Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.
This week, Monsters asks us, “How far would you go to be immortal?”
Episode 2.11 “Half as Old as Time”
(Dir by Christopher Todd, originally aired on December 17th, 1989)
Dying of a brain tumor, elderly archeologist Dr. Miner (played by Leif Garrett, under a ton of old age makeup) visits his daughter Jacqueline (Valerie Wildman). Jacqueline, who is also an archeologist, lives in the desert and, from the start, it’s obvious that she and her father have a strained relationship. However, when Dr. Miner begs her to take him to the secret location of a “fountain of youth,” that she’s spent her career searching for, Jacqueline agrees.
Sitting underneath the statue of an evil-looking serpent and overseen by a Native American named Saspondo (Nick Ramus), the fountain does indeed make Dr. Miner young again. Unfortunately, it only lasts for a short time. Saspondo explains that if Dr. Miner wants to be both permanently young and immortal, he has to be prepared to sacrifice a family member and let their blood mix with the water.
Oh, hi, Jacqueline!
Dr. Miner doesn’t waste any time killing his daughter and afterwards, he doesn’t seem to be particularly upset over his crime. (“She was always a disappointment to me.”) Saspondo, however, reveals that Dr. Miner should have asked more questions about what immortality meant before killing his daughter and then drinking from the fountain. Dr. Miner may be forever young but he’s also forever be trapped in front of the fountain….
The main joke here, of course, is the casting of former teen idol Leif Garrett as an old man. Interestingly enough, he’s more convincing when he’s playing old than when he is later allowed to be his then-young self. When he’s wearing the makeup and walking with a shuffled gait, Garrett has a character to play. When he loses all of that, he sleepwalks through the rest of his performance. Nick Ramus, however, gives an excellent performance all-around as the enigmatic keeper of the fountain.
This episode was uneven but effective. The pace was occasionally a bit slow but the murder of Jacqueline was shockingly brutal, even by the standards of this show. If nothing else, it showed who Dr. Miner truly was and it made his eventual comeuppance especially satisfying. Flaws aside, this episode worked.
Through the Shattered Lens 