Retro Television Review: Hang Time 1.3 “Full Court Press” and 1.4 “Will The Real Michael Maxwell Please Stand Up?”

Posted on September 12, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Hang Time, which ran on NBC from 1995 to 2000. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Finally! It’s time for the Deering Tornadoes to actually play a game! Will Julie and the rest of the team live up to the hype? And when will the show realize that they need a better theme song?

I’ll always remember me and my friends at Hang Time!

Episode 1.3 “Full Court Press”

(Directed by Howard Murray, originally aired on September 23rd, 1995)

The season is about to begin and the press are invading Deering High, all so they can report on Julie Connor, the first girl to ever play basketball in high school. (At least, that’s the way the story is reported.) The press is only interested in talking about Julie. All of the fans are only interested in getting Julie’s autograph. Julie has strangers walking up to her and telling her that she’s going to be a huge star. The rest of the team starts to get jealous. Coach Fuller is forced to close the practices to the public. “Connor, get the stars out of your eyes!” he says. He also reminds her to always mention her teammates while being interviewed.

Unfortunately, the fame starts to go to Julie’s head. “Big decision,” she says, “do I go on Leno or Letterman?” On the day of the first game, she’s late because she has to go to a photoshoot. Coach Fuller punishes her by putting her on the bench. “Ohhhhh!” the audience says.

Julie is forced to sit on the bench until the third quarter or half or whatever it is that they play in basketball. However, when the Tornadoes start to lose, Fuller puts Julie in the game. At first, the team still snubs her but then Julie calls a timeout and apologizes. Then the boys call another timeout to apologize to Julie. Then Danny calls a third timeout to apologize personally. Despite all of the timeouts, the team goes on to win by one point. That point was scored by Julie. So, apparently, Julie was totally correct about thinking that she was the most important player on the team.

Meanwhile, Mary Beth saved Earl from choking to death so Earl gives her a pig.

Episode 1.4 “Will The Real Michael Maxwell Please Stand Up”

(Directed by Howard Murray, originally aired on October 7th, 1995)

Deering High won their first game, by one point, thanks to Julie. However, they lose their second game, again by one point, thanks to Michael Maxwell. Michael misses not one but two free throws! He then makes the mistake of saying, “I choked” while in the presence of reporters. The next day, guess what the headline on the front page of the newspaper is!

Anyway, Michael loses his confidence but then he’s given a pep talk by his idol, Grant Hill, who I guess was a real basketball player at the time.

Meanwhile, Danny is still trying to work up the courage to ask out Julie. Samantha tries to help him out, mostly because Samantha likes him. At first, Danny is too stupid to understand this but, by the end of the episode, he and Samantha are a seriously cute couple.

My thoughts on these two episodes is that I don’t know a thing about basketball and the first season was all about basketball. As a result, the first season was uneven (for me, at least) but the show would eventually develop its own weird charm. At this point, I’m just waiting for the theme song to change and for the Tornadoes to actually win or lose a game by more than one point.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 9/4/22 — 9/10/22

Posted on September 10, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Here are just a few thoughts on what I watched as I continued to spend this week preparing for the greatest month of the year, October!

The Bachelorette (Monday Night, ABC)

Poor Gabby! What a mess. She went from being the bachelorette that ever man wanted to date to the bachelorette who now only has one man left to compete for her, a man to whom she’s not even sure she is ready to become engaged. Meanwhile, Rachel has got three men to choose from and it’s hard not to feel that it’s going to be a disaster no matter who she picks. Gabby and Rachel were picked for this season largely because of how badly they were treated during the previous season of The Bachelor but, if they were hoping for a better experience this time around….

If Meatball were still on the show, he could marry both Gabby and Rachel and all of these problems would be solved.

Big Brother (All The Time, CBS and Paramount Plus)

I’ve been writing about Big Brother over at the Big Brother Blog. The season is winding down. That’s a good thing because I’m actually starting to get really bored with the show. All of the really interesting players have been voted out of the House. I’m predicting we’re going to end up with a Turner/Brittany final two and Big Brother Twitter is going to erupt in outrage.

The Challenge (Wednesday Night, CBS)

Enzo is doing a lot better on The Challenge than he did either time he played Big Brother. If you come for Enzo, you better not miss.

Fantasy Island (Tubi)

I watched a few episodes this week and I wrote and scheduled a review for each one of them. The Island is lovely.

Full House (Sunday Evening, MeTV)

DJ volunteered at an assisted living facility and decided that it would be a good idea to bring one of the residents home with her. Personally, I would think that this would lead to DJ losing her volunteer gig but everything worked out in the end. Being a Tanner apparently provided you with a magic shield that protected you from the consequences of your actions. This was followed by an episode in which Stephanie decided that it was time to get serious about her dancing. I could barely watch, it was so cringey.

Hang Time (YouTube)

I watched 16 episodes of Hang Time this week. Somehow, I survived. Look for the reviews in the weeks to come.

Inspector Lewis (YouTube)

Hathaway took a holiday to Croatia, where he helped paint an orphanage. It was very much a Hathaway thing to do. With Hathaway gone, Lewis was free to finally pursue a relationship with Dr. Hobson. Yay!

Mike Judge’s Beavis and Butt-Head (Paramount Plus)

How exactly are Old Beavis and Butt-Head still alive? That’s what I found myself wondering as I watched the latest episode of Mike Judge’s Beavis and Butt-Head. Old Beavis destroyed both of his original kidneys and then destroyed his new kidney because he didn’t like the person who donated it to him. That’s certainly his choice to make but seriously, how is he going to recover from something like that?

Then again, how are Young Beavis and Butt-Head going to recover from drinking acidic pesticide? I can’t lie, I worry about the boys. They need someone to step in and say, “No, don’t drink that!” But I don’t blame Mr. Anderson giving them the pesticide because he was just trying to help. If anything, Mr. Anderson is perhaps my favorite character on the show because I’ve got someone just like Mr. Anderson living at the end of the block. He means well.

Night Shift (Night Shift Plus)

On Friday night, I watched an episode about the “second British invasion” of the early 80s. The episode featured music videos from Duran Duran, The Human League, and few other bands of the era. The Human League video was for Fascination, which made me happy.

Retro Television Reviews: California Dreams 1.3 “Double Date” and 1.4 “Dream Man”

Posted on September 10, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing California Dreams, which ran on NBC from 1992 to 1996. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

The saga of California’s blandest garage band continues.

Is anyone reading this a surf dude with attitude?

Episode 1.3 “Double Date”

(Directed by Don Barnhart, originally aired on September 26, 1992)

Oh, California! What a confusing place.

When Sharkey (the owner of Sharkey’s) goes out of town, he leaves Tony in charge of the restaurant. He promises that, if Tony does a good job, Tony will get a promotion and more money. But Sharkey, isn’t leaving Tony in charge already a promotion? Anyway, it turns out that Sharkey made a huge mistake because soon, Sly has convinced Tony to hold a luau at Sharkey’s. Tony spends a lot of Sharkey’s money on the luau. Sharkey returns home early and demands that Tony pay back the money with whatever is made at the luay. The luau has to be a success! It’s a good thing that the Dreams will be playing at Sharkey’s.

Unfortunately, Matt has already booked the Dreams to perform at a wedding on the same night! This leads to some conflict between Matt and Tony. The conflict would perhaps be more dramatic if Matt wasn’t a total wimp.

Fortunately, Tiffani suggests that maybe the Dreams could just play both shows, considering that there’s apparently only 2 minutes of distance between Sharkey’s and the yacht club. (The wedding, of course, is taking place at the yacht club. Do poor people even exist in California?)

This episode basically felt like it was left over from the Saved By The Bell episodes where Zach and the gang worked at Malibu Sands …. actually, wait a minute. IT IS! When Mr. Carossi went out of town, Zach and Stacy booked two parties for the same night and had to throw both parties during the same night. History repeats itself. Of course, every time that it does, things get progressively dumber.

For the record, the Dreams would have been a terrible wedding band in real life. Hire a DJ, like my friend Xander. He’ll keep your party going.

Episode 1.4 “Dream Man”

(Directed by Don Barnhart, originally aired on October 3rd, 1992)

When Jenny hold a slumber party, Sly and Tony plant a listening device so that they can learn what Jenny and Jenny’s friend Jasmine are looking for in a boyfriend. This leads to …. WAIT A MINUTE! THIS IS ANOTHER SAVED BY THE BELL PLOT! Zach bugged Jessie’s bedroom so that he could learn who Kelly was planning on asking to the school dance. Jessie figured out what was going on and told Kelly to pretend to have a psychotic breakdown.

Anyway, this leads to Sly wearing an Italian suit and a silk tie in an effort to impress Jenny and the audience going, “Wooooo!” But, because Jenny knows about the listening device, Sly ends up getting grape juice splashed on his shirt. “Wooooooo!” the audience continues.

Meanwhile, Tiffani tried to help Matt write a song about a kid named Tommy who can’t swim. The song is supposed to be bad (which leads to Matt learning a lesson about being honest) but the end result is still better than Friends Forever.

Retro Television Review: One World 1.3 “Marci’s Job” and 1.4 “The Gift”

Posted on September 9, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing One World, which ran on NBC from 1998 to 2001. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

The Cast of One World

One world …. we’re living in one world….

Today, we rejoin Miami’s favorite foster family, the Blakes! How are they adjusting to Jane and, more importantly, how is Jane adjusting to them? Does she still consider them to be “The Brady Bunch?” Let’s find out!

Episode 1.3 “Marci’s Job”

(Directed by Chuck Vinson, originally aired on September 26th, 1998)

The Warehouse — which, you may remember from last week, is apparently Miami’s hottest under-21 club — needs a new manager! Marci applies for the job and is hired but then she hears rumors that she may have just been hired because she’s Cuban and the owner needed to fill a quota. Marci is outraged. “Did you hire me because I’m Cuban, Hispanic, Latina!?” she demands of the manager. “I don’t want a job because of my race!”

The audience applauds as Marci walks out.

Later, Ben asks Marci why she’s so upset. Marci replies, “He only gave me the job because of my race! That’s discrimination!”

Yes, this episode is definitely from 1998.

In the B-plot, Jane and Neal become convinced that Cray stole a pair of sneakers so they attempt to return them to the mall. Unfortunately, they get caught by mall security and end up getting tossed into the “mall jail.” Karen Blake — oh my God, her name is literally Karen — goes down to the mall to bail out her foster children. “I am a soccer mom!” she proudly declares as she demands to see the mall’s manager. The audience goes wild.

Again, this episode is definitely from 1998.

The important thing is that everything works out in the end. Cray explains that he didn’t steal the shoes. Instead, he just bought them from some weirdo on the school playground. Meanwhile, Marci goes back to the Warehouse and is told that she wasn’t hired because of her race. She was hired for her “spunk and attitude.”

The audience applauds. Everything works out when you’re living in one world.

Episode 1.4 “The Gift”

(Directed by Chuck Vinson, originally aired on October 3rd, 1998)

It’s Dave’s 45th birthday! While the other kids attempt to build him a home entertainment center, Jane decides to show her appreciation by stealing an expensive watch. When I was a teenager, I used to shoplift for birthdays as well but that just meant that my friends got used to receiving purple eyeshadow on their special day.

Anyway, Jane realizes that Dave wouldn’t want her to break the law so she writes him a letter explaining what happened. Dave says that the letter is the best birthday present he’s ever gotten. And you know what? It may sound silly but it’s actually kind of a sweet moment and it was well-acted by Aaroyn Lloyd and Michael Toland. As far as I’m concerned, that makes this episode a success.

Retro Television Review: City Guys 1.3 “Knicks Tickets” and 1.4 “The Package”

Posted on September 8, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing City Guys, which ran on NBC from 1997 to 2001. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

Roll with the city guys!

It’s Thursday and that means that it’s time to review two more episodes of City Guys! When last I reviewed this show, I was wondering whether the show would improve on its first two episodes. Actually, I wasn’t so much much wondering as I was hoping. (Maybe even praying….) But before we examine episodes 3 and 4 of City Guys, let’s get in the mood:

City-wide! We’re all the same …. you know the drill.

Episode 1.3 “Knicks Tickets”

(Directed by Frank Bonner, originally aired on September 20th, 1997)

At the end of the second episode of City Guys, Chris and Jamal were best friends and the principal, Ms. Noble, was acting as if she had known them and all the other students at Manhattan High for years.

However, the third episode finds Chris and Jamal still engaged in the adversarial relationship that they had during the first episode. They’re working together on the video yearbook but neither is happy about it. Chris is determined to date Cassidy Guiliani. (Yes, that’s her last name. Rudy was mayor of New York when this show aired but I have no idea if Cassidy is meant to be a relative or not.) Jamal is still referring to Chris as being “some rich white boy.” Neither one of them knows enough about Ms. Noble to understand that they’ll always get caught if they try to fool her.

My guess is that the third episode was originally meant to be the second episode but, when the show originally aired, the episodes were shown out of order. This is something that NBC was notorious for doing with its TNBC shows. (It also explains why Zach Morris’s age seemed to change so dramatically from one episode to another of Saved By The Bell.) Technically, showing a show like City Guys out of order is not the greatest outrage that’s ever occurred even in the history of television but it is an indication of how little NBC cared about things like maintaining continuity or, for that matter, respecting the ability of its audiences to realize that something strange was happening. It’s just one of those things that annoys me to no end.

As for the plot of this episode, Ms. Noble has arranged for the class to attend a performance of MacBeth in Central Park. Ms. Noble wants Chris and Jamal to film the performance for the video yearbook and she also wants them to get Patrick Stewart’s autograph. (Patrick Stewart, we’re told, is playing MacBeth and that sounds pretty badass, to be honest.) However, Chris, Jamal, and Cassidy skip school and go to a Knicks game instead. Naturally, Ms. Noble sees them on television and eventually, Jamal and Chris have to come clean and….

Wait a minute. Didn’t all this happen on Saved By The Bell? Zach pretended to be Jewish so he could skip school and go to a baseball game and he was caught on television. Of course, Zach still got away with skipping because Mr. Belding and Zach’s parents didn’t watch the game. Ms. Noble, however, is a far better principal than Mr. Belding. Instead of accusing Jamal, Chris, and Cassidy of skipping, she waits for their guilt to force them to confess.

But what if they hadn’t confessed? Well, I guess Ms. Noble would have looked pretty stupid.

Speaking of stupid, that’s what this episode was. Let’s move on.

Episode 1.4 “The Package”

(Directed by Frank Bonner, originally aired on September 27th, 1997)

Every TNBC show had to have an annoying sidekick and, on City Guys, that role was fulfilled by Al. Al rode a bicycle, worked as a messenger, had “connections,” and had an annoying habit of shouting, “Bam!” at random moments.

The fourth episode opens with Al telling Chris and Jamal that he has a new job. All he has to do is deliver one package a day for Tonio and Tonio shows his gratitude by paying Al an exorbitant amount of money. Chris and Jamal inform Al that Tonio is obviously a drug dealer. Al argues that Tonio is just an electronics salesman.

Tonio eventually shows up on a campus to discover why his latest package hasn’t been delivered. He’s wearing a gold medallion and he’s accompanied by two silent men who keep their hands in their jackets.

Yes, Tonio’s a drug dealer.

Fortunately, Chris, Jamal, and Ms. Noble are able to help Al get out of his bad situation. When Tonio tries to threaten Al, Ms. Noble orders him off campus and Tonio leaves …. once again proving that even drug dealers respect the authority of a caring principal. What was odd about City Guys is that apparently, all problems were resolved by whatever happened in front of the school or, occasionally, up on the roof. No one seems to be concerned that Tonio might just decide to wait outside of school until the bell rings and Al has to leave campus. Instead, Ms. Noble told everyone to go to class and …. hey, problem solved! (Admittedly, Ms. Noble does say that she’s going to call the police and let them know what’s going on but seriously, New York is a big city and there’s only so many cops.)

That’s just the way it was in the world of TNBC. There wasn’t a problem in the world that couldn’t be solved in just 20 minutes.

Anyway, The Package was well-intentioned but pretty dumb. How would Al not have known that Tonio was a drug dealer? To its credit, the show does feature Ms. Noble suggesting that Al was deliberately fooling himself because he wanted the money that Tonio was willing to pay him but still, the whole thing felt a bit contrived. “If you see something, say something!” this episode says, while giving little thought to what happens to snitches in real life. This isn’t Bayside and no one can magically stop time.

That’s it for this week’s City Guys! Next week, Chris and Jamal continue to heal America!

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 1.1 “Captain & The Lady/Centerfold/One If By Land….”

Posted on September 7, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

Welcome aboard, it’s love!

Produced by Aaron Spelling, The Love Boat is one of the signature shows of the 70s and the 80s. Each week, the Pacific Princess would set off for a different location with a different group of guest stars. Typically, each episode would feature three stories. One story would be silly fun. One story would be a dramedy. And then one story would typically feature a member of the Love Boat crew either falling in love or worrying about losing their job. It was a tremendously silly show but, from the episodes I’ve seen, it was also very likable. If nothing else, the ship looked really nice.

While the passengers changed from week-to-week, the crew largely remained the same. During the show’s first season, the crew was made up of:

Captain Merrill Stubing (Gavin MacLeod), who started out as a stern, no-nonsense captain but who became significantly nicer and a good deal goofier as the series progressed,

Adam “Doc” Bricker (Bernie Kopell), the ship’s doctor who hit on every woman who boarded the boat and who probably would have been an HR nightmare if the show actually took place in the real world,

Gopher (Fred Grandy), the ship’s purser who …. well, I’m not sure what a purser does but hopefully it wasn’t too important of a job because Gopher was always getting into weird situations,

Isaac (Ted Lange), the ship’s bartender who spent the entire cruise getting people drunk,

and Julie (Lauren Tewes), the cheerful cruise director.

And, of course, we can’t forget the true star of the show, the theme song!

Before the series, there were three made-for-television movies: The Love Boat (1976), The Love Boat II (1976), and finally The New Love Boat (1977). These movies served as pilots for the show. The first movie featured an entirely different cast playing the ship’s crew. Kopell, Lange, and Grandy first played their roles in The Love Boat II. MacLeod and Tewes came aboard in The New Love Boat. Unfortunately, these pilots aren’t available on Paramount Plus but, fortunately, the rest of the series is.

So, let’s set sail on a course for adventure with the first episode of The Love Boat!

Episode 1.1 “Captain & The Lady/Centerfold/One If By Land….”

(Directed by Richard Kinon, Stuart Margolin, and Alan Rafkin, originally aired on September 24th, 1977)

The Pacific Princess is about to set sail but all is not right on the cruise ship that some call The Love Boat.

Ginny O’Brien (Brenda Sykes) just wants to get away from her longtime boyfriend, Ronald (Jimmie Walker). Ginny wants to marry Ronald but Ronald just wants to have a good time. When Ginny boards the cruise, Ronald decides to follow her. The only problem is that the cruise is sold out and Ronald can’t break the law by stowing away. (I was actually surprised that didn’t happen. I can imagine The Love Boat writers room descending into chaos as the writers argued about whether or not it was too early to do a stowaway story.) Ronald decides to follow the Love Boat from port to port, just so he can show Ginny that he is committed to something. Ginny ends up spending her entire cruise wondering if Ronald is going to be make it to every port. To me, it felt as if her cabinmate (Suzanne Somers) seemed to be kind of annoyed about getting sucked into all of Ginny’s personal drama but that could just be projection on my part. I know that I would certainly get annoyed by it.

Meanwhile, Congressman Brad Brockway (Shelly Novack) has set sail with his fiancée, Sandy (Meredith Baxter-Birney). When Sandy was younger, she posed for a sleazy photographer. Now that she’s engaged to the Congressman, a tabloid has published those pictures. Sandy spends the entire cruise trying to keep Brad from seeing any copies of the magazine. The only problem is that the magazine is sold in ship’s gift shop! (Did most cruise ships sell adult magazines in their gift shop? I supposed it’s possible. It was the 70s….) Sandy manages to get almost every copy of the magazine but misses the copy that Doc keeps in his examination room. Doc looks at the pictures and tells her that she has nothing to be ashamed of because the pictures look good. That really wasn’t her main concern, Doc. Anyway, it turns out that the Congressman doesn’t care. Personally, I would have preferred that the story had ended with Sandy announcing that she was the one who didn’t care.

Finally, Captain Stubing is a nervous wreck because an executive of the cruise line named Aubrey Skogstad (Robert Symonds) is on the cruise and so is his wife, Stacy (Bonnie Franklin). While Aubrey is quiet and polite, Stacy proceeds to tell every member of the crew that they are inadequate and that she will personally make it her duty to get them all fired. It turns out that Stacy is hostile because she’s Captain Stubing’s ex-wife. Since Captain Stubing is still new to the ship and has kept himself aloof from the rest of the crew, they wonder if he’ll ever stand up for them. Eventually, the captain tells Stacy off and, in doing so, he finally wins the loyalty of his crew. Yay!

Anyway, the first episode of The Love Boat was very, very 70s. The only thing that could have made it more 70s would have been a disco ball on the lido deck. Fortunately, as our long-time readers know, I’m a total history nerd so I enjoyed the show as a floating time capsule. It’s one thing to watch a movie that’s set in the 70s and which features everyone going out of their way to bring to life every stereotype. It’s another thing to actually view something that was specifically made during the time period.

Unfortunately, the stories and the passengers themselves were pretty forgettable. The whole thing about the Stacy and the Congressman was slightly interesting just because, with the rise of social media, everyone’s got smutty pictures out there now. For the most part, though, this first episode was about introducing Captain Stubing and the crew and the cast did display a good deal of chemistry together. They were all likable. Even Doc Bricker, with his stash of cruise porn, seemed to be well-intentioned. They came across as people who most viewers would want to take a cruise with, which is exactly what the show required to be a success.

Next week …. more love, more 70s fashion, and more intrusive laugh tracks as we set sail on another voyage!

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island (dir by Richard Lang)

Posted on September 6, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1996. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

Ah, Fantasy Island!

There have been several versions of Fantasy Island. In the late 90s, there was a version that featured Malcolm McDowell as the somewhat aloof owner of the island. More recently, there was a movie that featured Michael Pena as the owner of the Island and which tried to turn the whole thing into a horror franchise. It wasn’t very good. And right now, there’s a show on Fox that features Roselyn Sanchez as the grand niece of the island’s original owner. The Fox series is about to start its second season. It’s a bit silly, which is why I kind of love it.

And then there’s the Fantasy Island that started it all, the Aaron Spelling-produced series that ran from 1977 to 1984 on ABC and which has lived on in reruns and on streaming platforms like Tubi. Both the original series and all of its subsequent spin-offs took place on a mysterious tropical island where people would pay to live out their fantasies. In the original series, the island was run by Mr. Roarke (Ricardo Montalban), who wore a white suit and encouraged everyone to smile whenever the guests arrived. Serving as Mr. Roarke’s second-in-command was Tattoo (Herve Villechaize), who was 3’11, always wore a matching white suit, and announced the arrival of the plane by ringing a bell and shouting, “The plane, the plane!” Of course, each week would bring in a different group of guest stars. They would come to the island with a fantasy and, hopefully, they would learn that reality was the only fantasy that they needed.

All seven seasons of the original Fantasy Island are currently streaming on Tubi. However, if you want to see the 1977 pilot film that started it all, you have to go to YouTube.

In many ways, the 90-minute pilot film feels like a typical episode of Fantasy Island. It’s interesting to see that the show’s basic premise and format was already set in stone when the pilot was filmed. (Pilots are notorious for often being dramatically different from the shows that they were created to sell.) The pilot opens with the plane arriving (and yes, from the start, Tattoo rings the bell and shouts, “The plane!”) and three guests meeting Mr. Roarke. Our three guest stars are Bill Bixby, Hugh O’Brian, and Eleanor Parker. Bixby plays Arnold Greenwood, a former war correspondent who wants to be reunited with Francesca (Sandra Dee), the woman with whom he fell in love during World War II. O’Brian is Paul, a famous big game hunter who wants to be hunted for once. Eleanor Parker is Eunice Hollander Barnes, one of the world’s richest women. She wants to fake her death so she can see who, from her life, would actually mourn her and who would just try to steal her fortune.

If the pilot’s format is the same as the series that followed, the general tone is somewhat different. Mr. Roarke is an almost sinister figure, one who doesn’t really seem to think much of his guests and who is quick to point out that no one gets a fantasy until they’ve paid him the required $50,000. (That’s $50,000 in 1970s money. I have to admit that when Mr. Roarke first mentioned how much the fantasies cost, I was like, “Hey, I could afford this place!”)

Consider the story of the hunter. Paul wants to be hunted because he’s suicidal. His real fantasy is to die. The night before Paul’s fantasy is to begin, Michelle (Victoria Principal) shows up at Paul’s room. Michelle explains that Mr. Roarke has hired her to provide Paul with companionship during the night. Unfortunately, Michelle ends up handcuffed to Paul and, as a result, she’s hunted along with him! Now, you could argue that Mr. Roarke did this to teach Paul to think about someone other than himself. But what if Paul hadn’t learned the lesson? Then Michelle would be dead too! What would Mr. Roarke do then? Just have Tattoo dump the bodies in the lagoon? “To hell with you, Roarke!” Paul yells and who can blame him?

And then there’s our war correspondent, Arnold. Arnold’s fantasy seems simple enough but then it turns out that the reason he lost contact with Francesca is because he murdered her! As a result of his fantasy, Arnold not only relives the first time he met Francesca but also how their relationship ended. The entire experience leaves Arnold laughing like a madman as his sanity slips away.

As for Eunice’s story, it’s pretty stupid. She dresses up like a maid so that she can listen to what people have to say about her once they think she’s dead. It’s like an episode of Undercover Boss. At least former Kennedy in-law Peter Lawford makes an appearance as Eunice’s husband. Eunice ends up far less traumatized than either Paul or Arnold but she still had to fake her death to come to peace with her life.

The pilot is entertaining. One can understand why it would lead to a series. The island is lovely to look at. Even with the somewhat sinister tone of two of the stories, it’s still impossible to watch the pilot without wondering what type of fantasy you would pursue if you went to the Island. For me, that’s always been the main appeal of all of the various versions of Fantasy Island. Still, it’s interesting that the fantasies themselves are less comforting than what I think many would expect on account of the show’s reputation. For all the criticism that Blumhouse received for their reinterpretation of Fantasy Island, they were not the first to imagine Mr. Roarke as being somewhat less than benevolent. Of course, when the actual series started, Mr. Roarke was a far friendlier host.

Next week, the series begins and hopefully, no further guests are traumatized to the point of catatonia.

Retro Television Review: Hang Time 1.1 “The Pilot” and 1.2 “Trouble in Paradise”

Posted on September 5, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Hang Time! I’ll always remember my friends at Hang Time!

Imagine California Dreams if it took place in Indiana and if, instead of music, everyone was obsessed with basketball. That’s Hang Time!

Produced by Peter Engel, Hang Time followed the adventures of the Deering High School basketball team. Somewhat notoriously, the cast regularly changed from season to season, with only two members of the cast sticking with the show for every season. The first season featured:

David Hanson as Chris Atwater, the star of Deering High’s basketball team,

Daniella Deutscher as Julie Connor, the newest member of the team,

Chad Gabriel as Danny Mellon, the quirky member of the team who had a crush on Julie,

Megan Parlen as Mary Beth Pepperton, the materialistic head cheerleader who was dating Chris,

Robert Michael Ryan as Earl Hatfield, the dumb country boy who loved basketball and worked as a mall security guard,

Christian Belanvis as Michael Maxwell, who had a lot of talent and an ego to match,

Hillary Tuck as Samantha Morton, the hyper organized team manager,

and

Reggie Theus as Bill Fuller, a former pro player who returned to his old high school to coach the team.

Season one of Hang Time also had an absolutely horrid theme song, one that was luckily abandoned after the season ended.

Episode 1.1 “The Pilot”

(Directed by Howard Murray, Originally aired on September 9th, 1995)

Oh my God, this was bad….

I mean, pilots are usually bad because the characters aren’t as nuanced as they will later be and the initial storyline usually tries to hard to establish everyone’s role in the show’s hierarchy. Veteran retro television viewers know better than to expect anything good from an episode with the dreaded title of “The Pilot.”

That said, the pilot of Hang Time was really, really bad. The show itself was never exactly good but it did eventually develop an oft-kilter charm. But none of that charm is present in the first episode of the show.

Julie Connor (Daniella Deutscher) transfers to Deering High and tries out for the school’s basketball team. A girl playing basketball!? GASP! Anyway, Julie turns out to be a slightly above average basketball player and wins a place on the team and …. well, that’s about it. It would probably seem like more of an accomplishment if it appeared that there was any real competition when it came to getting on the team. Instead, only a handful of people seem to be interested in playing basketball and at least a few of them seem to be …. well, kind of short.

I understand that Reggie Theus was a former basketball player-turned-actor. Judging from this pilot, as an actor, he was a very good athlete.

Episode 1.2 “Trouble in Paradise”

(Directed by Howard Murray, Originally aired on September 16th, 1995)

“You should be home, baking a Cake!” a drunk basketball fan yells at Julie when she and Chris attend a pro basketball game. Julie challenges the jerk to a game. Chris tries to maintain calm. Unfortunately, it gets both Julie and Chris on TV, which leads to Mary Beth and Danny getting jealous.

Bleh. This was a dumb episode. Mary Beth, who doesn’t care about basketball, was the only character to whom I could relate.

The first two episodes of Hang Time felt like California Dreams, without the music. Hang Time would eventually develop a style of its own, with Megan Parlen especially proving herself to be a capable comedic actress. But that style really isn’t present in much of the first season.

Next week: The Deering Tornadoes finally play a game!

Retro Television Reviews: California Dreams 1.1 “Battle of the Bands” and 1.2 “Beat of His Own Drum”

Posted on September 3, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

In 1992, with Saved By The Bell coming to a close, Peter Engel attempted to duplicate that show’s magic with California Dreams! The story of a bunch of teens who start their own band, California Dreams was basically Saved By The Bell if every episode had centered around the Zack Attack.

The first season of California Dreams centered around Matt Garrison (Brent Gore) and his younger sister, Jenny (Heidi Noelle Lenhart). Matt played guitar and was the band’s lead singer. Jenny played keyboards and sang. Tiffani (Kelly Packard) was the surfer who played bass. Tony (William James Jones) played drums. Sly Winkle (Michael Cade) managed the band. Mr. Garrison (Michael Cutt) and Mrs. Garrison (Gail Ramey) supported Matt’s ambitions. The youngest Garrison child was Dennis (Ryan O’Neill). The Garrisons were a pretty boring family and they would be phased out after this season.

Now, sing it….

Episode 1.1 “Battle of the Bands”

(Directed by Don Barnhart, originally aired on September 12th, 1992)

The story of California’s blandest garage band got its start with a simple episode about a Battle of the Bands. As the episode begins, California Dreams has already been formed and apparently already has fans. We’re starting in medias res and there’s certainly nothing wrong with that. In fact …. wait a minute! Where’s Jake!? Where’s Sam!? Where’s Mark Winkle? WHERE’S LORENA!?

(Lorena is the character to whom I always relate.)

Sorry, none of those characters are present in season one. Of the classic California Dreams line-up, only Sly, Tony, and Tiffani were present at the start and, during the first season, all three of them were overshadowed by the Garrisons. Though it’s easy to forget, the band was originally formed by Matt Garrison and his younger sister, Jenny. Matt Garrison is quick to tell everyone that he’s rock and roll. In this episode, he talks about how much he loves obscure bands like The Beatles and U2. I wonder if he’s ever heard of the Beach Boys. Needless to say, without Jake and Lorena, the first season of California Dreams is pretty bland.

Anyway, in this episode, the California Dreams enter a Battle of the Bands contest but they find themselves competing against their hated rivals, Bradley and the Billionaires. We don’t get to hear Bradley’s music but the band looks pretty sharp in their old club jackets. GO BRADLEY! When the Battle of the Bands ends in a tie, this means that California Dreams and the Billionaires will be competing in a run-off for …. well, I’m not sure what the prize is. Probably an Applebee’s gift card or something.

(Actually, I just rewatched the episode. The prize was $500, the majority of which would probably be spent at Applebee’s.)

Sly decides that Matt should date one of the judges, Angela. Matt doesn’t think that he and Angela have anything in common but then Angela reveals that she also likes the Beatles. ANOTHER BEATLES FAN IN CALIFORNIA!? WHO COULD HAVE SEEN THAT COMING!? Can Matt tell her the truth about why he asked her out and still win the contest? Who cares? Bradley is clearly a better musician. That said, the Dreams win the contest because the show is named after them. Angela forgives Matt after he gives her tickets to a big concert. “Beethoven!” Angela says, looking at the tickets. Sweetie, he’s not actually going to be there.

Meanwhile, Tony decides to get an earring but freaks out when he sees the needle. Wimp.

Episode 1.2 “Beat Of His Own Drum”

(Directed by Don Barnhart, originally aired on September 19th, 1992)

Tony has finally written a song that he’s proud of but it turns out that his father doesn’t care about the band. So, Tony tries to win his father’s love by dropping out of the band and playing football. Eventually, Tony fakes an injury to get out of playing football and rejoins the band.

Meanwhile, Matt’s creepy little brother develops a crush on Tiffani. It’s extremely awkward and uncomfortable to watch.

It all works out in the end. Tony’s dad begrudgingly comes to a California Dreams performance and sees Tony perform his song. While Tony sings, we get to see a music video that I guess is supposed to be taking place in Tony’s head. Tony sings and dances with an umbrella while Matt hops around in a green suit and Jenny poses with two ventriloquist dummies. It’s the type of thing that makes O-Town look edgy. But no matter! Tony wins his father’s support. Yay!

Retro Television Reviews: One World 1.1 “Hurricane Jane” and 1.2 “What’s In A Name?”

Posted on September 2, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The Cast of One World

City Guys wasn’t the only “edgy” show that Peter Engel produced for TNBC. There was also …. ONE WORLD!

One World told the story of a Miami-based multicultural foster family. Dave Blake (Michael Toland) was former baseball player turned high school coach. His wife, Karen (Elizabeth Morehead), was an art teacher. They owned a nice big house and they adopted troubled teens as a hobby.

Among the members of their family:

Ben Blake (Bryan Kirkwood) was a recovering alcoholic who played in a band and dated a lot of girls.

Jane (Arroyn Lloyd) was the latest addition to the family. She wore a leather jacket, liked zombie movies, and had an extensive criminal record.

Neal Smith (Harvey Silver) was the former gang member turned honors student.

Marci Blake (Alicia Reyes) was obsessed with making money.

Sui Blake (Michelle Krusiec) was obsessed with boys and fashion.

Cray Blake (Brandon Baker) was the youngest of the family.

Together, they were living in One World!

Episode 1.1 “Hurricane Jane”

(Directed by Chuck Vinson, originally aired on September 12th, 1998)

The very first episode of One World opens with Sui bragging to her stepparents that she set a new record while running. “Were the cops chasing you again?” Stepdad asks, while the audience laughs. Hence, from the very first joke, it’s established that the Blakes aren’t very good foster parents. Indeed, it’s interesting how many future episodes will revolve around the Blake children getting arrested for doing something and then freaking out about the inevitable visit from a social worker. As Mrs. Blake puts it in this episode, “We didn’t want normal kids. We wanted the worst kids we could find!”

(That said, none of the kids really seem to be that bad, despite all of their talk about how they were once homeless criminals. This is a Peter Engel production, after all.)

New arrival Jane joins the household and immediately pegs them as being “The Brady Bunch. Jane announces that she’s not staying and tells her stepsiblings to drop dead. “Once you get to know me, you won’t want me around!” Jane declares, “No one ever has and no one ever will!” Jane is even more upset to learn that The Warehouse (“the most happening under-21 club in Miami,” as her stepbrother, Ben, puts it) doesn’t serve alcohol. Fortunately, a hurricane blows into town and Jane is forced to stick around and bond with her new family. In other words, the hurricane was God’s way of forcing Jane to stay with her new family and pursue her obvious crush on Ben.

The hurricane also allows Marci a chance to make some money off of other people’s suffering. She hoards supplies so that she can sell them after the disaster. That’s actually not a bad business plan but you really do have to wonder if the Blakes realize that they’re raising a family of sociopaths. That said, Marci does have a sudden change of hearts and ends up giving away everything that she’s hoarded.

As far as first episodes are concerned, this one wasn’t so bad. I liked Jane’s bad attitude and her anger, which brought a different energy to this episode from what you would typically expect from a Peter Engel production. And I related to Sui and her appreciation of the better things in life. That said, I don’t know if I would have willingly gone out in a hurricane to look for anyone who wasn’t a cat.

Episode 1.2 “What’s In A Name?”

(Directed by Chuck Vinson, originally aired on September 19th, 1998)

“The next kid we get is going to be kosher!” Dave Blake announces when he discovers that all of the bacon has been eaten before he gets a chance to have anyone.

Wow, Dave, way to only think about yourself!

In the second episode of One World, the Blakes formally adopt Neal but Neal has to decide whether to to change his last name from Smith to Blake. Neal decides that he’s happy to be a part of the Blake family but he still wants to hold onto his past by retaining his “Smith” name. This episode would have perhaps been more effective if Neal didn’t have the most common last name in the world.

In the show’s B-plot, Sui was dating a player on Dave’s baseball team. At first, Dave didn’t want Sui dating one of his players but then the player had a good game. “Now, I’m trying to figure out how you can date all of my players!” Dave says. Uhmm, okay, Dave. That’s not a creepy thing for a foster parent to say at all.

Will the Blakes be able to create he perfect family? Will Jane ever feel at home with the Brady Bunch? We shall find out next week …. maybe.