Author Archives: Lisa Marie Bowman

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th: The Series 3.18 “Spirit of Television”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The entire series can be found on YouTube!

This week, people are dying and somehow television is to blame.

Episode 3.18 “Spirit of Television”

(Dir by Jorge Montesi, originally aired on April 30, 1990)

Ilsa (Marj Dusay) claims to be a medium.  She uses a television set to summon the spirits of the dead for her rich clients and then, later on, the spirits kill her customers and Ilsa, who has a degenerative disease, gets another ten days added to her life.  If she doesn’t continually kill, her skin starts to look like rubber and her fingernails fall off.  Agck!

This was largely a Jack episode.  Jack is the one who, with his years of experience as a magician, assumes that Ilsa is a fake.  He’s also the one who recruits an old friend named Robert Jandini (Paul Bettis) to go undercover and check Ilsa out.  And when Robert is inevitably killed as a result, Jack is the one who has to live with the guilt.  One thing that I’ve always appreciated about Friday the 13th is that it doesn’t shy away from showing what a lifetime of battling the supernatural would do to someone’s psyche.  At the end of this episode, Jack is about as depressed as I’ve ever seen him.  The great Chris Wiggins was always Friday the 13th’s not-so secret weapon and he gives another stand-out performance here.

In fact, this episode is so focused on Jack, Jandini, and Ilsa that Micki and Johnny largely feel like bystanders.  There’s nothing wrong with that, to be honest.  Micki and Johnny just don’t have the same sort of enjoyable chemistry that Micki and Ryan had.  Still, watching Johnny in the background, it’s hard not to consider that the third season’s writers never really figured out who the character was meant to be or what they really wanted to do with him.  I have sympathy for Steve Monarque because he doesn’t come across as being a bad actor.  Instead, he comes across as being an actor who was saddled with an extremely inconsistent character.

As for this episode, it was nice to finally get an episode that was just about a cursed antique and that didn’t feel the need to try to reinvent the show’s format.  That said, the television seems likes a really bulky object to curse.  How did Ilsa even figure the curse out?  What if the television had been purchased by someone who wasn’t terminally ill?  Can Ilsa watch regular programming on the television or is it always a portal to Hell?  These questions go unanswered.

Still, it’s an atmospheric episode and Chris Wiggins gives a strong performance.  For a season 3 episode, this wasn’t bad.  It’s also the the third-to-late episode of Friday the 13th.  Only two more left to go.

I’m going to miss this show.

Retro Television Review: St. Elsewhere 2.5 “A Wing and A Prayer”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing St. Elsewhere, a medical show which ran on NBC from 1982 to 1988.  The show can be found on Hulu and, for purchase, on Prime!

This week, St. Elsewhere observes a holiday.

Episode 2.5 “A Wing and a Prayer”

(Dir by Bruce Paltrow, originally aired on November 23rd, 1983)

It’s Thanksgiving in Boston!  While everyone else is watching the Patriots and celebrating with family, 15 residents are stuck at St. Eligius, working during the holiday.  To make it even worse for them, Dr. Craig puts himself on the schedule to teach them a lesson about what it means to be a doctor.  (It’s also subtly suggested that Craig is looking for an excuse to get out of visiting his in-laws.)  When Craig learns that Ehrlich is planning on make a “California-style” turkey, Craig insists on making a turkey of his own.

Meanwhile, Dr. Auschlander is reading a book on “dying with dignity.”  It’s a British book, one that makes the case for euthanasia.  (Anglicans are so pessimistic!)  Auschlander is convinced that this will be his last Thanksgiving.  He becomes obsessed with the case of Joe Dempsey (Cory Yothers), a little boy who might have Hepatitis or who could just as easily be suffering from Leukemia.  Neither option is great but Joe can recover from Hepatitis.  Death-obsessed Auschlander spends the entire episode convincing himself that Joe is going to die.  Fortunately, Auschlander is wrong.  When the test results come back, it turns out that Joe does have Hepatitis.  Auschlander’s hope is renewed.  He tosses away his assisted suicide book.  He tells his wife he’s looking forward to next Thanksgiving.  It’s kind of predictable but Norman Lloyd’s performance sells it.

Did I cry during this episode?  Yes, I did.  Last year, at this time, I was fighting with an insurance company to keep my dad from getting kicked out of his rehab center.  I knew, deep in my heart, that if he was sent home, he would die.  The insurance company wanted to kick him out on the 4th of July.  I successfully appealed their decision, just as I would appeal several more of their decisions.  I won countless battles and I felt pretty proud of myself but ultimately, I lost the war.  My Dad was eventually evicted from the rehab center and, as I feared would happen, he died a few weeks later.  Every holiday since August of last year has been my first without my Dad.  So, yeah, when I watched an episode of a hospital drama with Dr. Asuchlander obsessing on death while Dr. Morrison experienced his first holiday since the passing of his wife …. you better believe I cried.

Can I fairly judge this episode, all things considered?  Probably not.  Watching it, I could tell that this episode was shamelessly manipulative and there were a few moments that were a bit overwritten.  There wasn’t much subtlety to be found.  But, dammit, it got to me.  The emotions got to me.  It earned my tears and, to be honest, I felt a little better after I cried.  Joe Dempsey’s going to live.  Yay!

Live Tweet Alert: Join #FridayNightFlix for Secret Admirer!

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in a few weekly watch parties.  On Twitter, I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday and I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday.  On Mastodon, I am one of the five hosts of #MondayActionMovie!  Every week, we get together.  We watch a movie.  We tweet our way through it.

Tonight, at 10 pm et, I will be hosting #FridayNightFlix!  The movie?  Secret Admirer!

If you want to join us this Friday, just hop onto twitter, start the movie at 10 pm et, and use the #FridayNightFlix hashtag!  I’ll be there tweeting, probably while fireworks shake the windows of my office.  It’s a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.

Secret Admirer is available on Prime and Tubi!

See you there!

4 Shots From 4 Films: Special Pete Walker Edition

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

4 Shots From 4 Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking!

Today, along with celebrating Independence Day, we are also celebrating the birthday of the great British director, Pete Walker!  Walker is 86 years old today and, if he’s not exactly a household name …. well, he definitely should be.  In fact, if there’s any director from the 70s and the early 80s who is deserves to rediscovered and reappraised, it’s Pete Walker!  He made exploitation films with wit and genuine suspense.  Frightmare is one of the scariest movies that I’ve ever seen.

In honor of Pete Walker’s birthday, here are….

4 Shots From 4 Films

Die Screaming, Marianne (1971, dir by Pete Walker, DP: Norman Langley)

The Flesh and Blood Show (1972, dir by Pete Walker, DP: Peter Jessop)

Frightmare (1974, dir by Pete Walker, DP: Peter Jessop)

Home Before Midnight (1979, dir by Pete Walker, DP: Norman Jessop)

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 4.3 “Fight For Your Life”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!

This week, it’s a boxing episode.

Episode 4.3 “Fight For Your Life”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on September 30th, 1987)

I’m just going to say it.  This episode is pretty bad.

The plot is simple enough.  Jonathan and Mark are working as cornermen for boxer Morty “Sailor” Zadan (Michael Shaner).  Morty coulda been a contendah, but instead his brother Jerry (Robert Miranda) always arranges for Morty to throw his fights.  When Morty meets and trains a young fighter named Billy Ryan (Nick Garfield), he also starts an unlikely romance with Billy’s sister, Julia (Jennifer Parsons).  The mob demands that Morty to fight Billy.  They offer Billy money to throw the fight and Morty has to decide if he wants Billy to follow his example and become a bum.

As I said, it’s a simple plot but the execution is just terrible.  Even by the admittedly generous standards of Highway to Heaven, the story and the dialogue is often corny and the performances are pretty much uniformly bad.  At no point did I buy the romance between Morty and Julia.  For that matter, I really didn’t buy the idea that Julia would be so excited about her younger brother pursuing a career that would mean getting beaten up every few weeks.  By it’s nature, Highway to Heaven tends to be an old-fashioned show.  But this episode really did feel like one of those old Warner Bros. B-movies from the 30s.  Those movies, of course, hold up well as long as they star James Cagney, Humphrey Bogart, or George Raft.  Unfortunately, none of those folks show up in this episode.  Instead, we just got Micahel Shaner portraying a boxer who seems like he’d lose a game of tic tac toe against Lenny from Of Mice and Men.

Jonathan and Mark don’t do much in this episode.  They spend most of the story as just observers.  That said, this episode does end with Jonathan beating up a bunch of gangsters, smiling because they don’t have the same powers that he has.  Keeping in mind that most gangsters probably do deserve to get beaten up, it still didn’t feel like proper angel behavior.

Retro Television Review: Malibu CA 2.17 “The New York Girl”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999.  Almost the entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Yes, this is from the first season. I don’t care. I refuse to waste my time looking for a second season advertisement.

This week, it’s guest star time!

Episode 2.17 “The New York Girl”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on February 26th, 2000)

There are only two likable characters on Malibu CA.

One of them is Murray, played by Brandon Brooks.  Usually, I hate overly eccentric sidekicks but Brooks played the role with such sincerity that he won me over.  The other is Traycee, played by Priscilla Inga Taylor.  Traycee is likable because she’s supposed to be an airhead but, because everyone around her is so terrible, it’s hard not to appreciate her kind and nonjudgmental attitude.

As for our other characters, Scott (Trevor Merszei) is not as bad as he was during the first season but he’s still basically a shallow frat boy.  Jason (Jason Hayes) is a sociopath and, deep into the second season, Hayes still had a bad habit of looking directly at the camera before delivering his lines.  Peter (Ed Blatchford) was likable but it’s hard to respect his decision to continually leave his restaurant in the hands of idiot sons.  Lifeguard Alex (Suzanne Davis) is boring.  Scott’s girlfriend, Lisa (Marquita Terry), is a judgmental killjoy who needs to change her name.  (If her name was Lisa Marie, I’d probably have to abandon this show.)

My point is that there’s really no one to root for on Malibu CA.  Murray and Traycee are mostly just supporting characters and all of the main characters suck.  Given that no one was going to watch this show for the main cast, it’s perhaps not a surprise that, in the 2nd season, Malibu, CA started bringing in guest stars from other Peter Engel shows.  Earlier, Hang Time’s Dick Butkus showed up as Uncle Charlie.  This week, City Guy’s Marissa Dyan shows up as Maggie, an old friend from New York.  Maggie used to be awkward and had braces and Jason pretended to be sick to get out of going to prom with her.

(Why was Jason going to prom in New York when, last season, he was a junior at Malibu High?)

When Maggie shows up in Malibu, Jason is shocked to discover that she now looks like Cassidy from City Guys.  Jason is eager to date her now because Jason is an extremely shallow person.  When Maggie finds out that Jason faked being sick to get out of prom, she gives him a chance to come clean.  “Were you really sick?” she asks.  Jason, being the worst person ever in the history of television, swears that he was.  He also asks her to bid on him in a bachelor auction that Lisa and Alex have put together for charity.

Ha ha, Jason, joke’s on you!  Maggie not only doesn’t bid on him but she allows Jason to be “won” by Kitty (Missy Dotty), who is slightly overweight.  The audience gasps, stunned at the idea of Jason having to spend time with someone who isn’t blonde.  And it bears repeating that Malibu CA is, without a doubt, the worst freaking thing I have ever watched for Retro Television Reviews.  Anyway, Jason apologizes to Maggie before she goes to New York.

Meanwhile, Peter and Scott had a stupid bet going over which one of them could raise the most money for charity at the bachelor auction.  Does no one find it weird that the auction is basically just Peter and his sons?  Peter’s a wimp and his sons probably aren’t going to survive the #MeToo era.  Are Lisa and Alex actually trying to raise money for charity or is this all a cruel joke?

I hate this show.

 

 

Poem Of The Day: Tom Cruise Is The Last Barman Poet in Cocktail

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Oh my God, the TSL staff says, are we going to have to start doing a poem a day on top of everything else!?

Only if you want to!  I’m just sharing this poem because it’s Tom Cruise’s birthday and I happen to love Cocktail.  Here he is, reciting The Last Barman Poet.  What I like about this scene is how no one at the bar is upset that drink service has been suspended for like three minutes so that the bartender can recite a poem.  Seriously, this is classic 80s cinema and I can’t help but love it!

I am the last barman poet / I see America drinking the fabulous cocktails I make / Americans getting stinky on something I stir or shake / The sex on the beach / The schnapps made from peach / The velvet hammer / The Alabama slammer. / I make things with juice and froth / The pink squirrel / The three-toed sloth. / I make drinks so sweet and snazzy / The iced tea / The kamakazi / The orgasm / The death spasm / The Singapore sling / The dingaling. / America you’ve just been devoted to every flavor I got / But if you want to got loaded / Why don’t you just order a shot? / Bar is open.