Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 1.21 “All In A Day’s Work”

Posted on February 21, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire show is streaming on Tubi.

A lot of talented people came together to create this week’s episode of Monsters!

Episode 1.21 “All In A Day’s Work”

(Dir by Allen Coulter, originally aired on May 6th, 1989)

Steven Rose (James Morrison) is a graduate student whose studies of ancient magic have accidentally summoned a creature who looks exactly like him and who also follows him everywhere that he goes. Following the advice of a friend, Steven seeks help from a white witch named Fiona (Adrienne Barbeau). Fiona is willing to help but first, she needs to pick up her son, Ian (Brandon Bluhm), from school.

When she returns to her apartment building with Ian, she discovers that the doppelganger is waiting in the hallway and apparently, it wants Ian’s soul. Locking herself in her apartment with Steven and Ian, Fiona is forced to do the unthinkable. She commits a mortal sin by summoning a demon named Belphamelech (Eddie Velez). As she explains it to Steven, if she can get rid of his doppelganger than she will be forgiven for summoning a demon. And if she can’t get rid of the doppelganger, it won’t matter what happens.

There were a lot of talented people involved with this episode. Adrienne Barbeau, of course, is still well-remembered for her appearances in The Fog, Escape From New York, and Creepshow. Nearly two decades after his appearance here, James Morrison would find fame as Bill Buchanan on 24 and as the prison warden on Twin Peaks: The Return. Eddie Velez is still a regular on television. This was one of the first shows to be directed by Allen Coulter, who go on to direct some of the best episodes of The Sopranos and Boardwalk Empire.

Considering all of talent both in front of and behind the camera, it’s not a surprise that this is one of the better episodes of Monsters, an atmospheric and well-acted 21 minutes that nicely mixes horror with humor. The episode works best when it contrasts Fiona’s magic powers with the normal activities of her everyday life. She can get rid of demons and yes, she can cook up a love potion or two and yes, she knows all of the things to say to control a demon. But, in the end, her main concern is making sure that her son gets to and from school without incident and that everyone has a good dinner in the evening.

Interestingly enough, the episode ends in such a way that makes it feel as if it was meant to be a pilot for a television series that would have featured Fiona dealing with the supernatural on a weekly basis. She ends the episode with both a new romance and a new assistant and it’s easy to imagine all of the future adventures that they could have all had together. If this episode was meant to serve as a pilot, it didn’t lead to a series and that’s a shame because it definitely had the potential to be a lot of fun.

14 Days of Paranoia #6: Lockdown 2025 (dir by Mike Hall)

Posted on February 21, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

2021’s Lockdown 2025 tells the story of a neighborhood on the edge.

Clarence McGee (Glenn Plummer) has a got a nice house in the suburbs. He has a nice view of the city in the distance and, even though we don’t learn much about what he does for a living, he appears to be very well off. He has a wife named Carmen (Marie-Francoise Theodore) and three children, conspiracy theorist Junior (Marcus T. Paulk), daughter Crystal Marie (Parker McKenna Posey), and youngest Evan (Cristian Fagins).

To the outsider, it might look like Clarence has the perfect life but the reality is far different. As a father, Clarence has been neglectful and, as his own wife points out, Evan is the only one of the kids with whom he seems to have a strong connection. Meanwhile, Crystal is pregnant and, while she’s told her boyfriend Marcos (Stewart Flores), neither one of them is quite sure how they’re going to tell Clarence. And what is one to make of the burly police detective (James Black) who is sitting in his car and watching Clarence’s home?

Clarence is excited because he’s convinced that he’s finally going to win the lottery and become a billionaire. However, just as the lottery numbers are about to be announced, the broadcast is interrupted by the National Alert System. “This is not a test,” a voice says, before going on to explain that the president has declared a national emergency. The country is under martial law. There will be a 24-hour curfew. No one is to leave their houses.

Suddenly, the skies are glowing and lightning bolts are streaking from the sky to the ground. Explosions are heard in the distance. The streets are full of “police soldiers” and anyone caught outside is subject to execution. When Clarence’s neighbor tries to flee his house, he is executed on the spot. Both Marcos and Junior suggest that maybe it’s all because of an online terrorist group known for being “pill-popping, weed-smoking, new age religious fanatics!” Clarence says you can’t believe anything you see on YouTube. For one thing, they let Junior on YouTube!

Meanwhile, a countdown clock appears on the television and starts to slowly tick down, from 80:00 to zero. What happens the clock hits zero? That’s what everyone is wondering.

As you can probably guess, things don’t go well for the McGees. Being stuck in the house together not only makes them paranoid but it also leads to them revealing all of their deep, dark family secrets. Soon, Clarence is loading a rifle. When the detective finally enters the house and reveals his own secret, it leads to a violent confrontation. Have you ever wondered how many people can accidentally get shot by two men firing guns at each other in a small enclosed space? This film will tell you!

The plot description probably makes all of this sound more intriguing than it is. Sadly, It’s not a very good movie, one that is marked by bad acting and bad special effects. Not even the talented Glenn Plummer can do much with his role. The initial apocalypse scenes are actually effective but soon, the Birdemic-style visuals kick in. Worst of all, the film’s ending is the type of cheat that makes you feel stupid for getting in any way invested in the story. An ending like this might have worked for a 15-minute short film but not for a film that drags on for 90 minutes.

This film was apparently produced by the Jehovah’s Witnesses and one of the final images is of a chastised, former doubter letting two Jehovah’s Witnesses into his home. (Seriously, on the rare occasion that any of them are in my neighborhood, I hide in my room and don’t make a sound.) I doubt this inspired anyone to pick up a copy of The Watch Tower.

14 Days of Paranoia:

Smokey And The Good Time Outlaws (1978, directed by Alexander Grasshoff)

Posted on February 21, 2024 by Jedadiah Leland

After meeting a talent agent while spending a night in jail, aspiring singer J.D. (Jesse Turner) and his best friend, The Salt Flat Kid (Dennis Fimple), decide to leave Texas for Nashville. J.D. wants to be a star and the Salt Flat Kid is a ventriloquist who doesn’t go anywhere without his dummy.

On the way to the Grand Old Opry, they pick up two women (Dianne Sherrill and Marcia Barkin), one of whom was engaged to marry the idiot nephew (Gailard Sartain) of Nashville’s Sheriff Leddy (Slim Pickens). The sheriff sets out after the two men, planning on sending them back to Texas.

Despite the title and the subplot about the sheriff searching for his nephew’s former future wife, Smokey and the Good Time Outlaws doesn’t have much in common with Smokey and the Bandit. J.D. has a Burt Reynolds-style mustache but he’s not a bandit. He is just someone who wants to be a star and most of the movie is about him and the Salt Flat Kid tying to make their way onto the stage of the Grand Old Opry. Helping them out is an eccentric woman named Marcie (who is played by Hope Summers, who older viewers will immediately recognize as having been Clara Edwards on The Andy Griffith Show). When J.D. can’t get an audition, it occurs to him to just rush out on stage and start performing.

This film was a dream project for Jesse Turner, who was a real-life country musician. He co-wrote and produced the film, as well as starred in it. Jesse Turner wasn’t much of an actor but he’s surrounded by a good supporting cast. Slim Pickens steals the show as a more menacing version of Buford T. Justice but he’s not in the film nearly enough. Dennis Fimple is likable but appears to be too old to be known as “the Kid.” You can tell this is a movie because no one is creeped out by the Kid’s ventriloquist dummy.

Smokey and the Good Time Outlaws was made for the Southern drive-in circuit and it is good-natured, even if the story is never that interesting. Country music fans of a certain age will appreciate it.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 4.4 “Target Gopher/The Major’s Wife/Strange Honeymoon/The Oilman Cometh”

Posted on February 21, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week’s cruise is all about simple misunderstandings that could be easily cleared up by people just not acting stupid for a few seconds. Unfortunately, that’s too much to ask.

Episode 4.4 “Target Gopher/The Major’s Wife/Strange Honeymoon/The Oilman Cometh”

(Dir by Roger Duchowny, originally aired on November 8th, 1980)

Lo and beware! Here comes the idiot plot!

As I’ve mentioned many times in the past, there’s nothing that bothers me more than an idiot plot. That is when a TV show — usually a sitcom — builds an entire episode out of a misunderstanding that could be easily cleared up by everyone just not being an idiot. These are the type of episodes where everyone talks over each other and runs off before they can get a full explanation of what’s happening. They are frustrating to watch.

This episode of The Love Boat has not just one idiot plot but several of them. I usually love this show but this episode made me cringe from start to finish.

Consider:

Oilman Mason Fleers (Dale Robertson) has chartered the boat for his company. He is not only giving everyone a free cruise but he hopes that he’ll be able to sign a big oil deal with Prince Hassan (Pat Harrington, Jr.), who is excited to see the ocean because “my country is covered in sand.” Mason has arranged for the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders (playing themselves) to provide entertainment. Even though the cheerleaders were on the ship last season, everyone acts as if this is the first time they’ve ever seen them. Doc Bricker is especially excited to see them, even though it’s debatable that a glamorous NFL cheerleader from a land-locked city would ever fall for a middle-aged guy who works on a boat for a living.

Prince Hassan boards the boat looking for a new wife. (He already has several but he specifically wants an American.) When Mason’s assistant, Ted (David Cassidy, with a rather unflattering mustache), attempts to give Prince Hassan the gift of a computerized chess game, Prince Hassan thinks that Ted is actually giving him Ted’s girlfriend, Janet (Janet Gunn). Prince Hassan thinks that Janet will be his new wife and he immediately makes plans for the marriage ceremony to take place on the boat. Ted, Captain Stubing, and Janet could clear all this up by telling Prince Hassan the truth but instead, they just try to hide Janet from him. And then Ted decides that maybe he could win Janet back from the Prince.

One word for all of this: Idiot.

Mason, for his part, falls for one of the cheerleaders (Jayne Ann Maxwell), and pressures her to spend time along with him. Jayne reacts to this by randomly declaring her love for Gopher. Gopher plays along so Mason decides to get revenge by walking up behind Gopher, surprising Gopher, and then collapsing to the deck and pretending that Gopher knocked him out. Gopher is suspended from his duties while the cruise line investigates. There were plenty of people on the deck at the time but no one steps forward to say that Mason clearly faked getting hit. Or maybe someone could point out that Mason has spent the entire cruise harassing a cheerleader who is not interested in him. But no one does. Why?

Because this is an idiot plot.

Walter Henson (Al Corley) was planning on spending his honeymoon on the cruise but then he found out his wife-to-be cheated on him. He left her at the altar. He still takes the cruise but he brings his brother, Hud (Mark Pinter), with him. When Doc, Isaac, and Gopher learn that Hud and Walter are both in the honeymoon suite, they assume that they’re a couple and, because this episode is 44 years old, start giving each other funny looks. It doesn’t occur to anyone that Walter and Hud might have the same last name because they’re related. When Hud falls for a cheerleader, he continually makes excuses to keep her from finding out that he’s traveling with his brother. Why?

IDIOT PLOT!

Major Ross Latham (Robert Culp) boards the boat with his shy and modest wife, Nara (Nobu McCarthy). Surprise! Gloria Beaumont (Jo Ann Pflug) is also on the boat. She and the major are old friends and soon, they’re spending all of their time together. Julie and Vicki assume that Gloria is trying to steal Ross away from Nara. Nara doesn’t suspect a thing.

Idiot. Plot.

Needless to say, everything work out in the end but this episode leaned way too heavily on everyone being an idiot. The Love Boat should be entertaining, not frustrating. This was one of those episodes that just left me wanting to jump overboard.

Vault Hunters rejoice!? The Borderlands trailer is here!

Posted on February 21, 2024 by Leonard Wilson

It looks like everyone’s favorite Vault Hunters are taking Pandora by storm in Eli Roth’s trailer for the Borderlands movie. I’m a little biased on this one. Gearbox (the makers of the Borderlands game) once came under fire for supposedly using the funding Sega gave them to make an Aliens game to push Borderlands 2. Sega was left with the terrible Aliens: Colonel Marines. We may forgive, but we haven’t forgotten.

Still, it looks like we have 4 adventures in search of a great treasure while trying to fend off all the dangers in a wasteland. Cate Blanchett (Tár) plays Lilith, with a mix of gunplay and hopefully elemental abilities. Claptrap (Jack Black, Kung Fu Panda 4) is in the mix along with Tiny Tina (Ariana Greenblatt, Barbie) and Kevin Hart (Jumanji) as Roland. I’m kind of curious about what Eli Roth (Thanksgiving) has up his sleeve here, but it definitely feels like they’re dipping in the Guardians of the Galaxy marketing style.

4 Shots From 4 Sam Peckinpah Films

Posted on February 21, 2024 by Jedadiah Leland

4 Or More Shots From 4 Or More Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking!

Today would have been Sam Peckinpah’s 99th birthday. During his time, there was no greater hellraiser in Hollywood so here are 4 shots from 4 of my favorite Peckinpah films.

4 Shots From 4 Sam Peckinpah Films

Ride the High Country (1962, directed by Sam Peckinpah, Cinematography by Lucien Ballard)

The Wild Bunch (1969, directed by Sam Peckinpah, Cinematography by Lucien Ballard)

Straw Dogs (1971, directed by Sam Peckinpah, Cinematography by John Coquillon)

Pat Garrett and Billy The Kid (1973, directed by Sam Peckinpah, cinematograph by John Coquillon)

Scenes That I Love: Kelsey Grammer in Money Plane

Posted on February 21, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today is Kesley Grammer’s 69th birthday. In order to celebrate this event, here are three scenes from one of my favorite films, 2020’s Money Plane!

All of these scenes are short. They only last a handful of seconds. But all of them also feature Kelsey Grammer bringing the film to life as only he can.