Last night, the Snarkalecs and I watched the SyFy original movie Tasmanian Devils. Who are the Snarkalecs? You can find out here.
Why Was I Watching It?
Seriously, yesterday was a weird, weird day. I don’t even know where to begin. In between the pervy guys who have been working on the roof of the house across the alley, and the woman in Georgia who keeps accusing me of having an affair with her husband (another long story that you can read all about here), I was seriously ready to just change my name to Diabla, stop washing my hair, stop wearing makeup, and just move to Vermont.
But, through it all, I took the strength for the knowledge that, at 8:00, there would be an original movie on SyFy and that I would be watching it with my friends, the Snarkalecs…
What’s It About?
I’ll tell you what it’s not about. It’s not about the spinning cartoon character who was always falling off cliffs and having safes dropped on his head. No, these Tasmanian devils are vicious killers but, at the same time, they’re also kinda cute and adorable in a chupacabra kind of way.
Anyway, Apolo Ohno and a bunch of his friends go to Tasmania. Apolo jumps off of a cliff, has some trouble with his parachute, and ends up plunging into a hidden cave and getting impaled on the world’s biggest stalagmite. Apolo hangs around for a bit, squirming like a bug and groaning despite the fact that he’s got a gigantic hole in chest. Seriously, Apolo must be invincible. Alas, his blood gets the attention of the Tasmanian devils and, in perhaps the defining scene of 2013, Apolo Ohno is literally ripped into little pieces on-screen.
There is a little bit more that happens in the film. Apolo’s friends end up running into a park ranger played by Danica McKellar and they soon all find themselves being stalked through the wilderness by the Tasmanian devils. However, for me, the film was pretty much about Apolo Ohno getting literally ripped into little pieces on-screen.
OH MY GOD! Apolo Ohno was literally ripped into little pieces on-screen! This led to me framing the term “Ohnotastic” as a way to refer to any spectacular death in a SyFy film. This eventually led to the creation of the Ohno Scale, which from now on, will be used to judge the effectiveness of SyFy carnage. Tasmanian Devils will now forever be one of the pivotal films in the history of the Snarkalecs.
(Hopefully, the next two-headed shark film from the Asylum will feature a Michael Phelps cameo.)
Beyond that, Tasmanian Devils was actually a pretty good film. It was the epitome of a fun movie to watch with friends and director Zach Lipovsky actually managed to generate some genuine suspense. Even better, both Lipovsky and Danica McKellar dropped by twitter and interacted with the people commenting on the film. It’s always really nice whenever filmmakers do this.
On a personal note, I enjoyed Tasmanian Devils because it was filmed in Canada, a country that I am strangely obsessed with. As for the male snarkalecs, they seemed to largely enjoy Tasmanian Devils because of the low-cut top that Danica McKellar’s park ranger was wearing.
What Did Not Work?
It all worked. Life is too short to be critical of a film called Tasmanian Devils.
“OH MY GOD! Just like me!” Moments
Insert your own low-cut top/heaving boobs comment here.
Apolo Ohno is not invincible.