Author Archives: casewright

Nope, Short Film Review by Case Wright, Dir. Ryan Godoy

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This short film clocks in at 1 minute and 10 seconds- TOTAL! When something is this brief, I have to give it a chance. Today, we are used to the comedy shorts on Youtube, but they’re jokes. They are not stories with a protagonist and a quest. This is not to diminish the talent of Youtubers because I try to do it myself and it is HARD!!! The ones who post a less than one minute joke or jokes that land are today’s Comedic greats – really!

I watched this with an open mind because if you can create a story with a beginning, middle, and end in under two minutes- you are a certified genius. This film was a “could’ve been” because unlike the director’s career, the film did NOT have an ending. This review is difficult for me because Ryan had talent, but couldn’t deliver.

The short had a regular guy who sees a drawer open in his home on its own; so he left the house. He leaves his house and the front door opens on its own power; so, he retreats to his car. In the car, his glovebox opens on its own and the film ends. I laughed a few times, but it is obvious that the film lacked an ending. Typically, this means that the creator was using this short for pitch meetings to get funding for a full-length story. “Nope” is a cautionary tale for creators because what you are proving to a prospective producer is that you likely do NOT have the creative talent to finish a story. Why would anyone want to invest in someone who can’t complete their own story? Why would you risk that the creator would follow through on a bigger budget?

If it is warranted, I relish excoriating a craptastic filmmaker, but I do NOT enjoy watching self-destruction. “Nope” is a great lesson on how not to succeed in film or any other profession.

Skipped, Short Film Review by Case Wright, Dir & Written by Faisal Hashmi

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Hello Beautiful and Intelligent readers, how do I know you’re so smart and beautiful? You’re reading my stuff!!! You know what’s not good- This short film. Like chlamydia at a Senor Frogs in Cancun, this short will stick with you in the worst way! He writes in his bio that he’s an “award-winning independent filmmaker”, but who is in charge of these awards?! Is it like a certificate of participation? Did they owe Faisal Hashmi money? Did Faisal Hashmi see them commit a brutal crime? Sadly, he kept making “films” after this waste of his iPhone memory, on the bright side, his career didn’t take off because- ya know, he sucks at this!

There are a many ways that this short doesn’t even deserve to be used to clean the bathroom floor at Port Authority on a Friday night, but the two that stick out the most to me are that –

  1. The film makes no sense.
  2. It’s boring!

But Case come on, you always say these sci-fi things don’t make sense, well most of the time I’m right! However, to really pull this piece of trash apart like it deserves, I have to go over the terrible story! It’s like Faisal Hashmi is out to hurt me in every way! Did he give me COVID? Where were you Faisal, December 2020??

The story- an office worker has a boring job, but every time he sneezes he blacks out and all of his work is done; purportedly, he travels in time like my Aunt does after Natural Light and Ambien. This is where the story doesn’t make sense. He doesn’t remember the time he lost. He just moves forward. Let’s just skip over the fact that this sort of time travel is impossible without Ambien. Of course, he abuses this “gift” and eventually becomes old. This is not how special relativity works, but I guess looking things up on Wikipedia is TOO MUNDANE for Faisal!

This brings me to my second issue with this film: it’s boring. I understand that being good at anything is hard, right Faisal? Faisal Hashmi, you’re probably terrible at a lot of things- Film is really just the only one we have a digital record of to prove it. Maybe you also suck at volleyball, buying groceries, or tying your shoes? I can’t speak for those other things, but you’re rebuttably presumed to be awful at those things too, but I’ll just stick to this 4 minute and 26 second slice of hell!

Every plot point was so predictable and obvious, it felt as if a short film became a flip book crap version of “Goodnight, Moon”. I hate you Faisal! You, Marcin Dubinek, and Alex Magana are a cabal of terrible art! You create the unholy trinity of film. I even tagged the horror box for this post because that’s what your film is, but not intentionally! Faisal, stop what you’re doing! Try real estate or work for Ticketmaster!

I did provide a link to this unholy thing, if you feel like slowing your life down and embracing death’s touch.

Something Boring This Way Comes!!!!

You should check out my twitter “x” for my other tweets and work (@casewrites).

The Black Hole, Short-Film Review (Dir. Philip Sansom, Olly Williams)

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Gravity …..

No not that gravity. The gravity that makes you feel fat like Your Mom.

Specifically, black holes- A star is big – Really big. So, I’m tryin to get close the center of this star like everyone does with Your Mom. I’m getting closer to this star’s center, but it’s radius is REALLY big so I’m feelin some gravity, but when it collapses on itself and turns into a black hole- there’s serious gravity ahead. Before, the star was 2 million millions wide like Your Mom. Now, this star is just a few miles wide like Your Mom wishes she could be. So now, I can get WAAAAAY closer to the star’s center because the radius is tiny tiny tiny now. Therefore, this black hole will pull me harder than before like way harder just like Your Mom.

Before I was two million miles from the center because stars are what what scientists call BIG. Now, I can get right up on that star’s center like everyone does with Your Mom. As I get closer and closer to the center, I can’t get away because the pull is so strong like Your Mom’s grip. In fact, the light around me is curving and can’t get away. So, I will look like I’m frozen in a photograph like this Pearl Jam song:

This short film – poorly depicts a black hole, but it accurately depicts GREED. A man prints out a hole that is black, but not a Black Hole because we’d all be dead. He uses it to steal from his company by placing a hole that is black over the company’s safe with a tiny bit of tape. He takes out a bunch weird European looking monopoly currency, which checks as legit because Europeans are weird. Wanting to grab as much as he can, like everyone does with Your Mom, he climbs in the safe but the hole that is black falls off the safe, trapping him inside.

I tricked you into learning! HA!

The Elevator, Short-Film Review

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Two for Two!!!! Unreal! I haven’t found two great short-films in a row in like two years! It has a clear joke, no words, told in pictures, and is just well done!

This short is only 3 minutes, but you appreciated the angst! This random man, who is very thin, gets on an elevator with a max capacity of 2000lbs. The elevator rapidly gains passengers of the more expansive variety. As a formerly fat person, I felt for the guy because I remember when my body took up too much space – especially on airplanes. As I would approach my row and seat, I would see a look of fear and disappointment.

It’s hard to be fat, but it can be beaten! In this man’s case, he is rapidly calculating how many more pounds of humanity can enter the elevator before he plunges to his death!

This is a gem!

The Gunfighter, Short-Film Review, (Dir. Eric Kissack, Writer Kevin Tenglin)

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There are many times when I watch a short-film with FEAR because so many are just terrible. “The Gunfighter” is VERY funny and I put it in the MUST WATCH category. For my dedicated readers, you know that recommending a film as a Must Watch is a small club. The Gunfighter won a number of awards, however, very few of the actors or directors went on to a big career, which is a real shame. See, I can still pull depression from the jaws of happiness. I think I need a Rx.

The Gunfighter takes the Western and gives the characters the ability to hear the Narrator (Nick Offerman). This creates a lot of comedy because the narrator is determined to have everyone in the saloon kill each other. I know this is dark, but it is HILARIOUS! The narrator reveals who is having affairs with each other, who is having sex with a man’s favorite sheep, and a prostitute who was given a disease from a man who has sex with a man’s favorite sheep.

This is definitely a short-film to watch …. like right now!

The Life of Death, Short-Film Review (Dir. Marcin Dubinec)

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Death has been on my mind A LOT the past several months. I recently lost my Uncle and he was a lot closer to a Dad than what I was assigned. My uncle lived an authentic life and was OUT when it was not okay to be out, but in the words of the philosopher Bruce Springsteen- “Closets are for Hangers.” Sadly, he suffered a great deal, but he faced Death like a Man.

In this short, Death has a life- A really really really banal life. He acts out in school, gets drunk in college, marries, and gets run over by a car. Actually, how he died was the most interesting event that happened to Death.

I’m really trying to be nice here, but sometimes I just can’t. You might notice that I tagged Alex Magana; well, he makes terrible short films too and I feel like Alex should get a royalty when someone else spits out a crappy film. Apparently, Marcin won some awards for THIS??! So ugggghhh, I guess people like terrible things sometimes.

Where did the short go right? It had a beginning, middle, and an end. I can write that without a doubt that this was a film that was made. Also, this film had a script where words were written down. I can assume that real dollars were spent to make this…film, which is fine. I mean, well people can buy all sorts of things with cash. It should be noted that as a society we forbid people to spend money on certain things: murder, heroin, but maybe this could be considered to make that list…let’s not rule that out. He did murder my time and patience.

Where did it go wrong? It was boring. I really just did not care that Death had a boring life or that he had children. If anything, I thought it was tacky. I really didn’t find the writing really moving. I never cared about Death as a “Person”. I did Chuckle Out Loud COL once, but that’s it. You could say, Case, you’re down and grieving; of course, you’ll hate this, BUT I argue that this short-film is still crap and the filmmaker is not great and should do something else with his time. Decoupage? Extreme Couponing? Boxing? Whatever, just stop bothering us.

I once wrote that we could stop Alex Magana from making films – he can only be so strong and if we ganged up and brought a tall guy, we could taunt him by holding his camera up really high and make him futilely jump for it. There’s basically TWO Alex Magana’s now; so, we might have to bring more people into stopping them, but we can do this! Left, Right, Libertarian, or Vegetarian let’s stop them- TOGETHER!

43,000 Feet, Short Film Review by Case Wright (Dir. Campbell Hooper, Written by Matt Harris)

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It’s good to see you again. I’ve been away, but now I’m going to take you back in time. All the back to 2012. Yes, things kinda sucked then too, but not as much as for this protagonist especially because he is about to fall from a plane at 43,000 Feet. I have to give him credit- he died like a Man – calm, cool, and collected *tips hat.* May we all go out with such courage and dignity.

This short is hosted by Dust, a Youtube channel that focuses on Science Fiction, but I guess this counts because …. He talks about math? Whether this counts as Science Fiction or not (it does NOT), it is still a fun short film. John Wilkins (Dylan Pharazyn) calculated how long he has before his body impacts the earth from 43,000 feet. It appears that he calculated this before being blown out of the plane.

John contemplates how he should fall to lessen his impact on the head, what he should say to the press if he survives, and his encounter with a homeless person. What got to me was that at no point did he express fear. He stared down death and normally you would think of a STEM person being weaker or less manly, but his calculations calmed him. I have to write that math calms me down too. I know a number of people who had bad experiences with math, but math has an ability of calm because it forces order from chaos. There is no possibly of a sequel for this Man, but his ability to look at his impending death within the structure of mathematics spared him anguish because Math is order and can be the remedy for fear.

I absolutely recommend this film, especially if you want to give math a second chance.

Reacher, S1 Ep8, “Pie”

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The finale begins with BETRAYAL. The “good” FBI agent who set up the safehouse- Picard was in on it THE WHOLE TIME!!! DUN DUN DUN. KJ is there being a psychopath and for some reason they aren’t just killing everyone. WHY? I mean they were all pew pew pew throughout the miniseries, but now it’s chit chat time??? KJ killed EVERYONE! He killed his Dad, Morrison, Deputy Deadmeat and Mrs. Deadmeat, Reacher’s brother, and the Last Unicorn. I’m not a huge unicorn fan; so, that one I’m fine with that one. AHHH, KJ wants Reacher to find Hubble and if he does it, he’ll release Hubble’s wife and kids. I doubt it, but ok – let’s see where this goes.

Reacher is being forced to track Hubble down and Picard is on him, but why just him? There seems to be no shortage of thugs in this town. Anyway, manages to kill Picard and find Hubble. Ok, why not? Finley is the jail with the crooked cop who’s beating him A LOT, but Reacher busts in the jail with a trick because of course he does!!!

AWESOME! They are grabbing all the guns from the jail. ARMORED UP!!!

Reacher goes to the counterfeiting hideout and there’s fire and killing. It’s awesome.

Soon, I’ll do season 2!!!

Reacher S1 Ep 7, “Reacher Said Nothing”

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The episode begins with the one good cop in Margrave – I believe his name is Deputy Deadmeat with his pregnant wife, who knows too much, and is just a few days from retirement. These two people couldn’t be more about to be killed in this show if they jumped into “The Beyond” (shoutout to Lisa). Uh Oh, the dudes in the white garbage bags are heading into Deadmeat’s house.

We have another Reacher flashback. They are forced to move to Germany because they wouldn’t cave to apologizing to the bully in the neighborhood. I’m not sure how I feel about all these flashbacks. They’re good, but we’re in the last two episode’s now; so, as the philosopher Elvis would say- A little less talk and a little more action.

Aaaaand, we’re back.

Deputy Deadmeat and his wife are very very murdered, but at least they didn’t make him eat his own balls; so,….. yay? 

This episode is fun because he goes full Rambo!!! Reacher talks to a dirty cop and surreptitiously tells him that he will be at Hubble’s house that night! He leaves the Mercedes outside so that the murderers know he’s there! It’s AWESOME!!! Power chords are workin’ for him as he puts on the camo paint. So many dudes show up in the white garbage bags and it gets Total Recall with the violence! LOVE IT!!!! 

The room clear to look for Reacher who has laid a trap, but most are using handguns and only one has a shotgun. Handguns aren’t great for house fighting. The shotgun is a much preferred weapon. Why? Projectiles fly VERY fast and you can miss easily; whereas, a shotgun spreads the pain.

The male shirtlessness after the fight is a bit unnecessary. He neatly figures everything out at once that the paper is 1 dollar bills that they bleach and reprint as 100s. I think this could’ve been teased out better if we didn’t have SO MANY FLASHBACKS.

Meanwhile, Finley is trapped in a crappy motel with dudes trying to kill him. I had a similar experience when I was almost murdered in Spain.

I was at bar and an older lady came up to me and just started kissing me right away and then said- this is my cheating husband’s favorite bar and I told him I was going to sleep with the first guy I met. I’ll show him when gets here in five minutes! I threw some bills at the bar and ran out. Why Barcelona, Why???! As I got out onto those damn slippery cobblestones, I saw very large angry man looking around everywhere.

Yes, life comes at you pretty fast: one minute you’re eating shitty paella and getting loaded on Sangria and the next you’re running out of the back door of a bar to get to your penzione, get your shit, and take the first train out of Spain to ANYWHERE. The next morning, I was in Holland.

I hope you enjoyed this recap/review and stay out of Barcelona! I don’t care how many museums they have- it is actually a lot and they are nice, but for me, it will always be Murderville!

Reacher S1 Ep5, No Apologies, Dir Norberto Barba, S1 Ep6

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Sorry for the hiatus. I love Reacher, but I also love C8H18 and have to study it ALL THE TIME! Not a lot actually happens in this particular episode- lot of reading, talking, fishing. Yeah, there’s some fishing. We learn that Roscoe’s old boss and mentor knew something was rotten in Margrave, but did not quite know what it was. There’s a river that’s poisoned and we meet Reacher’s old buddy Frances. It does end with a little scare in that Kilner Sr has his throat slit. He was probably a workaholic; so, he was probably going to die at the office anyway.

Episode 6 Papier

The episode begins with the finer points of Venezuelan throat cutting. Charlene is still in a safe house and we learn that Finley’s wife passed away. Charlene’s safehouse is NOT so safe because there’s assassins on trying to kill Charlene and her kids. The question I have is: who isn’t being pursued by murderers in this craphole? Margave is giving Chicago a run for its money! However, we do get to see an assassin killed by his own grenade!

At least, there’s more action than the last episode. I do love the show, but I do think a couple of the episodes were filler and put the bulk of the narrative import at the last 3 minutes. Typically, the show is very tight, but could’ve benefitted from nixing 1 episode.

Reacher decides that he needs to find the people who were helping his murdered brother Joe. Two of them were professors, one is dead. He connects with professor and she explains that Joe was hunting down a counterfeiting ring. It’s all about the paper!!!! They were making the paper for counterfeiting US Dollars in Margrave, shipping them to Venezuela, and poisoning the river to do it!!! DUN DUN DUN! We also learn how Paul Hubbard got pulled into the mob. It’s a lot of…… accounting. So, we’re not going into that.

It does end with A LOT of Reacher- breakin a dude’s leg and stranglin him!!!

Now, with these episodes out of the way, the plot gets goin again!!!