There’s one rule in life that should never be forgotten.
Any movie that opens with Susan Lucci casting a hex that causes a man’s head to explode is going to be worth watching.
That’s certainly the case with Invitation to Hell, a 1984 made-for-TV movie that was directed by Wes Craven and which casts Lucci as Jessica Jones, an insurance agent who lives and works in an upper class suburb in Southern California. Jessica not only sells insurance but she also runs the ultra-exclusive Steaming Springs Country Club! Anyone who is anyone in town is a member of Steaming Springs! That include Matt Winslow (Robert Urich) and his family. Matt soon comes to suspect that something strange might be happening at the club. Fortunately, Matt’s spacesuit comes with a flame thrower, a laser, and a built-in computer that can determine whether or not someone is actually a human being. (Wearing the space helmet means viewing the world like you’re the Terminator.) Soon, it’s science vs. magic as Matt dons the suit and tries to rescue his family from country club living!
Totally ludicrous and a lot of fun, this is a film that has a little bit for everyone — familiar television actors, flamethrowers, space suits, demonic possession, exploding cars, and even a little bit of social satire as the film suggests that living in the suburbs is a terror even without weird country clubs and chic spell casters.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!
This week, Doc starts to feel his age.
Episode 6.6 “The Groupies/The Audition/Doc’s Nephew”
(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on November 6th, 1982)
When it comes to TheLoveBoat, there’s one question that always has to be asked.
In this episode, Julie appears to be moderately coked up. She’s definitely not as coked up as she was in some of the earlier episodes of this season but there’s still that glint in her eye and the rapidness of his speech that leaves little doubt that there was probably some sniffing going on in the cruise director’s office. On the How Coked Up With Julie Scale, I would give this one a solid 7 out of 10.
Of course, Julie had some competition on this cruise. A pre-born again Willie Aames was on the cruise, playing Doc’s nephew Danny, and sporting the puffy eyes of someone who had been up all night on a date with the Devil’s Dandruff. Danny and Doc both develop a crush on the same woman and Linda (Michelle Phillips) decides that she would prefer to spend her romantic time with a teenage Danny than with Doc, who has a medical degree and probably a lot more money than Danny. This leads to Doc have yet another midlife crisis. Danny, meanwhile, falls hard for Linda but, at the end of the cruise, Linda explains that she’s not looking to get tied down with a relationship. She just wanted to bang someone who was ten years younger than her. Okay, that’s not quite what she said but that was the general idea. Doc learned that it was okay to be middle-aged and Danny was too high to learn much of anything.
Soap opera writer Paula Hastings (Susan Lucci!) boarded the cruise and was shocked to discover that one of the passengers was Barry Weldon (Tristan Rogers!), an actor who she turned down for a role on her soap. Barry romanced Paula and convinced her that he was falling in love with her and then announced it was all just an act to prove that he deserved the role on her show. Damn, Barry, that’s not nice at all! But then it turned out that Barry actually had fallen in love with her so they decided to get married. “Congratulations!” Julie said, her eyes shining with a manic edge.
Finally, a therapist (Richard Deacon) boarded the ship, just to discover that his patients (Jerry Van Dyke, Elaine Joyce, Morey Amsterdam, and Rose Marie) had all decided to take the cruise with him. Why, that’s enough stress to make the idea of a little flakey relief seem appealing! That said, the therapist and his patients were played by some old school sitcom mainstays and none of them seemed to be coked up. They were definitely a whiskey and cigarettes crowd.
This was a pleasant cruise. Bernie Kopell is always likable as Doc Bricker and I always enjoy his midlife crisis episodes. The therapist storyline was pretty hokey but, on the other hand, Susan Lucci and Tristan Rogers! That’s daytime drama royalty, babe! I enjoyed this episode.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984. Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites. Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.
This week, things get a bit soapy on Fantasy Island.
Episode 6.11 “The Songwriter/Queen of Soaps”
(Dir by Philip Leacock, originally aired on January 22nd, 1983)
Dan O’Dwyer (Anson Williams) is the grandson of composer, Jeremy Todd (David Cassidy). Todd was a important figure during New York’s tin pan alley days but, in 1983, he’s a nearly forgotten figure. He died in World War I and there are some people who claim that Todd didn’t actually write the songs that he’s been credited with. Dan’s fantasy is to go back into the past so that he can meet his grandfather and bring some of his compositions back to the present day. Mr. Roarke makes it clear that Dan cannot tell anyone that he’s from the future nor can he try to change history. Jeremy Todd is going to die no matter what.
Dan agrees and he goes back to the past. He meets his grandfather and they get along famously. Dan even finds what he’s looking for, the compositions that prove that Jeremy wrote his own songs. However, Dan also meets and falls in love with a singer named Carol (Donna Pescow). Dan may have what he wants but he’s going to lose the love of his life once the fantasy ends.
Except …. what if Carol is someone with a fantasy of her own? That’s right, Carol’s another guest on the Island! I can’t say that I was surprised by this because this is a twist that the show has used several times. Still, Anson Williams and Donna Pescow made for a cute couple and even David Cassidy wasn’t as annoying as usual in the role of Jeremy Todd. This was a good fantasy.
And hey, the second fantasy was pretty good as well! Gina Edwards (Susan Lucci) is a soap opera star who worries that she’s being taken over by Andrea, the evil character that she plays on her show. The audience loves it when Andrea is wicked and dangerous but the pressure of playing a character so unlike herself is getting to Gina. She fears that she is literally going to turn into Andrea and perhaps harm her husband, Jeff (Chris Robinson). Jeff is also the director of the show so a lot of the pressure that Gina is feeling is coming from him. Fortunately, Mr. Roarke is able to show Gina and Jeff that they are both just working too hard. They decide to take a step back and just enjoy life.
This fantasy was fun. It was not only about a soap opera but it paid homage to daytime melodrama as well. (Tattoo, it turned out, was a huge fan of the show.) Susan Lucci, not surprisingly, was totally convincing as a soap opera diva. This fantasy had some enjoyably creepy moments and also a few humorous ones. It was everything you could want from Fantasy Island.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay. Today’s film is 1984’s Invitation to Hell. It can be viewed on YouTube!
There’s one rule in life that should never be forgotten.
Any movie that opens with Susan Lucci casting a hex that causes a man’s head to explode is going to be worth watching.
That’s certainly the case with Invitation to Hell, a 1984 made-for-TV movie that casts Lucci as Jessica Jones, an insurance agent who lives and works in an upper class suburb in Southern California. Jessica not only sells insurance but she also runs the ultra-exclusive Steaming Springs Country Club! Anyone who is anyone in town is a member of Steaming Springs! Of course, joining Steaming Springs requires going through a strange ceremony in which you walk into a mist-filled room. Jessica says that the room is called “the Spring” and that it contains everything that someone would need to be happy. However, one need only consider that the film is called Invitation to Hell to guess that Jessica might not be completely honest.
Matt Winslow (Robert Urich) and his family have just moved into the suburbs. Matt’s an engineer whose job involves designing a state-of-the-art space suit. Matt is a little bit annoyed when Jessica starts pressuring him and his family to join the country club. He’s even more perturbed when his wife (Joanna Cassidy), upon returning from the mist-filled room, starts acting and dressing just like Jessica. Matt soon comes to suspect that something strange might be happening, especially after his own daughter attacks him! Fortunately, Matt’s spacesuit comes with a flame thrower, a laser, and a built-in computer that can determine whether or not someone is actually a human being. (Wearing the space helmet means viewing the world like you’re the Terminator.) Soon, it’s science vs. magic as Matt dons the suit and tries to rescue his family from country club living!
Invitation to Hell is totally ludicrous but also a lot of fun. Robert Urich is properly stolid as the hero while the film itself is, not surprisingly, stolen by Susan Lucci. Lucci is totally and wonderfully over-the-top as Jessica, playing the role with the same cheerfully unapologetic intensity that made her a daytime television star. This is a film that has a little bit for everyone — familiar television actors, flamethrowers, space suits, demonic possession, exploding cars, and even a little bit of social satire as the film suggests that living in the suburbs is a terror even without weird country clubs and chic spell casters.
Interestingly enough, this made-for-television film was directed by none other than Wes Craven! The same year that this film was broadcast, Craven directed a little film called A Nightmare on Elm Street. While Invitation to Hell might not be in the same league as that classic shocker, it’s still an enjoyably campy horror flick.
Today’s horror on the lens is a made-for-tv movie directed by Wes Craven.
First televised in 1984, Invitation to Hell is a wonderfully over-the-top depiction of what happens when an engineer (Robert Urich) sells out and goes to work for a big evil corporation. Long story short, Satan (in the form of Susan Lucci) takes over his family. Admittedly, this film does start slowly but, in the end, it’s a lot of fun.
Today was the first day of a new year so, of course, I had to go down to the Alamo Drafthouse and see a movie. What was the title of the first movie that I saw in a theater in 2016?
Joy.
Despite the fact that Joy has gotten some seriously mixed reviews, I had high hopes when I sat down in the Alamo. After all, Joy represents the third collaboration between director David O. Russell and one of my favorite actresses, Jennifer Lawrence. (Their previous collaborations — Silver Linings Playbook and American Hustle — happen to be two of my favorite films of the past 5 years.) Add to that, Joy has been advertised as being a tribute to a real-life, strong-willed woman and I figured that, at the very least, it would provide a nice alternative to the testosterone-crazed movies that I’ve recently sat through. And finally, Joy had a great trailer!
Sure, there were a few less than positive signs about Joy. As I mentioned before, the majority of the reviews had been mixed and the word of mouth was even worse. (My friend, the sportswriter Jason Tarwater, used one word to describe the film to me: “Meh.”) But what truly worried me was that Sasha Stone of AwardsDaily absolutely raved about the film on her site and that’s usually a bad sign. Let’s not forget that this is the same Sasha Stone who claimed that Maps To The Stars was one of the best films ever made about Hollywood.
And, to be honest, I had much the same reaction to Joy that I had to Map To The Stars. I really wanted to love Joy and, occasionally, there would be a clever bit of dialogue or an unexpected directorial choice and I would briefly perk up in my seat and think to myself, “Okay, this is the film that I wanted to see!” But, for the most part, Joy is a disappointment. It’s not so much that it’s bad as it’s just not particularly great. For the most part, it’s just meh.
But let’s talk about what worked. Overall, this may be one of Jennifer Lawrence’s lesser films but she gives a great performance, one that reminds us that she truly is one of the best actresses working today. I’ve read some complaints that Lawrence was too young for the title role and, to be absolutely honest, she probably is. She looks like she could easily go undercover at a high school and help Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum bust drug dealers. But, at the same time, she projects the inner weariness of a survivor. For lack of a better term, she has an old soul and it comes across in her films.
In Joy, she plays Joy Mangano, a divorced mother of two who lives in upstate New York. Her mother (Virginia Madsen) lives with Joy and spends all of her time watching soap operas. Joy ex-husband, a lounge singer named Tony (Edgar Ramirez), lives in the basement. Meanwhile, her grandmother (Diane Ladd, who narrates the film) is always hovering in the background, offering Joy encouragement and optimism. At the start of the film, Joy’s cantankerous father (Robert De Niro) has also moved into the house. Joy, who was the valedictorian of her high school, has got a demeaning job working as a flight booker at the airport.
(“What’s your name?” one rude customer asks, “Joy? You don’t seem very joyful to me…”)
How stressful is Joy’s life? It’s so stressful that she has a reoccurring nightmare in which she’s trapped in her mother’s favorite soap opera and Susan Lucci (cleverly playing herself) tells her that she should just give up.
However, as difficult as life may get, Joy refuses to take Susan Lucci’s advise. She invents a miraculous mop known as the miracle mop and eventually becomes a highly successful businesswoman. Along the way, she makes her television debut on QVC and becomes a minor celebrity herself…
The film’s best scenes are the ones that deal with Joy and QVC. These scenes, in which the inexperienced Joy proves herself to be a natural saleswoman, are the best in the film. These scenes are filled with the spark that I was hoping would be present throughout the entire film. Of course, it helps that these scenes also feature Bradley Cooper as a sympathetic television executive. This is the third time that Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence have acted opposite each other and there’s an immediate chemistry between them. In this case, it’s not a romantic chemistry (and one of the things that I did appreciate about Joy was that it didn’t try to force a predictable romance on the title character). Instead, it’s the type of mutual respect that you rarely see between male and female characters in the movies. It’s a lot of fun to watch, precisely because it is so real and unexpected.
But sadly, the QVC scenes only make up a relatively small part of Joy. The rest of the film is something of a mess, with David O. Russell never settling on a consistent tone. At times, Joy feels like a disorganized collection of themes from his previous films. Just as in The Fighter and Silver Linings Playbook, we get the quirky and dysfunctional family. Just as in American Hustle, we get the period detail, the Scorsese-lite soundtrack, and the moments of cynical humor. There’s a lot going on in Joy and, at time, it doesn’t seem that Russell really knows what to do with all the theme and characters that he’s mixed into the movie. I found myself wondering if he truly understood the story that he was trying to tell.
Finally, at the end of the film, Joy visits a business rival in Dallas, Texas. Let’s just say that the film’s version of Dallas looks nothing like the city that I know. (The minute that the scene cut from her ex-husband discovering that Joy had left to a close-up of a Bar-B-Q sign, I let out an exasperated, “Oh, come on!”) I suppose I should be happy that Russell didn’t have huge mountains in the background of the Dallas scenes but seriously, would it have killed anyone to do a little research or maybe hop on a plane and spend a day or two filming on location?
(After all, if Richard Linklater or Wes Anderson decided to set a movie in David O. Russell’s home state of Massachusetts, I doubt that they would film the Boston scenes in El Paso….)
Joy features great work from Jennifer Lawrence and Bradley Cooper and it tells a story that has the potential to be very empowering. But, when it comes to the overall film … meh.
Much like yesterday’s offering of Summer of Fear, today’s horror on the lens is a made-for-tv movie directed by Wes Craven.
First televised in 1984, Invitation to Hell is a wonderfully over-the-top depiction of what happens when an engineer (Robert Urich) sells out and goes to work for a big evil corporation. Long story short, Satan (in the form of Susan Lucci) takes over his family. Admittedly, this film does start slowly but, in the end, it’s a lot of fun.
Through the Shattered Lens 