Can’t Turn Back The Years is found on Phil Collins’s fifth solo studio album, Both Sides. Like much of Collins’s output, Both Sides received lukewarm reviews when it was initially released but it has since been reevaluated.
The music video was directed by Jim Yukich, who is one of those directors who seems to have directed a video for everyone. If you have ever had a hit song or top-selling album, Jim Yukich probably directed a music video for you. He directed a lot of videos for both Genesis and Phil Collins as a solo act. But Yukich also directed videos for everyone from Iron Maiden to David Bowie, Michael Jackson, Huey Lewis, David Hasselhoff, and Debbie Gibson.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
This week, Tattoo is nice and Mr. Roarke is understandably suspicious.
Episode 3.2 “Goose For The Gander/Stuntman”
(Dir by Cliff Bole, originally aired on September 14th, 1979)
This episode opens with Tattoo being very nice and polite to Mr. Roarke and asking if there is anything that he can do to help Roarke as they head out to meet the plane. It says a lot about how much Roarke hates his assistant that Roarke’s immediate reaction is to suspect that Tattoo has done something wrong and is trying to escape being punished as a result. By the end of the episode, Roarke learns that Tattoo is freaking out because Tattoo saw a classified ad announcing that Roarke was looking for a new “assistant manager,” and Tattoo feared he was going to be fired. Mr. Roarke has a good laugh over that. Roarke enjoys anything that makes Tattoo’s life miserable.
As for the fantasies, this is another week where we get one silly fantasy and one serious fantasy.
The silly fantasy involves Marjorie Gibbs (Doris Roberts), who owns a truck stop in Arizona. A new highway is being put in and all of Marjorie is going to have to relocate her diner. Unfortunately, that is going to cost money that Marjorie does not have. All of Marjorie’s customers tipped in and raised enough money to send Marjorie to Fantasy Island so that she can compete in a cooking contest and win a huge cash prize.
Can Marjorie win the contest? It’s not going to be easy, as one of her competitors is a sneaky French chef (Vito Scotti) and the judge (Hans Conried) is one of those food snobs. Fortunately, Marjorie strikes up a friendship with another diner owner, Joe Lange (Abe Vigoda). Joe supports Marjorie and helps her to win, even after the French chef steals one of Marjorie’s recipes! They also fall in love and save a goose from becoming a meal. Awwwwww! This was a silly but sweet fantasy. Doris Roberts and Abe Vigoda made for a good comedic team.
As for the serious fantasy, it’s all about stunts. Retired stuntman Peter Rawlings (Dale Robertson) comes to the island with his wife, Norma (Dana Wynter). Norma thinks this is just a normal vacation but Peter actually wants to come to the island because his son, Bill (Grant Goodeve), is the stunt coordination for a film that is shooting there. Bill has lived his whole life in his father’s shadow and Peter fears that Bill’s desire to pull off the biggest stunt of all time will lead to his death. Peter also discovers that Bill’s insecurity has led to him becoming a tyrant on the set. In fact, as soon as Peter shows up, Bill is fired and Peter is named the new stunt coordinator. Can father and son set aside their differences and pull off a truly spectacular stunt?
Of course they can. This is Fantasy Island.
This was one of those episodes that pretty much succeeded on the charm of the cast alone. Neither one of the fantasies was particularly interesting. We were told that Marjorie and Joe’s food was the best but, since we couldn’t taste it, we had no way of knowing for sure. And the big stunt really didn’t look all that special. But Doris Roberts, Dale Robertson, and Abe Vigoda all gave charming performances so, in the end, I was happy everything worked out.
Next week: Tattoo gets a fantasy! Roarke better watch out!
Gloria was the second single to be released off of U2’s second album, October. It was one of their lowest-charting early singles but the music video for the song was also the first U2 music video to receive heavy airplay on MTV. Given U2’s later reputation, its interesting to see how straight-forward and unpretentious their early videos could be.
This video was filmed in October 1981 on a barge in Grand Canal Dock in Dublin near Windmill Lane. Director Meiert Avis has worked with just about everyone. If your band was popular, Meiert Avis probably directed at least one video for you.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Hang Time, which ran on NBC from 1995 to 2000. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!
This week, Julie dates an older guy and Eugene goes …. EXTREME!
Episode 5.3 “Beer Pressure”
(Dir by Miguel Higuera, originally aired on October 2nd, 1999)
Julie’s dating an older guy! (Actually, given that Julie’s been in high school for six years now, he might not actually be that much older.) Brian (Jason Hayes) is handsome, charming, and he owns his own company. He drives a Ferrari and he even scores backstage passes to the Alanis Morrissette concert. In fact, that only thing wrong with Brian is that 1) he encourages Julie to stay out late and 2) he drinks. Despite knowing that Brian has had a few too many beers, Julie goes for a ride with him. One car crash later and Julie’s arm is in a sling and the Tornadoes are having to win without her!
(“Is the Ferrari okay?” Mary Beth asks upon seeing Julie’s sling. I will admit that I laughed out loud at this line. Megan Parlen had the best comedic timing of anyone on the show.)
Fear not, the Tornadoes do win their first game of the season. They win by one basket, of course. For a legendary team, the Tornadoes hardly ever seem to actually blow the other team out. But a win is a win. Michael is not only happy to get the win but he’s also happy that, due to the accident, Julie has broken up with Brian. Michael’s decided he wants to date Julie again, despite the fact that Julie previously broke his heart by dumping him for no good reason.
Meanwhile, Antonio is now renting an apartment. His landlord is Coach K. Though Coach K is not happy after he’s attacked by a swarm of bees that were angered by Antonio’s decision to knock down their hive, he is touched when Antonio says that everyone has made him feel so welcome in his new state. That’s good and all but I’m still confused as to how Antonio, a minor, was able to just move from Texas to Indiana on a whim. The charismatic and likable Jay Hernandez is a welcome addition to the cast but it still doesn’t make any sense for Antonio to be there.
This episode felt oddly familiar. At first, I was sure that Julie had already dated an older man but then I realized that I was thinking about the Raise the Roofies episode of City Guys. It’s difficult to keep all of these Peter Engel-produced shows straight. That said, I appreciated the anti-drinking and driving message and both Megan Parlen and Amber Barretto continued to show their skill at getting laughs from even the most predictable of lines. This was not a bad episode, even if it does seem like Julie should have graduated from college by now.
Episode 5.4 “Extreme Eugene”
(Dir by Miguel Higuera, originally aired on October 9th, 1999)
Eugene is finally a starter but he’s struggling to balance his love of skateboarding with his love of basketball. After Eugene injures his shoulder at a skateboarding competition, Coach K announces that all the members of team are going to have to sign a contract promising not to do anything dangerous — like skateboarding — during the season. Eugene reluctantly signs the contract but, immediately afterwards, he asks Coach K if he can go to a skateboarding competition. Coach K says no. Eugene quits the team.
Everyone gets angry, telling Eugene that he made a commitment to the team and that he signed the contract. Here’s the thing, though. The contract is unfair and Eugene has every right to be upset over it. The only reason he signed it was because Michael and Julie pressured him to do so. Even though Eugene may have bruised up his shoulder at the skateboarding competition, he still came in second. A national skateboarding magazine wants to do an interview with him and put him on the cover. Eugene obviously has a much more viable future as a skater than as a basketball player. So, seriously, screw the team. If the team is so weak that not having Eugene on the court is going to cause them to lose, they probably weren’t very strong to begin with.
(Personally, I suspect Julie was just jealous at the idea of someone other than her appearing on the cover of a magazine. If Julie had been a skateboarder, you can be sure the entire team would have shown up to support her.)
That said, Eugene eventually meets his idol, Biker Sherlock. Considering how stiffly he delivered his dialogue, I’m guessing Biker must have been a real athlete. Anyway, Biker tells Eugene that he should honor his commitment to his team. That’s all it takes for Eugene to see things differently and return to the team, announcing that he is going to give up skateboarding until the season’s over. What a wuss.
Meanwhile, Kristy has arranged for her parents to finally meet Antonio at the mall. However, outside the mall, Antonio and Kristy’s father get into an argument over a parking space without either realizing who the other one is. (Wait, this seems familiar….) So, Kristy grabs Eugene and tells her parents that Eugene is Antonio. (Yes, it’s as stupid as it sounds. It was stupid when City Guys did it too.) Eugene tries to speak in an offensively thick Mexican accent. Cringe!
Later, Kristy’s mother spots Eugene kissing his girlfriend. Kristy’s mother then tells Julie that “Antonio” is a cheater and then Julie tells Kristy and Mary Beth. Marty Beth announces that “El Paso means The Cheater.” Kristy accuses Antonio of cheating on her but then Antonio says that he didn’t and Kristy immediately realizes that he’s telling the truth. Awwwww! They’re so sweet together.
This was a dumb episode. Eugene should have ripped that contract into little pieces. Instead, he gave in and gave up his dreams and now, I will never respect him. For all the talk of what Eugene owed the team, the team never seemed to give much thought to what they owed him.
Next week, a college recruiter might be interested in giving Michael a better future so, of course, Julie makes it all about her.
As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in hosting a few weekly live tweets on twitter and occasion ally Mastodon. I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of Mastodon’s #MondayActionMovie! Every week, we get together. We watch a movie. We snark our way through it.
Tonight, for #MondayActionMovie, the film will be 1991’s Tiger Claws! Selected and hosted by Rev. Magdalen, this movie features Cynthia Rothrock! So, you know it has to be good!
Following #MondayActionMovie, Brad and Sierra will be hosting the #MondayMuggers live tweet. We will be watching 2007’s Hot Fuzz, starring Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, and Timothy Dalton! The film is on Prime!
It should make for a night of fun viewing and I invite all of you to join in. If you want to join the live tweets, just hop onto Mastodon, pull up Tiger Claws on YouTube, start the movie at 8 pm et, and use the #MondayActionMovie hashtag! Then, at 10 pm et, switch over to Twitter and Prime, start Hot Fuzz, and use the #MondayMuggers hashtag! The live tweet community is a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.
In today’s music video of the day, Metallica takes on the blind faith that people have in their religious beliefs. James Hetfield has said that he got the idea from watching Magic, a movie about a ventriloquist (played by Anthony Hopkins) who believes that his puppet is alive. Both Jason Newsted and Lars Ulrich have stated that this song was their favorite from their self-titled, fifth studio album.
The music video was filmed in San Diego in January of 1992. It was directed by frequent Metallica collaborator, Wayne Isham.
The Emmy Ballots have been released and I have a lot of shows and movies that I need to watch between now and the end of July! I got started this week but I’ve got a long way to go. Luckily, this is going to be a harsh and hot summer so I’m going to have a lot incentive to sit inside my air-conditioned private office and spend a lot of time watching stuff.
Here’s what I watched, read, and listened to this week!
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay. Today’s film is 1971’s Dr. Cook’s Garden! It can be viewed on YouTube!
Everyone loves Dr. Leonard Cook.
Played by Bing Crosby, Dr. Cook has been the doctor in the small town of Greenfield for as long as anyone can remember. He has delivered almost the entire town. He’s the friendly face that everyone sees whenever they have an ache or a pain. He’s the somber source of comfort whenever the time comes from someone to pass. Dr. Cook has lost some patients but he’s saved even more and no one doubts that Dr. Cook always does his best. As admired as Dr. Cook is as a doctor, he’s almost equally admired for the beautiful garden outside of his office. Cook maintains the garden by always pulling out any plants that he feels would not serve the best interest of the garden. That’s Dr. Cook. He’s always doing whatever needs to be done to make the world a nicer place.
Unfortunately, Dr. Cook is getting old and he’s slowed down a bit. He has a heart condition and he can no longer be as physically active as he once was. Dr. Cook’s former student, Jimmy Tennyson (Frank Converse), returns to Greenfield so that he can help out his former mentor. Dr. Tennyson is going to help ease Dr. Cook into retirement and then eventually take Cook’s place as the town doctor. Dr. Cook may say that he’s not planning on retiring anytime soon but it’s obvious that he has faith in Dr. Tennyson’s ability to eventually replace him.
Or, at least, Cook feels that way until Dr. Tennyson starts asking about some of Cook’s patients who have died over the years. Tennyson discovers that many of Cook’s patients died despite not being seriously ill and that Dr. Cook also has a surprisingly large supply of poisons. When it’s mentioned that no one in town has ever wondered why Dr. Cook has lost so many patients because only the “mean” patients tend to die, Dr. Tennyson realizes that Dr. Cook has been doing his bit to make sure the town of Greenfield stays a nice place. Dr. Cook calls it “community service.” Dr. Tennyson calls it murder but can he turn on his former mentor and the most beloved man in town? And when Tennyson starts to pressure Cook to stop practicing medicine and playing God, Dr. Cook starts to make his own plans to put his former student in his place.
An adaptation of a stage play by Ira Levin, Dr. Cook’s Garden is a suspenseful and short made-for-TV movie. Director Ted Post does a good job of opening up the action and preventing the film from becoming overly stagey. The main reason the film succeeds is due to the performance of Bing Crosby in the role of Dr. Cook. Crosby’s kindly and cheerful demeanor keeps the viewer off-balance but, once Dr. Cook decides to target his former student, the friendly surface evaporates and Dr. Cook is revealed to be just as ruthless and cruel as those who he targets. This is the type of film that will inspire you to wonder just what exactly your neighbors may be hiding in their gardens.
Through the Shattered Lens 