Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Highway to Heaven 1.2 “Pilot: Part Two”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!

 

This week, we finish up the pilot for Highway to Heaven, with Jonathan revealing the true nature of his job to Mark and the old people heading to the horse races!

Episode 1.1 “Highway to Heaven: Part Two”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on September 19th, 1984)

The second half of the pilot for Highway to Heaven opens with things looking up at the retirement community.  Everyone is enjoying the new garden.  There’s a new sense of community amongst the residents.  Even Estelle (Helen Hayes) has finally come out of her room and is now taking care of the dog that Jonathan previously gave her.  Sidney Gould (John Bleifer) is especially happy to see Estelle out and about, especially after Estelle agrees to have dinner with him.

The only person who is not happy with the changes that Jonathan has brought to everyone’s lives is Mark Gordon.  Mark is still suspicious of Jonathan’s motives and he’s not happy that his sister, Leslie (Mary McCusker), is falling for a man who she really knows nothing about.  When Jonathan is having dinner at Leslie’s apartment, Mark breaks into Jonathan’s apartment and discovers that Jonathan owns nothing.  There’s not even a toothbrush in the bathroom.

Jonathan catches Mark in his apartment and, after Mark demands to know just who exactly Jonathan is, Jonathan explains that he works for “the Boss.”  He travels from location to location, helping people who need help.  When Mark demands to know who the Boss is, Jonathan can only look heaven-ward.

Needless to say, Mark is not at all convinced that Jonathan is an angel.  But there’s an even bigger problem to deal with!  Mr. Sinclair (Joe Dorsey), the owner of retirement home, has sold the land to a developer!  Everyone who worked there is now out of a job and everyone who lived there has been given just a few days to move out and find somewhere else to live.

When Jonathan pays Mr. Sinclair a visit, he discovers that Sinclair has spent his life making money in order to get over the shame of being rejected by his high school love.  Unfortunately, she’s now dead and Sinclair no longer cares about anyone.  Still, Jonathan is able to convince Mr. Sinclair to give him a chance to raise enough money to buy the retirement home.

Mark’s suggestion is that they take the money that they already have and bet it at the tracks.  Jonathan is not sure if the Boss would like him gambling but, in the end, he agrees to Mark’s plan.  At the tracks, it first appears that the horse that the old people put their money on has lost.  But then then Sidney discovers that the person at the betting window accidentally gave him the wrong ticket and — it’s a miracle!  They win the money!

The old people are able to buy their retirement home and Mark is now convinced that Jonathan is angel.  In fact, Mark is so convinced that he insists on driving Jonathan around the country and helping him out.

(Don’t worry about Leslie.  Though she’s upset when Jonathan leaves, a handsome and single man immediately moves in next door to her.)

This episode ends with Jonathan getting into Mark’s car and the two of them driving off, down the highway.

Wow, this was an earnest show.  Seriously, there’s not a hint of sarcasm or snarkiness to be found in this episode, which I imagine explains why this show is still airing on the retro stations and streaming on a hundred different sites.  To an extent, it’s easy to be dismissive of a show where a bunch of quirky old people got to the race track to win enough money to be able to stay together in their retirement home.  There’s nothing subtle not particularly surprising about any of it.  I mean, we know there’s no way Helen Hayes and that adorable dog are going to lose their home!  But this episode was so achingly sincere in its approach that it worked.

We’ll see if it continues to work next week!

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Highway to Heaven 1.1 “Pilot: Part One”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!

Highway to Heaven is one of those old shows that, decades after its final episode, still always seems to either be airing or streaming somewhere.  The show’s premise was a simple one.  Jonathan Smith (Michael Landon) was an angel who had been sent to Earth to help people.  Working with him was a retired cop named Mark Gordon (Victor French).  Together, they drove across the country and met a different guest star every week.

Though the show aired its final episode over 30 years ago and both of the stars have since passed on, Highway to Heaven remains popular in both syndication and streaming.  From the few episodes that I’ve seen, it appears that the show’s main appeal was just how unabashedly sentimental it was.  For people living in a cynical age, the show is a throwback to a simpler time.  Of course, I imagine that some people also find it to be a fairly campy show.  There’s nothing subtle about the messaging of Highway to Heaven. 

Anyway, it seems like a good show to review for Retro Television Reviews, so here we are.  Let’s head down that highway!

Episode 1.1 “Highway to Heaven: Part One”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on September 19th, 1984)

In a small town in Arizona, there’s a retirement community that is full of people who are in need.

For instance, Estelle Wicks (Helen Hayes) hasn’t left her room in years.  She’s convinced that her daughter is going to come to get her at any minute, even though everyone else at the community tries to get her to understand that her daughter hasn’t been by to see her in years.  That said, at least Estelle still has some hope.  Everyone else in the community appears to be resigned to spending all of their time indoors, watching television and waiting for the end.

Mr. Haskins (John O’Leary), the owner of the community, is struggling to pay the bills and is thinking of selling the retirement home to a group of land developers.  Mr. Haskins rarely smiles and hardly ever interacts with the people living at the community.  He doesn’t want them going outside or doing any special activities because he’s worried about potential lawsuits.  He’s not willing to spend the money necessary to even make the community look like an inviting place to live.

Mr. Haskins’s assistant, Leslie Gordon (Mary McCusker), is a lonely woman who lives in an apartment with her brother, Mark (Victor French).  Mark is a former cop who refuses to trust anyone and who can’t hold down a job.  He’s developing quite a drinking problem and spends most of his time either watching television and having a beer or going down to the local bar and having even more beer.

No one, and I mean no one, in this town appears to be happy.  But then a mysterious drifter named Jonathan Smith (Michael Landon) hitchhikes into town and applies for a job as a maintenance worker at the retirement community.  As he explains to Mr. Haskins, he doesn’t have any references but he’s willing to work without a salary for a month in order to prove that he can handle the job.  Mr. Haskins hires Jonathan, who immediately plants a flower garden and gets to know the residents at the retirement community.  He even gets Estelle to agree to take care of a puppy.

With Jonathan’s gentle encouragement, even Leslie starts to enjoy life a little bit more.  When Jonathan shows up one morning with a bicycle, Leslie rides it to work.  When Leslie asks Jonathan how he could afford the bike, he says that a friend gave it to him.  When she asks how Jonathan could afford to plant all of the flowers for the retirement home, he says that a friend helped out.  For a drifter who just came to town, Jonathan certainly seems to have a lot of friends!

This raises the concern of Mark, who thinks that Jonathan must be a conman of some sort.  He sets out to investigate just exactly who Jonathan is.  He first stop is the local bicycle shop, where the owner says that he’s never met a Jonathan Smith.  And then — the episode ends!  “TO BE CONTINUED” reads the title card.

It’s a rather abrupt ending, undoubtedly the result of the pilot originally being aired as a two-hour movie.  As often happens, the pilot was split into two parts for syndication.  Of course, the viewer already knows that Jonathan is an angel who has been sent to Earth to help people but the first episode of the series ends with Mark still convinced that Jonathan is just a con man.  I assume he’ll find out the truth next week.

As far as first episodes go, this one is hard to judge because it’s obviously incomplete.  That said, the pilot’s unapologetic earnestness is definitely its strongest trait.  Early on, Jonathan says, “Kindness doesn’t cost a thing,” and Michael Landon delivers the line with such sincerity that he makes it work despite the fact that it’s also a cliché.

Anyway, next week, we’ll finish up the pilot and see if Mr. Haskins will ever learn how to run a retirement community.  Hopefully, Estelle will finally come out of her room as well.  And, most importantly, we’ll see how Mark went from thinking Jonathan was a con artist to traveling around the country with him.

Until then, be kind.

Bonus Horror On TV: Highway to Heaven 2.5 “The Devil and Jonathan Smith” (dir by Michael Landon)


On this, the final day of our annual Horrorthon, we offer you a final, bonus Horror on TV entry.

In this episode of Highway to Heaven, angel Jonathan Smith (Michael Landon) tries to defeat the devil for the soul of his friend Mark (Victor French).  This episode, a true Halloween episode, originally aired on October 30th, 1985, and it features guest turns from Anthony Zerbe and the great Michael Berryman.

Happy Halloween!

Bonus Horror on TV: Highway to Heaven 4.5 “I Was A Middle-Aged Werewolf” (dir by Michael Landon)


Because it’s nearly Halloween, here’s a special bonus television episode!

After I reviewed I Was A Teenage Werewolf, this episode was recommended to me by Mark, one of our regular readers in Australia.  Highway to Heaven was a TV show about an angel and a human who traveled across the country and helped people out.  It aired for 5 seasons in the 80s and it’s pretty much achieved immortality via syndication and streaming.  It starred Michael Landon who also starred in I Was A Teenage Werewolf.  As you call from this episode, he obviously had sense of humor about his early film career.

This originally aired on October 28th, 1987.  The series was a bit silly but this episode is kind of fun.

Happy Halloween!

Love On The Shattered Lens: An Officer and a Gentleman (dir by Taylor Hackford)


Almost everyone knows that one scene from the 1982 film, An Officer and a Gentleman.  You can probably guess which scene it is that I’m talking about.  It’s been parodied and imitated in so many other shows and movies that it’s one of those pop cultural moments that everyone has “seen” even they haven’t actually watched it.  It’s the scene where….

I AIN’T GOT NOWHERE ELSE TO GO!

What?

I AIN’T GOT NOWHERE ELSE TO GO!

I know, Mayo, I’m getting to that!  Let me tell everyone about the iconic factory scene first, okay?

I AIN’T GOT NOWHERE ELSE TO GO!

Uhmmm …. right.  Where was I?  Oh yeah, it’s the scene where Debra Winger is working in a factory and a youngish Richard Gere suddenly shows up and he’s wearing a white uniform and he picks her up and carries her out of the factory while all of her coworkers cheer.  Meanwhile, that Up Where We Belong song starts to play on the soundtrack.  Even though, up until recently, I had never actually sat down and watched An Officer and a Gentleman, I certainly knew that scene.

Last Friday, I noticed that I had An Officer and a Gentleman saved on the DVR and I thought to myself, “Well, I might as well go ahead and watch it and find out what else happens in the movie.”  Add to that, I only had three hours of recording space left on the DVR so I figured I could watch the movie and then delete it and free up some space….

I AIN’T GOT NOWHERE ELSE TO GO!

Goddammit, Mayo, be quiet!  I’m getting to it!

Anyway, I watched the film and I discovered that it’s actually about a lot more than just Richard Gere getting Debra Winger fired from her job at the factory.  It’s also about how Zack Mayo (the character played by Richard Gere) hopes to make something of himself by graduating from Aviation Officer Candidate School so that he can become not only a Navy pilot but also an officer and a gentleman.  His father (Robert Loggia) is an alcoholic, his mother committed suicide when Mayo was a child and Mayo …. well, I’ll let him tell you himself.

I AIN’T GOT NOWHERE ELSE TO GO!

That’s right.  Mayo has not got anywhere else to go.

I AIN’T GOT NOWHERE ELSE TO GO!

Ain’t is not a word, Mayo.

As you may have already guessed, we know that Mayo doesn’t have anywhere else to go because there’s a scene where he continually yells, “I ain’t got nowhere else to go!” over and over again.  He yells it after being forced to do a thousand push-ups and sit-ups by his drill sergeant, Foley (Louis Gossett, Jr.)  Foley thinks that Mayo doesn’t have the right attitude to be either an officer or a gentleman.  Mayo is determined to prove him wrong.

I AIN’T GOT–

Oh give it a rest, Mayo!

Debra Winger plays Paula.  Paula is a townie.  She lives in a dilapidated house with her parents.  Her friend, Lynette (Lisa Blount), dreams of marrying a Naval officer and getting to travel the world.  Lynette gets involved with Mayo’s friend, Sid Worley (David Keith).  Foley warns both Sid and Mayo to stay away from the townie girls because they’re not to be trusted.  That turns out to be true in Lynette’s case but Paula’s love provides Mayo with the strength that he needs to believe in something more than just himself.

I AIN’T–

Yes, you do have some place to go, Mayo!  That’s the point of the whole goddamn movie!

Anyway, watching An Officer and a Gentleman, I was kind of surprised to discover that it’s actually two movies in one.  It’s a traditional army training film, one in which Richard Gere is whipped into shape by a tough drill sergeant.  It’s also a film about life in an economically depressed small town, where the only hope of escape comes from marrying the right aviation officer candidate.  As a military film it’s predictable if occasionally effective.  As a film about small town life, it’s surprisingly poignant.  An Officer And A Gentleman doesn’t pull any punches when it comes to depicting just how little life in the town has to offer to people like Paula and Lynette.  They have spent their entire lives being told they can either work in a factory for minimum wage and get drunk on the weekend or they can land a man who will hopefully take them away from all that and give them something more to look forward to than cirrhosis of the liver.  Lynette has accepted that as being her only option.  While Paula dreams of escape, she dreams of escaping on her terms.  She may fall in love with Mayo but she’s not going to pretend to be someone that she’s not just to keep him around.

Though he’s evolved into a good character actor, Richard Gere was remarkably blank-faced when he was younger and his performance as Mayo alternates between being bland and shrill.  However, Debra Winger brings a welcome edge to her role.  She plays Paula as someone who knows she’s stuck in a dead end existence.  She’s not happy about it but, at the same time, she’s not going to surrender her principles in order to escape.  She holds onto her ideals, even though she appears to be stuck in a crappy situation and that’s something that Mayo learns from her.  In the end, Paula saves Mayo just as surely as the Navy does.  And, just as Paula saves Mayo, Winger saves the movie.

I AIN’T GOT NOWHERE ELSE TO GO!

Oh, shut the Hell up, Mayo.  Go pick up Paula and carry her off to a better life….

The TSL’s Horror Grindhouse: The House on Skull Mountain (dir by Ron Honthaner)


Before I say anything else about 1974’s The House on Skull Mountain, I just want to say how much I love the film’s poster.  Seriously, that poster is everything that you could hope for from an exploitation film print ad.  Everything about it, from the lightning to the giant skull to the mansion to the unfortunate person plunging to her doom is pure perfection.  I especially like the question at the bottom of the poster: “Which of these five will come down alive?”

And, to be honest, it’s actually a fairly honest poster.  The majority of the film really does take place in a house on a mountain that has features that look like a skull.  Of course, the skull in the movie is not quite as prominent as the one in the poster.  The house actually does look a lot like the one on the poster.  There’s also a lot of lightning in the movie.  It’s the same basic lightning stock footage that has appeared in almost every film ever produced by Roger Corman.  In The House on Skull Mountain, it’s used as a transitional device.  “Is that scene over?” you might find yourself wondering.  Well, don’t worry.  The lightning stock footage will let you know.

One reason that I’m focusing on the poster is because the film itself is kind of anemic.  In the movie, the house on top of Skull Mountains belongs to Pauline Christophe, a direct descendant of the first king of Haiti.  Upon her death, Pauline’s four great granchildren are invited to hear the reading of her will.  None of the four have ever met Pauline or each other.  Phillippe (Mike Evans) is an alcoholic who says stuff like, “Baby, what’s the scene?”  Harriet (Xernona Clayton) is fragile and nervous and it certainly doesn’t help her nerves when she briefly sees a hooded skeleton sitting a few rows in front of her on her flight to Atlanta.  Lorena (Janee Michelle) drives too fast but is otherwise responsible and mature.  And then there’s Dr. Andrew Cunningham (Victor French), who shows up late and turns out to be white.

“You’re the wrong color!” Phillippe snaps at him.

Andrew shrugs and says that he’ll explain it all later.  He does eventually tell a story about being abandoned on the front steps of an orphanage but the dialogue is so awkwardly-written and delivered that I’m not sure if he is being serious or if he is poking fun at Phillippe’s shock.

Because Andrew showed up late, the four of them have to stay in the house for a week until Pauline’s lawyer returns to read the will.  Keeping them company is the butler, Thomas (Jean Durand), and Loutte (Ella Woods) the maid.

And that’s not all!  It also appears that there is a robed skeleton wandering around the house as well!  Add to that, the relatives start having visions.  One falls down an elevator shaft.  Another has a heart attack after someone stabs doll with a pin.  Could all of this have something to do with the fact that Pauline and her servants were all dedicated practitioners of voodoo?

Sad to say but the House on Skull Mountain is pretty dull.  The film does provide a brief history lesson concerning how Haiti was the only nation to be formed as a result of a slave rebellion and how the real-life Henri Christophe went from being a slave to a king but the film doesn’t really do much with the information.  It’s tempting to look for some sort of subtext in the film’s plot but it’s really just not there.  Much like Andrew being the only white member of a historically important black family, the history of Haiti and the actual origins of Haitian voodoo are elements that are brought up and then quickly abandoned.   There is one good and lengthy voodoo ceremony but otherwise, the whole film is almost all filler.  When it’s not showing us the same lighting stock footage, it’s showing us Andrew and Lorena wandering around Atlanta.

But seriously, that movie poster is to die for.

A Movie A Day #244: Death of a Gunfighter (1969, directed by Allen Smithee)


At the turn of the 20th century, the mayor and the business community of Cottonwood Springs, Texas are determined to bring their small town into the modern era.  The Mayor (Larry Gates) has even purchased one of those newfangled automobiles that have been taking the country by storm.  However, the marshal of Cottonwood Spings, Frank Patch (Richard Widmark), is considered to be an embarrassing relic of the past.  Patch has served as marshal for 20 years but now, his old west style of justice is seen as being detrimental to the town’s development.  When Patch shoots a drunk in self-defense, the town leaders use it as an excuse to demand Patch’s resignation.  When Patch refuses to quit and points out that he knows all of the secrets of what everyone did before they became respectable, the business community responds by bringing in their own gunfighters to kill the old marshal.

Death of a Gunfighter is historically significant because it was the very first film to ever be credited to Allen Smithee.  The movie was actually started by TV director Robert Totten and, after Widmark demanded that Totten be fired, completed by the legendary Don Siegel.  Since Totten worked for 25 days on the film while Siegel was only on set for 9, Siegel refused to take credit for the film.  When Widmark protested against Totten receiving credit, the Director’s Guild of America compromised by allowing the film to be credited to the fictitious Allen Smithee.

In the years after the release of Death of a Gunfighter, the Allen (or, more often, Alan) Smithee name would be used for films on which the director felt that he had not been allowed to exercise creative control over the final product.  The Smithee credit became associated with bad films like The O.J. Simpson Story and Let’s Get Harry which makes it ironic that Death of a Gunfighter is not bad at all.  It’s an elegiac and intelligent film about the death of the old west and the coming of the modern era.  It also features not only one of Richard Widmark’s best performances but an interracial love story between the marshal and a brothel madame played by Lena Horne.  The supporting cast is full of familiar western actors, with Royal Dano, Harry Carey, Jr., Larry Gates, Dub Taylor, and Kent Smith all making an impression.  Even the great John Saxon has a small role.  Though it may be best known for its “director,” Death of a Gunfighter is a film that will be enjoyed by any good western fan.

A Movie A Day #170: Chato’s Land (1972, directed by Michael Winner)


Don’t mess with Charles Bronson.

That’s the main lesson that can be taken away from Chato’s Land.  In this western, Bronson plays Chato, an Apache who enters the wrong saloon and is forced to shoot a racist sheriff in self-defense.  Former Confederate Captain Quincey Whitemore (Jack Palance) forms a posse to track Chato down but soon discovers that his posse is not made up of the best and brightest.  Instead, most of them are sadistic racists who just want to kill Apaches.  Despite Whitemore’s efforts to stop them, the posse rapes Chato’s wife and kills his best friend.  Chato trades his white man’s clothes for a loin cloth and sets out for revenge.

Chato’s Land is historically significant because it was the first of many films that Charles Bronson made with Michael Winner.  The most famous Bronson/Winner collaboration was Death Wish, which also featured Charles Bronson as a man who seeks revenge after his wife is raped.  What is surprising about Chato’s Land is how little screen time Bronson actually has.  Most the film is spent with the posse, which is full of familiar faces (Richard Jordan, Simon Oakland, Victor French, Ralph Waite, and James Whitmore all report for duty).  It actually works to the film’s advantage, making Bronson even more intimidating than usual.  There’s never any doubt that Chato is going to kill every member of the posse but since almost every member of the posse is loathsome, that’s not a problem.

It’s possible that Chato’s Land was meant to be an allegory for the Vietnam War, which is probably giving Michael Winner too much credit.  (In an interview, the author of Death Wish, Brian Garfield, once shared an anecdote about Winner inserting a shot of three nuns into Death Wish and bragging about how the shot was meaningless but that it would fool the critics into thinking he was making a grand statement about something.)  Like most of Winner’s films, Chato’s Land is good but not great.  There are parts of the movie that drag and Jack Palance and Charles Bronson don’t get to share any big scenes together, which seems like a missed opportunity.  Bronson, who was always underrated as an actor, gives one of his better performances as Chato.  Chato does not say much but Bronson could do more with one glare than most actors could do with a monologue.  In Europe, Bronson was known as Il Brutto and Chato’s Land features him at his most brutal.

This Eagle Doesn’t Fly: FLAP (Warner Brothers 1970)


gary loggins's avatarcracked rear viewer

flap1

FLAP is an attempt by director Sir Carol Reed to jump on the late 60’s/early70’s “relevance” bandwagon by depicting the modern-day mistreatment of the American Indian. It’s a seriocomic character study that struggles to find it’s identity, and as a result fails at both comedy and drama.

FLAP is Flapping Eagle, an ex-soldier living back on the reservation who’s “pissed off at everybody”. He’s a hard drinking man, as is just about all the Indians here, feeding into the stereotypical “drunken Indian” image. Flap’s had enough of the noise coming from construction workers building a highway project right next to the rez, and causes a fracas between the hardhats and the Indians, damaging a bulldozer in the process. Native Wounded Bear (who has a correspondence school law degree) points out the highway is gong through sacred burial ground, which turns out not to be the case. Everyone’s up in arms, especially local…

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Film Review: There Was a Crooked Man… (1970, directed by Joseph L. Mankiewicz)


Crooked_manI first saw There Was A Crooked Man as a part of TCM’s tribute to the great actor Warren Oates.  Warren Oates was rarely cast in the lead but, as a character actor, he appeared in supporting roles in several great films.  Unfortunately, There Was A Crooked Man is not one of them.

Directed by Joseph L. Mankiewicz and written by the screenwriting team of Robert Benton and David Newman (best known for writing Bonnie and Clyde), There Was A Crooked Man is meant to be a comedic western.  Outlaw Paris Pittman (Kirk Douglas) is arrested while visiting a bordello.  Paris is sent to an Arizona prison, where everyone tries to get him to reveal where he has hidden the stash from a $500,000 robbery.  Pittman uses everyone’s greed to manipulate them into helping him attempt to escape.  Standing in Pittman’s way is the new warden, a liberal reformer played by Henry Fonda.

There Was A Crooked Man is a long movie that features a lot of familiar faces.  Burgess Meredith plays The Missouri Kid, who has been in prison for so long that he is now an old man.  Hume Cronyn and John Randolph play a bickering gay couple who eventually become a part of Pittman’s scheme to escape.  Even Alan Hale, the skipper from Gilligan’s Island, shows up as a guard named Tobaccy!  There Was A Crooked Man is a big movie but it’s also not a very good one.  It’s not serious enough to be a good drama but it’s not funny enough to be a good comedy either.

At least the movie has Warren Oates going for it.  Oates plays Harry Moon, a prisoner who is drafted into Pittman’s escape plot.  It is a typical Warren Oates supporting role but he steals every scene that he appears in.  Even in the smallest of roles, Warren Oates was worth watching and he’s the best thing about There Was A Crooked Man.

Hume Cronyn, Warren Oates, Kirk Douglas, Michael Blodgett, and John Randolph in There Was A Crooked Man

Hume Cronyn, Warren Oates, Kirk Douglas, Michael Blodgett, and John Randolph in There Was A Crooked Man