Mike Gable (Lee Majors) is the angriest cop in Galveston, famous for tossing people out of windows. Jake (Don Rickles!) is Gable’s partner, who seems to be too old to still be on the force. Gable’s best friend is Keaton (Abe Vigoda), a retired mobster who now lives in a nursery home. When it becomes apparent that someone has put a hit out on Keaton, Gable and Jake are sent to investigate. A shoot out at the nursery home leads to Jake’s death. Another shoot out at a hotel leads to the death of several other cops. Gable can either toss Keaton out a window or he can team up with him to solve the murders. Imagine 48 Hours with Lee Majors replacing Nick Nolte and Eddie Murphy stepping aside for Abe Vigoda.
In the style of both 48 Hours and Midnight Run, Keaton’s Cop tries to combine comedy with action but the comedy is too lame to be funny and the action is too brutal to be light-hearted. For some reason, Don Rickles plays his role completely straight while Abe Vigoda mostly just looks happy to have the chance to play a leading role for once. Lee Majors is believable as an angry cop, mostly because he appears to be pissed off about having to appear in Keaton’s Cop. It can’t be easy to go from being the Six Million Dollar Man to a movie like this.
What would have improved Keaton’s Cop? How about an appearance from the stars of Shattered If Your Kid’s On Drugs:
Right, Burt?
In a fictional Middle Eastern country, tough-as-nails Col. Halloran (Brian Keith) has been kidnapped by terrorists. The leader of the terrorists is named Jihad and he is played by the No Mercy Man himself, Rockne Tarkington. The American ambassador (Paul Winfield) is a weak-willed Carter appointee who says, “We have to go through proper channels.” Gunnery Sgt. Burns (Fred Dryer) ain’t got no time for the proper channels. All of his men have been killed. His mentor has been kidnapped and is being tortured with a power drill. Even if it means breaking all the rules, Sgt. Burns is going to rescue Halloran, defeat Jihad, and kill anyone who has ever chanted “Death to the U.S.A.”
When I was growing up in Baltimore, I used to go down to this independent video story every weekend and check out movies. Every time that I stepped into the store, the first thing I saw was the poster for Blame It On Rio hanging over the front register. The store did not actually have any copies of Blame It On Rio in stock and I don’t think anyone working there had ever seen it but it only takes one look at the poster to guess what they were thinking when they hung it at the front of the store.
In Chicago, three men all live in the same house and try to avoid growing up. Rick (John C. McGinley) and Mike (Jon C. Tenney) are old friends while Danny (Tom Sizemore) works on stolen cars. When Mike’s estranged cousin, John (Peter Gallagher), moves in with them, John is drawn into a steadily escalating game of pranks. The game is called “Watch It” and the rules are simple. No one can take anything personally and each prank must be followed by another, bigger prank. While the four men takes turns trying to one up each other, they also deal with women who wish that they would all just grow up. When John starts to date Mike’s ex-girlfriend, Anne (Suzy Amis), the men are forced to come to terms with their extended adolescence.
Tommy Morrison. He came from Oklahoma and he was briefly one of the best-known heavyweights in the country. He may be best remembered for playing Tommy “Machine” Gunn in Rocky V but he also fought everyone from Lennox Lewis to Ray Mercer to George Foreman. He had the raw talent to be a contender but lacked the discipline to win his biggest fights. They called him “The Duke” because Tommy claimed to be related to John Wayne.
Something Wicked This Way Comes is one of my favorite films.
Zombie Island Massacre has got a massacre but it ain’t got no zombies.
Through the Shattered Lens 