Late Night Retro Television Review: Baywatch Nights 2.19 “The Eighth Seal”

Posted on November 19, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, a detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, Mitch gets possessed!

Episode 2.19 “The Eighth Seal”

(Dir by Jon Cassar, originally aired on April 26th, 1997)

Twice, Mitch saves a young girl named Jenny (Esme Ganz) from jumping off a bridge. When Mitch discovers the Jenny’s adoptive parents don’t seem to care whether she lives or dies, he brings her back to his house and lets her stay the night while he tries to figure out what to do about her.

What Mitch doesn’t know is that Jenny is possessed by a demon named Teddy. When Mitch does discover that Jenny is housing a denizen of the damned, he does the worst possible thing that one can do in that situation. He pulls a Karras and allows the demon to enter him. Now, Mitch is possessed. Can Daimont and Ryan get the demon out of Mitch or will Mitch have to run in front of truck in order to knock Teddy out of him?

Believe it or not, Mitch does the latter. He runs in front of a truck! The truck hits him and sends Mitch falling backwards. Mitch is out cold. While Ryan and Daimont try to revive him, Mitch’s spirit is visited by Stephanie Holden (Alexandra Paul). Though this was Stephanie’s first (and only) appearance on Baywatch Nights, she was a prominent member of the Baywatch ensemble for several seasons. Her character, who was always implied to have feelings for Mitch, was eventually killed off. Stephanie’s spirit appears and yes, she is wearing the red Baywatch swimsuit. And while it’s actually a pretty sweet scene as Stephanie tells Mitch that it’s not his time to die, it’s hard not to smile at the fact that Stephanie is apparently still a lifeguard in the afterlife. It’s like she went to Heaven and said, “Give me the reddest and tightest one-piece that you have.”

Things end happily. Mitch is no longer possessed. Jenny is no longer possessed. Jenny’s adoptive parents are consumed in Hellfire but that’s okay because they sucked. And, for once, the viewer is happy as well because this is actually a pretty good episode of Baywatch Nights. Seriously, you have not lived until you’ve seen David Hasselhoff pretend to be possessed by a demon. Beyond that, though, his reunion with Stephanie was actually pretty poignant, red swimsuit and all. If nothing else, it gave Mitch a chance to say goodbye to Stephanie, which was something he never really got to do in Baywatch.

Speaking of Baywatch, do you think Mitch went to his day job and told all the lifeguards, “Hey, you won’t believe what happened to me this weekend!” Probably not. I don’t know if I’d want to work with someone who had a history of getting possessed by demons. That may just be me, though.

PURE COUNTRY – George Strait made a movie in 1992 and I liked it!

Posted on November 19, 2024 by Bradley Crain

There are certain movies I like that I don’t ever hear anyone else talk about. PURE COUNTRY, starring country music legend George Strait, is such a movie. As you might imagine, it has a great soundtrack. I remember singing one of its songs, “I Cross My Heart,” at a co-worker’s wedding in the summer of 1993. I butchered the hell out of it. It does make me wonder if they’re still married. I haven’t seen that person in close to 30 years, so I’d say it’s a 50/50 proposition. I also remember really liking a song called “Heartland,” another called “When Did You Stop Loving Me,” and another called “Where the Sidewalk Ends.”

I’m a sucker for romance movies, and one of my favorite types of romance movies is where a famous person falls in love with a regular person. In PURE COUNTRY, George Strait is Dusty, a huge country music star who’s tired of the loud music and the big special effects that have come to define his shows. He longs to get back to his roots and just grab his guitar and sing. Unfortunately, his longtime friend and manager Lula (Lesley Ann Warren) isn’t ready to scale down the show since they’re playing to 20,000 fans at every concert. So, after a show one night, Dusty heads out for a walk and doesn’t stop. He does stop by a barber shop where they cut his Steven Seagal ponytail and shave his scruffy beard. Then he heads to an old honkytonk he used to play at when he was in college and reminisces on the good old days. After having a few too many adult beverages, he starts smiling at the lovely Harley Tucker (Isabel Glasser) who doesn’t recognize him as the superstar Dusty. One thing leads to another and he ends up trying to defend her honor from this big obnoxious guy who won’t take no for an answer. A drunk Dusty is no match for the big jerk, and he ends up getting the crap beaten out of him. Thankful that he tried to defend her honor and that he’s cute, Harley takes him to her house to try to mend his wounds. Dusty’s not ready to resume his life as a megastar so he gives Harley his middle name, which is Wyatt. I really like Harley’s family. Her brothers are a couple of dorks, but they love their sister. Her grandpa is played by Rory Calhoun!!! I love Rory Calhoun going back to his westerns in the 40’s and 50’s. And thus begins a fun romance movie where he’s a huge star, and she thinks he’s a regular guy. Of course there will be complications along the way, and the truth will eventually be exposed, but the fun is seeing how it all plays out.

What about George Strait’s acting you might ask? Well, Strait isn’t a very good actor, but that doesn’t keep me from enjoying the film. I do like the way he tells the arrogant Buddy Jackson (Kyle Chandler), “Get your ass outta here!” in one of the scenes. He even repeats it just as well! It’s an important scene and he rises to the occasion. All in all, Strait’s good enough and he’s got the fact that he’s George Strait going in his favor. If you read this and like PURE COUNTRY, please take the time to leave me a comment. I’m looking for other fans. It gets lonely out here!

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 5.18 “Sitting Duck/Sweet Suzi Swann”

Posted on November 19, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984. Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites. Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

Smiles, everyone!

Episode 5.18 “Sitting Duck/Sweet Suzi Swann”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on March 6th, 1982)

Once again, Julie is not involved in either of this week’s fantasies. At the start of the episode, Roarke tells Tattoo that Julie has been trying to help a guest whose fantasy was to introduce “women’s lib” to cavemen. A woman then runs by while being chased by a caveman. Apparently, the fantasy did not go well. I’m a bit worried that Julie might lose her job because none of the fantasies that she’s involved with ever seem to go well.

As for this week’s guests, Chuck Conners shows up as Frank Barton. Barton is a big-game hunter. He has hunted and conquered almost every type of animal. Now, he wants to hunt the most dangerous animal of all …. okay, okay, you’ve heard all this before. This is not the first time that Fantasy Island has looked to The Most Dangerous Game for inspiration. However, this is the first time that the show has featured a hunter who specifically wants to stalk Mr. Roarke.

It’s a bit of an odd fantasy, though. Frank doesn’t want to chase Mr. Roarke through the forest or anything like that. Instead, Frank just wants to plant booby traps around the Island. If Mr. Roarke survives 24 hours, he’ll be fee to set a few traps of his own. Roarke agrees, explaining to Tattoo that, if Frank doesn’t come after him then he’ll go after someone else. Roarke is doing the world a favor by distracting Frank.

Frank tries, he really does. He tries poison. He tries explosives. Even though Mr. Roarke agrees not to use any of his “special powers,” he always manages to stay a step or two ahead of Frank. Finally, Frank kidnaps Tattoo and that’s when Mr. Roarke says enough of this. If you’ve ever wanted to see Mr. Roarke beat up a guest, this is the episode for you. Frank ends up leaving the Island in the custody of two burly men who are apparently going to check him into a mental hospital. Frank got his fantasy but it didn’t turn out well for him. At least he wasn’t trying to reason with cavemen….

Meanwhile, Suzi Swann (Helen Reddy) comes to the Island with her boss, fashion designer Jack Becker (George Maharis). Suzi is in love with Jack but Jack takes her for granted. Suzi’s fantasy is to fall out of love with him and …. wait a minute! Didn’t Helen Reddy sing “I am Woman?” Why is the show wasting her time with this fantasy when they could have cast her as the guest who wanted to teach the cavemen about equality? If they had done that, Julie could have worked with Helen Reddy and Roarke and Tattoo would have been free to concentrate on Frank and his homicidal fantasy! I mean, I think it was a mistake to give Roarke two assistants for this season but if you’re going to have Julie around, at least let her take part in one of the main fantasies….

Oh well. Let’s get back to the fantasy that actually did happen.

Roarke gives Suzi some magic gumdrops that were apparently made with special Fantasy Island berries. The gumdrops make Suzi feel the opposite of whatever she previously felt. She takes one and immediately announced that she doesn’t like either Roarke or Tattoo. “You’re short!” Suzi says to Tattoo which …. ugh. That’s a terrible line, considering that the show has previously always treated Tattoo’s height with a good deal of sensitivity.

Suzi is no longer in love with Jack and instead, she finds herself attracted to the mysterious Claude Duvalle (James Darren). But the fact that she is no longer willing to be Jack’s doormat leads to Jack realizing that he failed to appreciate her. Jack falls in love with Suzi and Suzi falls back in love with Jack.

As Suzi and Jack leave together, Tattoo suggests that Rorake failed to give Suzi her fantasy. Roarke explains that Suzi fell out of love with the old Jack but then she fell in love with the new Jack so actually, he totally succeeded. Uhm….whatever you say, Mr. Roarke.

Roarke then takes a magic gumball and tells Tattoo, “I don’t like you.”

AGCK! But actually, the gumball makes its user for the opposite of what they actually feel so Mr. Roarke actually does like Tattoo! Awwww! I’m glad that’s cleared up.

I enjoyed this episode. Much like last week’s episode it felt like a throwback to the first two seasons of Fantasy Island. Neither fantasy really made much sense but both Roarke and Tattoo got to do a lot and that really made all the difference. Fantasy Island always works best when Roarke and Tattoo are more than just bystanders.

DEATH WISH – It’s a wonderful life…at least it has been for me!

Posted on November 19, 2024 by Bradley Crain

Over the next 5 days, I will discuss Charles Bronson’s DEATH WISH series in chronological order. This series has brought me countless hours of entertainment over the last 40 years, so enjoy and let me know your thoughts!

“Don’t ever make a death wish, because a death wish always comes true!” – I’ve always thought this was kind of a corny saying on the original DEATH WISH trailer, but as one of the world’s biggest Charles Bronson fans, I still hold the original DEATH WISH (1974) in extremely high regard. This is the 70’s revenge classic that made Bronson a box office superstar in his home country, while simultaneously influencing the way vengeance was depicted on screen for decades to come. DEATH WISH is one of the most underrated and influential films from a decade that was full of great films.

If you’re reading this review, I’d be about 99% positive that you know the basic story of the film. Charles Bronson plays Paul Kersey, a conscientious objector whose wife is killed and whose daughter is raped by a group of criminal thugs in New York City. When the police are incapable of providing justice, Kersey turns into a sidewalk vigilante and stalks the streets and subways of New York, luring thugs to mug him so he can shoot them with his 32-caliber Colt Police Positive pistol. Vincent Gardenia plays detective Frank Ochoa, who’s put in charge of finding the vigilante and putting an end to his one-man mission of justice.

It’s been 50 years since DEATH WISH was released into theaters and it’s hard to fathom just how controversial the film was in its time, especially since I wasn’t even 1 year old when it was released. The graphic rape scene that kicks off the events of the film, combined with the vigilante subject matter, turned off so many big stars, including Jack Lemmon, Henry Fonda and George C. Scott. This opened up the door for Charles Bronson who didn’t have any such misgivings. They just didn’t understand what a nerve the film would touch with the filmgoing public, who were tired of their cities being overrun by violent criminals. The movie became an audience participation movie unlike any others of the time with cheering in the seats every time Kersey offed another criminal. The controversial film became one of the top box office hits of the year and the biggest of Bronson’s career.

DEATH WISH was the fourth of six films directed by Michael Winner and starring Charles Bronson. In typical Winner fashion, the film has some strange touches, but the director is extremely effective in building the motivation for vigilante justice that was required for the film to thrive. He handles the action sequences well, and his cast is outstanding. Bronson & Gardenia are perfect in the lead roles, and the lovely Hope Lange has the brief, infamous role as Kersey’s brutalized wife. Stuart Margolin is especially memorable as the Arizona businessman who gives Kersey his gun. There are also a number of actors in small roles who were not well known when the movie was made who would go on to successful film careers. The biggest is Jeff Goldblum who has the most memorable role of the three muggers who attack Kersey’s wife and daughter at the beginning of the film. It’s a brief, but no holds barred performance for sure. Oscar winning actress Olympia Dukakis has a small role as a cop who expresses her frustration about the amount of leg work expected of her by Detective Ochoa. And finally, Christopher Guest has one scene as a young cop who finds the wounded vigilante and recovers his gun.

On a personal note, this film holds a special place in my heart as the first Charles Bronson film I ever saw. It was probably in 1984 or ‘85, and I stayed up with my dad to watch the late movie on our local TV station. The movie happened to be DEATH WISH. As bad things were happening to Kersey’s family at the beginning of the film, my dad told me not to worry, that “Charles would get them.” That intrigued me and let me know that Bronson had a reputation that preceded him. From that point forward, I wanted to rent a Charles Bronson film every time we went to the video store. And the rest, as they say, is history!

BONUS: The definitive book about the DEATH WISH film series was written by my friend, author and film historian Paul Talbot. The name of the book is BRONSON’S LOOSE: THE MAKING OF THE DEATH WISH FILMS. If you have any interest in Charles Bronson, the DEATH WISH series or Cannon Films, I can’t recommend Paul’s books more highly.