Monthly Archives: May 2023

Game Review: Sidetrack (2023, Andi C. Buchanan)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

In Sidetrack, you are a teenager who walks the same route to school every day.  Every day, you walk past an abandoned subway station.  Today, though, you see that the station is suddenly open and you decide to explore.  From the first station, you can take the train to as many or as few locations as you want.  Each location has a different feel to it.  The first station that I visited featured people who were made of wood and I had to exchange my money for wooden coins.  Another station was full of friendly spiders while another had biting fish.  Exploring each station brings the chance of finding something that you can use to enhance the experience your experience at another station.  You can visit and re-visit all of the stations as much as you like but when you finally decide to return home, the experience is over.

Designed with Twine and featuring stations that were created by guest authors, Sidetrack is about as pure of an Interactive Fiction experience as you could hope to have.  It’s a story that lasts for as long as you want it to and that goes where you direct it to go.  Well-written and intriguing, this is not a game where you have to worry about getting stuck because you picked the wrong verb or you missed a step in solving an intricate puzzle.  This is a game that you experience like a surreal but unforgettable dream.  Take the journey and see how many stations you can explore.

Play Sidetrack.

Future Zone (1990, directed by David Prior)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

David Carradine is back as super glove-wearing bounty hunter John Tucker in this sequel to Future Force!

Once again, it’s the future.  In the future, everyone drives a car that was made in the 70s and spends most of their time in the abandoned warehouses that are meant to represent their places of business.  Hard-drinking John Tucker meets and starts to work with the newest C.O.P.S. recruit, Billy (Ted Prior).  Billy can shoot just as fast as Tucker and seems to know all about Tucker and his wife, Marion (Gail Jensen).  That’s because Billy is from the future.  As he explains it, some “friends of mine built a time portal,” and Billy used it to come back to the past and save Tucker from being killed by a bunch of criminals.  Why is Billy so concerned about saving John Tucker?  Did I mention that Marion is pregnant?

Future Zone is just as dumb as Future Force but it is set apart from the first film by its use of time travel.  The best part of the movie is that neither John nor Marion are surprised to hear that Billy’s friends just happened to build a time portal.  Nobody asks why they built a time portal or even how they built a time portal.  The time portal is the most important thing about the movie but everyone shrugs off its existence.  Are time portals a common thing in the future?  Does everyone have a time portal?  How does the time portal work?  How is Billy able to go into the past at exactly the right moment?  When it is time for him to go back to his time, how does he let his friends know?  These are all good questions that no one asks.

The other thing that no one asks is why Tucker doesn’t wear his super glove all the time.  His super glove can do anything, from shooting lasers to blocking bullets.  If I had a super glove, I would wear it all the time.  Tucker keeps it in the trunk of his car and only summons it at the last possible moment.  Why even have a super glove if you’re not going to use it?

Retro Television Reviews: We’re Fighting Back (dir by Lou Antonio)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay.  Today’s film is 1981’s We’re Fighting Back!  It  can be viewed on YouTube!

We’re Fighting Back opens with a title card informing the viewer that the film that they are about to see is based on a true story and that the characters are based on the Guardian Angels, a group of New Yorkers who took it upon themselves to patrol neighborhoods and the subways.  However, the film’s plot is fictionalized and all of the names have been changed and basically, the entire story is made up.  It gets the film off to a strange start.  This film is based on a true story, except that it’s not.

Morgan “Case” Casey (Kevin Mahon) is a young man living in New York with his father.  When his father is mugged in the subway and ends up in the hospital, Case decides to take it upon himself to patrol the trains.  He recruits his co-workers at the local hamburger place.  Benny (Ramon Franco) says he is streetwise.  Ling (Brian Tochi) claims that he’s good at fighting.  Preacher (Paul McCrane) …. well, I’m not sure what Preacher’s special skill is but he’s recently moved to New York from Alabama.  Case and his friends lose their first big fight against a gang of muggers, which leads to Case yelling at all of them and announcing that they need to recruit more members and get trained up on how to fight.  Preacher thinks that Case is putting everyone’s life in danger but Case is determined to clean up the neighborhood.

Teaming up with some former gang members, Case forms the organization that will become the Guardian Angels.  Among those who join are a tough waitress named Chris Capoletti (a young Ellen Barkin) and a Hungarian immigrant named Janos (an equally young Stephen Lang).  At first, attorney Elgin Jones (Joe Morton) thinks that Case and his organization are going to be a bunch of lawless vigilantes but, after meeting Case and seeing Case refuse to allow an obvious psychopath to join the group, Elgin decides to become a part of Case’s anti-crime crusade.

And …. well, that’s pretty much it.  There’s not much of a plot here.  Case and Preacher are briefly estranged but they are friends again by the end of the movie.  Eventually, Case faces off with Tony (John Snyder), the gang leader who mugged his father.  For the most part, though, this is a film without much real conflict.  In this film’s portrayal of urban crime, it turns out to be remarkably easy to clean up a neighborhood.  Apparently, you just need to get a bunch of people to give a damn.  One watches the movie and wonders why no one ever came up with this extremely simple solution in the past.  The film goes out of its way to tell us that Case is not some sort of Charles Bronson-style vigilante but Case never has to face any muggers as dangerous as The Giggler.  If Case lived in the Death Wish 3 neighborhood, who knows what type of approach he would have gone with.

Under the best of circumstances, this film would seem simplistic.  Watching this film after the past few years, in which we’ve seen an increasing number of unarmed people getting hurt and killed by self-appointed vigilantes who felt that they shouldn’t have been in their neighborhood or train car, it’s hard not to feel that We’re Fighting Back is incredibly naïve and rather irresponsible.  (The Death Wish films are so shameless and over the top that they’re difficult to take seriously as any sort of manifesto.  We’re Fighting Back plays out with all the earnestness of a call to action.)  Need to clean up your neighborhood?  Just do it yourself!  Just fight back!  Obviously, that’s an idea that appeals to a lot of people but, in reality, it rarely seems to work out the way that it should.

I Watched The Promotion (2008, dir. by Steven Conrad)

Posted on by Dazzling Erin

Yesterday, after I got home from voting in my town’s city council elections, I wanted to unwind with a tennis movie.  When I did a search for “tennis,” Tubi recommended that I watch The Promotion.

I don’t know why because there is no tennis in The Promotion.  No one plays a game or even talks about tennis in The Promotion.  Instead, the movie is about two men who work for a grocery store and who are both hoping to get promoted.  The narrator is Doug (Seann William Scott), who is married to Jen (Jenna Fischer), a nurse.  Doug wants to get promoted so that he and Jen can move into a new house and so that he can be the sole breadwinner.  Doug also has to get the promotion because he has already lied to Jen and told her that he got it.  Doug was feeling insecure because Jen’s boss, Dr. Timm (Bobby Cannavale) saves lives for a living while Doug just spends all day dealing with angry customers and the gang members who hang out in the store’s parking lot.  Doug’s rival for the promotion is Richard (John C. Reilly), a recovering drug addict who listens to self-help tapes.  Each of them tries to sabotage the other.  Doug tries to make Richard look stupid at a company retreat and Richard files a false injury report after Doug hits him with a bag of frozen tater tots.

I think the movie was trying to make a point about how desperate people are for status and money that they’ll do anything to get it but I didn’t care because I didn’t find Doug or Richard to be in any way likable and I didn’t want either one of them to get the promotion.  I would not shop at any store where they worked because grocery shopping is bad enough without having to deal with all of that extra drama.  Both Richard and Doug were terrible as assistant managers so as far I was concerned, neither one of them deserved to be promoted.  Jen should have left Doug for Dr. Timm.

Plus, there wasn’t any tennis.

Music Video of the Day: Horse Power by The Chemical Brothers (2010, dir by Marcus Lyall and Adam Smith)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today’s music video of the day comes to us from The Chemical Brothers’s seventh studio album, Further.  All eight track on Further came with their own unique video, directed by Marcus Lyall and Adam Smith.  Horse Power is my personal favorite from the album.  If it doesn’t make you dance, nothing will.

Enjoy!

May Positivity: Never Ashamed (dir by Edward T. McDougal)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

The 1984 film, Never Ashamed, gets off to a lawles start with two teenagers, Tim Hughes (Tim Elwell) and Marty Sullivan (Jon Jacovic) stealing an ice cream truck.  Even though the ice cream man yells at them that he owns the truck and that he needs it for his job, Tim and Marty take off with it.  They speed down the street.  They play the ice crea, music.  They toss out the ice cream.  And, eventually, they get stopped by the police.

Tim’s father, a liberal talk show host named Sid Hughes (Stan Adams), thinks that Tim is just being a normal, out-of-control teenager.  Tim’s mother (Denyse Leahy) is far more concerned and she suggests that perhaps Tim should attend a special summer camp for juvenile delinquents.  Sid is not happy to hear that it’s a Christian summer camp.  (At one point, we see Sid getting upset when Ronald Reagan gives a speech about prayer in school so we know how Sid feels about religion.)  However, Sid finally gives in.

This is followed by a montage of Tim doing summer camp stuff.  For me, not being a camp-type of person, the montage was horrifying.  I cringed at all of the canoeing, the playing, the laughing, the singing, and all the rest.  It was a montage of happiness but all of the smiles seemed a bit too wide and calculated.  To be honest, it reminded me of the type of activities that were used to brainwash Nick Mancuso in Ticket to Heaven and Michael O’Keefe in Split Image. 

Still, Tim has a great time and, when his parents pick him up from camp, Tim announces that he’s now a Christian.  Sid is horrified and starts talking about Jim Jones and the People’s Temple.  Tim’s old friends are astonished, especially Marty.  Marty is not happy when Tim starts hanging out with a new crowd at school.

Here’s the thing.  We’re supposed to like Tim’s new friends but, honestly, Marty does kind of have a point.  Tim’s new friends are so bright and cheery and perfect and well-behaved that they really do come across as being a little creepy.  And when Marty says that he wants to be able to spend some time with his oldest friend without having a bunch of strangers following them around, Marty again has a point.  At times, it seems as if Tim’s new friends really do expect him to spend every waking moment with them.  If Tim’s not going to their study group, then he’s going to the “Christian car wash.”  When Marty says, at one point, that he really needs to talk to Tim about some problems that he’s having in his life, Tim’s response to tell him to come to church with Tim and his new friends.  Marty gets upset about that and again, it’s hard not to feel that he has a point.  Marty needs someone to talk to and it wouldn’t kill Tim to have a sincere, one-on-one conversation with Marty.  If Tim wants to invite Marty to church after that conversation, there’s nothing wrong with that.  But, at that moment, it was obvious that Marty needed to feel that he was more to Tim than just another invitee.

Marty feels that he has a lot to be upset about.  He runs for junior class president on a platform of parties and drugs but he loses to the nerdy and boring Wayne, who is one of Tim’s new friends.  Marty doesn’t feel close to his family.  His grades are slipping.  His best friend is pretty much ignoring him.  Marty is supposedly a drug dealer who regularly goes down to Mexico to pick up cocaine.  While Marty is definitely a bit cocky and irresponsible, there’s absolutely nothing about him that suggests he’s the type to sneak across the borders with bricks of cocaine in a duffel bag and I was shocked when I discovered that the movie was actually being serious about that.  In a surprisingly well-directed sequence, Marty has his friends toss firecrackers at the Christian car wash while he sneaks into the church and steals some money.

Never Ashamed is only 64 minutes long.  It’s obviously one of those films that was made specifically to be viewed by church youth groups.  It’s definitely a product of its time and, in the end, it is perhaps most interesting as a time capsule.  I imagine that watching this film is the equivalent of stepping into a time machine and setting the destination for 1984.  (“You look like Scott Baio!” one of Tim’s new friends excitedly tells him.)  It’s a sincere film but, at the same time, it’s also a film that is very much about preaching to the choir.  As happy as Tim and his new friends are, I think most people would feel that Marty seems like he would be more fun to hang out with.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 4/30/23 — 5/6/23

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Accused (Tuesday Night, Fox)

As frustratingly uneven as Accused can be, this week’s episode was enjoyably melodramatic and over the top.  A teenage girl’s attempt to find her real father led to her discovering that he not only lived right next door but that she was also on the verge of dating her half-brother!  In this case, the big crime was breaking into a sperm bank.  In many ways, it was a silly episode but it was also undeniably enjoyable.  Accused should do more weird episodes like this and give the politics a rest.

Barry (Sunday Night, HBO)

Wow, what an unsettling episode this week!  Cristobal is dead.  NoHo Hank is back in the Chechen mob.  Gene shot and probably killed his son.  And, according to the time jump towards the end of the episode, Barry and Sally ended up living on a farm with a son named John.  And, in the world of Barry, Sian Heder is following up CODA with the worst comic book movie since The Eternals.  I’m looking forward to seeing where all of this goes but I have a feeling the show is building up to the most traumatic conclusion of all time.  We’ll see if I’m right!

Beavis and Butt-Head (Paramount Plus)

Beavis and Butt-Head fell in the sewer and thought they were in Hell.  Then, after that, Beavis ended up in the hospital and nearly died due to Butt-Head continually punching him in the testicles.  Guys are weird.

The Coronation of Charles III (Saturday Morning, Everywhere)

Supposedly, the British are indifferent to Charles III’s official coronation but it certainly has been a big deal here in the States.  Honestly, maybe the entire Royal Family should just move over here and take over again.  They would be greeted as liberators!

Forgive or Forget (YouTube)

It was raining on Wednesday afternoon so Jeff and I watched some old 90s talk shows on YouTube.  In an episode of Forgive or Forget, delinquent daughters were giving their mothers trouble.  The show’s host, Mother Love, yelled at everyone and forced them to go backstage and think about all of their sins before then choosing whether or not to come through the door of forgiveness.  Towards the end of the show, the format changed a little as a former out-of-control teen asked her mother to forgive her, just to have her mother refuse to come through the door.  What a terrible mother.  Seriously, this was a weird show.

Geraldo (YouTube)

It was raining on Wednesday afternoon so Jeff and I watched some old 90s talk shows on YouTube.  We watched a 1996 episode of Geraldo, featuring a young-looking but still overdramatic Geraldo Rivera talking to girls who were in gangs.  The highlight of the epiosde was when the current gang girls were confronted by former gang girls who accuse them all of being bad mothers.  “My babies are more important than my homies!” one former gang girl announced while the audience went crazy.

Half Nelson (YouTube)

I wrote about the finale of Half Nelson here!

Jenny Jones (YouTube)

It was raining on Wednesday afternoon so Jeff and I watched some old 90s talk shows on YouTube.  On the Jenny Jones show, the permanently flustered host talked to mothers and daughters who teamed up to “play more than one guy.”  The mothers and the daughters would come out on stage.  The audience would boo.  “Be an appreciator, not a hater!” one mother yelled back.  Nothing was really resolved by the end of this episode.  To be honest, I wasn’t really sure what the point of it all was.

The second episode that we watched feature couples taking lie detector tests to determine whether or not they were cheating.  The audience booed a lot.  No cheating allowed!  “WHY YOU STAYING WITH THAT MAN!?” some guy in the audience yelled.  Jenny Jones looked really nervous.

Law & Order (Thursday Night, NBC)

This week, Cosgrove’s daughter became an important witness in Price’s case against the accused murderer.  To me, it seems that, as soon as it became apparent that his daughter could be a part of the case, Cosgrove should have been taken off the investigation but Law & Order takes place in a world where “conflict of interest” is no big deal.

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about this week’s episode of The Love Boat here!

Night Court (Tuesday Night, NBC)

Dan’s been appointed to a judgeship in Louisiana and is planning on leaving New York City without telling anyone.  Dan is not the sentimental type.  However, Abbi and Rand insist on throwing him a going away party.  As usual, this show works best when it focus on John Larroquette and Melissa Rauch.  I spent most of this episode marveling at just how tall Larroquette is.  Especially standing next to Melissa Rauch, Larroquette appeared to be about 9 feet tall.  (Of course, Melissa Rauch is only like 4’11 herself.)  Anyway, Dan was about to leave for Louisiana when he got a call that Abbi was in jail and needed him to defend her.  This led to the dreaded “To Be Continued” card.

Night Flight (Night Flight Plus)

This week, I watched a compilation of three episodes from 1991.  I learned about European Rock and guitar gods!

Radio 1990 (Night Flight Plus)

This was apparently an entertainment-related news show that aired on PBS in the 80s (despite the name).  I watched an episode from 1983 on Saturday morning.  My favorite part was “Radio 1990 on the movies.”  The week the show aired, the number one movie was Sudden Impact and Scarface had just been released.

Sally Jessy Raphael (YouTube)

It was raining on Wednesday afternoon so Jeff and I watched some old 90s talk shows on YouTube.  The episode that we watched of this show dealt with out-of-control teens.  The teens were angry and bratty but then they all got sent to boot camp.  Most studies have confirmed that the whole boot camp thing was usually counter-productive but audiences just loved to watch wannaba drill sergeants scream at a bunch of bratty kids.

Survivor (Wednesday Night, CBS)

I wrote about this week’s episode of Survivor here!

The TSL Grindhouse: Black Shampoo (dir by Greydon Clark)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

The 1976 film, Black Shampoo, tells the story of Mr, Jonathan (played by an expressionless actor named John Daniels).  Mr. Jonathan is the hottest hairstylist on the Sunset Strip.  Rich women flock to his salon so that Mr. Jonathan can do their hair and, as the first scene in the film makes clear, do a lot more as well.  Black Shampoo begins with a wash and rinse that soon leads to Mr. Jonathan’s client saying, “It is bigger and better!” while the singers on the film’s funk-heavy soundtrack tell us that, “He’s a real man.”

Mr. Jonathan is so popular that the women who come into his salon are visibly upset if they’re told that their hair will be done by Mr. Jonathan’s two associates, Artie and Richard.  “Artie doesn’t have the right equipment!” one woman exclaims while another complains, “My hair’s a mess …. I haven’t had my hair done in over a month.”  Fortunately, helping to keep the place running is Mr. Jonathan’s new administrative assistant, Brenda St. John (Tanya Boyd).  In fact, Mr. Jonathan could even see himself settling down with Brenda.

Unfortunately, Brenda is the ex-girlfriend of a white gangster named Mr. Wilson (Joe Ortiz).  And Mr. Wilson is determined to get Brenda back, even if it means sending two of his thugs down to Mr. Jonathan’s and messing the place up.  It’s easy for them to vandalize the salon and to harass Artie and Richard because Mr. Jonathan hardly ever seems to be there.  He’s always either visiting a client at home or taking part in a falling in love montage with Brenda.  When Brenda is kidnapped, Mr. Jonathan falls into a deep depression.  Eventually, though, Mr. Jonathan realizes that he has to rescue Brenda and retrieve the black book that proves that Mr. Wilson is a crime lord.  Fortunately, Mr. Jonathan is as handy with a chainsaw as he is with a hair blower.

Ugh.  This film …. I mean, to be honest, the movie seems like it’s going to be fun when it starts.  Yes, the acting is terrible and the dialogue is risible but it’s such a 70s film that I assumed it would be kind of fun.  And there are some enjoyably silly moments, like the whole falling in love montage.  But, as the film progresses, the violence and the film’s overall tone just gets uglier and uglier.  That, in itself, is not a problem.  In fact, you could argue that violence should be ugly because it’s violence.  But, in the case of Black Shampoo, too much of that ugly violence is played for titillation.  When Mr. Wilson threatens to sodomize a character with a curling iron, the film seems to take a certain delight in Mr. Wilson’s sadism.  The film is certainly not on the side of the poor guy who is being threatened.  Instead, it feels like the film is saying, “Do you think will show this happen or do you think will cut to another scene?  Keep watching to find out!”  It’s gross.

It would help if Mr. Jonathan were himself an engaging character but John Daniels’s performance in painfully dull.  He has a definite physical presence, though he definitely looks a lot better on the film’s poster than he does in the actual movie.  But, when he has to deliver dialogue or show emotion, he’s so awkward that it’s like staring at a brick wall and waiting for it to do something.  As a character, Mr. Jonathan should be someone who moves with a certain confidence and swagger.  John Daniels usually seems like he’s more busy trying not to look straight at the camera.

On the plus side, everyone’s hair looks beautiful.

Future Force (1989, directed by David Prior)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

The time is the future, which looks a lot like 1990s Los Angeles.  Because of out of control crime, the police have been deemed useless and have been defunded.  (Like that could ever happen in real life!)  Seeing a need and a decent profit margin, private enterprise has stepped up.  The law is enforced by C.O.P.S., which stands for Civilian Operated Police Systems.  Not held back by the Constitution or any oversight at all, C.O.P.S. has become just as corrupt and dangerous as the criminals that it battles.  When a reporter named Marion (Anna Rapagna) threatens to do a story about the out of control C.O.P.S., the head of the company hacks the justice system and puts out a warrant for Marion on the charge of treason.  Because of the seriousness of the charge, the bounty hunters of C.O.P.S. don’t have to bring her in alive to get paid.  In fact, they are encouraged to bring her in dead.

Tucker (David Carradine) is weary and disillusioned member of C.O.P.S. but he is still enough of an idealist that he wants to arrest Marion without killing her.  When he discovers that Marion is being set up, Tucker goes out of his way to protect her from the evil Becker (Robert Tessier) and all the other C.O.P.S.  It turns out to be pretty easy because Tucker is apparently the only members of C.O.P.S. who isn’t terrible at his job.   Helping Tucker out is a wheelchair-bound hacker named Billy (D.C. Douglas) and a robotic glove that can shoot laser beams.

A Robocop rip-off that lacks that film’s satiric bite, Future Force takes place in a future where everyone drives cars from the 70s and where every bar is a strip club that looks like it could have been used in the type of movies that used to show up on late night Cinemax.  It’s a future of empty warehouses, deserted streets, and fires in trash cans.  Robot glove aside, the movie’s future is unconvincing even by the standards of 1989.  There’s a lot of car chases and strange gunfights where no one seems to be aiming at each other but there’s also many scenes that were added to pad out the movie’s running time.  Marion gets upset when Tucker ruthlessly kills two people who were trying to kill her but she barely shrugs when she later discovers that the bad guys have killed her sister.  As bad the movie is, give some respect, though, to David Carradine whose general air of “I don’t want to be here, just give me my paycheck so I can go home,” fits his character like a glove.