The old west could be a dangerous and haunted place, as was revealed in this episode of HBO’s Tales From The Crypt! Outlaw Billy Quintaine (Neil Guintoli) enters a saloon and discovers that the spirits of his victims have been waiting for him!
This episode originally aired on August 1st, 1992. Along with being directed by The Omen‘s Richard Donner, it was written by Frank Darabont.
Enjoy!
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1996. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
“Smiles, everyone, smiles!”
Sorry, Mr. Roarke, there’s not much to smile about when it comes to this episode.
Episode 1.7 “The Funny Girl/Butch and Sundance”
(Dir by Cliff Bole, originally aired on March 18th, 1978)
At the start of this episode, Tattoo is all excited because his birthday is coming up and he remembers that, last year, he partied all night and a bunch of beautiful women celebrated with him. Mr. Roarke promises Tattoo that things will be different this year. This year, Mr. Roarke says, there will be no presents. Tattoo will play a game of chess and drink a glass of sherry and maybe there will be a cello recital. Tattoo, needless to say, is disappointed.
Ignoring Tattoo’s anger, Mr. Roarke introduces him to the latest guests at Fantasy Island and it turns out that their fantasies are almost as disappointing and boring as Mr. Roarke’s plans for Tattoo’s birthday. Kay Penny (Marcia Strassman) is apparently the world’s most successful comedienne even though she never comes across as being particularly funny. Her fantasy is to move to small town where no one knows her. That sounds like a pretty lousy fantasy but whatever.
Bill (Christopher Connelly) and Alex (James MacArthur) are two friends who want to be Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid for a weekend. They’re huge fans of the film, though it appears neither one of them ever stuck around for the end. Mr. Roarke takes Bill and Alex to an old west town (perhaps the same one that we saw a few weeks ago) and Bill and Alex get to live out their fantasy while trading quips and robbing banks. The problem, for those of us who are watching then, is that neither Christopher Connelly nor James MacArthur can compare to Robert Redford and Paul Newman. Eventually, though, the great character actor William Smith shows up as a visitor whose fantasy is to be Wyatt Earp. He attempts to arrest Butch and Sundance. They outsmart him and then Bill and Alex go home, satisfied. Good for them but what about the guy who wanted to be Wyatt Earp? Does he get his money back? Seriously, I don’t think being humiliated was a part of his fantasy.
Meanwhile, Kay finds herself living in a small town. Using the name Katherine Patrino, she gets a job as the receptionist for a veterinarian (played by Dennis Cole) and she also helps the vet’s silent son get over the recent loss of his mother. She also tells a lot of jokes, none of which are particularly funny. The best thing about this fantasy is that Mr. Roarke disguised himslef as a clown and showed up at the small town’s Founders Day Festival.
And then Tattoo did the same thing.
Anyway, during the festival, a dog was hit by a truck but Kay helped to bring it back to life and that brought a tear to my mismatched eyes. Otherwise, this was a very forgettable trip to Fantasy Island.
On a positive note, though, it turned out that Mr. Roarke was just joking and Tattoo got to have a wild party after all. Good for him, he earned it!
The Reluctant Vampire was the 7th episode of the 3rd season of HBO’s Tales From The Crypt! It stars Malcolm McDowell as a vampire who is a little bit too nice for his own good. Seriously, you can’t go wrong with Malcolm McDowell as a vampire.
The Reluctant Vampire originally aired on July 10th, 1991.
Enjoy!
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Hang Time, which ran on NBC from 1995 to 2000. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!
Welcome to Season 2 of Hang Time! Because NBC wasn’t happy with the first season, the 2nd season served as a bit of a reboot for the season. Half the cast left and the show became a bit more broad in its comedy. That’s a polite way of saying that things got a little bit more cartoonish.
The show also got a brand new theme song!
Episode 2.1 “Winning Isn’t Everything”
(Directed by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on September 7th, 1996)
The first episode of the 2nd season starts in the school hallway. “They’re coming!” one kid yells before leading all of his classmates in a chant of “Tornadoes! Tornadoes!”
Yes, the students at Deering High love their basketball team. But where is everyone? We see Julie, Danny, and Mary Beth walking down the hallway. Where’s Chris? Where’s Earl? Where are Michael Maxell and Sam!? Danny orders the students to chase down the one kid wasn’t cheering and then, as if he can hear our thoughts, he says, “I’m really going to miss Earl, Michael, and Chris.”
It turns out that things have changed! Julie broke up with Chris over the summer and then he went off to college. Earl is also at college. And so is Sam. All those people were seniors last year? Why were they so worried about dating a bunch of underclassmen? Mary Beth mentions that she’s no longer a cheerleader and now she’s equipment manager because her Dad thinks it will teach her responsibility. Amy (Paige Peterson) is the new head cheerleader. Everyone acts as if Amy was around last year even though she wasn’t in any of the episodes.
At practice, we meet the new players. Vince D’Amata (Michael Sullivan) is cocky and determined to be a star. Everyone makes fun of Vince for being short but he’s still taller than Danny so I’m not really sure that joke is as effective as the rest of the team thinks it is. Fuller announces that the team has gotten lazy so it’s a good thing that his godson, Teddy Brodis, has transferred to the school. Fuller used to play with Teddy’s father so Teddy is “probably great.” On cue, Teddy enters the gym and …. OH MY GOD, IT’S ANTHONY ANDERSON! Proving that everyone had to start somewhere, future Departed, Law & Order, and Black-Ish star Anthony Anderson did a two season tour as a part of the Hang Time cast. Anderson was in his mid-20s at the time, making him considerably older than the rest of the cast. Coach Fuller is upset to see that Teddy is not particularly tall and a little heavy-set. Hey, Coach, that’s a future Emmy winner you’re talking to! (And, even though he doesn’t got to do much in his first few episodes, it is obvious from the start that Anderson instinctively knew how to play to the camera.)
“Could we possibly be off to a rockier start?” Fuller says and in comes Mary Beth with a box of new uniforms, all of which are the wrong color. Mary Beth explains that they may be wrong but at least they’re “pretty.”
Anyway, the team is looking weak. Can the team recruit Josh Sanders (Kevin Bell) to play for them!? Josh is athletic but he refuses to play team sports because he doesn’t like the competitive aspect of the game. We know that Josh is good and cute because the audience goes, “Woooooo!” whenever he shows up onscreen. The team tries to recruit him by showing him that they don’t believe that winning is everything. Honestly, though, if Josh isn’t into competing, why would you want him on your team? Team sports are about winning!
Josh agrees to try out for the team but then walks out of a practice because of the team arguing with each other. But then he comes to a game and see Fuller bench Vince because Vince wasn’t playing as a part of the team. Josh immediately joins the Tornadoes. I’m getting the feeling that Josh might have issues with impulse control.
Finally, Mary Beth accidentally washes all of the autographs off of one of Fuller’s basketball. Fuller nearly fires her but then Mary Beth brings in some tall guy to re-sign the ball. Judging by the way the audience went crazy and the fact that the guy was like 7’3, I’m going to guess he was a basketball player.
Episode 2.2 “Just One Of The Guys”
(Directed by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on September 14th, 1996)
Julie doesn’t understand why Josh doesn’t seem to be attracted to her. Mary Beth and Amy tells her that she should try to be more feminine. Later, during practice, Julie gets upset when Vince gives her a high five and says, “Way to go, man!” “I’m a girl,” Julie replies. Josh, her crush, says, “Don’t take it personally, you’re just like one of the guys.”
OH MY GOD! If I was Julie, I would move to a different state at this point.
Anyway, Mary Beth and Amy give Julie a makeover, which basically amounts to Julie wearing high heels, not wearing a bra, and tossing her hair back while talking to Josh.
However, Josh just wants to talk about basketball practice.
Pictures alone cannot communicate how awkward this scene was.
After spending all of last season determined to prove that she can play with the guys, Julie quits the team in order to prove that she’s not one of the guys. Mary Beth is shocked. “When I’m upset,” Mary Beth says, “I don’t get a new life. I get new shoes!” “Shoes aren’t a substitute,” Julie says and the only person more horrified by that statement than Mary Beth is me. Mary Beth suggests that Julie try a new look. “How about Janet Jackson?” Mary Beth says. Uhmmm …. this is going somewhere dangerous….
Fortunately, Fuller is friends with an Olympic gold medalist, who just happens to drop by the office and gives Julie a pep talk. Julie rejoins the team and decides to be confident in herself. Is there nothing that an Olympic gold medalist can’t do?
In the B-plot, Vince, Teddy, and Danny make fun of the cheerleaders so the cheerleaders stop talking to them. So, Vince, Teddy, and Danny dress up as cheerleaders.
Anyway, the important thing about this episode is that Daniella Deutscher had more chemistry with Kevin Bell than she with David Hanson and, as such, the Julie/Josh relationship is a lot more entertaining than the Julie/Chris relationship. Here’s hoping everything works out for them!
This is a special episode of my favorite TV show of all, Degrassi! Originally airing on October 28th, 2008, The Curse of Degrassi features Degrassi’s main mean girl, Holy J Sinclair (Charlotte Arnold), getting possessed by the vengeful spirit of deceased school shooter, Rick Murray (Ephraim Ellis). Chaos follows! Fortunately, Spinner (Shane Kippel) is around to save the day. As any true Degrassi fan can tell you, only Spinner has a chance against the forces of the undead.
What I like about this episode is that, in the best tradition of Degrassi, it goes there. Holly J does get possessed. Just about the entire cast end up dying horribly. Spinner has to battle the undead spirit of Rick Murray and he has to do it without the help of Drake. And, as far as we know, this episode is canon. So, yes, Rick Murray’s ghost actually does haunt Degrassi Community School and yes, only Spinner can save us all.
Go Spinner!
Enjoy!
I watched very little television this week because I’ve been preparing for Halloween! I’ll have to get caught up on what I’ve missed later. Or, I’ll just shrug off the previous two episodes of Bachelor in Paradise. These are the difficult life choices that we all face.
Abbott Elementary (Wednesday Night, ABC)
Janine’s insistence that the kids drink more juice leads to a crisis at Abbott! Meanwhile, Ava continues to be the best character on the show. This was a funny episode, though Gregory is going to have to tell Janine how he feels at some point soon or I’m going to start to lose respect for him. Melissa and her teacher’s aide provided a lot of good laughs. I have a feeling I would be a pretty annoying teacher’s aide, as well.
The Amazing Race (Wednesday Night, CBS)
The Amazing Race goes to Jordan! The scenery was lovely and, after struggling over the last two legs of the race, Claire and Derek finally had another good day. Yay! I wrote about the latest episode of The Amazing Race here!
Atlanta (Thursday Night, FX)
Earn, Van, and Lottie go camping! After last week’s wild episode, this week was definitely a bit more low-key. This episode was a funny, well-acted, but somewhat melancholy exploration of Earn and Van’s relationship. Earn wants Van to go to Los Angeles with him. Van said that she loves Earn but the episode ended without a decision on moving to L.A.
Bubblegum Crisis (Nightflight Plus)
I watched the second episode of this anime on Saturday morning. There were robots and a lot of explosions and the bad guys were referred to as being “boomers,” which made me smile. I have no idea what’s going on but the visuals are impressive.
Fantasy Island (Tubi)
Check out this week’s review of Fantasy Island here!
Ghosts (Thursday Night, CBS)
The ghosts tried to save a tree and Thor became an environmentalist. It was funnier than it sounds.
Hell’s Kitchen (Thursday Night, FOX)
For the first time this season, it was men vs. women. And shockingly enough, the men pretty much destroyed the women during the service. Usually, it’s the opposite on Hell’s Kitchen. The women usually come together during their first dinner service while the men struggle. It usually takes a while for the women to start fighting with each other. Chef Ramsay was so angry that he demanded three nominees from the women. Ramsay sent home the chef who he felt had lost her passion to win. No, I cannot remember her name and yes, I’m too lazy to look it up.
The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)
Check out this week’s review of The Love Boat here!
Night Flight (NightFlight Plus)
On Friday night, I watched an episode of this old show, one that featured interviews with music video directors. The video for Duran Duran’s A View To A Kill was discussed. That song, incidentally, is one of my favorite James Bond songs.
Survivor (Wednesday Night, CBS)
I reviewed this week’s episode here!
Tonight, on Circle of Fear, Sheila Larken plays Holly Brown, a young artist who meets and falls madly in love with James Barlow (David Soul). Unfortunately, this leads to her being harassed by a frightening old man (Victor Jory) and it turns out that James has got a terrible secret of his own.
This melancholy story was the final episode of Circle of Fear, which was cancelled after its first and only season. This episode makes for a good note for the show to go out on. It originally aired on March 30th, 1973.
Circle of Fear may be over but Horrorthon continues! We’ll be back with more televised horror tomorrow!
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing California Dreams, which ran on NBC from 1992 to 1996. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!
This week, one member of the Dreams escapes and a new one shows up!
Do surf dudes still have attitude and feel mellow in Italy? Let’s find out.
California Dreams 2.2 “Ciao, Jenny”
(Directed by Don Barnhart, originally aired on September 18th, 1993)
This episode opens with Tiffani announcing that she is now working as a candy striper at the hospital! Hey, wait a minute. Didn’t Lisa do the same thing on Saved By The Bell? Wasn’t there later an entire episode of One World about this? Did Peter Engel just have an entire closet full of candy striper uniforms that he handed out to the casts of his various show?
Of course, the whole candy striper thing is only the B-plot. The A-plot features Jenny auditioning for a place at a music school in Europe. Jake, who is now everyone’s best friend, has decided that he’s in love with Jenny and he doesn’t want her going to California. He even writes a song about how much he loves Jenny. Matt helps him out with the song, which seems kind of weird since Jenny is his younger sister. “It’s in the key of A, off-tempo,” Matt announces, “follow me for the changes!” I love musician talk.
Anyway, the song leads to some kissing but it doesn’t make Jenny stay so Sly suggests that maybe they should hypnotize Jenny so that she blows her final audition. Jake thinks that is a super idea. Perhaps he remembers the time that Zach brainwashed the entire school with subliminal messages on Saved By The Bell. (“Zach, Zach, Zach….”) Somehow, Sly learns how to hypnotize people and, just as improbably, Jenny gets hypnotized. Eventually, though, Jake realizes this was a stupid idea and confesses what he did. Jenny is so touched that she decides to turn down the chance to go to Italy. Realizing that he can’t be responsible for her missing out on this opportunity, Jake breaks up with Jenny. Jenny eventually forgives Jake for being a jerk and then leaves for Italy.
Uh-oh, the Dreams just lost one of their three lead singers! What are they going to do now?
California Dreams 2.3 “Wooing Woo”
(Directed by Don Barnhart, originally aired on September 25th, 1993)
Jenny’s gone and the Garrisons promptly offer up her old room to a Samantha Woo (Jennie Kwan), an exchange student from Hong Kong. Mr. Garrison says that everyone should keep in mind that Sam will probably be quiet and shy. Instead, Sam turns out to be talkative and fashionable. Meanwhile, the Dreams are searching for a new singer and …. oh my God! Sam can sing! In fact, when she auditions for the Dreams, she sounds like she’s lip-synching to something that was actually recorded in a studio as opposed to being performed in a musty garage.
Of course, no sooner has Sam joined the band than Jake, Tony, Sly, and even Matt start competing to see who can be the first kiss her. It turns out that Sam is too clever for all of them but then again, who wasn’t? When Sam finds out what they were planning, she threatens to leave America unless the boys agree to do something that will help them understand what it feels like to be “treated like a piece of meat.” It all leads to Jake, Tony, Sly, and Matt putting on dresses and getting hit on by football players. “Woooooo!” the audience says. And so, Sam joins the California Dreams. She would remain a member longer than the siblings who started the band and she and Tony would eventually become the longest-running couple on the show.
As for those two episodes, they both represent the extent to which California Dreams rebranded itself as a musical version of Saved By The Bell. That said, both Jennie Kwan and Jay Anthony Franke brought some needed energy to the show.
Next week, Matt destroys Jake’s bike and Sly moves in with the Garrisons!
While doing research for a story at Potter’s Field, a reporter (Tab Hunter) sees a stranger who looks much like him. At first, the reporter thinks that it’s a coincidence but then the reporter starts to run into the stranger everywhere. His friends think that he’s getting upset over nothing. His girlfriend thinks that he’s in danger. The reporter knows that he has to figure out who the stranger is and why he’s haunting him.
The second-to-last episode of Circle of Fear aired on March 23rd, 1973. Tab Hunter is a bit of a bland hero but the episode still had creepy moments.
Enjoy!
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing One World, which ran on NBC from 1998 to 2001. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
The Cast of One World
One world, we’re living in one world….
Episode 2.2 “Flushed With Love”
(Directed by Mary Lou Belli, originally aired on September 18th, 1999)
“I love men who work with their hands,” Marci says, “Plumbers, sculptors, hitchhikers….”
Yes, hitchhikers are notoriously sexy and cool.
Marci is saying this because she and Sui are competing to see who can get a date with the totally hot plumber who has shown up to fix the house’s pipes. There’s no water coming through the pipes. Earlier, that interrupted Ben’s shower and he was forced to come down to the kitchen while wearing a towel. “Whoooooo!” the audience responded.
While Marci and Sui compete for the plumber’s attention, Cray, Neal, and Ben try to fix the van that their father has just given them. The van is …. well, it’s frightening. It has shag carpeting. “Chick Mobile” is painted on the back of it. It features a beaded hippie curtain between the driver’s seat and the back of the van. Does it have a strobe light? It really looks like it should have a strobe light. Is that van a’rocking?
Marci ends up getting the date with the plumber, who says that he likes the way that Marci’s eyes light up whenever “you talk about your childhood trauma.” My eyes do the same thing! Woo hoo! Sui freaks out over her “younger” sister dating an old guy (there’s only a year difference between them) and the plumber does turn out to be a bit too aggressive. Marci says that she hates her sister but, fortunately, things work out in the end.
Anyway, the van stuff was kind of silly and a little creepy but the Marci/Sui storyline reminded me of my relationship with my sisters and Alisa Reyes and Michelle Krusiec did a good job of portraying Marci and Sui’s complicated feelings towards each other. So, this episode gets a solid B.
Episode 2.3 “How Neal Got His Groove Back”
(Directed by Mary Lou Belli, originally aired on October 2nd, 1999)
This episode is all about having a job.
Neal, the smartest kid in the house, quits high school so he can work with a tech millionaire who is obviously based on Bill Gates but who is, for some reason, headquartered in Miami instead of Silicon Valley. Unfortunately, Neal discovers that he doesn’t like working 24 hours a day and he misses school so he quits his job. The audience applauds, little knowing that, in just a few years, Silicon Valley would start to make millionaires and billionaires out of all sorts of dropouts.
Meanwhile, Sui gets a job playing with Ben’s band but it turns out that they just want her to stand on stage and look cute. Sui is initially annoyed that she won’t be allowed to sing but eventually, she realizes that it’s just as much fun to make money for doing nothing. It’s a good lesson.
At the start of this episode, it’s revealed that Mr. and Mrs. Blake use report cards to determine which one of their kids will get good food and which one will have to settle for whatever’s left. That’s kind of messed up. Some people are just better test-takers than others.
This episode gets a C for failing to predict the tech boom.
Through the Shattered Lens 