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Retro Television Reviews: One World 2.10 “Tough Love” and 2.11 “Band on the Run”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Fridays, I will be reviewing One World, which ran on NBC from 1998 to 2001.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

The Cast of One World

This is the place where our dream live forever!

Episode 2.10 “Tough Love”

(Directed by Mary Lou Belli, originally aired on November 20th, 1999)

Cray finally gets an episode of his very own and, unfortunately, it’s also the show’s token anti-marijuana episode,

When Meagan (Amanda Fuller, years before playing the eldest daughter on Last Man Standing) invites Cray to a party, Cray agrees.  When Meagan offers Cray a joint, Cray initially refuses but then finally agrees to take a hit.  Since this is a TNBC show, Cray automatically ends up paranoid and hungry.  He goes home.  He demands food from St. Neal and Jane.  He tells them to stop watching him.  Neal and Jane immediately figure out that he’s been messing with the weed with roots in Hell.

“When you’re high, you’re not in control!” St. Neal tells Cray, “Look at you!  Just one night and you’re already a paranoid, munchy-head fool!”

“And whatever you do,” Jane adds, “don’t watch the new Love Boat!”

“Because I smoked pot and could totally freak out?” Cray bizarrely replies.

“No, it’s just a really lame show.”

So, already, the show has revealed that it knows very little about the realities of smoking weed.  Very few people get stoned the first time that they smoke.  Even those who do don’t end up acting like Cray.  As I listened to him list all of the people who he felt were plotting against him, I found myself wondering what Meagan’s weed was laced with.

Later, Meagan asks Cray to be her boyfriend.  Cray says yes but is shocked to discover that Meagan is still smoking weed!  When the police catch Cray holding Meagan’s joint, he gets stuck with both community service and anti-drug classes.  After the rest of the Blake family decides that “Meagan has a problem,” Cray tells Meagan’s parents.  Meagan get sent to rehab.  Yes, that’s right.  Meagan’s parents find out that she smokes weed and they send her to DRUG REHAB!

Before leaving for rehab, Meagan tells Cray that she hates him.  Jane, however, assures Cray that, someday, Meagan will appreciate what he did for her.  Don’t count on it, Cray.

Meanwhile, Marci accidentally put the house for sale online.  An English couple tried to buy but, in the end, the Blakes decided that they couldn’t move.  I’m glad that worked out!

Anyway, every TNBC show had to do at least one episode where someone smoked weed and then decided never to do it again.  One World gets some credit for having both St. Neal and Jane admit to having smoked in the past as well.  (Seriously, I never bought that Zach Morris had never seen a joint until Johnny Dakota came to Bayside.)  But, ultimately, this episode was too preachy and unrealistic to work.  One gets the feeling that the writers were probably stoned and amusing themselves when they wrote it.

Let’s move on.

Episode 2.11 “Band on the Run”

(Directed by Mary Lou Belli, originally aired on November 27th, 1999)

Because this episode features a guest appearance and two songs from the Norweigian pop duo, M2M, this is one of the episodes of One World that is not available on Tubi.  However, it is available on YouTube, though the scenes with M2M singing have been muted.  Who is M2M?  Remember that annoying Don’t Say You Love Me Song?  They’re the ones who did that.

Anyway, in this episode, Ben gets fired from his singing gig at Miami’s “hottest under-21 club,” The Warehouse.  He’s replaced by M2M.  (Huh?  Why would a then-hot Norwegian band end up playing at The Warehouse in Miami?)  Humiliated, Ben gets a job delivering chicken (and yes, he has to wear a big chicken suit) and trying to reinvent himself as a rapper.  Eventually, Ben starts singing boring songs about his feelings and he gets his gig back.  Yay, I guess.  As for M2M, they’re last seen going on a date with Cray, who I assume has kicked his marijuana addiction.

In the B-plot, Sui thinks her boyfriend is cheating on her and this somehow leads to Jane joining the football team.  It’s dumb and I don’t want to talk about it.  Sui’s the coolest character on the show and it bugs me that it’s been a few episodes since she had a decent storyline.  Hopefully, that’ll change next week!

Retro Television Reviews: City Guys 2.11 “A Nobel Profession” and 2.12 “Party of Three”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing City Guys, which ran on NBC from 1997 to 2001.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

What’s happening with the neat guys?  Let’s find out.

Episode 2.11 “A Nobel Profession”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on November 21st, 1998)

Welcome to Manny High!  Check out how convoluted this mess is.

Homecoming is approaching and Ms. Nobel tells her students that she will not be happy if she catches any of them playing a prank against Manny’s rival, George Washington High.  Chris and Jamal decide that this means that they can pull a prank as long as Ms. Nobel doesn’t notice.  So, somehow, they steal a gigantic, heavy, stone statue of George Washington from Washington High and they bring it to Manny High.  Now, setting aside the issue of how they managed to steal the statue, why would they bring it back to Manny High?  I mean, the whole idea is to keep Ms. Nobel from finding out about the prank.

Anyway, Ms. Nobel sees the statue and cancels the Homecoming dance and announces that no Manny High students, outside of the football team, will be allowed to attend the Homecoming game.  On their radio show, Chris and Jamal announce that everyone is going to skip class and go up to the roof and play football.  (How do they still have this show?  Are school-sponsored radio shows allowed to promote skipping class?)  Nobel is so upset to see everyone on the roof that she quits.  As she explains it, she has never — in her 15 years of being the sole authority figure at a tough inner city school — been treated disrespectfully before.

Meanwhile, because this is a Thanksgiving episode, Cassidy and Dawn build a big paper-mache turkey for homecoming.  But then L-Train and Al accidentally break off the turkey’s head.  Rather than admit that it was their fault, they allow Cassidy and Dawn to fight over who was responsible.  This is the sort of thing that Ms. Nobel would usually handle but Ms. Nobel is gone now and the new principal, Mr. Brown, doesn’t care.

Mr. Brown, by the way, is played by …. FRED WILLARD!

Yes, that Fred Willard.  I guess Christopher Guest wasn’t making a movie at the time so Fred was free to hop over to the City Guys set and play Mr. Brown.  Mr. Brown is supposed to be a clueless and insensitive buffoon who doesn’t really care about the students but he’s played by Fred Willard so it’s impossible to dislike him.  When Ms. Nobel eventually changes her mind and tells Mr. Brown to get off her campus, the audience applauds but the viewers are like, “No!  We like Fred Willard!”

That said, I do have to wonder how Ms. Nobel could quit her job and then just change her mind a few days later without it being a big deal.  She just walks into the school, announces that she’s back, and she tells Mr. Brown to leave.  Does the School Board have any say in this?

On the one hand, this was a dumb episode.

On the other hand …. Fred Willard!

Episode 2.12 “Party of Three”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on November 28th, 1998)

Despite using the broadcast to promote civil unrest, Chris and Jamal still have their radio show.  When they get a call from a girl who asks whether or not she should dump her boyfriend, Jamal says sure.  Uh-oh, the boyfriend was Al!  And now, his ex-girlfriend wants to date Jamal!  “You broke the code!” Ms. Nobel announces, showing that even she understands dude clichés.

Meanwhile, Dawn wants to throw a comet watching party on the school’s roof.  L-Train ruins it by trying to get the attention of the aliens but accidentally getting the attention of the police instead.

This was a dumb episode but I did find it funny that Al, who usually portrayed as being a goofy sidekick, was apparently planning on killing his ex’s new boyfriend at one point and he even had a group of informants who were willing to help him out with his plans.  This show could never quite decide just how dangerous Manny High was actually supposed to be.

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 1.11 “Lonely at the Top/Silent Night/Divorce Me, Please”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

It’s time to spend the holidays on the big seas!

Episode 1.11 “Lonely at the Top/Silent Night/Divorce Me, Please”

(Dir by Alan Baron, originally aired on December 10th, 1977)

Yay!  It’s a Christmas cruise!

Every season, The Love Boat did a special Christmas episode.  Last year, MeTV presented a marathon on Love Boat Christmases and what I discovered is that every Christmas episode featured the crew working through the holidays and missing their families.  Nearly every Christmas episode also featured someone dressing up as Santa Claus and at least one veteran of the Golden Age of Hollywood.

The very first Christmas episode opens with the Julie, Isaac, Gopher, and Doc talking about how much they miss their families.  We find out that Gopher’s family lives on a farm.  Julie is from Oregon.  Doc is from Las Vegas.  (The show always tried to portray Doc as being some sort of Sinatra-style swinger, despite the fact that he was played by the very even-tempered Bernie Kopell.)  Their conversation is interrupted by Captain Stubing who explains that 1) he’s divorced and 2) he’s a middle-aged man who doesn’t get along with his stepmother.  Not only does he not have a family but the sea is his home and he has more to worry about than everyone’s holiday spirit.

Much as with Doc being a swinger, Captain Stubing being a stern taskmaster was a recurring theme during the first season of The Love Boat.  The crew was always talking about how Stubing had a reputation for demanding perfection for those working under him and being quick to fire anyone who failed to live up to his standards.  And yet, we never really see anything that would back up Stubing’s fearsome reputation.  Just as how Bernie Kopell was a bit too even-tempered to be believable as a legendary playboy, Gavin MacLeod was a bit too naturally pleasant to be believable as someone who would strike fear in the hearts of his crew.  While I have no idea what Gavin MacLeod was like offscreen, when he’s onscreen he comes across as being likable and friendly.  Whenever Captain Stubing is meant to be upset or disappointed with his crew, he comes across as being more petulant than fearsome.  That’s certainly the case in this episode.  Captain Stubing may say that he’s not into the holidays but you never believe him.

Of course, that works to this episode’s advantage.  Realizing that he’s failing to bond with his crew and that his lack of holiday spirit is rubbing everyone the wrong way, Stubing turns to Father Mike (Dick Sargent) for advice.  Father Mike is escorting a group of children to an orphanage in Mexico but he still takes time to give Stubing some counseling.  Let the crew know that you care about them, Father Mike says.  Stubing attempts to do so but his attempts at small talk are so awkward that the crew just becomes more frightened of him.  Finally, Stubing resorts to dressing up like Santa Claus.  The crew may be scared of him but Father Mike’s orphans love him.  Anyway, it all works out in the end and believe it or not, I actually did find myself getting invested in this very silly storyline.  Gavin MacLeod may not have been believable as a stern captain but he was likable enough that it’s hard not to feel bad about him having a bad holiday.

While this is going on, Dan Barton (John Gavin) and his wife, Lila (Donna Mills), attempt to enjoy the holiday cruise.  The only problem is that Dan has just been released from prison and he is struggling to adjust to being on the outside.  No soon has Dan boarded the ship then he spots his former law partner, Walter (Dean Santoro).  Walter committed the crime that Dan went to prison for and Dan becomes obsessed with getting revenge on him.  Lila, meanwhile, wonders if Dan will ever give up his anger.  There’s something a bit jarring about going from Captain Stubing dressing up like Santa Claus to Dan Barton plotting to murder someone.  John Gavin gave a good performance but the shift in tone between his story and the rest of the episode was almost too extreme.  It’d be like if they had made an episode of The Office where Pam suddenly found herself tempted to cheat on Jim with a member of the documentary crew.  Tonally, it just felt out of place.

Finally, everyone thinks that Paul (Shecky Greene) and Audrey Baynes (Florence Henderson) are the perfect couple but actually, they’re both sick of each other and they spend most of their time thinking about getting a divorce.  The gimmick here is that we hear their thoughts.  So, Paul will tell Audrey how much he loves her and then we’ll hear him think something like, “Yeah, I’d love to toss you overboard.”  It’s a one joke premise that gets old pretty quickly.  Also, needless to say, this is The Love Boat and not The Divorce Boat.  Things work out.

My reaction to this episode was a bit mixed but, to be honest, I like Christmas shows.  Even if they’re not perfect, I still like them.  And it was hard for me not to smile at the Christmas tree in the ship’s lounge or at all the decorations hanging on the ship’s walls.  The Captain’s story had a lot of Christmas spirit and I enjoyed that.  If you can’t spend the holidays at home, The Love Boat seems like a good substitute.

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 1.10 “The Over-The-Hill-Gang/Poof, You’re A Movie Star!”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

Smiles, everyone!  Smiles!

Episode 1.10 “The Over-The-Hill-Gang/Poof, You’re A Movie Star!”

(Dir by Earl Bellamy, originally aired on April 15th, 1978)

Uh-oh, Tattoo has a new money-making scheme!  It involves a parrot.  While the exact details of Tattoo’s schemes are a bit vague, it all involves teaching the parrot how to speak.  Again, I’m not sure how exactly that’s going to make Tattoo a lot of money but whatever.  I like parrots.

Still, it’s hard not to notice that Tattoo seems to spend a lot of time trying to figure out ways to make extra money.  Tattoo is the second-in-command at the world’s most prestigious resort so you have to wonder why he always seems to be so desperate to bring in some extra cash.  It’s not like Tattoo is paying rent or even buying his own food.  That’s all provided by Mr. Roarke and the island.  Add to that, it has been implied that Tattoo is in charge of the island’s finances and that’s not a job that you give to someone who can’t handle his own money.  Maybe Tattoo isn’t looking to make money for himself.  Maybe Fantasy Island is on the verge of bankruptcy due to Roarke’s habit of giving people free fantasies.  Maybe the talking parrot is Tattoo’s latest scheme to save the Island.  If that’s the case, then Tattoo really is the secret hero of this series.

I actually wish this episode has spent more time with the parrot because that little throw-away story was still more interesting than the two main stories.  Don’t get me wrong.  This isn’t a bad episode.  It’s just a bit bland.

Shirley Russell (Barbi Benton) comes to the Island with dreams of becoming a movie star.  Mr. Roarke simply snaps his fingers and suddenly, Shirley has not only an agent but also hundreds of fans following her everywhere that she goes.  She also has a role in a big movie that will be filming on the Island!  When the film’s producer (played by a veteran sleazy guy Herb Edelman) tells Shirley that she’ll have to film a nude scene for the movie, Shirley abandons her fantasy and happily reunites with her earnest fiancé.  Barbi Benton was likable as Shirley but the fantasy itself was predictable and on the blah side.  Shirley’s shock over the proposed nude scene made me wonder if she had actually watched any movies other than The Sound of Music.

The other fantasy dealt with Spencer Randolph (Ray Bolger), an aging bank robber who wanted to pull off one last job with his old gang before marrying a wealthy businesswoman.  Bolger’s old gang was made up of familiar Hollywood character actors like Tom Ewell, Foster Brooks, and Phil Foster.  Along with getting the old gang back together again, Spencer was also able to foil a blackmail scheme.  Again, the storyline was a bit bland but the chemistry between all of the Hollywood veterans was enjoyable.  Ray Bolger was just as spry and likable here as he was when he played the Scarecrow in The Wizard of Oz.  Interestingly enough, 39 years passed between The Wizard of Oz and this episode of Fantasy Island and Bolger was still younger than Joe Biden is today when he played Spencer Randolph, the leader of the over-the-hill gang.

Retro Television Review: Hang Time 2.7 “Fake ID-Ology” and 2.8 “When Loss Is Gain”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Hang Time, which ran on NBC from 1995 to 2000.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, we have one of Hang Time’s best episodes followed by one of its worse!  Let’s jump into it!

Episode 2.7 “Fake ID-Ology”

(Directed by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 19th, 1996)

As the episode begins, Coach Fuller is giving his usual pep talk.  Yes, the other team is big and they’re good but the Tornadoes have been playing solid basketball!  Get out and do your best!  Woo hoo!

Except, what’s this?  A bunch of Tornadoes that we’ve never seen before run out onto the court while Julie, Josh, Vince, Danny, and Teddy sit on the bench!  Mary Beth is sitting in the stands, instead of helping Fuller coach.  Amy is sitting next to her and is not in her cheerleading uniform!  Oh my God, what’s going on!?

As we find out via flashback, the good players (along with Mary Beth and Amy) all got fake IDs so they could go to a 21 Only Club.  (If only they lived in Florida instead of Indiana, they could have gone to Miami’s “hottest under 21 club,” The Warehouse.)   Unfortunately, things didn’t go well at the club.  Vince didn’t have a fake ID so he wasn’t allowed to enter but then he kept calling Danny until Danny went outside and handed over his fake ID.  Vince used that ID to get in the club but, because a new bouncer was on duty, now Danny couldn’t get in.  Meanwhile, Josh won a round of free beers and got drunk.  (He had such a hangover, he tells us,  On a TNBC show, even drinking one beer always leads to the worst hangover ever!)  Mary Beth and Amy attracted the attention of some scuzzy weirdos who demanded that they kiss them in return for the free beers that they sent over to the table.  The resulting brawl led to everyone getting grounded and Fuller benching all of them….

….which is kind of weird since it’s not like their Fuller’s kids.  Teddy is Fuller’s godson so it makes sense that Fuller would punish him but I’m not really sure why he cares what the rest of the team does when they’re not on the court.  As well, it seems like Fuller is actually punishing the other players on the team by revealing how bad they are to the rest of the world.  The Tornadoes lose the game and not by a small margin.  Basically, Fuller just announced, “My team sucks except for Julie and Josh.”

Still, there’s a wonderfully overacted moment in which one of the bad players announces that, “I don’t want to let the team down!” while glaring at the players sitting on the bench.  And there’s a funny gag about the bouncers at the club and their reading materials.  One reads The Gulag Archipelago while the other reads the Collected Works of Shakespeare and complains that Danny is so annoying that he can’t even make it through Hamlet.  This is actually one of the best episodes of Hang Time because of the way it skillfully mixes broad comedy and heavy-handed moralizing.

That said, I still think Coach Fuller should have minded his own business.  The Tornadoes are supposed to win games, not learn lessons!

Episode 2.8 “When Loss Is Gain”

(Directed by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 26th, 1996)

Because Coach Fuller is giving up getting angry for charity (?), everyone on the team agrees to give up something that they love for a few days.  Julie gives up basketball.  Josh gives up kissing.  Teddy gives up desert.  Vince gives up flirting.  Amy gives up cheerleading.  Danny gives up caring.  How does any of that help the poor?

Mary Beth is supposed to give up shopping and, when she goes to the mall and shops instead, everyone gets all judgmental.  So, Mary Beth goes down to a homeless camp and starts giving out money, which leads to her getting mugged.  Mary Beth says she’s never going to forgive the people who attacked her.

“I’m sorry you got mugged and I’m glad you’re okay,” Josh announces, “but your attitude stinks!”

You know what, Josh?  Go to Hell, you prick.

Anyway, it turns out that Josh is poor along with being condescending but you know what?  Fuck him and his self-righteous attitude.  Seriously, when Josh first appeared on this show, his whole thing was that he wouldn’t play basketball because he felt the team was too focused on winning.  Now, he’s bitching because Mary Beth is upset over being mugged.  What a jerk.

Bleh!

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 11/6/22 — 11/12/22

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

It’s my birthday and I’m up at Lake Texoma so, needless to say, I haven’t been watching much television.  That said, we just got hit by the first cold front of the season and both freezing temperatures and rain are on the way so, for the upcoming week, I may not be doing much other than staying inside and watching old TV shows.

Anyway, here’s a few thoughts on what I watched this week:

The Amazing Race (Wednesday Night, CBS)

With Quinton and Mattie getting eliminated, we are now down to five teams!  To be honest, I get the feeling that Aubrey and David are going to come out of nowhere and somehow manage to win the final leg.  That said, as a Big Brother watcher, I am rooting for Claire and Derek and, as a dancer, I’m rooting for Luis and Michelle.  I wrote about this week’s episode at the Reality TV Chat Blog!

Atlanta (Thursday Night, FX)

Atlanta came to a conclusion this week with an episode that somehow managed to wrap up the show’s themes while also feeling just like another episode of Atlanta.  The show ended with a celebration of the relationships between the main characters and a hint that we might all just be in a sensory deprivation tank.  It was a great ending for a good show.

California Dreams (YouTube)

I wrote about California Dreams here!

City Guys (Tubi)

I wrote about City Guys here!

Fantasy Island (Tubi)

I wrote about Fantasy Island here!

Ghosts (Thursday Night, CBS)

Poor Pete!  A trashy reality show called “Dumb Deaths” wanted to shoot an episode about his dumb death.  Fortunately, a series of weird events led to them actually doing a show about the hippie’s death.  Compared to the first season, the second season has been a bit uneven but last night’s episode did make me laugh.

Hell’s Kitchen (Thursday Night, FOX)

It seems like Trenton should have known better than to have his wedding reception at Hell’s Kitchen.  Needless to say, things did not go well.  Chef Ramsey kicked both teams out of the kitchen and then sent home two chefs.  And really, the two teams were so incompetent that night that they left Chef Ramsey with no other option.  I will never eat another scallop.

Law & Order (Thursday, Night, NBC)

Price and Mouron humiliated a prominent activist attorney in order to get a murder conviction.  We knew the attorney was powerful because, in her office, there was a really photoshop of her standing next to Nancy Pelosi.  I’ve finally gotten to the point where I kind of like Detective Cosgrove and Jeffrey Donavon’s performance has definitely improved over last season’s one-note characterization.  That said, there’s still a self-righteousness to Price that just makes me want to throw something at the screen whenever he launched into one of his sermons.

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about The Love Boat here.

Mid-Term Coverage (All Week, All Over The Place)

Come on, Arizona …. HURRY UP!  I swear, we knew who won in Texas on election night and this state is a hundred times bigger and more populated than Arizona and Nevada combined.  If you really want to fight against the conspiracy theories, a good first step would be to not be totally incompetent at your job.

Survivor (Wednesday Night, CBS)

This week, Jeanine become the first member of the jury.  That was not a shock at all.  I wrote about this week’s episode at the Reality TV Chat Blog!

Retro Television Reviews: California Dreams 2.8 “High Plains Dreamer” and 2.9 “Bwa Ha Ha Means I Love You”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing California Dreams, which ran on NBC from 1992 to 1996.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, Tony turns out to be a total coward while the Dreams attempt to record their first album.

But first, the opening  credits.  Again, because the post-Jenny opening credits for season two have not been uploaded to YouTube, you have to imagine Jennie Kwan in the place of Heidi Noelle Lenhart.

Episode 2.8 “High Plains Dreamer”

(Directed by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 30th, 1993)

Oh Good God.

Like all TNBC shows, California Dreams had its share of bad episodes.  In fact, technically, you could argue that the majority of them were bad.  It’s not like anyone was trying to win an Emmy for a writing or directing a show like Saved By The Bell, Hang Time, or California Dreams.  Still, even the knowledge that we’re not exactly dealing with Friends or Seinfeld here, left me unprepared for the crappiness of High Plans Drifter.

High Plains Drifter is the worst episode of California Dreams that I have seen so far.  At the movies, Tony is threatened by a bully.  Tony reacts by passing out.  Seriously, he doesn’t even get knocked unconscious in a fight or anything like that.  Someone gives him a mean look and he faints!  And then, while he’s passed out, he imagines that he’s a drifter who becomes the sheriff of an old west town.  Matt shows up as the town’s singing cowboy.  Jake is the blacksmith who promised his wife, Tiffani, that he would never pick up a gun.  Sly is the rich ne’er-do-well who owns the town.  Sam runs the town’s dancehall, which is obviously meant to be a brothel.

One gets the feeling that the cast had fun with this episode, because everyone got to wear a costume and speak with an exaggerated Southwestern accent.  But, for the most part, the humor is painfully corny (even by the standards of California Dreams) and the cast’s overly theatrical performances quickly wear out their welcome.

Let’s move on!

Episode 2.9 “Bwa Ha Ha Means I Love You”

(Directed by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on November 6th, 1993)

Jake and Tiffani’s seven-week anniversary is coming up and cash-poor Jake hasn’t even bought her a present yet!  It looks like it’s time for to Jake to set aside both his pride and his leather jacket and take a job at Maniac Music.  Jake puts on a tie and a red vest and soon, he’s the one handing out flyers and saying, “Welcome to — Bwa ha ha! — Maniac Music!”

Unfortunately, only Tony knows that Jake has taken a job.  When the other Dreams — and Tiffani — begin to wonder why Jake appears to be sneaking around, Jake’s fumbling attempts to answer their questions leads to Sam deciding that Jake must be cheating on Tiffani.  And, of course, Tiffani believes it because …. well, who knows?  This is another one of those annoying episodes where a lot of conflict could have been avoided by people just not being stupid.

Meanwhile, the Dreams record their first album!  And hey, it only takes an hour or two!  They perform in Matt’s garage and Sly hits record on the big tape recorder.  They don’t even need a producer or a mixing board or anything else like that.  Sly takes the tape and heads down to Maniac Music.  When he discovers that Jake is working there, Sly convinces him to pressure the store manager into carrying the tape.

The members of the Dreams hear that their album is for sale at Maniac Music so they head down there.  Not only do they discover that Jake has a job at the store but they also discover that all of the tapes are blank!  Sly screwed up the recording but why would the store manager agree to stock the tapes without checking to make sure that there was actually something on them?  Meanwhile, Tiffani is so mad that Jake lied to her that she refuses to speak to him.  Jake angrily quits his job.

Fortunately, all it takes for Jake to get back together with Tiffani is one impassion speech at Sharky’s.  Plus, the Dreams record their performance so I guess they’ll survive the whole blank tape fiasco.  Yay.

This was an incredibly busy episode.  In fact, it was a bit too busy.  Nothing anyone did made sense.  Sly was somehow allowed to remain the manager of the Dreams despite screwing up their big break.  Jake told increasingly elaborate lies to hide from Tiffani the fact that he had a job even though Tiffani has consistently been the only Dream who probably wouldn’t have made fun of him for having to wear a dorky vest.  This was an annoying episode but it was still a hundred times better than the old west episode so it had that going for it.

Seriously, that old west episode was bad!

Retro Television Review: One World 2.8 “Treasure of the Sierra Lotto” and 2.9 “A Walk On The Side”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Fridays, I will be reviewing One World, which ran on NBC from 1998 to 2001.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

The Cast of One World

Are we still living in One World?  Let’s find out….

Episode 2.8 “Treasure of the Sierra Lotto”

(dir by Mary Lou Belli, originally aired on November 6th, 1999)

After the Blake kids pool their resources and buy a lottery ticket, they agree that, if they win, they’ll give the money to the poor.  Guess what happens?  They don’t win the big jackpot but they do win $50,000!  Suddenly, no one other than Jane feels like giving the money to the poor.  Jane gets so frustrated with everyone’s greed that she announces that she doesn’t want any of the money and….

Uhmmm, when did Jane become an activist?  Seriously, Jane has spent a season and a half being self-centered and greedy but suddenly, she’s obsessed with giving money to charity.  The only person who is willing to stand with Jane is St. Neal, who refused to contribute any money to the lottery pool to begin with.  So, why exactly is he even allowed to have an opinion?

(At least Neal has been annoyingly self-righteous since the first episode.  Jane apparently developed an entirely new personality from out of nowhere.)

While all of this stupidity is going on, Dave is offered a contract to pitch in Japan!  Will Dave abandon his chance to make a career comeback for his annoying foster children?  Of course he will!  What a chump.  Maybe if Dave had spent a few months in Japan and made some money, his adopted children wouldn’t have to play the lottery just to have enough money to eat.  Ever think about that, Dave!?

Anyway, Jane steals the lottery ticket and uses the money to start a free lunch program at the “hottest under-21 club in Miami,” The Warehouse!  It’s amazing that it only took Jane a day start a free lunch program and she was somehow able to do it all without any other members of the family noticing.  (Marci is assistant manager at the Warehouse so you would think someone would have mentioned it to her.)  Anyway, the Blakes forgive Jane for stealing the money.  St. Neal looks around the Warehouse says, “This soup kitchen looks a little understaffed.”  Everyone pitches in to help and…

God, I hated this sanctimonious, painfully unrealistic episode.  If you give a bunch of teenagers $50,000, there’s a lot that is going to happen but none of it is going to involve opening up a soup kitchen.  Let’s move on.

Episode 2.9 “A Walk On The Wild Side”

(dir by Mary Lou Belli, originally aired on November 13th, 1999)

Jane’s old friend from the streets, Lori (Joanna Canton), shows up and stays with the Blakes for a night.  Lori tells Jane that her foster family is totally lame and Sui, Marci, and Cray prove her right by convincing themselves that St. Neal is actually a serial killer known as the “Miami Mangler.”

Eventually, Lori tries to convince Jane to rob The Warehouse but, when Jane says that she can’t steal from the place that employs her family, Lori accuses Jane of being a sell-out.  Jane makes plans to run away from home but Ben talks her out of it.  Meanwhile, Neal is revealed to not be the Miami Mangler but instead to be an aspiring magician.  Neal does a really simple magic trick and the studio audience goes crazy.

This was a weird episode.  The whole thing about Jane being tempted to “walk on a wild side” seemed like it was taken from an entirely different episode from all the stuff about the Blakes thinking that Neal was a murderer.  Jane and Lori broke into The Warehouse after it closed.  A scene later, Neal invited Marci, Sui, and Cray to come see him at the Warehouse, again after it closed.  Why is this family always hanging out at The Warehouse after it closes?  It all made little sense.  Jane should have gone to Chicago with Lori.

Retro Television Reviews: City Guys 2.9 “Big Brother” and 2.10 “Over the Speed Limit”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing City Guys, which ran on NBC from 1997 to 2001.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

Let’s return to Manny High, with the neat guys who are smart and streetwise!

Episode 2.9 “Big Brothers”

(Directed by Frank Bonner, originally aired on November 7th, 1998)

It turns out that the students at Manny High are required to take on “community service projects!”  I mean, it’s not bad enough that they already have to deal with bullies, drug dealers, and gun violence.  They also have to do give back to the community.  While Dawn signs up to spend time with a grouchy old man, Jamal and Chris are assigned to be big brothers to a 10 year-old delinquent named Ernesto.

Ernesto, incidentally, is played by Brandon Baker who would later go on to play Cray on One World.  On One World, Cray was a fairly annoying character but that had less to do with Baker’s performance and more to do with the fact that he always got the worst lines of every episode.  While the scripts for City Guys were often full of cringey dialogue, they were still marginally better than the scripts for One World and that works to Baker’s advantage.  He’s actually not bad Ernesto.

Of course, Jamal and Chris totally screw up being big brothers.  Is there nothing that those two didn’t screw up?  However, eventually, they realize that Ernesto is an aspiring artist.  Meanwhile, Dawn’s old man is former architect.  The three of them decide to have Ernesto hang out with the old man.  Problem solved!

Meanwhile, L-Train is somehow assigned to be a teacher’s assistant for Driver’s Ed.  L-Train turns out to be a harsh and demanding teacher but it turns out that it was all for the best as everyone passes, including Al and Cassidy!  Yay!  Everything works out for everyone!  That’s what happens when you roll with the city guys.  As improbable as it may be that L-Train would end up teaching a class, the episode does give Steven Daniel a chance to show once again that he probably had the best comedic timing of the entire cast.

Episode 2.10 “Over The Speed Limit”

(Directed by Frank Bonner, originally aired on November 14th, 1998)

Cassidy gets hooked on speed!  Well, it’s not really speed.  It’s diet pills that also provide a burst of energy but they also lead to Cassidy missing class and generally overacting and …. what?  Yes, you are correct.  This is indeed the same basic plot as the I’m So Excited! episode of Saved By The Bell.  Cassidy says that she needs the pills because she’s both starring in a play and going to school.  Of course, she ends up having a speed-induced meltdown during the premiere of the play.  It was, needless to say, totally unrealistic.

Meanwhile, Al and L-Train got a radio show of their own and started to become more popular than Chris and Jamal.  However, Al and L-Train’s egos got the better of them, allowing Chris and Jamal to continue to dominate the airwaves or whatever the Hell it is that they’re supposed to be doing in the school radio station.  To be honest, I’ve never quite understood how the whole radio station thing works.  I mean, are they hosting the show during class time or are they showing up at school super early in the morning so that they can entertain everyone before the bell rings?  Or are they hosting their show while everyone else is eating lunch?  Add to that, it seems like Al and L-Train had a point.  Why should Chris and Jamal be the only people hosting a radio show?

Perhaps that question will be answered next week.  Perhaps not.  We’ll see!

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 1.10 “Dear Beverly/The Strike/Special Deliver”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

Come aboard!  We’re expecting you!

Episode 10.10 “Dear Beverly/The Strike/Special Delivery”

(directed by Allen Baron, originally aired December 3rd, 1977)

Tonight’s voyage is all about misunderstandings!

For example, Beverly Blanchard (Eva Gabor) is an advice columnist who has built a career out of helping people work their way through misunderstandings.  When she boards the Love Boat, she is swarmed by fans who all want her advice.  She even leads a little seminar by the pool, in which she asks people if they have any problems that she can help with.  Unfortunately, what she doesn’t understand is that her husband, Russ, is feeling neglected.  Usually, I would say that Russ should stop feeling sorry for himself but Russ is played Leslie Nielsen, who is so superlikable in his stiffly earnest way that it’s hard not to have some sympathy for him.  When Beverly finds out that Russ has been spending time with another passenger (Stephanie Blackmore), she writes a column in which she announces her retirement so that she can give Russ the attention he deserves.  Personally, I would think a better column would be about why husbands shouldn’t cheat on their wives, especially with someone who they’ve known for less than 24 hours.

Speaking of cheaters, Jeff Smith (Robert Urich) cheated on his wife, Gail (Pamela Franklin), and now they’re separated.  When Jeff boards the ship, he tries to pursue a romance with Julie but he quickly admits that he’s still hung up on his wife.  What Jeff doesn’t know is that Gail is also on the ship and she’s 9 months pregnant!  Now, considering that this is The Love Boat, it probably will not surprise you to learn that Gail goes into labor while on the boat and it’s up to Doc and Jeff to deliver the baby while the rest of the crew waits outside.  Fortunately, the baby makes it and Jeff and Gail get back together.  But what about Jeff cheating on Gail?  Well, Gail takes responsibility for that, saying that she drove him to it.  I was expecting at least one member of the crew to tell her that Jeff was responsible for his own decisions but instead, everyone nodded alone.  Like, what the Hell?

Meanwhile, Captain Stubing was upset to learn that Chef Antonio Borga (Al Molinaro) was going to be in charge of the ship’s kitchen for the cruise.  Apparently, there was bad blood between the two.  When Borga refused to work, Stubing attempted to prepare dinner himself.  The results were disastrous but the Chef respected the Captain for trying.  And perhaps Chef Borga realized that Captain Stubing could probably get him fired for insubordination.  Well, the important thing is that everyone came to an agreement and people got to eat.

This was a weird episode.  The Chef storyline seemed like filler.  The other two stories both featured women making excuses for cheating husbands.  If this episode wanted to remind me that The Love Boat is very much a show of the 70s, it succeeded.  This episode had a lot of boat but not a lot of love.

Hopefully, next week’s cruise will be a bit less problematic.