by Frank Conlon
Untitled (by Frank Conlon)
Monthly Archives: September 2024
Music Video of the Day: I Took A Trip by Be Lucky (2024, dir by Patrick Sean Lewin and Slim Roach)
Sometimes, taking a trip is the best thing you can do.
Enjoy!
Late Night Retro Television Review: Baywatch Nights 2.9 “Night Whispers”
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, a detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!
This week, a vampire comes to California!
Episode 2.9 “Night Whispers”
(Dir by Reza Badiyi, originally aired on November 24th, 1996)
The mysterious Francesca (Felicity Waterman) is being held in police custody as a suspect in the murder of a jogger. The jogger was found with his throat slit. Ryan, who was there when the body was found, suspects that Francesca might be vampire.
Why? Ryan has her reasons.
- Francesca speaks with the same type of unplaceable Eastern European accent that all vampires tend to speak with.
- Francesca wears sunglasses inside and says she can’t go out during the day because her eyes are just too sensitive to the sunlight.
- Francesca occasionally wears a cape.
- Francesca wears gloves to hide her vampire hands.
- Francesca’s gown was splattered with the dead guy’s blood.
- Francesca does not cast a reflection in her apartment’s mirror.
(Why do vampires even own mirrors?)
Ryan seems like she has a pretty good case but Mitch is skeptical. Mitch doesn’t believe in any of that supernatural stuff, despite the fact that he’s spent the past few months dealing with sea monsters, ghosts, and government conspiracies. Just a few episodes ago, he stepped into a house and was transported through time!
I mean, don’t get me wrong. I understand skepticism. For the most part, I’m a skeptic too. But the main reason that I’m such an adamant skeptic is because I haven’t ever had anything supernatural happen to me. Now, if I started meeting ghosts and sea monsters on a regular basis, I would probably become less of a skeptic. I would reexamine all of my prejudices and I would say, “Hey, maybe something is out there.”
Not Mitch, though! Mitch listens to Ryan explain why she thinks Francesca is a vampire and he laughs it off. What’s odd is that it takes Ryan forever to get around to mentioning that Francesca does not cast a reflection. Instead, she fixates on Francesca wearing gloves in California. Trust me, the whole mirror thing is a lot more convincing than the glove thing. Some people wear gloves and some people don’t but everyone (except for the undead) casts a reflection. Ryan also points out that Francesca doesn’t have a birth certificate and ….. SHE’S NOT REGISTERED TO VOTE!
A trip to the police station to visit Francesca goes terribly wrong when Francesca gets out of her cell and proceeds to stalk Mitch, Ryan, a detective, a pimp, and two prostitutes through the building. Though Francesca is willing to drink anyone’s blood, it becomes obvious that she’s obsessed with capturing the Hoff and really, who can blame her? I imagine she would be quite popular with her co-workers if she was the one who turned the Hoff into a vampire.
This is a deeply silly episode but the same can be said of just about every episode of Baywatch Nights. There’s no reason to take this show seriously. The important thing is that the action movies fairly quickly, Felicity Waterman appears to be having a ball as the vampire, and the Hoff and Angie Harmon get to show off the chemistry that made Baywatch Nights a lot more fun than it had any right being. This may not be a classic vampire tale but it’s an entertaining one.
Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 5.8 “Lillian Russell/The Lagoon”
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984. Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites. Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.
Episode 5.8 “Lillian Russell/The Lagoon”
(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on November 28th, 1981)
Tattoo is in this episode, which means that Julie only appears long enough to tell Mr. Roarke that she’s going to busy exploring the island with a bunch of hunky professors. (It says a lot about how poorly the Julie character has been developed that I couldn’t tell if Julie was supposed to be naive or clever when it came to going off with the men.)
At this point, it’s obvious that Julie was only added to the show to act as insurance in case Herve Villechaize walked off the set. Early on in the season, when Herve was apparently negotiating for a better contract, Julie had a few episodes where she was Roarke’s main assistant while Tattoo was described as being elsewhere on the island. But in the episodes where Tattoo is present, Julie always has to go do something else for the weekend. Ironically, Julie is such a bland and unnecessary character that it actually proves Herve Villechaize’s point about how important Tattoo was to the success of the show. By having Julie always leave whenever Tattoo is present, the show really only reminds the viewer that Roarke only needs on assistant and it’s Tattoo.
As for this week’s fantasies, they both have to do with the past.
Calvin Pearson (Claude Akin) has just spent years in prison for a crime that he didn’t commit. He’s finally been released and, understandably, he really doesn’t want to have much to do with the rest of the world. When he was a child, he spent a summer on a nearby island with his father. His father was fisherman and Calvin claims that he once caught a fish that could sing. Calvin wants to spend the weekend on the Island and he wants to catch the same serenading fish.
Sound like a pretty simple fantasy, right? Well, Calvin is not happy to discover that the he’s not alone on “my island.” There’s now a trading post, run by Jake Dutton (Broderick Crawford) and his daughter, Mira (Pamela Susan Shoop). Even worse, there are some recently escaped convicts (led by Glenn Corbett) who want to kidnap Mira! At first, Calvin refuses to get involved. He just wants to fish. But, in the end, he finally does the right thing and saves the Duttons.
What about the “serenading fish?” Calvin may not have caught a fish but he did capture the heart of Mira, who hums a tune that she says she once heard out on the lagoon. Calvin leaves the Island alone but he tells Roarke that he plans to return so that he can work at the trading post with the Duttons.
This fantasy was a bit predictable and you really do have to wonder why Roarke insists on nearly getting his guests killed every week. It seems like that would lead to a lawsuit. But the fantasy does feature a good performance from Claude Akin as a man who manages to conquer his own bitterness.
As for the other fantasy, it features Phyllis Davis as a writer named Lilly Martin who wants to write a book about the singer Lillian Russell. Roarke sends her back to 1890s New York and literally transforms Lilly into Lillian Russell, complete with singing talent and two notorious suitors, “Diamond Jim” Brady (Gene Barry) and Peter Whiting (Craig Stevens). This fantasy was enjoyable eye candy, with Lilly getting to dress up as Lillian Russell and getting to wear all sorts of jewels. Unfortunately, it’s also a fantasy that ends with a poker game. I’ve never been able to follow poker and I always groan a little whenever the plot of a show hinges on the outcome. Whenever people start talking about “bluffing” and “royal flushes,” and all that, my eyes just glaze over and that was the case here.
That said, at least Mr. Roarke got to take part in Lilly’s fantasy, popping up not once but three times to see how everything was going! In fact, Mr. Roarke and Tattoo also popped up in Calvin’s fantasy. It’s always fun when Roarke drops in.
The poker game aside, this was an enjoyable trip to the Island. Season 5 has been a bit uneven but this was one of the better episodes.
Artwork of the Day: Reagan’s Raiders (by R.F. Buckler)
This cover is from November of 1986.
Music Video of the Day: Oblivion by Mothica (2024, dir by ????)
Enjoy the beauty of atmospheric neon with this new music video from Mothica.
Enjoy!
Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 2.11 “Supercycle”
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983. The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee!
A daredevil motorcyclist known as the Phantom is making the street dangerous in Los Angeles! Can Ponch and Baker catch him before it’s too late?
Episode 2.11 “Supercycle”
(Dir by Phil Bondelli, originally aired on December 2nd, 1978)
From what I’ve read, Larry Wilcox was apparently often unhappy on the set of CHiPs and, watching this week’s episode, I can see why.
This week’s episode follows only one storyline. A motorcycle-riding daredevil known as the Phantom (George O’Hanlon, Jr.) is driving around Los Angeles and doing stunts. It’s all a part of a promotion that’s being run by the unscrupulous Fred Gesslin (Jason Evers). When Ponch and Baker chase the Phantom and end up losing him, footage ends up on the news and totally humiliates the Highway Patrol. Getraer is even less amused than usual.
Luckily, Harlan has a supercycle in the garage. Ponch and Baker decide to take the Supercycle out so that they can use it to capture the Phantom. Ponch and Baker both get a chance to test the Supercycle on the test track. Ponch is a natural. Baker crashes. So, of course, Ponch is the one who gets to ride the Supercycle….
AND THAT’S THE WAY IT ALWAYS IS ON THIS SHOW!
Seriously, if there’s anything cool to do, Ponch is going to be the one to do it. If there’s an exciting story, it’s going to center around Ponch. Despite the fact that Larry Wilcox looks a hundred times more comfortable on a motorcycle than Erik Estrada, Baker is always going to take a back seat to Ponch. Seriously, that would bother anyone! In this case, it means that Ponch is the one who gets to use the Supercycle. Baker can just stand in the background and force himself to smile. Poor Baker!
Now, Baker does get a small measure of revenge. He’s the one who gets a date with Sheila Martin (Karen Carlson). Sheila owns the advertising company that Fred is working with to promote the Phantom. Since Sheila knew about the Phantom and didn’t immediately share that information with Ponch and Baker, it really seems like she should have gotten in as much trouble as Fred. But Baker needs a date so Sheila’s off the hook. Oddly enough, the Phantom is let off the hook too. It turns out that he’s just an innocent guy from the country who was led astray by Fred. Never mind the Phantom could have killed multiple people with his reckless driving.
No matter, though! The stunts are spectacular in this episode and who doesn’t like the idea of owning a supercycle? That’s really the only thing that matters as far as this episode is concerned. Ponch may have gotten to ride it but, ultimately, the Supercycle has a place in everyone’s heart.
Scenes That I Love: The Two Sides of James Earl Jones in Field of Dreams
Rest in peace to one of our greatest actors, James Earl Jones.
It’s hard to pick just one scene when it comes to honoring James Earl Jones. I’m going to go with two and they both come from 1989’s Field of Dreams, a film that is a favorite for a lot of folks here at the Shattered Lens. I think they show the two sides of James Earl Jones. We all know the inspiring side of Jones and how his voice could make anything sound like the wisest words ever spoken. But Jones was just as good at comedy and just as good at playing people who, for lack of a better term, were just fed up with all the stupidity in the world.
In honor of James Earl Jones, here are two scenes from Field of Dreams.
Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 2.21 “Free Verse”
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show can be purchased on Prime!
This week, the Vice Squad gets a big assignment.
Episode 2.21 “Free Verse”
(Dir by John Nicollela, originally aired on April 4th, 1986)
The wheelchair-bound poet, Hector Sandoval (played by Byrne Piven), is coming to Miami so that he can testify before a Congressional committee about the human rights abuses that are occurring in his home country, abuses that Hector claims have been partially funded by American interests. Hector is a world-famous poet but his history as an outspoken political dissident has made him politically important as well. He’s been nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize. Meanwhile, the right-wing death squads from his own country want him dead. Because Sandoval is equally critical of his country’s rebels, the left wants him dead as well. They feel he has more value as a martyr than as a living dissident.
With so many people trying to kill this important, world-famous person, his safety in America is the government’s top-most concern. So, naturally, the task of protecting Sandoval is assigned not to the FBI, the CIA, or the Secret Service. Instead, it’s given to the Miami Vice Squad. You read that correctly. A bunch of undercover cops are assigned to protect one of the most important men in the world. They meet him when he lands in the airport and their pictures are immediately taken by the horde of reporters waiting for Sandoval’s arrival. I guess everyone’s cover is blown now.
This is not a particularly interesting episode. Obviously, the show was looking to make a point about not only the political situation in Central America but also the role of the U.S. government in propping up various dictators and turning a blind eye to human rights abuses. That’s fine. Indeed, watching an episode like this today serves as a good reminder that Chavez and Maduro were hardly the first dictators to take power in South and Central America. But this episode gets so caught up in making its political points that it forgets to be interesting.
A huge part of the problem is that the members of the Vice Squad spend a lot of this episode in the background. The emphasis is on Hector Sandoval and his daughter, Bianca (Yamil Borges). Unfortunately, Byrne Piven goes so over-the-top as Sandoval that it’s impossible to take the character seriously. It’s a genuinely bad performance and it makes the episode a bit of a chore to sit through. (Admittedly, it is entertaining watching Edward James Olmos refuse to show a hint of emotion while Sandoval devours all of the scenery in their scenes together.)
For celebrity watchers, Bianca Jagger shows up as an assassin but she doesn’t really get to do much. Luis Guzman and future director Michael Bay play the imaginatively named “Goon #1” and “Goon #3.” Otherwise — and especially when compared to the episodes that came before it — this is a surprisingly forgettable episode of Miami Vice.
Monday Live Tweet Alert: Join Us For Submerged and Unlawful Entry!
As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in hosting a few weekly live tweets on twitter and occasionally Mastodon. I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of Mastodon’s #MondayActionMovie! Every week, we get together. We watch a movie. We snark our way through it.
Tonight, for #MondayActionMovie, the film will be 2000’s Submerged! Selected and hosted by Bunny Hero, this film stars Coolio and Nicole Eggert! So, you know it has to be good!
Following #MondayActionMovie, Brad and Sierra will be hosting the #MondayMuggers live tweet. We will be watching 1992’s Unlawful Entry! The film is on Prime!
It should make for a night of fun viewing and I invite all of you to join in. If you want to join the live tweets, just hop onto Mastodon, pull up Submerged on YouTube, start the movie at 8 pm et, and use the #MondayActionMovie hashtag! Then, at 10 pm et, switch over to Twitter and Prime, start Unlawful Entry, and use the #MondayMuggers hashtag! The live tweet community is a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.
Through the Shattered Lens 