Cabin Fever”

Posted on February 15, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

The Love Boat

Today, we wrap up season one of The Love Boat! All aboard!

Episode 1.25 “Pacific Princess Overtures / Gopher, the Rebel / Cabin Fever”

(Dir by Alan Baron, originally aired on May 20th, 1978)

As I sat down to watch this episode on Paramount Plus, I was once again confronted with that weird commercial featuring P!nk and Michael Phelps tossing a big red COVID germ at each other. I’ve seen this commercial a few times. It’s popular not only on Paramount Plus but also on Hulu and Peacock. For a commercial that’s all about the terrors of COVID, I have to say that representing the risk by using a big rubber ball feels a bit …. well, counterproductive. (Actually, perhaps silly would be a better way to describe it.) To be honest, P!nk and Michael Phelps look like they’re almost having too much fun tossing COVID at each other. Someday, someone will actually take a serious look at how and why the combined efforts of the media and the advertising industry struggled to convince people to take the vaccine and this commercial will hopefully be remembered. Considering that it’s the elderly who are at the greatest risk when it comes to COVID, it’s interesting that almost all of the vaccination commercials that I’ve seen have been stylistically aimed at older millennials. Michael Phelps saying that his depression puts him at a greater risk of COVID is not the sort of thing that’s going to convince an 80 year-old to get a booster.

Speaking of commercials, the first season finale of The Love Boat featured Antonio Fargas as an advertising exec named Lee Graham. When we first see him, he’s saying goodbye to his wife as he boards the ship. He tells her that he’ll miss her and that the only reason he’s going to be on the boat is because he’s working on ad campaign for the cruise company. Of course, he’s lying. He’s actually taking the cruise so that he can spend some time with his mistress, Andrea (Jonelle Allen). Lee and Andrea are excited to finally have a few days where they can be with each other without feeling like they have to hide for everyone. However, Lee soon discovers that his nosy neighbors (played by Kaye Bass and Elias Jacob) are also on the boat! As a result, Lee doesn’t get a chance to cheat on his wife and, at the end of the cruise, he and Andrea realize that they don’t want to continue their adulterous ways. Fortunately, it turns out that Lee’s wife already knew about the affair and is incredibly forgiving. I’m not really sure why she’s so forgiving but hey, it was the 70s! It’s not like The Love Boat is going to end with a divorce. That’s more of a 90s thing.

While this is going, ruthless business tycoon Mr. Yamashiro (Pat Morita — yes, you read that correctly) is determined to convince Ruth Newman (Diane Baker) to sell him her late husband’s factory. Yamashiro even orders his assistant, Ken Davis (Gary Collins), to trick Ruth by pretending to fall in love with her. However, Ken really does fall in love with her and he loses his job as a result. Fear not, though. Ruth hires him and agrees to invest in a special, voice-activated word processor that he’s created. Yamashiro is so impressed that he agrees to invest as well. Yamashiro says that they can consider his investment to be a wedding present. Ruth and Ken have only known each other for a few days but sure, why shouldn’t they get married? I mean, it’s the 70s! People get married about knowing each other for a weekend and then they forgive each other for cheating. Love is all around, no need to waste it. They’re all going to make it, after all.

However, none of those stories can compare to what happens to Gopher. After starting the cruise in a bad mood because he feels that Captain Stubing doesn’t respect him, Gopher falls for a young communist named Vanessa! And Vanessa is played by Eve Plumb. That’s right! This episode features the original Jan Brady filling Gopher’s head with a bunch of Marxist nonsense! Vanessa is traveling on the boat with her wealthy father (Don Porter) and she sure does resent all of the money that’s being spent on the cruise. When she tells Gopher that he should stop taking orders from the Captain because, as “members of the Personhood,” no one has any right to order anyone else around, Gopher takes her words to heart and he ended up getting fired for insubordination! Fortunately, it doesn’t take long for both Vanessa and Gopher to see the errors of their ways and the Captain hires Gopher back, with the understanding that Gopher will never again bring a certain impractical economic theory. It’s a bit like that episode where the Captain told Isaac that he was spending too much time learning about black history. The Captain’s not going to let his purser go down the Marxist rabbit hole!

And so, the first season comes to a close. This was a good episode with which to end the season. Though his storyline was undeniably icky, Antonio Fargas proved himself to be a talented physical comedian as he tried to keep his neighbors from noticing his girlfriend. The second story was a bit bland but Pat Morita transcended his stereotypical role. And seriously, how can you not enjoy Eve Plumb radicalizing Gopher?

When The Love Boat began, the crew was unsure of how to react around Captain Stubing. As the first season comes to a close, they’ve learned that Stubing will always have their back, as long as they don’t talk about Black History or Marxism. What will the crew discover about their captain during season 2? We’ll find out soon!

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 2/5/23 — 2/11/23

Posted on February 11, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

I had a cold for most of this week. Actually, I still do. Somehow, this did not lead to me watching more TV than usual.

Here’s some thoughts on what I did watch this week!

Abbott Elementary (Wednesday Night, ABC)

It’s Valentine’s Day and we all totally know that Janine and Gregory totally belong together. The show wasn’t particularly subtle about it as Maurice gave Janine an empty bag while Gregory’s girlfriend was downright rude about Gregory’s present! While this was going on, Ava was discovering the joy of learning and Jacob was teaching black history. All in all, it was a good episode. I always worry that Abbott Elementary is going to be overshadowed by the whole Office-style mockumentary format but the show has definitely established its own identity.

The Bachelor (Monday Night, ABC)

Good Lord, Zach is boring. I think that’s going to be my review of every episode this season.

The Brady Bunch Hour (YouTube)

I wrote about The Brady Bunch Hour here!

California Dreams (YouTube)

I wrote about California Dreams here!

Fantasy Island (Tubi)

I wrote about Fantasy Island here!

Future Quest (Nightflight Plus)

Future Quest was a show that aired on PBS in 1994. Hosted by Jeff Goldblum, it took a look at the “future.” I watched the first episode on Saturday morning with Jeff and our friend Pat McCurry. It was full of people talking about what they expected the 21st Century would be like and amazingly, they weren’t that far off. Quite a few of them predicted that we would eventually end up watching movies on our phone, for instance. Only one person said that email’s popularity would fade and people would go back to hand-written letters. Sadly, an even larger group of people thought that the future would usher in an era of peace as we moved away from geographic conflicts, political unrest, and terrorism. With the benefit of hindsight, it was interesting to see what people got right and what people got wrong. And, of course, Jeff Goldblum was totally charming.

Hang Time (YouTube)

I wrote about Hang Time here!

Hell’s Kitchen (Thursday Night, FOX)

I was not at all surprised when Alex won this season, as he was clearly not only the best chef but the best leader as well. Still, it was very emotionally satisfying to see him walk through that door. Alex was one of the many business owners to have their lives upended by the COVID lockdowns. From the minute this latest season began, he just seemed destined to win. It just felt right,

The Love Boat (Paramount+)

I wrote about The Love Boat here!

Night Flight (NightFlight Plus)

I watched two episodes of this old entertainment digest on Friday night. Both of the episodes were from 1990. The first one was a profile of the band, The Art of Noise, which I liked quite a bit. The second was a look at some films that were coming out that weekend. None of the films looked particularly memorable.

South Park (Comedy Central)

South Park is back. Cupid Ye not only satirized Kanye West but it also showed why his rantings are so dangerous. At a time when so many people are still treating Kanye West like he’s just some sort of kooky eccentric as opposed to someone using his huge platform to spread destructive conspiracies, South Park has more guts than almost every other show on television combined.

Stolen Youth (Hulu)

I watched this creepy documentary on Saturday morning. A middle-aged man named Larry Ray stayed with his daughter at Sarah Lawrence College and started a sex cult! The documentary featured interviews with some of the students who fell under his malevolent sway. As opposed to the unlikable people in The Vow, the interviewees in Stolen Youth were all sympathetic victims who were preyed upon by someone who knew how to take advantage of their naivety.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 1.24 “This Business of Love / Crash Diet Crush / I’ll Never Fall in Love Again”

Posted on February 8, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Let’s set sail for adventure!

Episode 1.24 “This Business of Love / Crash Diet Crush / I’ll Never Fall in Love Again”

(Dir by Roger Duchowny, originally aired on May 13th, 1978)

This week’s episode of The Love Boat is all about dealing with the past.

For instance, Captain Stubing is shocked when his old high school girlfriend, Jocelyn (Jessica Walter), boards the boat. He’s even more shocked when Jocelyn points out that he’s gained a bit of weight since high school. I have to admit that I was also shocked that Jocelyn — or anyone for that matter — would react to seeing an old friend by immediately pointing that out. Even worse, Jocelyn makes a joke about how one of their other friends no longer has his hair. This, of course, leads to the Captain refusing to take off his hat and going on a crash diet in an effort to lose weight. This makes the Captain cranky and his beleaguered staff finally rig his scale to make Stubing think that he’s lost more weight than he has. This gives Stubing the courage to tell Jocelyn that he’s fallen in love with her.

I had two thoughts on this storyline. First off, Jocelyn’s kind of a bitch and Captain Stubing, while being a bit of a handful himself, still deserves better than someone who greets him by informing him that he’s no longer as impressive as he was in high school. Secondly, I didn’t really buy that Stubing would be that insecure in the first place. He’s the captain of the ship! He’s in charge! That takes a certain amount of confidence. In order to be a captain, you have to have the respect of your crew and it’s hard to imagine the crew respecting a captain who literally refuses to take off his hat because his high school girlfriend is on the cruise.

Meanwhile, Nate (Michael Callan) and Roberta (Annette Funicello) are both depressed because, over the past year, they’ve both lost their spouses. They meet on the boat and it’s obvious to everyone that they’re meant to be together. Isaac certainly sees it! But both Nate and Roberta say that they’re through with love. Fortunately, an obnoxiously happy couple (played by Morey Amsterdam and Rose Marie) are also on the ship as a reminder that love can live forever. This was a standard Love Boat storyline. (Even though the show was still only in its first season, this was not the first time The Love Boat featured a depressed widow finding love on the cruise.) But Funicello and Callen were both sympathetic in their roles and I was happy they found each other.

Finally, Jill (Caren Kaye) is a former high-priced escort who is setting sail for a new life. On the Boat, she meets Bill (Christopher George) and they fall in love. Jill doesn’t want Bill to find out about her past life. Unfortunately, one of her former clients (Jack Carter) is also on the boat, traveling with his wife (Jayne Meadows). Again, this was a standard Love Boat story but it worked largely due to the chemistry between Caren Kaye and Christopher George.

This was an okay episode. The storylines were predictable and a bit forgettable but the guest stars brought a lot of charm to their roles. It was an pleasant cruise. I just hope Captain Stubing stops being so hard on himself!

Lisa Marie’s Week in Television: 1/29/23 — 2/4/23

Posted on February 4, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

I watched quite a bit. Let’s see what I can remember about it.

Accused (Tuesday Night, FOX)

This week’s episode was actually pretty good. It has an enjoyably macabre ending and was well-directed by Jonathan Mostow.

The Amazing Race 5 (Netflix)

The fifth season of The Amazing Race is on Netflix! I watched a few episodes this week. I’m glad that Colin and Christie were given a second chance to compete on the show because they really were the strongest competitors during the fifth season. After getting used to the mellow Colin who appeared the second time, it was interesting to be reminded just how intense and ultra-competitive he was the first time he appeared on the show. I know that Colin and Christie were meant to be the fifth season’s “villains” but, honestly, it’s impossible not to like them. I respect the fact that they consistently refused to yield or U-turn anyone.

American Auto (Tuesday Night, NBC)

Anna Gasteyer’s character went on the Seth Meyers show to try to soften her image and convince everyone that she really wasn’t the country’s most hated CEO. I understand that the whole point here was to reunite Gasteyer and Meyers, as I assume they were on Saturday Night Live at the same time. But I don’t know. Gasteyer had a few funny moments but Meyers has never really appealed to me a a talk show host. And really, if you were a CEO trying to improve your image by appearing on a talk show, would you go on the one that most people don’t watch? She should have held out for Fallon.

The Bachelor (Monday Night, ABC)

Boring!

The Brady Bunch Hour (YouTube)

I wrote about The Brady Bunch Hour here!

California Dreams (YouTube)

I wrote about California Dreams here!

City Guys (Tubi)

Uh-oh! It looks like Tubi has removed a few episodes of City Guys! Fortunately, I think I can find them all on YouTube. Anyway, click here to see what I wrote this week!

Football Game: Bengals vs Chiefs (Sunday Evening, CBS)

I watched this game with Jeff and Erin. I guess I’m glad the Chiefs won. The Bengals uniforms were a kind of silly looking.

Football Game: Eagles vs 49ers (Sunday Afternoon, FOX)

Was it on FOX? I honestly can’t remember. Anyway, I watched this game with Jeff and Erin and they were a lot more into it than I was. I decided that I would root for the 49ers because Philadelphia is the city of Parking Wars but I changed my mind once it became obvious that the 49ers weren’t going to win.

Hell’s Kitchen (Thursday Night, FOX)

I’m not sure if I agree with Chef Ramsey’s decision to keep Dafne over Sommer. Sommer may have been abrasive when she was put in charge of the Kitchen but she was still a lot less scatter-brained and more effective than Dafne was. That said, we all know that Alex is going to win this season.

Kids Behind Bars: Life or Parole? (Hulu)

This show originally aired on A&E. I watched an episode on Monday morning and I was immediately reminded of why I never particularly cared for this show. Not only does it exploit real-life tragedy but it’s also so biased and heavy-handed that it’s not really worth watching as a work of journalism.

Law & Order (Thursday Night, NBC)

This week, the murderer was a prosperity preacher. Nolan Price used a bunch of shady legal tricks to convince a judge to force a minister to break his sacred oath. This show is always at its most cringey when it tries to deal with religion. As I watched this week, I noticed that the show is now playing up the whole “relationship” angle between Price and Maroun. They’re a cute couple but I kind of want to see Maroun handle a case without Price hovering over her shoulder.

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about The Love Boat here!

Night Court (Tuesday Night, NBC)

I know I watched the episode because I jotted it down in my notes for the week but I can’t remember a thing about it. That’s kind of a recurring problem with Night Court. I’ve seen every episode so far and I still can’t really tell you anything about the show or its characters.

Night Flight (Night Flight Plus)

I watched an episode from the 80s. It was all about the use of animation in music videos.

Survivor: Philippines (Hulu)

There are several old seasons of Survivor on Hulu. I watched a bit of the Philippines season, which featured the unbelievably hot Malcolm and the unbelievably obnoxious Abi-Maria. Along with Penner, RC, Russell, and a few others, this season featured some of the least likable castaways ever but it also featured Malcolm so it all worked out.

TV Party (Nightflight Plus)

I watched an old episode of this 80s public access program on Friday night. Chris Stein, of the band Blondie, led a small band in playing medieval music. Then a bunch of drunk people called the studio and threatened to beat him up.

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 1.23 “Musical Cabins”

Posted on February 1, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Let’s hear it for life’s sweetest reward!

Episode 1.23 “Musical Cabins”

(Dir by Allen Baron, originally aired on May 6th, 1978)

This week’s episode of The Love Boat opened with …. a commercial!

Actually, if you’re watching the show on Paramount Plus like me, every episode opens with a commercial and occasionally the commercial freezes and you have to start all over again. This week, though, was significant because it was a new commercial from Pfizer. The commercial opened with P!nk holding a rubber germ.

“If I was holding COVID-19,” P!nk says, “I would be in trouble …. because I have asthma.”

Plus, she would be in trouble because that’s the biggest goddamn germ I’ve ever seen. Don’t get me wrong. I have asthma too and I am more than aware of the dangers of getting an aggressive respiratory illness. But I’m just not sure that having a bunch of celebrities passing around a big rubber germ is the best way to advertise the vaccine. As soon as P!nk threw the germ at Michael Phelps and ?uestlove, the commercial started to lose me. It felt cheap, like one of those ICDC commercials that Master P forced Romeo Miller to do. Don’t throw germs at your friends.

Speaking of which, this week’s episode of The Love Boat is all about friendships and relationships. Ms. O’Roarke (Marica Wallace) is a gossip reporter who has heard that the Pacific Princess is a notorious hotbed of lust and hedonism on the high seas. She books a ticket and then sneaks around the boat with her notepad, watching as people go in and out of different cabins. She thinks that she’s uncovering evidence of an orgy on the high seas but actually, she’s just witnessing a bunch of misunderstandings.

For instance, Didi (Barbara Rhoades) is so disgusted by Curt (Dick Gautier), her chauvinistic boyfriend, that she refuses to stay in their cabin. When Gopher informs her that the cruise is sold out and there are no other cabins available, Doc immediately volunteers his cabin. Judging from the look on Gopher’s face, he’s just about had it with Doc hitting on every single passenger on the boat. An HR report is about to be filed.

Doc, for his part, assumes that Didi is looking for more than just a place to sleep. Being the swinger that he is, Doc slips into his pajamas and offers to help Didi unwind.

Didi is scandalized and kicks Doc out of his own cabin. Doc ends up asking Julie if he can crash in her cabin. Julie agrees but then wonders why Doc has never tried to hit on her. Doc replies that he thinks of Julie as being a “kid sister.”

Wrong answer, Doc!

Fortunately, Julie is soon approached by Nelson Hoag (Paul Williams), who has been asking every woman on the cruise if she’ll consider marrying him. Everyone turns Nelson down but what they don’t know is that Nelson is going to inherit a good deal of money but only if he gets married before his next birthday!

Julie and Nelson spend the night talking and Julie is actually charmed by Nelson. However, just as she learns in to kiss him, Gopher shows up and puts the kibosh on it. Gopher is going to have a lot of HR reports to write.

Since Doc is sleeping in her cabin, Julie ends up staying in Nelson’s cabin. Meanwhile, Nelson meets Irene (Michele Lee), a widow who is pretending to be an heiress. Irene allows Nelson to stay in her cabin and then she spends some time with an entirely smitten Captain Stubing. Is anyone on the boat actually doing their job?

Eventually, as O’Roarke hides behind the corner and takes notes, everyone meets in one cabin to work out their feelings. Curt wants Didi back but Didi actually prefers the company of the gentle Nelson. For her part, Irene likes men who take what they want and say whatever pops into their mind and that certainly describes Curt. By the end of the cruise, Julie and Doc are friends again, Didi is married to Nelson, and Irene is dating Curt. And O’Roarke realizes that she doesn’t have a story so she tears up all of her notes.

Usually, I can’t stand shows (or movies) where the plot hinges on a series of misunderstandings that could all easily be cleared up by people just not being stupid but I actually found this episode of The Love Boat to be rather charming, as the show made good use of the cast’s natural chemistry and the guest stars actually brought some much needed emotional depth to characters who were otherwise rather thinly written. Yes, Nelson was a little weirdo but, oddly, he and Didi made for a really sweet couple. Add to that Michele Lee brought a sense of genuine sadness to her role as the lonely widow. Watching the show, I found myself hoping that things would work out for her and they did!

Yay!

I hope next week is this good!

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 1.22 “A Selfless Love / The Nubile Nurse / Parents Know Best”

Posted on January 25, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

All aboard!

Episode 1.22 “A Selfless Love / The Nubile Nurse / Parents Know Best”

(Dir by Roger Duchovny, originally aired on February 25th, 1978)

The week’s cruise begins with the walking HR nightmare known as Dr. Adam Bricker announcing that he’s hired a new nurse and she’s a former Las Vegas showgirl! Gopher and Isaac are excited to learn this but no one is more excited than Doc, who quickly makes it clear that he’s hoping that she’ll be more than just his nurse.

However, it turns out that Dawn Delaney (Elaine Joyce) not only takes nursing very seriously but she would also rather do her job than make out with her boss. Needless to say, this upsets the doctor. It also turns out that she knows about all of the latest medical developments. This also upsets Doc Bricker because it leads to him getting upstaged. The final straw is when Dawn manages to cure Captain Stubing’s hiccups. Bricker gets upset but then Dawn explains that she actually wants to be a doctor but, because she’s a former showgirl, no medical school is willing to accept her. Bricker promises to use his contacts to got her admitted and then they share a long passionate kiss. And that’s the end of that story.

As I watched Doc react to his nurse, it occurred to me that this show was very lucky that Bernie Kopell agreed to play the role because Doc, to be honest, is a terrible doctor who violates his Hippocratic oath on every cruise. In the real world, Doc Bricker would be unemployable. On The Love Boat, everyone loves him and the reason that we believe he would be so popular is because Bernie Kopell was so naturally likable that it made it easy to overlook all of the character’s shady behavior.

While Doc hit on his new nurse, two parents (Monty Hall and Janis Page) tried to hook their dorky son (Mark Shera) up with a girl (Laurie Prange) on the cruise. What the parents didn’t know is that the girl was actually their son’s girlfriend and the entire cruise was an elaborate ruse to get them to finally meet. Seriously, that was the entire story. It was a bit forgettable.

Finally, Harry Morrison (Leslie Nielsen) is an old friend of Captain Stubing’s. He’s going to Mexico with his much younger girlfriend, Laura (Lynda Day George) and they plan to get married. However, Harry starts to worry that Laura is too young for him and Laura starts to worry that Harry would rather hang out with people his own age. She makes a reference to Donnie and Marie Osmond and Harry admits to not knowing who they are. Agck! Fear not, though. After talking about it, Harry and Laura decide to get married anyways. It was a predictable story but how can you not like watching the future stars of The Naked Gun and Pieces acting opposite each other?

It was a bit of an odd episode. The Doc/Nurse storyline was cringey. The son and his parents storyline were forgettable. But I liked Leslie Nielsen and Lynda Day George’s story. They saved the cruise!

Next week, we’ll continue to set sail for adventure with three new stories!

Retro Television Review: Love Boat 1.21 “Taking Sides/Going By The Book/A Friendly Little Game”

Posted on January 18, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

It’s time to once again experience the magic of The Love Boat!

Episode 1.21 “Taking Sides/Going By The Book/A Friendly Little Game”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on February 18th, 1978)

This week’s episode begins with the extremely nerdy Howard Wilson (Harvey Jason) preparing to board the ship. Before he does so, he’s approached by his best friend, Bernie (Paul Sylvan). Bernie gives Howard a book on how to talk to women. Apparently, this is something that Howard’s not good at but Bernie swears that the book will change his life. There’s a Roy Lichtenstein-style picture of a man and a woman kissing on the cover of the book so Howard decides that Bernie knows what he’s talking about.

On the boat, Howard immediately notices Sheila Lawrence (Georgia Engel). However, Sheila’s overprotective father (Herb Voland) has specifically asked Captain Stubing to make sure that no one seduces his daughter. The captain assigns Doc Bricker (Bernie Kopell) to keep an eye on her, which makes absolutely no sense. Over the course of the last twenty episodes, Doc has yet to meet a woman who he has not hit on. Doc is a walking HR nightmare and quite frankly, I would be kind of uncomfortable going to him for a medical examination. He seems like he would be a little bit handsy, if you get my drift.

Anyway, Doc turns out to be pretty bad at his job because Howard still manages to hit on Sheila. Of course, Howard’s just doing what the book tells him to do. Eventually, though, he realizes that he doesn’t need the book and Shelia realizes that she needs to spend more time on her own happiness and stop worry about what her father wants. Yay! It’s another Love Boat success story,

Meanwhile, Scott (Robert Urich) and Ellen (Diana Canova) are newlyweds who seem to be totally in love until they make the mistake of having dinner with an old married couple, Max (Robert Mandan) and Gladys (Audrey Meadows). Listening to Max and Gladys bicker soon leads to Scott and Ellen bickering and it looks like their marriage might be over. But again, the magic of The Love Boat leads to everyone realizing that bickering is a part of marriage and that you can still love someone even if you disagree with them. Yay! Robert Urich and Diana Canova were such a cute couple. They just looked like they belonged together.

Finally, poor old Wendell Snead (Harry Morgan) is taking his wife on a cruise that he can’t really afford. In fact, he secretly took out a mortgage on their house in order to buy the tickets. Wendell has plan, though! He has a set of marked playing cards and he beats Gopher at several games of gin rummy. When the crew discovers that he’s been cheating, their initial reaction is to cheat back. But when they learn why he’s been cheating, they give him all the money from the ship’s emergency fund. Awwwwww!

This was a sweet episode. Yes, the stuff with the book and the overprotective father was pretty stupid but the other two stories were entertaining. Harry Morgan’s melancholy performance was the episode’s stand-out. The fact that the crew gave him money instead of calling the cops brought tears to my mismatched eyes. Nicely done, Love Boat.

What will happen next week? We’ll find out in seven days!

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 1.20 “Memories of You / Computerman / Parlez Vous?”

Posted on January 11, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

It’s Valentine’s Day on The Love Boat!

Episode 1.20 “Memories of You / Computerman / Parlez Vous?”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on February 13th, 1978)

It’s time for the annual Valentine’s Day cruise! On Valentine’s Day, only singles are allowed to board the Love Boat. Everyone, even the members of the crew, wears a heart-shaped nametag. Julie has decided to liven things up by hiring Nick Heider (Frankie Avalon), who claims that his computer can decide who is compatible and who isn’t. Captain Stubing is hoping that the computer will set him up with someone because apparently, Stubing is tired of being single. To be honest, that really doesn’t make much sense. When you’re the captain of the ship, you’re going to get laid on Valentine’s Day. It doesn’t matter if you’re bald, middle-aged, and take yourself a little bit too seriously. A captain has power and power is an aphrodisiac.

Nick turns out to be kind of sleazy, with his wide collars and his unbuttoned shirts. Nick also has a crush on Julie and he wants her to take part in his compatibility survey. Julie says that she doesn’t believe that computer can decide who is compatible. If Julie doesn’t believe in Nick and his computer, why did she hire him for the cruise?

As you can probably guess, Nick fills out a survey for Julie anyway. The computer pairs them together and Julie and Nick actually do fall in love, though I have a feeling we will never again see or hear about Nick after this episode. Meanwhile, Captain Stubing is told that the computer can’t find any matches for him. The Captain is pretty depressed until all of the computer-selected couples start fighting. I would think that people taking a dislike to each other would be a problem on Valentine’s Day cruise but whatever. The computer fails and Stubing smiles smugly.

While this is going on, Gopher is recruited to act as a translator for two French women (Barbi Benton, Susan Silo) who are on the cruise. Gopher’s French turns out to be really bad but fear not. It turns out that the French women are actually Americans and they speak perfect English. They’re just pretending to be French in order to attract wealthy men. Jamie Farr and Danny Dayton nearly fall for the scam but then Gopher hears the women speaking English and he exposes them. Of course, despite ruining their scam, Gopher still gets a (temporary) girlfriend out of it when Brigitte (played by Barbi Benton) turns out to be very forgiving.

Finally, Doc thinks that he’s found his soulmate for the cruise when he spots jingle writer Lilly Mackin (Patty Duke). However, Lilly can’t stop looking at another passenger named Ted (Ricky Nelson). Lilly swears that Ted looks just like Alex, her former partner who mysteriously vanished. Doc suggests that Ted might be suffering from stress-related amnesia. Fortunately, Ted falls in love with Lilly and, after she kisses him, he starts to slowly remember bits of his past life as Alex. That’s the power of Valentine’s Day on The Love Boat!

I loved this episode. I took French in high school and college and I used to be really pretentious about it so I definitely related to Brigitte and Yvonne. And the amnesia story was just intriguing enough to hold my attention. Finally, I could help but laugh at how impressed everyone was with Nick and his match-making computer. There was nothing that Nick said that sounded different from what we currently hear in Match.com and EHarmony commercials. That said, I agree with Julie. Romance should be spontaneous and unpredictable, not pre-programmed.

The Valentine’s Day cruise was success! Will the success continue? We’ll find out next week!

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 1.19 “A Very Special Girl / Until the Last Goodbye / The Inspector”

Posted on January 4, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Beware the Inspector! Read on and find out more about this week’s cruise of the Pacific Princess….

Episode 1.19 “A Very Special Girl / Until the Last Goodbye / The Inspector”

(Dir by Roger Duchovny, originally aired on February 11th, 1978)

Captain Stubing starts the cruise by giving the crew some potentially frightening news. The company has sent an inspector to take the cruise and observe how everyone is doing their job. The catch is that the inspector is disguised as a passenger and the crew now has to figure out who it could be!

Marvin Waterman (Jim Backus) seems like a good suspect. He’s stuffy. He always wears a suit. He carries around a notepad. He’s always asking questions about the ship. It must be Marvin! Nope, sorry. It turns out that Marvin is just a children’s book author and he’s doing research.

Could it be eccentric Mrs. Corwin (played by Gavin MacLeod’s wife, Patti MacLeod)? She acts like she’s spacey and not always sure where she is but maybe that’s just a cover! She does make a lot of calls back to the mainland! Nope, it’s not Mrs. Corwin. It turns out that she’s just an eccentric widow who likes to call her daughter and let her know what’s going on in her life. Fortunately, Mrs. Corwin meets and inspires Marvin and they fall in love. Unfortunately, that doesn’t bring the crew any closer to finding the inspector.

Surprise! The inspector wasn’t actually on the ship. He arrived late and wasn’t able to board. However, his father (Jack Bernardi) did get on board and he spend the entire cruise wandering about and asking people questions in Russian. As far as I could tell, none of the crew made much of an effort to help the confused old man out so I’m guessing they’re all out of a job now. I wonder what next week’s episode will be like….

While the crew was looking for the inspector, Mike Andrews (Bob Seagren) was looking for Melanie Taylor (Laurette Sprang). Mike arranged for his goofy sidekick, Doug (Sal Viscuso), to spend all of his time with Melanie’s best friend, Jane (Debralee Scott). Fortunately, Doug and Jane fell in love. Meanwhile, Mike abandoned Melanie as soon as the cruise ended. Booooooo!

Finally, the crew was fascinated by an older man (Paul Burke) who was traveling with a younger woman (Susan Blanchard). For the majority of the episode, everyone assumed the man and the woman were lovers. But then the man collapsed and it turned out that he was the woman’s father and he also terminally ill. This cruise was their long goodbye. This was a sweet story, even if it was kind of icky that everyone assumed that the father was carrying on an affair with his daughter. But, really, that mistaken assumption is the fault of the crew. I’m surprised they didn’t mistake the older man for being the Inspector.

Anyway, this was a fairly typical episode of The Love Boat. It got the job done with a minimum of complications and, if nothing else, it looked like a fun vacation. The Love Boat always works best as wish-fulfillment. It’s the type of show you watch and think, “What would I do if I was on that cruise?” I enjoyed this episode. The whole thing with the inspector was silly but the other two stories were well-handled. I hope things worked out for Doug and Jane!

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 12/25/22 — 12/31/22

Posted on December 31, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to my final week in television for 2022! I spent most of the past week with my sister Megan and her family. We probably watched the news more than anything else, what with that guys getting arrested for committing those murders in Idaho. Here’s some thoughts on the non-news programming that we watched.

1923 (Paramount+)

On Tuesday, my sister Megan and I watched the first two episodes of the latest Yellowstone prequel. It wasn’t bad, though I do have to admit that I was only half-paying attention to it. Harrison Ford is ideally cast as an aging western icon.

California Dreams (YouTube)

Megan and I love this show and we watched several episodes this week. The reviews will be available every Saturday!

The Circle (Netflix)

I swore to myself that I was not going to allow myself to get sucked into another stupid reality show but then, on Wednesday, I decided to just take a quick peek to discover what The Circle was like. I wasn’t planning on watching much of the latest season. I just wanted to get maybe a 5-minute sample.

Of course, as soon as the show started, I discovered the Brett was on the show. Brett was a part of Big Brother 20. He was a total jerk but he was honest about it and he was frequently one of the funniest people in the house. He was the type of bad boy that I’ve always had a weakness for. As well, his betrayal of Rockstar (yes, that was the name she used in the House) led to the classic moment of Rockstar yelling about how she had been betrayed on “my daughter’s birthday!”

Anyway, Brett was one of the first people voted out of the Circle but, fortunately, he and Xanthi are still secretly playing the game. Brett and Xanthi are a cute couple and if we don’t see some sort of evidence of them hooking up by the end of next week, I can only assume that the show is hiding it from us.

Also, one of the contestants is a British comedian named Tom. He mentioned that he lived in the Tower of the London. “I’ve never heard of the Tower of London,” the other contestants said while I screamed internally. Anyway, Tom’s adorable.

Despite my best efforts, I’ve been sucked into The Circle.

Dragnet (YouTube)

I watched two episodes of this 1960s cop show on Thursday. One featured Joe Friday on a talk show, where he debated a snide hippy and a pompous professor. The other featured Friday taking a class at night school and justifying his decision to arrest one of his classmates for possessing marijuana. Welcome to the 60s!

The Love Boat (Paramount+)

I wrote about the Love Boat here! Megan and I watched several episodes this week. We both agreed that the ship looked nice.

Night Flight (Night Flight Plus)

Late Saturday night, I experienced New Year’s 1983! It was a bit trippy.

Upstart Crow (Sunday Night, PBS)

On Sunday night, my sister Megan and I watched all of the Upstart Crow Christmas specials. I had already seen them but I enjoyed introducing them to my sister.