of the most 70s movies ever made.  Everything from the fashion to the slang to the cinematography to the wah wah soundtrack simply screams 70s.  There’s several scenes that take place in the discotheque.  Very few of them actually move the story forward in any meaningful way but they do give you a chance to look at the clothes and the haircuts and to listen for the sound of people snorting cocaine in the background.  If you’re a student pop culture or if you’re just fascinated by the tacky and the trashy, the film is very enjoyable on that level.  There’s also a lot of sex, all of it filmed in vibrant color and featuring a camera that will not stop moving as The Stud tries to convince us that it’s actually high art.

Unfortunately, the stud of the title is a bit of dud.  (And they say I’m not a poet!)  Oliver Tobias is handsome and has a superficially charming screen presence.  But, whenever he has to deliver dialogue or show any hint of emotion, the film falls flat.  As played by Tobias, Tony just comes across as a bland gigolo, enjoyable to look at but impossible to really care about.  The film is so dominated by Joan Collins’s cheerfully over-the-top performance as Fontaine that Tobias seems to spend a lot of the movie disappearing into the background.  Indeed, Collins’s performance is the best thing about the film.  She fully understand what type of movie she’s appearing in and she fully embraces the melodrama, delivering her arch dialogue with just the right amount of self-awareness to suggest that she’s in on the joke.

The Stud is a love story featuring people who are only capable of loving themselves.  At its worst, it gets bogged down in Tobias’s dull lead performance.  At its best, its trashy fun with a disco beat.  I like trashy fun so I can excuse the boring leading man.  A good beat that you can dance to can make up for a lot.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 3.13 “Basinger’s New York”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!

New York, New York, it’s a heckuva town….

Episode 3.13 “Basinger’s New York”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on December 17th, 1986)

It’s Christmas in New York and veteran news columnist Jed Basinger (Richard Mulligan) has no idea what to write about.  Basinger has been recording the lives of the people of New York City for decades and he’s finally reached the point where he fears that there may not be anything good left to write about.  In short, Jed Basinger is a cynic and we know what this show thinks of cynicism!

While Basinger walks down a cold city sidewalk, he suddenly discovers Jonathan and Mark walking beside him.  Basinger worries that they’re fans, looking to harass him or tell him a long story that they think he should write about.  Instead, Jonathan introduces himself as an angel and explains that he’s here to show Basinger all the good things happening in the city.

I have to admit that I always groan a little whenever an episode of this show starts with Jonathan admitting that he’s angel.  The episodes where Jonathan makes no effort to hide his identity are usually the weakest, if just because they tend to be a bit more preachy than the typical episode of Highway to Heaven.  (Despite its reputation, Highway to Heaven was usually more earnest than preachy.)  Once Jonathan says those three words — “I’m an angel,” — the viewer is immediately aware that this episode has a message and it’s not going to be a subtle one either.

Jonathan, Mark, and Basinger make their way through New York.  They meet a cab driver who just wants to be reunited with his son.  They meet the saintly homeless people who live on the streets and take care of each other in their own quirky way.  They meet a nice cop.  They meet not one but two women who are in labor and who end up at the same hospital.  One woman is poor and turned away because she doesn’t have insurance (which, technically, I think is illegal under federal law but whatever).  The other woman is the wife of a U.S. Senator who announces that she refuses to give birth in a hospital that turns away the poor.  Luckily, Basinger is there and threatens to write about it.  The scene in the hospital is typical of this episode.  It’s well-meaning but so heavy-handed that it’s nowhere near as effective as it should have been.  If I was in labor, would I take the time to demand that the hospital treat all of its patients fairly?  I’d like to think so but, realistically, my mind would probably be on other things.  Luckily, Basinger gets to write his column, despite showing up late at the newspaper.  It turns out that the presses went down while Basinger learned a lesson about New York and kindness.

I can’t really be too critical of this episode because its heart was in the right place.  That was this show’s biggest strength.  Michael Landon really did seem to believe he could make the world a better place, one episode at a time.  That said, this episode was a bit too heavy-handed for my tastes.  But again, how can I be too critical of a show about Christmas miracles?

 

 

Retro Television Review: Malibu CA 2.2 “Jason’s Song”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

I know that’s the first season cast but I don’t care.

This week …. ugh.

Episode 2.2 “Jason’s Song”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on October 16th, 1999)

Lisa is just the worst!

No, silly, not me!  I’m the best.  I’m talking about Lisa, the newest character on this show.  Lisa is the medical student who was hired to work as a waitress at the restaurant.  This week’s episode finds her desperately looking for an apartment and moving in with …. Traycee!  The problem is that Lisa can’t stand Traycee because Traycee loves the color pink and is a careless driver.  What’s wrong with that?  I love the color pink and …. well, I am a good driver.  But still, Lisa throws such a fit over moving in with Traycee and Marquita Terry (who plays Lisa) gives such a cartoonishly over-the-top performance in the role that you can kind of end up feeling that Lisa is …. well, she’s the worst.

Things are resolved when Lisa throws one of Traycee’s possessions of the balcony in frustration.  I hate to say it but, even though it’s only been a few hours since I watched the episode, I cannot remember what exactly Lisa threw.  Was it a CD?  Let’s say it was a CD because I refuse to rewatch this episode because, as I will discuss in the next paragraph, this episode deeply offended me.  The important thing is that, when the cop shows up at the apartment looking for who threw the whatever at him, Traycee takes the blame and …. GOES TO JAIL!  (Editor’s Note: I checked and it was a CD. — Erin)

See, that’s why I’m not going to rewatch this episode.  Getting arrested and going to jail is a big deal.  Lisa allowed Traycee to potentially get a criminal record.  If the show wants me to sympathize with Lisa then Lisa should have gone to the police and told the truth and dealt with the consequences.  Lisa was the one dumb enough to throw whatever it was that she threw.  This is on Lisa and I don’t care how frustrated she was, she’s the one was an idiot.  Instead, Lisa stays at the apartment and paints one door pink and puts up some fake hearts.  When Traycee returns …. FROM JAIL! …. she is overjoyed.  Lisa and Traycee are friends.  Yay?  No, no yay.  TRAYCEE WENT TO JAIL FOR YOU!  Traycee probably got charged with a misdemeanor and had to pay a fine.  Someone probably had to bail her out.  Throwing something off of a balcony and hitting a cop is not a little thing.  Someone with that little self-control should not be a doctor.  Lisa spends almost this entire episode shaking with rage.  Was no one directing this episode?  Was no one asking for a second take?  What the Hell was going on?

While this was going on, Jason pursued his musical career and fell under the influence of Jesse Mercer (Rex Smith), who was once in a band with Jason and Scott’s father.  (The Disco Dudes, I think they were called.)  Jesse proves to be a bad influence.  Recently promoted to night manager and having been given a laptop by his father, Jason sells the laptop for a new guitar.  What a prick.  Jesse agrees to play a fundraiser for the lifeguards but bails at the last minute.  Don’t worry.  Jason has a guitar and he’s learned an important lesson.

This storyline actually featured a pretty good performance from Rex Smith but it was hard not to notice that it was basically just the Fabolous Belding Boys with Edward Blatchford (now cast not as the cool Belding brother but instead as Jason and Scott’s dorky father) playing the role that Dennis Haskins originally played.  If that sentence doesn’t make sense to you, you’ve never watched Saved By The Bell and you’re lucky.

Ugh, this show.

Song of the Day: Wild Thing by The Troggs, featuring Oliver Reed


The late, great British actor Oliver Reed was born 87 years ago in London.  Reed was one of those actors who was so infamous for his often alcohol-fueled exploits off-screen that it was often overlooked that he was also a very talented man whose ability to create intriguing characters was appreciated by directors Ken Russell and whose powerful screen presence went far beyond his famously scarred face.  Oliver Reed was one of the actors considered for the role of James Bond after Sean Connery left the part.  With his physicality and his dangerous smile, Reed would have offered an intriguing take on the character.

A British cultural icon, Oliver Reed was someone who tended to show up in the least expected places.  In 1992, The Troggs rerecorded and rereleased their best-known song, Wild Thing.  Accompanying them in the recording was none other than Oliver Reed.  In honor of an actor who could do it all, here is today’s song of the day!

Wild thing, you make my heart sing
You make everything groovy, wild thing
Wild thing, I think I love you
But I wanna know for sure
Come on and hold me tight
I love you

Wild thing, you make my heart sing
You make everything groovy
Wild thing

Wild thing, I think you move me
But I wanna know for sure
Come on and hold me tight
You move me

Wild thing, you make my heart sing
You make everything groovy, wild thing
C’mon, c’mon, wild thing
Check it, check it, wild thing

Songwriters: Matt Dike / Marvin Young / Anthony Terrell Smith

Scenes That I Love: William Holden and Kim Novak in Picnic


Today is Kim Novak’s 92nd birthday!

Today’s scene of the day is the wonderfully sensual dance scene that she shares with William Holden in 1955’s PicnicPicnic is a film that has its flaws, the main one being that William Holden, as charming and ruggedly handsome as he is, is a bit too old for the lead role.  But none of that matter once he and Kim Novak start dancing.

(At around the 18 second mark, the picture appears to freeze but don’t panic.  That’s a glitch in the upload and it only lasts for a second or two.)

4 Shots From 4 Films: Special “Love” Edition


4 (or more) Shots From 4 (or more) Films is just what it says it is, 4 (or more) shots from 4 (or more) of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 (or more) Shots From 4 (or more) Films lets the visuals do the talking.

Valentine’s Day is right around the corner!  Let’s get a head start!

4 Shots From 4 “Love”ly Films

Love Story (1970, dir by Arthur Hiller, DP: Richard Kratina)

The Spy Who Loved Me (1977, dir by Lewis Gilbert, DP: Claude Renoir)

Shakespeare In Love (1998, dir by John Madden, DP: Richard Greatrex)

Only Lovers Left Alive (2013, dir by Jim Jarmusch, DP: Yorick Le Saux)

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Monsters 3.9 “The Young and the Headless”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

This week, Monsters loses its head of another series.

Episode 3.9 “The Young and the Headless”

(Dir by Tom Abrams, originally aired on November 25th, 1990)

As you can tell from the title, this episode of Monsters is meant to be a parody of soap operas.  Two scientists, Victoria (Karen Valentine) and Edward (George Reinhardt), have been have been married ever since Victoria’s lunkhead ex-boyfriend, Hunk (John Schiappa), disappeared while on a soldier of fortune mission.  However, when Hunk suddenly returns, Victoria and George are left with a dilemma, especially after Edward tricks Hunk into killing himself and then removes his head.

Victoria and George decide to reanimate the headless Hunk, bringing him back to life with microchips.  (Sure, why not?)  They treat the headless Hunk as a servant but it turns out that Hunk doesn’t need a brain to get his revenge.

The plot was nonsense but the episode did have good performances and a memorable monster in headless Hunk.  I think the main problem is that the episode tried very hard to parody the soap opera genre but, since most soap operas are already self-parodies that cheerfully embrace the melodrama and make no attempt to pretend to be realistic, a lot of the humor fell flat.  It’s hard to make fun of a genre that is, for the most part, defined by its self-awareness.