Last Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 1.7 “The Legacy”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991.  The entire show is streaming on Tubi.

Tonight’s episode of Monsters is …. surprisingly good!

Episode 1.7 “The Legacy”

(Directed by Jeffrey Wolf, originally aired on December 3rd, 1988)

Dale (David Brisbin) is a film teacher and a writer who is hoping to make his name and reputation by writing the authoritative biography of actor Fulton Pierce.  Pierce was silent film horror actor who, much like Lon Chaney Sr, was noted for his ability to physically transform himself into the monsters that he was playing.  Dale not only wants to write about the events of Pierce’s life but he also wants to explain how Pierce was able to play so many different monsters.

In order to get into Pierce’s mind, Dale moves into Pierce’s former home.  When Dale comes across Pierce’s old makeup box, he is convinced that he’s finally found the secret of Pierce’s success.  When he opens the makeup box and looks at the mirror within, he seems not his face but instead the face of some of Pierce’s most fearsome characters, including a disfigured monster and a cackling mad scientist.

For the record, the mirror apparitions are inspired by The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari, Thomas Edison’s Frankenstein, Phantom of the Opera, and maybe London after Midnight.

Dale’s girlfriend, a model named Debbie (Lara Harris), fears that Dale is wasting his time on a book that no one is going to care about.  When she drops by the house and discovers that Dale hasn’t even been able to come up with an opening line for his masterpiece, she gives him an ultimatum.  He can either spend the rest of his life trying to write his book or he can marry her but she’s not going to wait forever.  She tells him to “Make up your mind!” Dale latches onto the phrase “Make up your mind!,” shouting that he now knows how Fulton Pierce pulled off his amazing transformations.

I was pretty much wearing the same outfit when I watched this episode.

At first Debbie thinks that she has made a real break-through with Dale but later, that night, she wakes up to find Dale standing in front of a mirror and staggering around like one of Fulton Pierce’s monsters.  She also discovers that the first chapter of the book is just the phrase Make Up Your Mind written over and over again.  Has Dale’s obsession led him to madness or has he truly been possessed by the spirit of Fulton Pierce?

Someone’s losing it.

This episode of Monsters was based on a short story by Robert Bloch and certainly, the plot is more intriguing than any of the stories that preceded it.  How exactly does an actor become a character and, more importantly, can you play a monster without becoming one yourself?  Can one enter the mind of a madman without becoming mad themselves?  (One wonders if Bloch, who was reportedly very much a no-nonsense personality, was satirizing the excesses of method acting.)  Though the episode is only 21 minutes long, the story doesn’t feel rushed and the deliberate pace helps to create a properly ominous atmosphere.  Add in two strong performances from David Brisbin and Lara Harris and you have the best episode of Monsters so far.

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 3.16 “Making the Grade/The Gift/Doc’s ‘Ex’ Change”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, Doc Bricker gets his moment in the spotlight.

Episode 3.16 “Making The Grade/The Gift/Doc’s “Ex” Change

(Dir by Gordon Farr, originally aired on December 15th, 1979)

Since the very first episode of The Love Boat, viewers have continually been told that Doctor Adam Bricker is a notorious swinger, a lothario was has been married numerous times and to whom almost every woman is immediately attracted.  There’s really not much about Bernie Kopell’s likable but rather mild-mannered performance as Doc that would lead anyone to think that any of that would be true but the show insists that Dr. Bricker is a legend of the high seas.

On this week’s episode, Doc’s most recent wife, Samantha (Juliet Prowse), boards the ship.  She and Doc split up a few years ago and they have a friendly relationship.  However, when Samantha informs Doc that her crooked lawyer never actually filed their divorce papers, Doc realizes that they are technically still married!  Will they get a quickie divorce in Mexico (which is Doc’s first idea) or will the give marriage another try?  (That’s Doc’s second idea.)  In the end, they realize that they are just too different to make a marriage work.  Samantha is smart and practical, while Doc is …. well, actually, Doc is the exact same way.  Doc insists that he and Samantha don’t have much in common but actually, they have a lot in common.  I think Doc is kind of fooling himself into thinking that he’s more of an impulsive wild man than he really is.  Anyway, at the end of the cruise, they decide to get divorced but at least they still like each other.  Doc never quit gets his heart broken like the rest of the cast does.  I guess that’s why he’s a legend.

Meanwhile, Vicki finally gets someone her own age to hang out with when Danny Harris (Johnny Timko) boards with his mother, Madeline (Jessica Walter).  Unfortunately, Danny is also kind of a spoiled brat and he’s really not happy when he discovers that his teacher, John Hurley (Dick Gautier), is also on board.  And then Danny is even more upset when John starts to romance Madeline.  And really, Danny has a point.  No one wants to see their teacher (or their boss) while they are on vacation.  And seriously, no one wants to deal with the idea of their teacher (or, again, their boss) suddenly becoming their stepfather.  That said, Danny eventually makes peace with the idea of his mom dating his teacher and everyone leaves the boat happy.

The final storyline features one of those plots that drives me crazy, because it could have easily been resolved by everyone not acting like an idiot.  Buddy Redmond (Red Buttons) boards the boat with his wife, Joan (Kaye Ballard).  Buddy claims that it’s been years since he last gambled but actually, he’s lying.  He has $2,000 in his suit pocket, money that he got from his bookie.  Joan doesn’t know about it.  When Joan hears that two other passengers, Benny Carter (frequent Love Boat guest star Sonny Bono) and Sally (Ronee Blakely), have lost their luggage, she donates Buddy’s jacket so that Benny will have something to wear at dinner.  When the envelope containing the money falls out of the jacket, Benny and Sally think that all of their financial problems have been solved.  Meanwhile, Buddy desperately wants to get back both the jacket and the money but he doesn’t want his wife to find out why.  Meanwhile, Benny and Sally need the money but they don’t want to steal it if it actually did fall out the jacket so they try to convince themselves that the envelope could have been left in their cabin by a previous passenger who is no longer on the boat.  Seriously, it’s exhausting to try to keep up with these people.  Fortunately, once Buddy discovers that Benny and Sally really need the money, he lets them keep it.  Joan is so touched that she totally forgets about the fact that her husband is apparently still a degenerate gambler.

Even by Love Boat standards, this was a silly episode.  At the same time, it was a pleasant diversion.  Juliet Prowse and Bernie Kopell made a nice couple, even if you never quite bought the idea of Doc being a playboy.  Red Buttons wisely underplayed his role and therefore, Buddy remained sympathetic even while demanding the return of his jacket.  Even Sonny Bono and Ronee Blakely were likable as a nice couple who found themselves in over their heads.  This cruise was silly but pleasant.

Film Review: The Killer (dir by David Fincher)


The Killer open with the film’s title character (played by Michael Fassbender) in an abandoned office in Paris.

He spends every day sitting in front of a window, watching the the luxury hotel across the street from him.  As is evident from the film’s title and the character’s voice-over narration, the man is a professional killer.  Sometimes, he kills up close-and-personal.  Sometimes, he kills in a way that makes the death look like it occurred naturally.  In Paris, he’s just waiting in an abandoned WeWork office with a sniper rifle.  The Killer informs us that a good deal of his time is spent waiting and getting bored.  Sometimes, he passes the time by listening to the Smiths.  Sometimes, he takes a moment or two to glance at all of the “normies” living their lives with no idea about what’s happening in the otherwise empty office above their heads.  The Killer spends a lot of time thinking about his philosophy of life and how that effects the way he does his job.  Through his voice-over narration, he talks about the huge amount of people in the world.  He talks about how an assassin should never improvise and how an assassin should never allow any feelings of empathy for other people.

That may sound like the beginning of a rather grim movie and certainly, there have been a lot of recent assassin films that have taken themselves way too seriously.  Indeed, when the movie started with the Killer going on and on and on about how he prepares for a job, I started to have unwelcome flashbacks to Andrew Dominik’s mind-numbingly pretentious Killing Them Softly.  (Really, I can only assume that everyone who was shocked by the mean-spirited ugliness of Blonde must have previously blocked Killing Them Softly from their memory.)

I need not have worried.  Fortunately, The Killer is directed by David Fincher and Fincher is far too clever a director to take any the character’s nonsense seriously.  The Killer may be obsessed with his inner monologue but Fincher clearly is not.  From the start, Fincher pokes fun at the Killer’s self-importance by having him do things like use the names of sitcom characters whenever he has to buy a plane ticket.  More often than not, the Killer’s narration is interrupted by someone proving that, despite what he may believe, the Killer does not have complete control over every situation.  All of the character’s philosophizing is ultimately his way of denying that, just like the people that he is hired to kill, he is also subject to the whims of fate.

For instance, in Paris, the job gets botched.  The Killer does not kill his target and, when he calls his handler (Charles Parnell), he’s informed that there probably will be consequences for his failure.  When the Killer returns to his home in South America, he discovers that his girlfriend has been assaulted and left near death by two other assassins.  The Killer heads to America, to confront the people that he holds responsible.  Some of those people are professionals who have offices and who live in the suburbs.  Some of them live on the fringes of society.  But all of them, like the Killer, exist in a shadowy and amoral world that makes sense to only them and which is invisible to most of the people around them.

It’s a revenge plot, the type that has been popular for decades.  (Indeed, one could easily imagine The Killer being made in the 70s with Charles Bronson playing the title role.)  The story may not be unique but the action plays out with Fincher’s signature visual style and a welcome amount of wit.  The Killer travels from Paris to South America to New Orleans to Florida to New York and eventually Chicago and each location has its own unique feel.  As always, Fincher has a terrific eye for detail and this film is at its strongest when it captures the feel of everyone else’s life going forward while The Killer remains focused on his mission.  Even the worst characters are allowed moments that humanize them.  Meanwhile, The Killer is so coldly determined that he often becomes as frightening as the people that he is pursuing.

The film is dominated by Fassbender, who is in every scene and who brings a feral intensity to the character.  The Killer may have a friendly smile but the viewer only has to look at his eyes to see just how shut off from any sort of human warmth that he actually is.  (Indeed, the Killer only seems to genuinely care about his girlfriend and, even then, we don’t learn much about his relationship with her.)  Over the course of the film, Fassbender shares scenes with Tilda Swinton, Charles Parnell, Arliss Howard, and an actress named Kerry O’Malley, who gives a sympathetic performance as a secretary who knows too much.  Everyone makes a strong impression, bringing the world of The Killer to life.

The Killer can be viewed on Netflix.  It’s a triumphant exercise in pure style.

Music Video of the Day: Sussudio by Phil Collins (1985, directed by Jim Yukich)


The music video for Sussudio was filmed at The Princess Victoria, a London pub that, at the time, was owned by Richard Branson.

This video was directed by Jim Yukich, a frequent Collins collaborator who has basically directed videos for everyone who was anybody in the music business.

Enjoy!