On Sunday night, my sister, my best friend, and I gathered together and watched the 71st Annual Golden Globes.

Why Were Watching It?

Because it was an awards show!  Seriously, I love awards.

What Was It About?

When you think about it, the Golden Globes are a lot like that nerdy kid in high school that everyone tolerated because he had rich parents but who they still made fun of every chance they got.  Whenever his parents went out of town, he would throw a wild but somewhat desperate party.  Everyone would spend the weekend trashing his house and drinking all of his alcohol and then leave without bothering to help him clean up afterward.

(I guess now would be a good time to add that, if Taylor is reading this, sorry!)

Seriously, the Golden Globes are so weird!  Nobody is really sure who is in the Hollywood Foreign Press but, every year, they serve free drinks and give out a lot of awards and, as a result, everyone in Hollywood gets together for one night.

What Worked?

Okay, first thing first — a lot of people on twitter thought that the speech Diane Keaton gave and song she sang while accepting the Governor’s Award for Woody Allen was creepy but I thought it was really sweet!  I know that a lot of people have issues with Woody Allen (see below) but I usually enjoy his movies.

(When they were showing clips from Allen’s career, they showed Diane Keaton in Annie Hall going, “La dee da, la dee da…” and Evelyn says, “Is she playing Lisa?”)

Last year, I was one of the few people who didn’t think that Tina Fey and Amy Poehler did that great of a job as hosts but this year, I agree with everyone else.  Tina and Amy should host everything.

I loved it when Melissa McCarthy was pretending to be Matt Damon.  What I especially loved was how Matt Damon played along with the joke, to the extent that when Michael Douglas praised him while accepting his Golden Globe, Matt actually pointed over at Melissa.

I can’t complain about any of the winners, which is a rarity for me.  I was surprised to see Brooklyn Nine Nine win the Golden Globes for Best Actor and Best TV Show Comedy but I’ve never actually watched the show so I can’t complain.

My favorite acceptance speech came from Matthew McConaughey, mostly because he said, “Alright, alright, alright…”

Finally, a most importantly, a lot of redheads were honored this year.  It was a good night for my fellow members of the 2%.

What Did Not Work?

Oh, where to start?  Because of all the alcohol involved and the mix of television and movie stars, the Golden Globes have gotten a reputation for being more fun than the Oscars but, for every celebrity who is a fun drunk, there’s about a hundred more who are boring drunks and the 71st annual Golden Globes proved this point.  For every Emma Thompson, there was a Jacqueline Bisset.  For all the attention that’s being given to a few unexpected moments (and NBC’s reaction to those moments — who would have guessed the censors would get so worked up over vagina?), the Golden Globes were actually rather restrained and boring this year.

The award for most obnoxious presenter goes to Diddy.  What was Diddy even doing up there?

The Golden Globes Ceremony was scheduled to last three hours and, unlike the Oscars, it ended on time.  However, a lot of those three hours were taken up with watching the winners trying to navigate their way up to the stage.  It got boring.  Add to that, I am so tired of nominees who don’t bother to come up with a coherent speech before they win their award.  It’s not that cute.

All in all, the ceremony could have really used a big production number or two.

Of course, Woody Allen can’t ever win an award without his son, Ronan Farrow, going on twitter and whining about how terrible his father is and all of the little sycophants who follow him chimed in with their usual, “Oh Ronan, I’m sorry!”  Uhmmm, just curious — would anyone know who Ronan Farrow is if not for his parents?  A lot of people have had shitty fathers but very few of those people have managed to get their own show on MSNBC as a result of it.  Just saying.

Who exactly told Emma Stone it would be a good idea to wear a dress that appeared to be decorated with sperm?

“Oh my God!  Just like me!” Moments

I’ll Show You Some Golden Globes!

Lessons Learned

Award shows can be boring.