Tag Archives: Stephen Moyer

Catching Up With The Films of 2023: After Everything (dir by Castille Landon)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

The saga of the world’s most boring and tedious couple finally comes to an end in After Everything.

When last we checked in on Tessa Young (Josephine Langford) and Hardin Scott (Hero Fiennes Tiffin), they were probably both wondering how they ended up with the type of names that most people would expect to find attached to fake profiles on a dating app.  Tessa had also just left Hardin, upset that he used the details of their relationship to write his first novel, After.

After Everything opens with best-selling, voice-of-his-whiny-generation Hardin being pressured to come up with a follow-up novel but he has writer’s block because Tessa won’t even return his texts.  As he explains it, he’s lost his muse and he can’t write anything without her.  (Maybe he should send her some of the money that he made off of her life story then.)  Despondent, Hardin starts drinking again.  This would be a big plot point if not for the fact that, in every After film, the alcoholic Hardin starts drinking again.  Hardin has gotten sober and given up his sobriety so many times that, at this point, it’s more about being indecisive than anything else.  Either be a drunk or don’t be a drunk but make up your freaking mind.

Hardin does what any struggling writer would do when confronted with writer’s block.  He goes to Portugal and reunites with a woman whose life he ruined.  Natalie (Mimi Keene) had a scholarship and a promising future until Hardin filmed himself having sex with her in order to win a bet.  When Hardin’s friends made the film public, Natalie was humiliated, she lost her scholarship, and she spent years mired in depression before she escaped to Portugal.  In a plot twist that is not only dumb but also rather offensive, she’s surprisingly forgiving of Hardin when he shows up in Lisbon.  Sure, he took her virginity to win a bet and sent a video to all of his friends without her consent but hey, Hardin’s had a rough life as the privileged child of two wealthy people who give him everything that he wants.  Natalie’s life may have been ruined, the film tells us, but Hardin has recently spent a few weeks feeling bad about it so they’re even.  Natalie introduces him to all of her friends.  (It doesn’t take long because Natalie only has two.)  Everyone is really impressed to discover that Hardin wrote After.

“I hear they’re making a movie!” one friend says.

“Harry Styles should play you!” the other friend shouts, a reference to the fact that the whole damned After franchise started as Harry Styles fan fiction.

(It’s a moment so awkwardly executed and so self-congratulatory that it reminded me of the moment in the second film when the author of the original book made a cameo appearance.  “What do you write?” she was asked.  “Oh,” she replied, smirking directly at the camera, “this and that.”  I threw a shoe at my TV but, fortunately, I have terrible aim.)

If Natalie forgiving Hardin isn’t bad enough, Hardin also decides to write a book about the time that he ruined her life, a book that he cleverly entitles Before.  You really do have to wonder if Hardin has ever met anyone that he didn’t end up exploiting in some terrible way.  Having learned his lesson with Tessa, Hardin allows Natalie to read the book before sending it off to the publisher.  Natalie happily gives her consent for it to be published because what girl wouldn’t want the guy who sexually humiliated her to use the memories of that humiliation as a way to make money for himself?

As you may have noticed, Tessa is not present for the majority of After Everything, though she does appear in several flashbacks to the earlier films.  She shows up briefly at the beginning and then the end of the film and there’s a point about halfway through the film where she wakes up and discovers that Hardin has sent her a weepy text.  When Hardin gives his best man speech at his half-brother’s wedding reception and, as usual, makes it all about himself, there’s a shot of Tessa looking moved.  But, for the most part, this installment is all about Hardin thinking about the past and saying stuff like, “I’m trying to be a better person.”  Of course, we do still get the franchise’s signature overheated but discreetly-shot sex scenes, though one of them is just Hardin having a dream about a flight attendant while most of the rest are just flashbacks.

(This film has so many flashbacks to the previous films that it’s hard not to notice that the franchise’s makeup artists could never quite remember the exact locations of all of Hardin’s tattoos.)

Unfortunately, Hero Fiennes Tiffin’s bland performance as Hardin has always been one of After’s biggest problems so basing an entire movie around his petulant screen presence was perhaps not the best way to go.  We are continually told that Hardin Scott is the most exciting writer in the world but there’s nothing about Tiffin’s performance that suggests that Hardin can even think in complete sentences, let alone write them down.  Hardin spends a lot of time whining and a lot of time drinking and there comes a point where you just want someone to say, “You’re a twenty-something alcoholic who is still bitching about stuff that most people get over when they’re 16.  Grow up.”  Unfortunately, no one does say that.  However, about 52 minutes into the film, Hardin totally gets his ass kicked by some beach bullies.  That was emotionally satisfying to watch.

In the end, Hardin and Tessa are reunited.  After five movies, Josephine Langford and Hero Fiennes Tiffin still do not have a shred of romantic chemistry.  It’s nice that Hardin and Tessa worked everything out but I would still dread getting stuck in a conversation with either one of them.

Apparently, this is the last of the After films and that’s probably for the best.  At this point, I think the only place left to go would be After Life, with Tessa and Hardin boring everyone in Purgatory with their story about how they first bonded over their shared love of an obscure novel called The Great Gatsby.  Writing this review, I was shocked to discover that this franchise is only 4 years old.  Seriously, I thought had been suffering for at least ten years because of these two.

Other After Films:

  1. After
  2. After We Collided
  3. After We Fell
  4. After Ever Happy

Film Review: After Ever Happy (dir by Castille Landon)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

The fourth installment in the After franchise, After Ever Happy picks up where After We Fell ended.

The world’s most boring couple, Tessa Young (Josephine Langford) and Hardin Scott (Hero Fiennes Tiffin), are in London to attend Hardin’s mother’s latest wedding.  Unfortunately, Christian Vance (Stephen Moyer) takes this opportunity to reveal that he is actually Hardin’s father which leads to Hardin storming off and grabbing a bottle of whiskey.  If you’ve seen the previous three After films, then you know that’s a big problem because Hardin is a recovering alcoholic who turns into an asshole when he’s drunk.  Of course, Hardin’s usually an asshole when he’s sober as well.

Because Tessa really doesn’t have any life beyond chasing after Harin and trying to keep him from being self-destructive, Tessa chases after him and tries to keep him from doing anything self-destructive.  Unfortunately, since Harden’s already drunk, he decides that he might as well burn down his mother’s house and that’s exactly what Hardin does.  In most movies, this would be treated as Hardin going off the deep end and as evidence that Tessa should get a thousand miles away from him.  In the After films, every stupid, impulsive, and destructive thing that Hardin does is just an excuse for Tessa to comfort him by having soft-focus sex in a car.  In the world of the After films, every toxic relationship is a Dior commercial.

Not now, Natalie!

Anyway, After Ever Happy pretty much follows the exact same pattern as the previous three films.  After Tessa’s father dies, she moves to New York in order to heal and Hardin loses it.  Hardin follows her to New York.  Tessa takes him back.  Hardin explodes over some trivial issue.  Tessa forgives him.  Tessa tries to do something for herself.  Hardin gets mad.  Tessa forgives him.  Hardin tries to be a better person, which in this case means that he gives his scarf to an old homeless man whom Tessa has been giving food.  (Tessa explains that giving the homeless man food makes her feel better about losing her dad, which is another way of saying that she’s only helping him to make herself feel good.  If her Dad was still alive, the homeless man would probably end up freezing to death while Tessa and Hardin debated whether Fitzgerland was a better writer than Hemingway.  Maybe one of those schmucks could try to help the old homeless man find shelter or something.  That scarf’s only going to do so much.)  Hardin turns his journals into a novel, which is somehow published.  Tessa is angered that Hardin wrote about her without asking her permission and she leaves him.  Hardin’s book is acclaimed, despite the fact that the excerpt we hear sound terrible.  Hardin becomes an amateur boxer or something.  I’m not really sure what was up with that scene.  “To be continued….,” the title card announces, so maybe the next movie will feature more action in the ring.

A few questions sprang to mind as I watched After Ever Happy:

Why, after four movies, does Hardin still only have one facial expression?

See?  Just one.

What was going on with Tessa’s hair during the second half of the movie?

Seriously, Tessa’s hair was one of the few things that she had going for her and this movie took that away from her.

Finally, how is it that, after four films, the lead performers still have next to zero romantic chemistry?  You would think that, after three years of playing these people, Hero Fiennes Tiffin and Josephine Langford would at least have a little bit of a spark to their interactions but instead, they still come across as being friendly acquaintances as opposed to lovers.  There’s nothing about their performances that suggest that they know each other in a way that only two people who are deeply in love could know each other.  There’s none of the little details that one immediately spots between people who have shared trauma and found love.  Instead, every emotion and thought is on the surface.  There’s no depth to the relationship.  Hardin is toxic and whiney.  Tessa is the doormat that other doormats walk over.

Typically, with a film like this, critics will say that the cast does their best with the material they’ve been given but, in this case, everyone’s just as lousy as the material.  Say what you will about the 50 Shades Films, at least Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson appeared to be having fun.  The cast of After Ever Happy, from the stars on down, just seem to be hoping that it will soon all be over with.

Film Review: Devil’s Knot (dir by Atom Egoyan)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

After having spent close to a year hearing only negative things about it, I finally watched Atom Egoyan’s Devil’s Knot last night.  On the basis of what a lot of critics had said about the film, I have to admit that I was mostly watching it to see if I needed to include it on my upcoming list of the 16 worst films of 2014.

But you know what?

Devil’s Knot really isn’t a bad film.  It’s just an extremely unnecessary one.

Devil’s Knot opens with a title card that reads, “Based on a true story.”  Honestly, the title card could have just as easily read, “Based on a true story and if you doubt it, there’s four other movies you can watch.”  The trial, conviction, and subsequent imprisonment of the West Memphis Three is perhaps the most famous miscarriage of justice in recent history precisely because so many documentaries have been made about it.  Paradise Lost and Paradise Lost Part Three are two of the most disturbing true crime documentaries ever made.

(As for Paradise Last Part Two, it displays a stunning lack of self-awareness as it attempts to prove the guilt of John Mark Byers by using many of the same techniques that were used to convict the West Memphis Three.  The less said about it, the better.)

The story is so well-known that I almost feel like retelling it would be like taking the time to inform you that George Washington was our first president.  But here goes — in 1993, 3 eight year-old boys were murdered in the small town of West Memphis, Arkansas.  Three teenagers were arrested for the crime and, on the flimsiest of evidence, were convicted.  As is seen in the documentaries, their conviction had more to do with community hysteria and paranoia than anything else.  The supposed leader of the West Memphis Three, Damien Echols, was accused of being a Satanist.  Why?  Mostly because he wore black clothing.

Eventually — and largely as a result of the documentaries made about the case — the West Memphis Three would be freed from prison.  (However, their convictions would still legally stand, meaning that their exoneration would be limited to the court of public opinion.)  Devil’s Knot, however, doesn’t deal with any of that, beyond a lengthy scroll of “this is what happened after the movie” information that rolls up the screen after the final scene.  Instead, Devil’s Knot deals with the first trial of the West Memphis Three and the small town atmosphere of fear and hysteria that led to them being convicted in the first place.

And — though the film is surprisingly conventional when you consider the reputation of director Atom Egoyan — it’s all fairly well-done.  As a former resident of and frequent visitor to Arkansas, I was happy to see that Egoyan didn’t indulge in as many stereotypes as I feared he would.  (One need only watch the self-important Northern activists in Paradise Lost Two to see the attitude that I feared Egoyan would bring to the project.)  Reese Witherspoon is perfectly cast as the mother of one of the murdered boys.  Kevin Durand is properly intimidating at John Mark Byers.  Even Colin Firth manages to make for a convincing Arkansan.

But, ultimately, Devil’s Knot just feels so unnecessary.  It doesn’t bring anything new to the story and there’s ultimately nothing here that you couldn’t have learned from the original Paradise Lost.

Probably the best thing that I can say about Devil’s Knot is that it’s better than Paradise Lost Part Two.

Review: True Blood 7.1 “Jesus Gonna Be Here”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Sookie

I have to start out this review of the 7th season premiere of True Blood with an explanation and an apology.

I always like to think that I can write a good review regardless of what else might be going on in my life.  If I took a break from writing every time that I felt less than great, I certainly would not have ever reviewed Black Swan or The Perfect Teacher.  Sometimes, you just have to take your medicine and get things done.  That said, I should let you know that summer has just begun down here in Texas.  Pollen is everywhere and I have spent today battling my allergies.  I am definitely under the weather as I write this review and I apologize if that has effected my ability to properly consider tonight’s episode.

However, for the season premiere of a show that’s known for its complex storylines and huge cast, it doesn’t really seem like there’s much to analyze about what happened tonight.

Don’t get me wrong.  True Blood has always been an uneven show.  For every great episode of True Blood, there’s also a mediocre one.  For every brilliantly drawn and acted character (like Kristin Bauer van Straten’s Pam), there’s been characters who have never quite reached their potential but yet remain in the cast.  For every storyline that worked, there will be memories of Bill getting possessed by Lillith.

In the past, mediocre episodes or creative misfires did not worry me.  I accepted them as being just a part of what happens with all long-running television shows.  I accepted the occasional bad because I knew that the good would be great and I always knew that there was a chance that any creative miscalculations would be corrected in a future season.

However, we’ve now reached a point where there are no more future seasons.  This is it!  Season seven has ten episodes and then True Blood — as a television series — is over.  Rumor has it that there will be a Broadway musical and I’m certainly looking forward to it eventually showing up on the community theater circuit because I really do think that I’d be a natural for it.  But, until then, these final 10 episodes are all that we have left and True Blood — being True Blood — has a lot of storylines that it needs to somehow resolve so that viewers like me don’t feel like we’ve spent the last 7 seasons being set up for an anticlimax.

After all, we don’t want True Blood to end up like Dexter.

That’s why I can’t simply laugh off a mediocre or uneventful episode now.  As I sat through tonight’s premiere, a part of me was thinking that things were moving slowly because the show is setting up the foundation for a proper and satisfying finale.  However, another part of me wanted to scream, “HELLO — WE’VE ONLY GOT 10 EPISODES LEFT!  THESE HAVE TO COUNT!”

And I will admit — though this may have been the headache talking — I did end up hissing at the screen, “Where.  The.  Hell.  Is.  Erik!?”  As we all remember from last season’s finale, Erik was last seen naked on a mountain, bursting into flame as the sun shined down on him.  The important thing, however, is that we never saw Erik explode into red goo.  I chose to believe that Erik is still alive and, apparently, Pam agrees with me because tonight’s episode found Pam in Morocco searching for Erik.  There really weren’t enough scenes featuring Pam but I was happy for what we got of her.  Pam’s snarkiness always brings True Blood to life.  Hopefully, Erik will show up next week.

As for everyone else:

Tonight’s premiere began where season 6 ended.  A group of infected vampires attacked a human-vampire mixer at Bellfluer’s.  During the attack (which was well-filmed but still a bit too chaotic for its own good), vampire Tara is apparently killed and Holly and Arlene are kidnapped by the infected vampires.  Sam, who is now the mayor, orders that all the humans go home with an uninfected vampire, the idea being that the human will feed his vampire in return for protection.  Nobody is really happy with the arrangement and, as quickly becomes apparent, everyone blames Sookie.  What people don’t consider is that Sookie can hear their accusatory thoughts.  At the end of the episode, she goes to church and tells everyone off.  So, it looks like Sookie is once again frustrated with living in Bon Temps and thinking about saying goodbye to all of the drama and going off on her own.  Then again, that’s pretty much what always happens to Sookie.

(Sookie, incidentally, is now in a relationship with Alcide and good for her!  I still have a feeling that she’ll end the show with Sam but when you’ve been through everything that Sookie has, you’ve earned the right to spend a few nights with Alcide.)

Meanwhile, Sheriff Andy and Bill spent the episode looking for the kidnapped humans and I have to say that Andy has actually turned into a badass, even getting to save Bill from a group of human vigilantes.  However, Andy assures Bill that, even if there are temporarily allies, Andy still hates Bill and every other vampire.

Jessica, meanwhile, is stuck outside of Andy’s house, protecting Adelyn.  Despite the fact that Andy ordered his daughter not to invite Jessica inside, Adelyn does allow Jessica to enter to escape both the rising sun and to thank her for protecting her from a random vampire who wanted to drink Adelyn’s blood.  Once inside the house, Jessica nearly attacks Adelyn but manages to stop herself.

And finally, Jason has sex with his vampire girlfriend.  It’s not an episode of True Blood unless Jason is having sex with his vampire girlfriend.

I always enjoy watching True Blood and I’m looking forward to the rest of the season but I have to admit that I was a bit disappointed with tonight’s premiere, which seemed to move slowly and, oddly for True Blood, didn’t really seem to be too concerned with moving any of the show’s dozen or so storylines forward.  Hopefully, future episodes will pick up the pace because, after all, we’ve only got nine more left and they have to count!

And, hopefully, Erik will return.

Soon.

Review: True Blood 6.10 “Radioactive”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

True Blood

Eric better not be dead!

A lot happened on tonight’s sixth season finale of True Blood.  Along with wrapping up Warlow and Billith’s storylines, it also set up what’s presumably going to be season 7’s major storyline.  A lot of strange things have happened over the past two seasons of True Blood and tonight’s finale promised both a return to normalcy and a new beginning.

And with all that in mind, my number one reaction to tonight’s finale was this:

ERIC BETTER NOT BE FREAKING DEAD!

Admittedly, when we last saw Eric, things did not look good.

Warlow, having revealed himself to be just as evil as we all knew he was and refusing to allow Sookie to back out of their arranged marriage, was finally killed by Sookie’s grandfather (Rutger Hauer), who, in this best tradition of dues ex machina, managed to pop out of his little prison dimension and drive a stake through Warlow’s heart.  Warlow dissolved into red goo and, with the death of Warlow, all of the vampires who had drank his blood lost their ability to walk in the daylight.

The majority of the show’s vampires were safely inside when this happened.  However, Eric was sunbathing naked in the Swiss Alps and, as he lost his special Warlow powers, he burst into flames.

A collective cry went up on twitter as thousands of Eric fans (present company included) tweeted out a massive: “NOOOOOOOO!  NOT ERIC!”

However, there is hope.  The scene cut away from Eric before we actually saw him explode.  So, maybe Eric managed to bury himself in the show.  Maybe he ran into a nearby cave.  Maybe Lillith reached out and saved Eric’s life.

As far as I’m concerned, until I see definite proof of his true death, Eric lives!

Warlow’s demise occurred about halfway through tonight’s finale.  At that point, season 6 officially ended.  Warlow’s gone.  The vampires can no longer walk in the day.  Bill, having refused to go off with Lillith’s sirens, is finally starting to act like Bill again.  And hopefully, Eric’s not dead.

The second half of the episode felt like a preview for season 7.  We jumped ahead 6 months into the future and we discover the following:

Sookie is living with Alicide.  (You go, girl!)

Sam is now married to annoying Nicole and is mayor of Bon Temps.

Andy is still very protective of his last remaining daughter.

Bill Compton is now a published author.  He’s written a book about his experiences as a God.  In the book, he writes about ripping the Governor’s head off of his body.  He also reveals that Hep V was a creation of the government.

Hep V, meanwhile, has become an epidemic.  Although only vampires are killed by it, the virus can live in humans as well.  Mayor Sam arranges for a human/vampire mixer so that the citizens of Bon Temps can pair up — one human to a vampire.

And while everyone in town gets acquainted, an army of infected vampires shambles towards the gathering like zombies from a George Romero film…

And that’s how season 6 ends.

So, what did everyone think of season 6?  I thought it was one of the better seasons of True Blood and a definite improvement on season 5.  That said, I was definitely happy to see Bill acting like Bill again at the end of tonight’s episode.

Hopefully, Season 7 will start with Eric showing up on Bill’s front porch and saying, “The weirdest thing happened in Switzerland…”

Random Thoughts and Observations:

  • Unofficial scene count: 45
  • As fun as it was to see all the daywalking vampires happy at the start of tonight’s episode, I’m kinda glad that they lost that power.  I’m not sure how many more scenes of vampires playing volleyball I could take.
  • My first tweet after the end of this episode: “Fuck you, #Newsroom!  I’m too concerned about Eric on #TrueBlood to care about some maniacal news anchor!”
  • Alcide was wearing the word’s worst wig at the start of tonight’s episode.
  • I had forgotten all about that whiny scientist until he showed back up tonight.
  • Again, we never saw Eric explode into red goo.  That’s the important thing.
  • “You don’t want a vampire bride!  You want a faerie vampire bride!”
  • I’ve had a lot of fun reviewing True Blood this season.  I look forward to doing it again next season.  Thanks for reading!

Review: True Blood 6.9 “Life Matters”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

True Blood

When the history of True Blood is eventually written, Life Matters will be remembered as the best episode of season 6 and perhaps as one of the best episodes of the entire series.

For a show that has occasionally been a tad too complicated and a bit too dependent on easy snark as opposed to genuine sentiment, tonight’s episode was both focused and sincerely emotional.  If an episode of True Blood could ever make you cry while still making you laugh and occasionally jump, Life Matters is that episode.

Tonight, True Blood was all about death.  While the citizens of Bon Temps gathered to say a final goodbye to Terry, the vampires got their revenge on the humans at Vamp Camp.  The Rev. Newlin finally met his well-deserved demise at the hands of Eric and the sun while Jason came close to murdering Sarah Newlin before finally relenting.

At the end of last week’s episode, Bill and Sookie were standing over Warlow’s drained body.  Well, it turns out that Warlow is not dead.  He’s just weakened.  After Sookie allows him to feed on her, she leaves for Terry’s funeral while Bill heads to Vamp Camp.

The rest of the episode very skillfully cuts back and forth from the powerful emotion of Terry’s funeral and Bill and Eric’s bloody rampage at Vamp Camp.  While those at the funeral speak of the value of celebrating life, Bill, Eric, and the vampires are literally killing every human that they can find.  While Andy and Sam talk about (and we see flashbacks of) the first time they ever met Terry, Bill is killing a human scientist by stomping his face in.  While Sookie gives her eulogy and also outs herself as being a telepath, Eric is releasing all of the female vampires and announcing, “Go forth and kill all the humans!”

Sarah Newlin, realizing that she’s literally one of only two humans left alive at Vamp Camp, climbs up to the top of the roof of the sun room and turns a wheel that opens up the ceiling.  The sun shines down on the vampires below but all of the vampires have now fed on Bill’s blood and are now immune to the sun.

Every vampire except for the Rev. Newlin, of course.

Newlin begs to be allowed to feed on Bill’s blood but none of the other vampires are willing to allow Newlin to get near him.  Finally, Eric grabs Newlin by the throat and holds him in place as the sun shines down on him.  As Sarah watches from above, her ex-husband starts to burn and then explodes into a mess of red goo.  Newlin’s last words are to declare his love for Jason Stackhouse.

As for Jason, he catches Sarah as she tried to flee Vamp Camp and, in a rather uncomfortable scene, holds a gun to Sarah’s face while she begs for her life.  Jason finally allows her to escape, saying that he doesn’t want her blood on his hands.  As hateful a character as Sarah is, I’m glad that Jason didn’t kill her.  Jason may be many things but he’s not a cold-blooded murderer.  That’s one reason why we all love him.

Bill, weakened after having been drained, lies on the floor of the sun room and has a vision of Lillith’s sirens approaching him.  They tell him that it’s time for him to come with Lillith.  Bill says that he’s not ready to go.  Fortunately, Jessica and James find him and James feeds him.

Meanwhile, Terry’s funeral ends with Arlene accepting an American flag from the Marine honor guard and Big John singing “Life Matters.”  A random old lady wonders why there’s so many black people at Terry’s funeral.  That’s just life in Bon Temps.

As the episode ends, Bill and the other vampires are celebrating in the daylight.  However, Pam sees Eric standing some distance away.  Pam tells Eric that he better not leave her.  Eric responds by doing just that, shooting off into the sky and leaving Pam by herself.

Tonight’s episode of True Blood felt almost like a series finale.  As I watched it, I had to keep reminding myself that I wasn’t watching the end of the show or even the end of the season.  Instead, I was watching the 9th episode of a 10-episode season.  There’s one more episode and at least one more season to go before True Blood concludes.

I just hope that Eric comes back.

Random Observations:

  • Considering just how marginal his character often seemed to be in the grand scheme of things, I was a bit surprised at how touching Terry’s funeral truly turned out to be.
  • Still, as a friend of mine pointed out on twitter, dead Terry got more screen time during tonight’s episode than he ever did while he was alive.
  • If an episode of True Blood ever deserved an Emmy for editing, this is the one.
  • How is Season 6 going to end?  Is there more to the Lillith story or will next week’s episode just be about setting things up for season 7?  Your guess is as good as mine.
  • I’m sure that those of you who got this review in your e-mail might be wondering if I really did accidentally type Big Brother instead of True Blood in my initial draft of this post.  Yes, I did.  Whoops.  I also write a daily blog over at the Big Brother Blog.  My mistake was the result of me trying to write reviews of two very different shows at the same time.
  • “I love you, Jason Stackhouse!”

Review: True Blood 6.8 “Dead Meat”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

True Blood

If nothing else, this episode will always be remembered for confirming what all of us ladies already knew.  High heels are murder!

Seriously, if you had any doubts about whether or not Sarah Newlin (played, with manic glee, by Anna Camp) truly was batshit crazy, all you had to do was watch tonight’s episode.

First off, she’s refusing to tell anyone that Gov. Burrell is dead and it wouldn’t surprise me if she’s got his severed head in the trunk of her car.

Secondly, when Mrs. Suzuki came by Vamp Camp to check out what was going on with the Tru Blood production, Sarah ended up chasing her through the prison.  Now, I’ve seen enough horror movies to know that it is next to impossible to successfully run away from a crazed maniac while wearing high heels.  That still doesn’t stop Mrs. Suzuki from trying but, once she ends up tripping on a steel grating, Sarah proceeds to beat her to death with one of her own high heels.  Underneath the grating, a grateful group of male vampires feast on Suzuki’s blood.  “Thank you, Jesus!” an orgasmic Sarah proclaims.

This macabre chase scene — coming towards the end of tonight’s episode — perfectly sums up season 6 of True Blood.  It was over the top, silly, melodramatic, vaguely sordid, and yet definitely effective.

Mrs. Suzuki was murdered to prevent her from telling the FDA about Sarah’s plan to give all the vampires Tru Blood that’s been spiked with Hep V.  The first batch of infected Tru Blood was given to the prisoners during tonight’s episode.  James, the hot new vampire who Jessica is now in love with, warned the Rev. Newlin not to drink the infected blood.  This led to Sarah demanding to know why Newlin was refusing to drink the blood.  Since Newlin is a weasel, he quickly revealed the names of every vampire who knows the truth about the new Tru Blood.

As a result, Newlin, James, Pam, Tara, Willa, and Jessica all found themselves in that white death chamber that Bill keeps seeing in his visions of the future.  As Jessica quickly figures out, this is where they’re going to stay until the sun rises, the ceiling opens up, and they’re all burned to death.

Bill, however, has a plan.  As he tells Sookie, he wants to allow all the vampires at Vamp Camp to drink Warlow’s blood so that they can be immune to the sunlight.  Warlow tells Sookie that he’ll only do it if Sookie agrees to be “his.”  So, once again, the future of the vampires pretty much depends upon Sookie surrendering any shred of independence from the whims and needs of the men in her life.

So, as must happen at least once during every season of True Blood, Sookie prepared to sacrifice herself.  She took Bill to the faerie dimension so that she could give herself over to Warlow and then Warlow could give himself over to Bill.  However, as soon as she and Bill arrived, they discovered that Eric had gotten there first and had already drained Warlow.

And that, quite simply, is why I love Eric.  While everyone else talks and broods, Eric gets stuff done.

Finally, in case you were wondering how long it would take Sam to get over Luna, the answer is eight episodes.  Sam returned to Bon Temps for Terry’s funeral and, upon arrival, he discovered that Alcide had rescued Nicole from the werewolves (and, in the process, had surrendered the title of pack leader to Rikki).  Sam discovered that Nicole’s pregnant and, within a few scenes, the two of them were declaring their love for each other.  Nicole is a boring character and werewolf politics tend to put me to sleep unless they involve Alcide getting naked.  Since Alcide kept his clothes on tonight, I have to admit that I pretty much zoned during the majority of the Sam/Nicole/Alcide scenes.

But no matter!  Between Sookie preparing (yet again) to sacrifice herself and Sarah getting crazier by the minute, tonight’s episode was a lot of fun.  I assume that Eric is now heading towards the Vamp Camp and I can’t wait to see what happens once he arrives.

Random Thoughts and Observations:

  • Tonight’s unofficial scene count: 48
  • I always enjoy it when Bill and Eric get to argue.  Alexander Skarsgard and Stephen Moyer really throw themselves into those scenes.
  • Nora may be dead by Lucy Griffiths — much like Arliss Howard and Todd Lowe — is still listed in the opening credits.
  • Rev. Newlin seemed to have a thing for people who have had sex with Jessica.
  • I was a little surprised that Alcide didn’t know who Terry was.
  • I’m proud to say that, in last week’s review, I totally guessed Bill’s plan for Warlow’s blood.
  • “Mother, I can fly!”
  • “The only way he’ll agree to help you is if I agree to become his faerie vampire bride!  So there!”
  • “How about that, you motherfucking monster!?”
  • “I’m trying to decide if I’ll be more uncomfortable in here or out there!”
  • “Sarah Newlin!?”  “Don’t tell me you’re a fan!”

Review: True Blood 6.7 “In The Evening”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

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Poor Eric!

Going into tonight’s episode of True Blood, I knew that another major character was expected to die but I was really hoping that it wouldn’t be Nora.  Not only did I feel that the character (and Lucy Griffiths) has never quite been used to her potential (not an uncommon occurrence on a show that has a huge ensemble, like True Blood) but it also seems like Eric is always losing the vampires who are most important to him.

However, I also knew that, story-wise, Nora had to die if just so we could understand how dangerous Hep-V truly is.

And so, after bringing Nora to Bill’s mansion and even going so far as to pray for her recovery, Eric ended up holding Nora while she literally melted in his arms.  Adding to the pathos of the situation, we were treated to a flashback to 1666 where we saw how Eric originally turned Nora into a vampire in order to save her from falling victim to the Great Plague.

It was a highly effective moment in an otherwise average episode of True Blood.  If the show often struggled to figure out what exactly to do with Nora, it at least allowed her to make a powerful exit.

Tonight’s episode was all about death.  While Eric watched Nora die, the rest of Bon Temps struggled to deal with the demise of Terry.  Sookie abandoned the post-coital bliss of Warlow so that she could comfort the grief-stricken (and quite drunk) Arlene.

Sookie’s return allowed Bill to track her down and, in a wonderfully tense scene that was very well-acted by real-life husband and wife Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer, Bill told Sookie that if she doesn’t lead Bill to Warlow than all the other vampires will die.  I imagine that Bill’s plan is for all the other vampires to drink Warlow’s blood.  Once they, like Bill, are immune to the sunlight, the LAVDF will no longer be able to burn all the vampires to death.

Back at Vamp Camp, Jessica, Pam, and WIlla are aware that the new tru blood is tainted with Hep-V but, as Pam explained, they can’t say anything because, if all the vampires refuse to drink the tru blood, then the authorities will know that the secret is out.  That said, Jessica still asked Jason to arrange a meeting between her and the surprisingly sensitive vampire James (Jake Grimes).   Jessica informed James about the tainted tru blood and then proceeded to lose her vampire virginity to him.  And good for her because James is seriously superhot!

Meanwhile, Sarah Newlin discovered the massacre at the Governor’s mansion and, after kissing the Governor’s severed head, she took command of his plan to destroy all of the vampires.  She returned to the Vamp Camp where she tracked down Jason, cut his wrist, and then tossed him into a cell full of female vampires.  Tara jumped up to defend him but then, a vampire named Violet announced that Jason was hers.

FInally, Sam found out about Terry’s death and is now planning on returning to Bon Temps, despite the fact that he promised Alcide that he wouldn’t.  Alcide, it turns out, lied to the rest of the pack and told them that he had killed both Sam and Nicole.  As tonight’s episode ended, Alcide discovered that Nicole and her mother had been captured by the pack and his lie had been exposed…

(Seriously, I can understand why Alcide didn’t want to be packmaster.  The werewolves are way too much drama!)

As I said, this was an average episode of True Blood.  It featured a few memorable moments (Nora’s death, Arlene getting drunk, and the James/Jessica sex scene) but, for the most part, it felt like the main purpose of this episode was to set things up for the season finale.  There’s only 3 more episodes left before the end of season 6 and there are rumors that at least one more major character might be leaving before the end of the season.

Here’s hoping it’s not Eric!

Random Thoughts and Observations:

  • Tonight’s unofficial scene count: 49
  • I noticed that Todd Lowe is still listed in the opening credits.  Was Arliss Howard listed as well?
  • Willa really does look a lot like Nora.   It’s a bit distracting.
  • In my notes, I wrote: “Ewwwwwww!” when Sarah Newlin kissed the Governor’s head.
  • The attempts to provide therapy for the vampires are a pretty obvious comment on the whole “ex-gay” movement.
  • Alexander Skarsgard made me cry tonight.
  • During tonight’s show, I tweeted the following: “When Sheriff Andy is the voice of reason, you know bad things are going to happen in Bon Temps. #TrueBlood”  As of this writing, it’s been retweeted 77 times and favorited by 52 people.  That’s a personal best for me so yay!
  • “How deep do you want to go?”

Review: True Blood 6.6 “Don’t You Feel Me”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

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Before I review tonight’s episode of True Blood, I have to apologize for not reviewing last week’s episode.  For the past six months, I have been basically working, writing, and dancing nonstop and last week, it finally caught up with me and I nearly collapsed from exhaustion.  I’m still in the process of recovering but hopefully, I’ll be more active this week than last week.

Going into tonight’s episode, I knew that there had been a lot of speculation online about the possibility of one or more major characters dying.  A lot of people though that it might be Lafayette, especially since he was in the process of trying to drown Sookie when last week’s episode ended.  Some people thought Alcide would kill Sam and still others insisted on breaking my heart by speculating that Eric might experience the true death.

Instead, it turned out to be Terry.  That’s right.  After spending all of last season dealing with that stupid Iraqi fire demon and then spending most of this season feeling guilty for having murdered his friend Patrick, Terry appeared to have finally found some peace tonight.  Arlene and Holly recruited a vampire to erase Terry’s memory (which is really what they should have done in the first place) and Terry was cheerfully taking out the trash when his friends kept their promise to him and shot him in the neck.  Arlene rushed outside and held Terry as he died, no longer aware of why he had asked to be killed in the first place.

To a certain extent, Terry’s death was not that surprising.  If there was any major character that True Blood could afford to lose, it was Terry.  And, hopefully, his death will mean we won’t ever have to hear about that Iraqi fire demon ever again.  However, even if it wasn’t totally unexpected, it was still a perfect example of how True Blood, at its best, can so gracefully walk across the thin line between heartfelt melodrama and over-the-top satire.  We all knew that Terry was doomed as soon as he told Arlene that he had never been happier but the scene worked because both Todd Lowe and Carrie Preston gave such heartfelt performances in the roles of Terry and Arlene.  Even if there was little left for the show to do with Terry as a character, I will still miss Todd Lowe’s likable presence.

However, Terry was not the only character to meet an abrupt end tonight.  After putting himself into a coma and having a typically cryptic meeting with Lilith, Bill drank a vial of Warlow’s blood.  Now even more powerful than before, Bill confronted Governor Burrell and demanded to know why he had been having visions of all of the vampires being burned to death in a white room.  When Burrell didn’t answer quickly enough, Bill responded by ripping the Governor’s head off of his body.  And while Burrell certainly deserved the punishment, I doubt that’s going to do much to help human/vampire relations.

Governor Burrell was played by Arliss Howard and, in just six episodes, Howard had transformed Burrell from simply being a standard evil politician to being one of the best villains in the history of True Blood.  While I knew that Burrell was too evil to eventually not suffer some sort of violent death, I was surprised that it occurred at the mid-point of this season as opposed to the end of it.  I have a feeling that Sarah Newlin will take his place as the main human villain and I’m sure that Anna Camp is more than up to the job but I’m still going to miss Arliss Howard’s brand of evil.

Meanwhile, Sookie continues to consistently make the worst choices in men.  After Warlow saved Sookie from being drowned by the possessed Lafayette, Sookie took Warlow to a fairy dimension where, after she tied him up to keep him from losing control, she proceeded to let him feed on her and then did the same to him.  As they made love, their respective lights glowed together and it would have been a beautiful image if not for the fact that we know that the only Sookie gave herself over to Warlow was because Bill’s found religion, Eric’s prison, and Alcide’s off searching for Sam.

As for Eric, after he and Pam refuses to fight to death gladiator-style, Gov. Burrell forced him to watch as Nora was injected with some sort of vampire virus known as Hep V.  Then, like a typical short-sighted villain, Burrell left before Nora actually died.  While Burrell was busy having his head ripped off, Eric was summoning Willa and getting her to free both him and Nora.  Disguised as a guard, Eric discovered that the all of the new Tru Blood is being spiked with Hep V.

Jessica is also in the prison.  Sarah Newlin attempted to force her to have sex with a new vampires named James.  I don’t know if we’ll ever see James again but I hope that we do because, seriously, he’s really hot and, as opposed to every other male character on this show, he actually seems to respect women.

Meanwhile, Jason has infiltrated the LAVPD.  I just loved Ryan Kwanten’s performance tonight as he attempted to out-fascist the fascists.

Finally, Sam and Nicole … wow.  Just typing the words “Sam and Nicole” makes me want to close my eyes and go to sleep.  Seriously, I love Sam and all but he doesn’t need to be running around with a new girlfriend when Luna hasn’t even been dead for more than a week.  Anyway, Sam ended up giving Emma back to Martha and Alcide allowed Sam and Nicole to leave town but told them that if they ever returned, they would be killed by the pack.

Tonight’s episode pretty much epitomized everything that I love about True Blood.  It was over-the-top and melodramatic but, if you weren’t touched by Arlene singing as Terry died, then you just don’t have a heart.  That was True Blood at its best.

Finally, the Emmy nominations were announced last Thursday and, not surprisingly, both the Walking Dead and True Blood were pretty much ignored.  (Instead, space was made to honor the predictable political blathering of House of Cards because I guess the Emmy voters love to feel smart without actually being challenged.)  The lack of respect for televised horror ultimately say nothing about the quality of shows like True Blood and everything about the lack of guts on the part of the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences.

What’s important is that we, the viewers, know what the best shows on television truly are.

Random Thoughts and Observations:

  • Tonight’s unofficial scene count: 42
  • Before I watched True Blood, I had to sit through a  commercial for the Newsroom.  I was just like, “Oh yay!  A chance to relive Occupy Wall Street!”  BLEH!
  • Can Lafayette ever go for two episodes without getting possessed?
  • I want to do bad thing with you, Eric.
  • I love that Jason responds to his name by saying, “The one and only.”
  • That was a sweet scene between Andy and his last remaining faerie daughter.  I would have named her Bernadette, after the patron saint of asthma sufferers.  (I’ve been praying to Bernadette a lot this past week…)
  • Arliss Howard made a wonderfully hissable villain.
  • “I just think we have the type of friendship where we  can give each other keys!”
  • “I love you, brother.”  “I love you, sister.” *Sob*

Review: True Blood 6.4 “At Last”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

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(BEWARE!  SPOILERS!)

I knew it!

Seriously, I suspected the truth from the minute that Ben (Ryan Kazinsky) conveniently first showed up.  And it was even more obvious when Niall (Rutger Hauer) just happened to find Ben hanging out in that field.

Even before I saw Ben open up his veins and allow his blood to drip into Jason’s open mouth at the beginning of tonight’s episode, I knew that Ben was Warlow.

Fortunately, for once, Sookie (Anna Paquin) figured things out ahead of time as well.  After inviting Ben to her house for dinner, Sookie ended up in her underwear, straddling Warlow on the couch, and holding a ball of deadly faerie light in her hand.

Of course, before all this happened, Jason (Ryan Kwanten) ended up drinking Warlow’s blood and then started having a dream where he helped Warlow shave. (Jason’s panicked reaction — and the way Kwanten played that panic — was a definite highlight of tonight’s episode.)

Niall (Rutger Hauer) also attempted to kill Warlow but, for all of his trouble, he ended up getting tossed into another dimension.  Hopefully, this won’t be the end of Niall because Rutger Hauer’s permanently disheveled appearance has been a highlight of the season so far.

As I said, I’m not surprised that Ben turned out to be Warlow.  His sudden appearance at Bon Temps was just too convenient.  I am, however, happy that Sookie figured everything out on her own for once.

While the revelation of Ben’s true identity was the main thing that happened last night, it was hardly the only thing.  It wouldn’t be True Blood if there weren’t a hundred little subplots running through every episode.

First off, in the storyline that I really don’t care about, Alcide and the werewolves continued to search for Emma while Sam and Nicole continued to bond.  I’m not a huge fan of Nicole’s self-righteous character, nor am I that happy about the idea of Sam getting a new love interest when it’s only been a few days since Luna died.  I also don’t care much for the one-dimensional way that Alcide’s been portrayed this season.

Far more interesting was what went on between Eric and Willa Burrell tonight.  Having escaped from the governor’s storm troopers, Willa asked Eric to turn her into a vampire.  Eric proceeded to do just that in a scene that proves — as if there was any doubt — that nobody makes blood sucking as sexy as Alexander Skarsgard.  If season 5 underused Eric, season 6 is definitely making up for it!

Once Willa was transformed into a vampire, Eric ordered her to go to her father and show him what she had become.  This angered the previously virginal Willa who, now that she had been transformed into a vampire, had discovered the joys of being decadent.  However, Eric pulled the “as your maker, I order you” card and Willa went to confront her father.

When Willa arrived at the governor’s mansion, she discovered Gov. Burrell (Arliss Howard) with his lover, Sarah Newlin (Anna Camp).  The governor was shocked by what had been done to his daughter and, for a few brief moments, it was obvious that the usually smooth Burrell had no idea what to do.  However, Sarah handled Burrell’s hesitation by grabbing a gun and shooting Willa with a silver bullet.

Meanwhile, Bill (Stephen Moyer) has kidnapped Dr. Takahashi, imprisoned him in a laboratory and ordered him to synthesize a new form of blood.  Bill sent Jessica (Deboran Ann Woll) to kidnap Andy’s (Chris Bauer) four faerie daughters.  Andy’s daughters, of course, are aging at the rate of several years a day and, by the time Jessica tracked them down, they had magically transformed from being a group of mildly bratty 12 year-old to a bunch of wild teenagers.

(While I’ve been critical of this storyline in the past, tonight’s episode made perfect use of the faerie girls, as both a plot device and as a symbol of the parental fear of waking up to discover that your children have become strangers.  Add to that, there are four wild faerie girls and there are four Bowman sisters.  A coincidence, you say?  Well … yeah, probably…)

However, after getting the faeries to the mansion, Jessica lost control and ended up attacking all four of them.  As tonight’s episode  came to an end, Jessica and Bill were in the mansion, surrounded by four apparently dead faeries.  Meanwhile, Andy — having figured out where his daughters were taken — was outside, holding a silver-loaded shotgun and demanding that Bill come outside.

And that’s how things ended tonight.  Between Eric being all sexy and dangerous, Sookie seducing Warlow, and Jason acting like Jason, it was a pretty good episode.

But, seriously, here’s hoping that Rutger Hauer isn’t gone for good…

Random Thoughts and Observations:

  • Scene Count: 52
  • For those keeping count, the latest two vampires to be captured and arrested for breaking curfew are Nora and Pam.
  • Gerald Webb, one of my favorite actors and a veteran of several Asylum and SyFy films, had a small role in tonight’s episode!
  • Rutger Hauer kicks so much ass.  He needs a show next fall where he solves crimes.
  • I loved how hyper Jason was after he first woke up.
  • I related to Andy’s faerie daughters tonight.  Waking up and discovering that you apparently developed big boobs overnight?  I know what that’s like.
  • Sam made a regal horse, didn’t he?
  • “We might be thirty by the time we wake up!”
  • “Is it going to hurt?”  “Not the way I do it.”
  • “What happens next?  Are we going to fuck!?”