As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in a few weekly live tweets on twitter. I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of #MondayActionMovie! Every week, we get together. We watch a movie. We tweet our way through it.
Tonight, for #ScarySocial, Tim Buntley will be hosting 2020’s Blood Vessel!
If you want to join us on Saturday night, just hop onto twitter, start the film at 9 pm et, and use the #ScarySocial hashtag! The film is available on Prime. I’ll probably be there and I imagine some other members of the TSL Crew will be there as well. It’s a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.
Don’t Look Down was the first single off of Out of the Cradle, Lindsey Buckingham’s first solo album after leaving Fleetwood Mac for the first time. Buckingham’s tour to support the release of Out of the Cradle was also his first tour as a solo artist.
The accompanying music video takes a documentary approach, with clips of Buckingham and his band on tour. The main theme of the video seems to be that Lindsey was much happier touring with his own band and doing his own thing than having to deal with another round of drama with the members of Fleetwood Mac. Who can blame him?
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing The Master, which ran on NBC from January to August of 1984. The show can be found on Tubi!
This week, the action moves off the mainland!
Episode 1.10 “The Java Tiger”
(Dir by Bruce Kessler, originally aired on April 13th, 1984)
Max and McAllister go to Hawaii!
I have to admit that I was really excited about this episode, precisely because it did feature Max and McAllister heading to Hawaii. I love Hawaii. Some of my favorite memories come from the summer that me, my sisters and our mom spent in Hawaii. It doesn’t matter how bad a show or a movie may sound, I’ll give it a chance if it features the promise of Hawaii.
Unfortunately, this episode of The Master never really takes advantage of the beauty of the islands. In fact, other than for a few generic shots of Honolulu, it appears that this episode was filmed in California. About the only thing that says Hawaii about this episode are the shirts worn by the bad guys and the lei hanging around Max’s neck when he and McAllister check into their hotel.
Max and McAllister are in Hawaii because McAllister has received a letter from an old friend of his, a private investigator/treasure hunter named Leo Fairchild (Dick O’Neill). Just as with last week, one has to wonder how McAllister got the letter when he doesn’t have a fixed address and he’s supposedly been laying low in America to avoid getting track down by the ninjas who want him dead. As well, how does McAllister have all of these old friends in the United States and how do they all know that he’s a ninja? When the series started, the whole idea was that McAllister had been Japan since the end of World War II and that he had spent the majority of that time either being trained or training others. And yet, as of last week’s episode, McAllister is now suddenly a minor celebrity.
When Max and McAllister arrive in Japan, they meet Leo’s daughter, Shelly (Cynthia Cypert). Shelly tells Max and McAllister that her father was killed while searching for the location of a priceless statue, the fabled Java Tiger. Leo, she explains, was the only person in Hawaii to have a map leading to the tiger’s location. However, whoever killed Leo, stole half of the map. Now, if she’s going to fulfill her father’s dream, she needs to get that half of the map back. She’s pretty sure that Kruger (Kabir Bedi), a notorious and greedy practitioner of the martial arts, has the missing half. So, once again, it’s time for McAllister to put on his black uniform and break into a compound with Max! When things don’t go as well as Max and McAllister might have hoped, they’re saved by an old friend of McAllister’s….
As you may have guessed, Leo isn’t actually dead. He faked his own death so that McAllister would agree to help him find the Java Tiger. As Leo explains it, he needs McAllister to enter the cave where the Tiger is hidden because the cave is full of booby traps and McAllister, being a ninja, is the only man alive who can dodge falling rocks and darts. And, of course, time is of the essence because the cave is on an island that is also home to a volcano that is about to erupt.
This is what the volcano looks like:
To be honest, there’s something oddly charming about how fake the volcano looks. I was pretty annoyed that the episode didn’t have any pretty shot of Hawaii but, as soon as I saw that miniature, plaster volcano spewing smoke, I couldn’t help but smile.
McAllister, Max, Leo, and Shelly arrive at the island with Kruger’s men closely behind. With the volcano erupting all around them, they find the cave and eventually McAllister grabs the Java Tiger. But, when it appears that Kruger might be killed by a booby trap, McAllister drops the statue and saves the life of his enemy because McAllister is a man of honor. As a result, no one gets the tiger but McAllister stays true to his ideals.
To be honest, this episode was so silly that it was almost charming. Unfortunately, the usually reliable character actor Dick O’Neill gives an annoyingly mannered performance as Leo Fairchild, hamming it up and chewing every piece of scenery in sight. Leo is one of those characters who never stops talking and it’s hard not to get annoyed both the character and the actor playing him. In fact, so much time is devoted to Leo talking and talking that the episode almost feels like a pilot for a Leo Fairchild show. Who knows? Maybe it was. All I know is that the episode needed more Hawaii and less Leo.
This was a underwhelming week for The Master. There’s only three episodes left and Max and McAllister don’t seem to be any closer to finding Teri than when they started. Get to work, guys! You’re running out of time!
As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in a few weekly live tweets on twitter and I hope to continue to be until the site finally becomes unusable. (It’s going to happen eventually so enjoy it while you can!) I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of #MondayActionMovie! Every week, we get together. We watch a movie. We tweet our way through it.
Tonight, at 10 pm et, #FridayNightFlix has got 1986’s The Wraith! This film stars Charlie Sheen, Sherilyn Fenn, Nick Cassavetes, Randy Quaid, and Clint Howard! Remember …. “if you lose the race, you lose your car!”
If you want to join us this Friday, just hop onto twitter, start the movie at 10 pm et, and use the #FridayNightFlix hashtag! It’s a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.
The Wraith is available on Prime and Tubi! See you there!
We Care A Lot, written as a parody of benefit concerts like Live Aid, was the first Faith No More Song to have an accompanying music video and it is also the band’s second-most popular song, right after Epic. What the bands cares a lot about depends on which version of the song that you hear as We Care A Lot is frequently re-written to keep the lyrics updated and topical. Over the years, Faith No More has cared a lot about Madonna, Mr. T, the LAPD, the money that Live Aid made, Transformers, and the Garbage Pail Kids.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing City Guys, which ran on NBC from 1997 to 2001. Almost the entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!
This week, it’s a trip to the rec center with a stop off at the Manhattan Diner. There’s only a few more episodes left and this show cannot end soon enough.
Episode 5.13 “Weight on Jamal”
(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on October 27th, 2001)
Here’s the plot description, according to Wikipedia:
Jamal wants to get into USC, but his coach tells him that he isn’t in shape enough to be considered for the team. He starts working out and is offered steroids at the health club. Meanwhile Dawn, Cassidy, Chris and Al have to deal with a cruel pottery teacher. Ms. Hotz scares the students and they eventually fight back. She reveals that she is only mean because most people take her class due to her sexy looks.
Seriously, the pottery teacher is named Ms. Hotz? Considering that L-Train apparently didn’t take the pottery class, I’m going to guess that he was busy convincing Jamal to give up the steroids. Since when has Jamal wanted to go to USC? Plus, didn’t he already get a baseball scholarship?
Eh, who cares? I’m glad this episode isn’t on YouTube.
Episode 5.14 “Basket Case”
(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on October 27th, 2001)
God, this episode is stupid.
Jamal’s father is out-of-town and he’s left Jamal with a big responsibility. Jamal has to run the diner, hire some new waitresses, and impress a food critic. Here’s my problem with this. Why is the food critic wasting her time with a generic hamburger place that seems to be exclusively used by the students of Manny High? With all the restaurants in New York, why review that one? As well, how irresponsible and stupid is Jamal’s father to leave Jamal in charge of the diner when something this important is about to happen? When has Jamal ever shown that he can handle that type of responsibility?
Anyway, to the surprise of no one, Jamal screws everything up, misidentifies a friend of Ms. Noble’s as the food critics, and can only watch in horror as the actual food critics leaves in a huff due to not even getting a glass of water while waiting for someone to take her order. Desperate to get the food critic to give the diner a second chance, Chris calls the food critic and pretends to be Jamal’s father. (It’s just as cringey as it sounds as Chris lowers his voice and laughs heartily at his own jokes.) The food critics agrees to give them a second chance. As soon as Chris hangs up, Ms. Noble wanders by and informs Chris, Jamal, and Cassidy that the food critic is in her tango class and that she loves to dance.
This leads to perhaps the stupidest moment ever in the history of this show and that’s saying something.
The food critic returns to the diner. She has a bowl of soup as Jamal and Cassidy watch. She tells them that the diner’s food is some of the best that she had ever had. Now, at this point, Jamal and Cassidy should be happy because the food critic has just told them that she loves the food. There’s no need to do anything else, right? Instead of just taking the victory when they can, they decide bring out “the chef.” The chef turns out to be Chris, wearing a fake mustache. Chris says that he loves to tango and then spins the food critic right out of the diner. WHY!? SHE WAS ALREADY GIVING THE PLACE A GOOD REVIEW! HOW STUPID ARE THESE PEOPLE!? Anyway, Ms. Noble then enters the diner and says that actually, the food critic was not in her tango class but in her Bible study class. WHAT!?
Anyway, the food critic still gives the diner a good review. She recommends that anyone who likes to tango ask for the chef. Except, of course, Chris isn’t actually the chef so anyone who asks is going to be massively disappointed.
GOD, THAT WAS STUPID! And it was only the B-plot!
The A-plot dealt with a rec center, which we’ve never seen before despite the fact that everyone on the show acts as if it’s a huge part of their lives. Dawn has a crush on the 50 year-old head of the center and when he says that the Rec Center may have to close down due to lack of money, Dawn decides to hold a fund raiser. Her plans involves a basketball shoot out and apparently, it’s imperative that both L-Train and his new girlfriend, Kianna, compete. (I’m not sure why.) However, L-Train worries that competing against his girlfriend will lead to them breaking up. Kianna reluctantly agrees not to take part in the shoot out but then, at the last minute, L-Train realizes he’s being a jerk and asks her to compete. And, of course, she wins.
Why did L-Train have a change of heart? I have no idea but the important thing is that the Rec Center stays open.
This was a dumb episode, all-around. Graduation cannot come soon enough!
Today’s scene that I love features Harrison Ford in one of his more unexpected roles. In Francis Ford Coppola’s Apocalypse Now, he played one of the three men who ordered Martin Sheen to go upriver and assassinate Marlon Brando. It’s a small role, especially when one considers that Ford had appeared as Han Solo just two years before. Given the lengthy shooting of Apocalypse Now, there’s some debate as to whether Ford was actually cast in the role before he was selected for Star Wars. Giving credence to that theory is that Ford played a similar role for director Francis Ford Coppola in The Conversation. However, it’s hard not to notice that Ford plays Col. G. Lucas, which would suggest that his casting was a bit of an inside joke. Speaking of inside jokes, G.D. Spradlin plays General R. Corman, no doubt named for the man who gave Coppola his start in the business.
(Interesting enough, both Spradlin and Corman played U.S. Senators in The Godfather Part II.)
In this scene, Ford shows off the nerdy intensity that was actually kind of his acting trademark before Star Wars changed his screen persona. This scene, along with his work in The Conversation, serves as a reminder that Harrison Ford is a pretty good character actor along with being one of the last great movie stars.
Through the Shattered Lens 