Tonight, from 1976, we have The Paul Lynde Halloween Special.
In this special, actor and comedian Paul Lynde celebrates Halloween with Betty White, KISS, Donny and Marie Osmond, Florence Henderson, Billy Barty, Margaret Hamilton (the original Wicked Witch of the West), and I’m going to guess a mountain of cocaine that was probably sitting backstage.
This special is definitely a product of a very certain era in America’s cultural history.
Odd film, Space Sharks.
This 2024 movie imagines what would happen if a bunch of …. well, space sharks …. were developed by a group of mad scientists in a space station and then were sent down to Earth where they were invisible except for when they bit someone’s head off. This is one of those films where new characters are continually introduced, just to be killed a few minutes later. There’s a subplot about a bunch of former drug addicts taking a hike through the wilderness which leads to some of them getting space sharked.
On the one hand, the movie is pretty bad. Even though it’s only 70 minutes (and about 15 of those minutes is taken up with the opening and the end credits), it moves extremely slowly. The plot never makes any sense. The special effects aren’t very special. The Space Sharks are a lot more impressive on the poster than in the actual movie. In fact, the poster has absolutely nothing to do with the actual movie. You get the idea.
On the other hand, as is so often the case with low-budget horror films, it’s hard not to be fascinated by the dedication that was put into making such a bad movie. There’s an undeniable charm to these DIY productions. At least, there is for me. This film has “Wow, someone actually made this!” appeal to it. Your mileage may vary. What director Dustin Ferguson has done here — coming up with a great title and then making a mediocre film — is what we regularly praise Roger Corman, Sam Arkoff, Herschell Gordon Lewis, and William Castle for doing.
The movie also has a surprisingly effective synth score and Eric Roberts! Eric is in the film for maybe two minutes and, in the role of a random scientist on the space station, he’s playing a minor character that any actor could have played. But who cares? It’s Eric Roberts!
Previous Eric Roberts Films That We Have Reviewed:
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984. The show is once again on Tubi!
“Smiles, everyone, smiles!”
Episode 7.15 “Dark Secret/The Outrageous Mr. Smith”
(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on March 3rd, 1984)
Eh. I didn’t like this episode. Sorry, Mr. Roarke, no smiles today.
Robert Smith (Engelbert Humperdinck) wants to be a singing star but he suffers from stage fright. He’s created a smarmy alter ego who doesn’t have stage fright but he wants to be able to perform on his own, without having to retreat into a fantasy world. His alter ego responds by coming to life and sleeping with Robert’s wife (Elaine Joyce). Personally, if I was the writer of this episode, I would have just ended the story right there but it turns out that Robert’s alter ego only exists in his mind. His wife walks in on Robert yelling at himself and is overjoyed to discover that Robert has finally found the confidence to perform on stage.
Just typing all of that made my head hurt.
Meanwhile, Amy Marshall (Markie Post) is married to Christopher (Larry Wilcox) but their marriage is troubles because Amy has never told Christopher that she was raped just a few days before the wedding. She never reported the rape to the police and she’s never dealt with the trauma that she still carries with her. This is a very sensitive subject so, of course, Fantasy Island screws it up by suggesting that Amy is somehow to blame for all of the trouble in the marriage because she didn’t tell Christopher about what happened. Amy worries that Christopher will leave her if he finds out. Christopher does find out and he gets mad at her for not telling him and threatens to leave, not only proving Amy’s point but also suggesting, to me, that their marriage isn’t really worth saving. Amy deserves someone better than a guy whose response to hearing that his wife got raped is to get mad at her. Then Amy’s rapist (Michael Callan) shows up on the island and attacks her again. Amy fights back and is on the verge of stabbing the bastard to death when Mr. Roarke shows up and removes the knife from her hand and instead has the Fantasy Island police take the guy away. Christopher and Amy leave the Island, their marriage stronger than ever.
Meanwhile, I had to stop myself from throwing something at the television. First off, the story suggests that somehow Amy is to blame for not telling Christopher about what happened but Christopher’s reaction showed exactly why she didn’t tell him and it also showed that Amy’s best option would have been to get a divorce. Then the show suggests that the best way to give Amy her fantasy of finding freedom from her trauma was to have the rapist nearly rape her again! Mr. Roarke, at one point, states that Amy’s safety is his number one concern and that he has his entire police force looking for the rapist. But Roarke has already been established as having God-like powers so if Roarke wanted to find the guy before he attacked Amy, he certainly could have.
As well, what is the deal with all of these criminals and assorted lowlifes making it to the Island in the first place? Mr. Roarke often brags about running a background check on everyone who comes to the Island, which again suggests that no one comes to Fantasy Island unless Roarke wants them there. So, why are there so many terrible people on the Island?
This episode …. ugh.
Today’s horror scene that I love comes from one of the greatest of the Canadian slasher films, 1980’s Prom Night!
Remember everyone …. Prom Night! Everything is alright!
2000’s The Stalking of Laurie Show takes place in Pennsylvania, a wonderful state as long as you don’t count Philadelphia. Even more specifically, the film takes place in Pennsylvania Dutch country. An Amish man occasionally appears, sitting in his buggy when it moves down the road. One character, a lunkhead named Butch (Rel Hunt), goes to an Amish coffeeshop while his girlfriend is committing a horrific murder.
The Amish don’t play a huge role in The Stalking of Laurie Show, which is ultimately a story of a murder amongst high school students. Still, seeing them in the background is a reminder of a simpler life and also a reminder that not everyone is consumed by hate. That’s a welcome reminder because this film, much like our present world, is full of irrational hate.
Michelle Lambert (Marnette Patterson) is, at least when the film starts, the queen of her high school. Everyone wants to be her friend and everyone fears getting on her bad side. She’s a master manipulator, someone who obviously feels that she has the right to take whatever she wants. And yet, when we first meet her, it’s hard not to feel at least a little sympathy for her. Her homelife isn’t the best. She doesn’t get along with her father. She’s very protective of her younger siblings. Despite appearances, she’s not rich. The only reasons she has expensive clothes and makeup is because she’s very good at shoplifting. When I was a teenager, I was very good at shoplifting too so I could …. well, I don’t want to say that I related to her because there is a difference between pocketing purple eyeshadow and stealing an entire wardrobe. As well, it soon becomes clear that Michelle has a mean streak that no amount of a bad family life could justify.
Michelle takes a new student, innocent Laurie Show (Jennifer Finnigan) under her wing and, for a while, she and Laurie are best friends. But then, when Michelle’s lunkhead boyfriend Butch takes an interest in Laurie, things change. Michelle is fiercely jealous of Butch and soon, Michelle and her friends are conspiring on ways to humiliate Laurie. When Michelle gets pregnant, she drops out of school, moves into a trailer with Butch, and eventually alienates almost all of her friends after she attacks Laurie in a bowling alley parking lot. Only Tabitha (Joanne Vannicola) remains loyal to Michelle. Soon Tabitha and Michelle are plotting Laurie’s death….
Agck! It’s a disturbing story, especially since it’s true. Michelle and Tabitha murdered Laurie Snow in December of 1991, just five days before Christmas. (There’s some debate as to whether or not Butch took part in the actual murder or not.) Michelle is currently in prison while Tabitha, a juvenile at the time of the murder, was paroled in 2019. Today, of course, Michelle and her friends would have hounded Laurie online, sending her anonymous messages, filming every fight between the two of them, and telling her to “kill yourself.” Every time I read about a teenager who committed suicide due to cyberbullying, my immediate response is that they didn’t kill themselves. They were murdered. Anyone who would taunt a fragile person to the point of suicide is as guilty as if they pulled the trigger or tightened the noose themselves. And don’t give me any of that, “They didn’t know it would happen” crap either. In every case, they knew what they were doing.
As for the film itself, it’s definitely sensationalized. Marnette Patterson fully embraces the melodrama as Michelle, at first playing her as just being a standard mean girl before then going totally over-the-top as Michelle’s grip on reality becomes more and more loose. Jennifer Finnigan is sympathetic as Laurie and Jessica Greco gives a good performance as a friend of Laurie’s who is also drawn into Michelle’s crowd. If the film wasn’t based on a true story, it would probably be a camp classic. But since it is based on a true story, it works best as a plea for people to stop turning a blind eye to bullying. That’s not a bad message.
Today’s song of the day comes from the soundtrack of one of the greatest Canadian films ever made, 1980’s Prom Night! I dare you not to dance!
This October, I’m going to be doing something a little bit different with my contribution to 4 Shots From 4 Films. I’m going to be taking a little chronological tour of the history of horror cinema, moving from decade to decade.
Today, we begin the 80s!
4 Shots From 4 Horror Films
Friday the 13th (1980, dir by Sean S. Cunningham)
The Shining (1980, dir by Stanley Kubrick)
The Beyond (1981, dir by Lucio Fulci)
The Howling (1981, dir by Joe Dante)
Today, we have got a true classic. First released in 1964, The Creeping Terror is the best film ever made about a carpet eating people.
This film is famous for its use of narration. Apparently, the original soundtrack was lost and, after attempting to dub a few scenes, director Vic Savage instead just hired radio news reader Larry Burrell to tell people what was happening in each scene. As well, Savage himself later vanished when the film’s investors came looking for their money. No one is really sure what happened to Vic Savage, though there is some evidence that he subsequently died of liver failure in 1975. I like to think that Vic Savage faked his dead and that he is still alive somewhere, probably in his 90s and drinking pina coladas on a beach.
Some consider this film to be one of the worst ever made. I love it.
Today’s music video of the day is for an instrumental piece that was composed by Bill Wyman and Terry Taylor for Dario Argento’s 1985 film, Phenomena.
Put together by Michele Soavi, this music video features not only scenes from the film but also clips of Dario Argento directing both Jennifer Connelly and Fiore Argento. Soavi, of course, went on to have a directorial career of his own, directing four classic horror films before stepping away from feature films to take care of his ailing son. Soavi has since returned to directing, though most of his subsequent work has been for Italian television.
Enjoy!
2012’s Meant To Be tells the story of …. well, it tells a few stories.
Tori (Erin Sossamon) is a teenage girl who has a bright future but only if she can survive her less-than-wonderful present. She has an abusive boyfriend. Her parents seem to be absent. She’s a photographer and her high school counselor (Michael Gross) has helped her to find a scholarship but Tori has recently discovered that she’s pregnant!
Linda Dickson (Erika Eleniak) is a social worker, who lives in a nice house and who has a wonderful husband (Dean Cain) but who also seems to be struggling with an overwhelming depression. Maybe it’s because her 18 year-old daughter has recently left home for college. She obsesses on finding newspaper stories about 20 year-olds doing wonderful things. She cuts them out of the paper and puts them in a shoebox. (I do the same thing with well-written obituaries.) When a call comes in about a loud argument at Tori’s house, Linda is the one who investigates. When she realizes that Tori is pregnant, Linda becomes a part of Tori’s life, giving her advice. Linda is determined to convince Tori to not get an abortion, even if it means that Tori will lose her scholarship.
And finally, there’s Nathan (Bradley Dorsey), a twenty year-old aspiring writer who doesn’t know what he should write about. In a voice-over, he says that he’s learned that writing about only what you know can be a trap so he’s decided to write about what he doesn’t know. (By that logic, my next short story should be about trigonometry.) Nathan grew up in the foster system. He doesn’t know who his mother was. He’s not even fully sure where he was born. But he’s still going to search for her so he can discover not only where he came from but also why he was abandoned.
Nathan finds himself staying at a mysterious hotel, one where all of the other guests also appear to be people who never knew their mother. Even though Nathan puts a do-not disturb sign on his door, the motel maid (Della Reese) still regularly enters his room and encourages him to get out of bed and continue his search. With the help of two other guests, Shelly (Kristen Renton) and Becky (Colleen Foy), Nathan is able to track down his mother and her address….
Can you guess who she is?
Of course, you can! Now, in all fairness to the movie, it doesn’t present the fact that Linda is Nathan’s mother as some sort of surprise twist. From the moment that Nathan figures out that his mother was named Linda and then Becky comes across an old glamour shot of Erika Eleniak in a high school yearbook, it’s pretty clear that Linda Dickson gave up Nathan and she’s never stopped thinking about him and that’s why she’s so obsessed with Tori. That’s not the twist.
But there is a twist and here it is….
Are you ready?
Nathan and all the residents at the hotel and most of the passengers on the flights that Nathan takes in and out of town are …. ABORTION GHOSTS! That’s right. Linda had an abortion. Nathan was the son she was meant to have but didn’t.
Is it heavy-handed? Yes. Is it effective? Well, the answer to that question probably depends on how you feel about abortion. That’s one thing about all of these abortion movies. It’s hard for me to imagine that any of these films — whether it’s the church-produced Pro-Life films or the studio-produced Pro-Choice films — have ever changed anyone’s mind about abortion. As such, movies about abortion largely exist to preach to the choir. Abortion movies, regardless of which side they come down on, are largely movie that people watch so that they can nod and think to themselves, “My side really is the only correct one.”
As for the film itself, it’s rather slow and the voice-over tends to get rather portentous. Dean Cain was probably on the set for one day. Colleen Foy gave the best performance while Erika Eleniak was a bit bland in the lead role. On the plus side, it looked like a real movie, which is more than one can say for a lot of faith-based films. Again, how you react to the film will largely depend on whether or not you agree with its message.
Through the Shattered Lens 