Author Archives: casewright

Ghost Stories, Dir. Levi Morgan, Short Film Review by Case Wright

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Hello Horror Fans! My midterms are over and in 7 Months I will be digging for buried treasure in the Great State of Texas! BOOM!!! I wanted to celebrate my midterm conclusion with a review of a promising horror short film. The premise is intriguing: Ghost Stories, but the Ghosts are telling them. Now, this will either be great or truly truly terrible….. BRB. I was WRONG!

The film reminded me of Andrew Bird’s “Sisyphus”
Listen Here:

Wasn’t that great? Yeah, it was! The idea of just letting things go. Whatevs. Like that attitude, they didn’t really put in the effort to make the film pop. The stories just weren’t that funny.

The ghosts are in Walmart white sheets with holes cut out. We’re talkin 100 dollar budget so far.
The first story is a the ghost intends to scare a newlywed couple by hiding under the bed and then jumping out; instead, he’s trapped under the bed as the couple has 2 hour relations! Kinda Funny.

The second ghost story, I really couldn’t follow it. They did not put the extra time to make sure that the story and joke worked. The film headed into “C” territory and I was hoping that maybe it’ll have a strong finish? No. The ghosts like the film are mediocrities. Do the ghosts team up to scare someone? Yes, but it fell as flat as Sisyphus’ boulder.

This short did have a beginning, middle, and an end. They definitely spent time on it. The writing was not the greatest, but they tried to make the jokes and work and not beyond their proposed narrative. In that context, the short was pretty good.

Sadly, as Andrew Bird sang in “Sisyphus”:
“History Forgets the Moderates” Yes, you have to let art breathe and go places that are new, but that takes A LOT of work and they were NOT up to that commitment.
I think like “The Moderates” of Bird’s song, this short will be forgotten.

The Life of Death, Short-Film Review (Dir. Marcin Dubinec) – Repost, but perfect for Horrorthon

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Death has been on my mind A LOT the past several months. I recently lost my Uncle and he was a lot closer to a Dad than what I was assigned. My uncle lived an authentic life and was OUT when it was not okay to be out, but in the words of the philosopher Bruce Springsteen- “Closets are for Hangers.” Sadly, he suffered a great deal, but he faced Death like a Man.

In this short, Death has a life- A really really really banal life. He acts out in school, gets drunk in college, marries, and gets run over by a car. Actually, how he died was the most interesting event that happened to Death.

I’m really trying to be nice here, but sometimes I just can’t. You might notice that I tagged Alex Magana; well, he makes terrible short films too and I feel like Alex should get a royalty when someone else spits out a crappy film. Apparently, Marcin won some awards for THIS??! So ugggghhh, I guess people like terrible things sometimes.

Where did the short go right? It had a beginning, middle, and an end. I can write that without a doubt that this was a film that was made. Also, this film had a script where words were written down. I can assume that real dollars were spent to make this…film, which is fine. I mean, well people can buy all sorts of things with cash. It should be noted that as a society we forbid people to spend money on certain things: murder/heroin; maybe, this could be considered to make that list…let’s not rule that out. He did murder my time and patience.

Where did it go wrong? It was boring. I really just did not care that Death had a boring life or that he had children. If anything, I thought it was tacky. I really didn’t find the writing really moving. I never cared about Death as a “Person”. I did Chuckle Out Loud COL once, but that’s it. You could say, Case, you’re down and grieving; of course, you’ll hate this, BUT I argue that this short-film is still crap and the filmmaker is not great and should do something else with his time. Decoupage? Extreme Couponing? Boxing? Whatever, just stop bothering us.

I once wrote that we could stop Alex Magana from making films – he can only be so strong and if we ganged up and brought a tall guy, we could taunt him by holding his camera up really high and make him futilely jump for it. There’s basically TWO Alex Magana’s now; so, we might have to bring more people into stopping them, but we can do this! Left, Right, Libertarian, or Vegetarian let’s stop them- TOGETHER!

“Ring Camera”, Short Film Review, (Dir. Alex Magana), Case Wright

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Happy Horrorthon, I suppose. Why am I hedging? I’m hedging because I’m reviewing an Alex Magana short. Yes, I’m watching this on purpose.

Ring camera begins with a woman in an apartment, I think the apartment is actually Alex’s residence.

At least, I hope it’s Alex’s apartment because it’s kind of a dump and I don’t think he should live in a very nice place. I’m not saying his apartment should be infested with Camel Spiders like this one:

Or 1,000 Camel Spiders that are like this breed:

This one looks feisty. I don’t want his apartment to have Camel Spiders like this one above because he makes terrible terrible art, but what about Cicadas…Cicadae? Anyway, they are pretty gross.
They don’t have teeth, but they’re annoying and terrible like his films. So, Cicadae…go forth and meet your new roomie!

Honestly Cicadae, he’ll probably cast you. How are you with terrible acting?

Back to my misery, the lady has a “Unfamiliar Face” on her ring camera. I wonder if he films these with his iPhone. The creeper approaches her apartment and starts knocking. She opens the door and it’s a delivery guy.
Ma’am, I’m not judging too hard, but that’s a large bag of food for one person. Look:

This is too much food. You should not eat your weight in food. Ma’am, the bag is half your size. Did you get fired? Is Alex making you do a 3 film deal? You can’t fill the pain Alex has created with Door Dash!
Then, she looks around and she gets killed by the evil ghost.
I know that watching this short will make you sad, but remember- maybe you’re not that good? I mean, how many good things have you actually done today? Maybe, you deserve this film more than you know? Maybe, this film will be like a Scared Straight and put you on a better path? Maybe, you just need the pain that this film provides- you weirdo! In any case, this film is for you. You know what you did!

“Whisperer”, Short Film Review, By Case Wright

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Hi Horror and Case Lovers! So, I could not find a title card image for this short, but clowns scare the $#!% out of me so here we are. Just remember, that’s their real skin, not makeup. The oversized shoes and red nose are just to get you to let your guard down before they kill you! Now, you are able to face the world once again!

The short begins with a college student doing some cleaning at home. He checks the hallways and he sees…. yes a clown! Damn it! WHY?! WHY?!

Clowns, between you and me – why are you even a thing? I know what motivates you to make people mess their pants regardless of the season- you must feed, but why?! Can’t you just be anything else and still feast upon the living?

The Clown confronts the young man and…. he tries to kill him with a crowbar, but the would-be victim fights back with GUNS!!!
Yes, GUNS ARE THE ANSWER! GUNS! They are Clown Repellent! They are Clown-Be-Gone!
The Crowbar vs Clown is pretty effective too.

Now, is this short the result of two bored frat guys? Probably, but I’m ok because clowns are a menace!
Yes, it ends with a gun solving the Clown Menace! This short worked for me!

“Fortunes of Doom” Dir. Julian Bachlow & Denman Hatch, Short Film Review, By Case Wright

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Happy Horrorthon! I couldn’t find any photos of the short on IMDB, BUT this is the production company. I am about to watch the film I really hope it’s not terrible! BRB!

It opens with a couple really making out like A LOT! They’re eating Chinese food and damn it looks great, but they’re eating it like grossly! FYI, the actress is a painter and a GOOD ONE. See and support her art here

https://www.instagram.com/montinaart/: “Fortunes of Doom” Dir. Julian Bachlow & Denman Hatch, Short Film Review, By Case Wright

They open their fortune cookies and they read “He Knows” “She Knows”. She stabs her lover with a fork and it’s gross.
She leaves the corpse and …. I’m not spoiling this. It’s chilling. MUST WATCH! This is a gem! 2 minutes and 50 Seconds of some brilliant art. This was chilling, paced well, and had a clear beginning, middle, and end.
Guys, this short got me by the proverbials! Excellent!

“Cookies” Short Film Review By Case Wright

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Hello Horrorthon readers! Here is another short film review because this is midterms season and I pressed for time, BUT I want to do right by my Glorious Leader – Lisa! I can’t write that I hated this. I must be getting soft. It’s really difficult to understand this particular short, but it began and ended.

A boy scout is selling Boy Scout cookies and a very aggressive woman wants to buy his cookies- if he comes inside her home. The boy runs away. It is a story. It turns out that she’s got man held captive and we don’t know why or care, but the story began, ended, and I laughed once. Considering how bad some shorts are- yes, I’m looking at you Alex – defiler of all physical laws – Magana, which I prove here:

https://unobtainium13.com/2022/10/12/smiling-woman-2-review-by-case-wright/: “Cookies” Short Film Review By Case Wright

Maybe this is all that I need or deserve? Maybe my life should be more simple? My life is subtracting now and I would give anything for addition, but I would need an interested lady for that and that’s hard to come by right now; so, I’m left with subtraction and this okay short……

The Video Store Commercial, Short Film Review by Case Wright

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Happy Horrorthon! This short is about a video store owner who makes an ad to revive his “Last Blockbuster” business, but he unleashes EVIL.
See: Beginning, Middle, and End. Clear Story. Clear Idea. Simple.

During their filming, they destroy a possessed VHS and the evil spirit starts murderin’ their faces- Literally! It’s gross, but kinda fun. In fact, the demon kills his cameraman, which ends up saving the Demon’s life….whaaaa????! Yep, it happens.

This isn’t the greatest short, but it hits the blocks. If you’ve read my other short-film reviews, you see a pattern. When their is too much budget, it’s usually terrible. A short needs to be self-contained and NEVER make it a pilot pitch- That’s Annoying and I hate the people who do that! If you cannot say your feature length movie or ESPECIALLY your short-film in a sentence, you don’t have a story. Alex Magana is awful, but he does have a beginning, middle, and end to his films- MOSTLY.

I recommend that you take 4 minutes and watch this. It’ll be fun.

“We Forgot About The Zombies”, Short Film Review by Case Wright, Dr.

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Hello Horror fans, This has been about 10 years of me writing for this blog and yes, I’m still getting better! I found my voice years ago and still love the sound of it!

“We forgot about the zombies” begins with two out of shape men fleeing the undead and taking refuge in a barn. The skinny/unathletic protagonist- I shall call him – Mr. Skinnypants! Mr. Skinnypants has a huge gooey chunk of his arm hanging and it’s kind of funny. I did laugh. I think we might be in for something good.

The abandoned barn has a table filled with syringes that are poorly labeled with only a C and E with letters missing. Mr. Skinnypants immediately injects himself, turning him into a carnivorous WereRabbit! Yes, Little Bunny Foo Foo is OUT FOR BLOOD!!! The C and E stood for cute! This goes on for a while and it is pretty funny. See Noah, this is how it’s done or maybe you’ll be the Next Alex Magana and I will be allowed to hate you. The short ends with another good gag.

This short totally delivered. It had a good beginning, middle, and end. You understood the characters and the jokes landed well- very entertaining.

“Purr-Normal” Dir.: Noah Randle, Short Film Review, by Case Wright

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Happy Horrorthon! This could be a rough start. I would normally be really rough with a short like this, BUT he’s got <500 subs and he’s definitely young. So, I’m gonna play nice.

Noah hear me, I get that you have a love for film, especially weird esoteric film. Here is your MAIN PROBLEM: there is no real story here that is identifiable outside of your own description. A short film needs a beginning, middle, and an end. What makes short-films a special artform is that they create: story, character, and suspense in an instant. They can make you laugh, jump, or cry- if they are done with intentional care.
Other than the make up, there is no character here. It is unclear the lady’s motivation, fear, hope, or even psychosis. The cat is a stranger in the film and it just gets gory for its own sake at the end. I hope you cleaned up after filming and thanked your amazingly patient and lovely parents for letting you do this.

There is NO STORY here. You need a story. You need character. You need for us to care about your protagonist or this is just you messing around with a camera. It is good to have an interest in film, but it’s like you’re trying to fly an airplane before you’ve learned how to walk. Come up with a SIMPLE STORY and get it right; then, go all weird, but even then, you still need a story and character or NO ONE will care about your characters or what happens. I am not doing a plot summary for this because there isn’t one.

I don’t want to be too hard on Noah here, but he’s missing the point of this art. There’s short films on YouTube that are barely a minute long that establish: Story, Character, and Stakes. This is not that, but Noah MIGHT be able to get there if he tries again and starts EXTREMELY small and tells a small story well.

Megalopolis Trailer, Dir. Francis Ford Coppola Review by Case Wright

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ALERT! They took down their whiny trailer because all those bad reviews from Christmas Past were FAKE! Francis listen, I get it- everyone likes attention or whatever, but you playing the I’m so Put-Upon card is really really really ANNOYING! Cut it out! Paisan, you’ve had a great career and made BANK- BE HAPPY.

Welcome all, I’m going to review the “Megalopolis” trailer and just so you know – this was directed by a GENIUS. Really, that’s in the trailer and not just for a little while; they give a middle-finger to anyone who didn’t like a Coppola film for a solid 44 seconds! If you don’t think this movie is genius, too bad moron- it’s awesome, you’re a filthy plebe!

From what I can glean from the trailer, Cesar Catilina (Adam Driver) is tired of New York decadence; so, he wants to make a new city that’s way fancier and weirder. I’ve played Sim City before; so, maybe it’s got like a lot of happy faces when the plumbing works and sad faces if there’s not enough power? Without question, that was a fun game and if you didn’t enjoy it – you are part of the great unwashed!

This trailer has A LOT of scowling. Cesar Catilina scowls A LOT in the trailer and no one can scowl like Adam Driver. He was born to scowl!!!! Cesar appears to be a magical city planner who wants to make a better city that is vaguely or overtly communist- it is difficult to discern. If it’s anything like real communism, Francis will like it a lot theoretically without any consequences.

I have the distinct impression that this movie is more like a painting; it is visually stunning but with no plot. If you don’t like the film, remember you’re a petite bourgeois rube who brushes his teeth with his fingers. This film seems like “The Darjeeling Limited”- really pretty and Jason Schwatzman was in that film too and it revolved around finding good … tea??? I originally wrote it as “The Darjeeling UNLIMITED” now that would’ve been a film- Think of all the tea we could’ve watched them drink! Remember kids, you only rent Darjeeling Tea!!!

If you want a film where if you say you liked it, you’re 12% more sophisticated- “Megalopolis” is for you! For me, after this trailer, I think I’m going watch something with Dwayne “THE ROCK” Johnson in it. Maybe he’ll do a “Rampage 2”?

In conclusion, this film is GENIUS and the director is a GENIUS and if you don’t think so, I’m going to register you as a pederast and put garbage on your lawn!