Good to see you all again. It has been a while, but it’s not my fault; the show is hard to watch sometimes. It lacks the first season pop, but moreover, I never thought Hell could be so boring, bureaucratic, and poorly decorated. The Hell Set looks like if a Middle School got into Dinner Theater:
Welcome to Hell and don’t forget to buy some lemon squares from Billy; he’s running a bake sale for our local little league soccer team – The Strikers.
Nick is going through withdrawal and has to go through spooky stuff and this is really on Sabrina’s mind. Not like Roz, who is now a statue. The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina the TOXIC FRIEND!
This episode is again a fetch quest episode about “Regalia”. Whatever! Let’s be honest- it’s a spooky scavenger hunt. Next week, Sabrina and Calaban will be feuding in the tacky Hell Set over the latest “Regalia”:
In this week’s Regalia Hunt, Sabrina has to get the stop sign next the Old Man Winters – the local druggist- who is notoriously cranky! Nah, she and Calaban have to head to a lovely Vancouver Beach, I mean Golgotha where she has to steal a bowl from Pontius Pilate. Let me explain: Jesus was crucified at Golgotha and Pontius Pilate “washes his hands” of the decision to crucify Jesus. This act, according to Sabrina, condemned Pontius Pilate, a skeleton Roman Soldier, and Barabbas (for some reason…really, why?! He was a criminal, but he didn’t lobby for the pardon). They all have to relive the Crucifixion for eternity.
This whole scene was just weird! I mean Sabrina barely bats an eye when she’s talking to Barabbas. He was there! Even if she’s all into Hell, this was the most critical moment of all Human history and she just talks to Barabbas like she’s meeting some rando at the Shake Shack. Pilate must re-enact the Crucifixion and in order to stop it – Barabbas must steal the bowl. Hmmm, why didn’t Barabbas think of this? He’s there for 2000 years. Really? There’s literally 3 people on the stage. That’s it. He knows someone has to take the bowl.
Calaban nobly offers to be crucified so Sabrina can get Barabbas to steal the bowl and hand it off to her. This all goes off well, but Calaban is left behind, which seemed pretty obvious that he would be. He has to spend 2000 years on a beach and then when he returns he’s all angry he was left behind and says something about him being…..MADE OF CLAY for the 1000th time. This guy’s more into dirt than Scott’s Lawn Care.
Sabrina won this part of the scavenger hunt! YAY! However, there’s still some weirdness afoot. Lucifer’s going around in Father Blackwood’s body and telling people to do dumb things. LuciBlackwood gets Harvey to get the jocks together and attack the carnival and a few of them get turned into pigs. By the by, yesterday, I braised a delicious pork tenderloin over pineapples, apples, and honey- BURRITOS ARE TONITE!!!
Hilda is turning into a large spider and NO ONE notices. Hilda if you stop going all arachnid, just move, change your name, get lifelock, and start fresh.
The episode ends with a bunch of outcast witches being summoned to help everyone fight the pagans. Will they win? Will Sabrina need to steal a mailbox? Who knows?
The next review will drop shortly! See you soon!