Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, an important question is finally answered!

Episode 3.25 “Celebration/Captain Papa/Honeymoon Pressure”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on March 29th, 1980)

Ever since Vicki first came aboard the ship, I have been wondering how exactly a 12 year-old can live (and apparently work) on an ocean liner.  One of my main questions has concerned how she is getting an education while sailing back and forth to Mexico.

With this episode, I finally got my answer.  When social worker Susan Stoddard (Lois Nettleton) boards the ship to decide whether or not to recommend that the Captain be given custody of Vicki, one of the first question that she asks is about school.

“Chief Petty Officer Dooley has a master’s in education,” Stubing replies, before saying that this never-before-mentioned character served as Vicki’s tutor.

Well, I’m glad that’s been cleared up.  Still, it is interesting that we’ve never before seen or even heard of this Dooley character.  We don’t even see Dooley in this episode.  You would think the social worker would want to talk to the person who is in charge of Vicki’s education.  Instead, Susan sees the rest of the crew, all of whom try to be on their best behavior in order to convince her that the Love Boat is not the floating HR nightmare that we all know it is.

(Still, at least the crew tried.  I’m surprised Doctor Bricker didn’t just try to sleep with her or something….)

This would be a really depressing episode of the Captain wasn’t awarded custody.  Luckily, Susan is so impressed by the crew that she says she will definitely file a positive report.  As she put it, Vicki not only has one wonderful parent.  She has “Five wonderful parents!”  Let’s see — Stubing, Julie, Gopher, Isaac, Doc …. yep, that’s five.  I’m sure Chief Petty Officer Dooley appreciates being left out of the group.

Isaac has more to worry about than just Captain Stubing’s situation.  Isaac is convinced that an old man named Gordon (Noah Beery, Jr.) is bank robber!  Gordon, who works as a bank guard at the port, is sailing on the Love Boat with his wife of 30 years, Betty (Alice Faye).  Gordon is spending a lot of money.  Isaac worries that Gordon stole the money but actually, it turns out that Gordon is just spending his life savings because his wife is in poor health and he wants to make sure that she has a wonderful vacation.  Unfortunately, Gordon spends too much on a diamond ring.  His wife, realizing what Gordon has done, secretly exchanges the ring for a cheaper one and tells her husband that she doesn’t need a life of luxury.  She just needs him.  Awwwwwww!  What a sweet old couple.

Finally, there are two real criminals on the boat.  Ralph (Norman Alden) and Ben (Richard Bakalyan) are two mob enforces who have been sent to accompany the boss’s daughter (Eve Plumb) on her honeymoon with her un-connected husband, Mark (Sal Viscuso).  Ralph and Ben’s presence makes Mark so uncomfortable that he can’t even consummate his marriage.  Ralph and Ben try to make things romantic for the couple.  Eventually, Doc Bricker tells the gangsters that Mark has a fictional disease, which causes Ralph and Ben to back off.  The married couple finally gets to celebrate their honeymoon.  But Mark still married into a mafia family so he’ll probably be machine-gunned as soon as he steps off the boat.

With the exception of the stupid Mafia story, this was a sweet episode.  I’m glad things worked out for the old couple and for Vicki and the Captain.  The Love Boat is not really a show that you watch for the acting but Gavin MacLeod’s natural sincerity always served him well whenever the show focused on his role as Vicki’s father.  Plus, I no longer have to worry about whether or not Vicki is going to have more than a sixth grade education.  So that’s a good thing.