Retro Television Review: Welcome Back, Kotter 4.7 “Barbarino’s Boo-Boo”

Posted on November 9, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show can be purchased on Prime.

The Welcome Back Kotter death march continues.

Things have really been going downhill since Howard Golden replaced Sebastian Leone.

Episode 4.7 “Barbarino’s Boo-Boo”

(Dir by Norman Abbott, originally aired on October 21st, 1978)

Mr. Woodman’s going into the hospital to have a bunion removed. Unfortunately, it’s the same hospital the employs Vinnie Barbarino. The head nurses gives Barbarino a lot of instructions. “I’m so confused!” Barbarino says. The audiences goes wild. Barbarino wheels Mr. Woodman into an elevator but then get distracted by a Spanish woman (played by Jeannie Linero, who also played Lucy Mancini in The Godfather) looking for the maternity ward. “Do you speak Italian?” Barbarino asks. The elevator doors close. Woodman is missing! For some reason, the other Sweathogs — including Beau — show up at the hospital and start wandering around, helping Barbarino look for Woodman. Eventually, Gabe and Julie show up. Gabe Kaplan and Marcia Strassman stand next to each other but refuse to look at each other. The hatred is palpable.

I watched this episode and I said to myself, “I paid two bucks for this?”

Seriously, I am really annoyed that Tubi took Welcome Back, Kotter off of its service. Admittedly, it’s not a big deal, having to pay two bucks for the few remaining episodes that are left to review. I can more than afford it. It’s not so much cost as much as it’s just the idea of spending any amount of money to watch something this bad. I had read that Welcome Back, Kotter really declined during the fourth season. Apparently, Gabe Kaplan was no longer getting along with the show’s producers. The Sweathogs were all being played by actors who were way too old to pass for high school students. (In this episode, even Travolta looked way too old to be playing a teenager.) Marcia Strassman was reportedly miserable and didn’t even want to be in the same room as Kaplan. The ratings were going downhill. The show’s biggest draw, John Travolta, only agreed to appear in a handful of episodes. It’s understandable the Season 4 would see a decline in quality but nothing could have prepared for me for just how bad this episode was.

John Travolta is usually the show’s saving grace but even in this episode, he seems bored and more than a little annoyed with having to take a break from Hollywood stardom to play Vinnie Barbarino. The studio audience goes crazy when Travolta enters a room and they love his “I’m so confused!” but Travolta himself seems like he’d rather be anywhere but there. The same is true of the other Sweathogs, all of whom clearly seem to be ready to move on to other projects. Out of the cast, only John Sylvester White really seems to be trying to give a good performance in this episode but Woodman disappears fairly early on. The other big problem is that the hospital setting just isn’t that funny. The Sweathogs wandering through the hospital and making life difficult for the patients is not funny. Beau accidentally breaking a man’s nose (and yes, that does happen) is not funny. Perhaps during the show’s first two seasons, when everyone was really into it, this episode could have been funny. But, with everyone just going through the motions, it’s just annoying.

Oh well, this show will be over soon. Only 16 more episodes to go!

Retro Television Review: Welcome Back, Kotter 4.6 “Beau’s Jest”

Posted on November 2, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, we learn how Beau became a Sweathog.

Episode 4.6 “Beau’s Jest”

(Dir by Norman Abbott, originally aired on October 16th, 1978)

There’s a new student at Buchanan High! His name is Beau DeLaBarre (Stephen Shortridge). He’s handsome. He’s blonde. He’s charming. He’s from New Orleans and speaks with a Southern accent. He’s got a great smile. He looks like he’s about 26 years old but that’s okay. Most of his classmates look like they’re in their 30s.

Beau is a transfer student from New Orleans. He comes to Buchanan after being kicked out of a series of different schools. He’s a troublemaker! Why, he might even become a Sweathog! Unfortunately, he and Epstein take a dislike to each other. Beau goes out with a girl Epstein likes. Epstein staples Beau’s underwear and pants to the wall. Beau walks down the hall wearing just a towel and the audience goes crazy. (“Oh!” Horshack exclaims.) Beau sets Epstein up with a dental hygienist and then tells Epstein that she’s married and her husband is looking to kill Epstein. Why would a married woman be dating a remedial high school student? It probably helps that Epstein looks like he’s about 40.

Anyway, after a stern talking to from Julie (who is working in the front office and who now has a really unflattering haircut), Beau realizes he was in the wrong. He tells Epstein the truth. But the hygienist’s boyfriend (Richard Moll) shows up and demands to see “Juan Epstein.”

“I’m Juan Epstein!” Beau declares.

Beau gets punched but he also wins the friendship of the Sweathogs….

If this all seems strange, it’s because it’s already been established, in the episode where the Sweathogs checked out Vinny’s new apartment, that Beau is a member of the Sweathogs. That episode also established that both Gabe and Julie know Beau. Obviously, Beau’s Jest was originally meant to air at the start of the season but the folks at the network decided it would be smarter to start the season with John Travolta instead of Stephen Shortridge. I don’t blame them.

(Interestingly enough, the version of this episode on Prime includes a prologue where Beau and the Sweathogs are hanging out and Epstein says something like, “Remember when we first met?” and the rest of the episode plays out like a flashback. When this episode was on Tubi, that prologue was not included. So, who knows? Maybe the prologue was something that was included for syndication or maybe when the episode aired in reruns.)

This episode …. ugh. Barbarino is nowhere to be seen. Gabe only appears for a few seconds. There’s way too much of Julie acting like the “That’s Not Funny” meme. Stephen Shortridge was not a bad actor and he was pleasant on the eyes but his character does not belong on a show about New York juvenile delinquents. Apparently, the show wanted Barabrino’s replacement to be the opposite of Barbarino, in order to avoid people comparing the new guy to Travolta. That wasn’t a bad idea but the show went too far in the other direction.

One final note: Welcome Back, Kotter is no longer on Tubi. It’s available on Prime. I had to pay two dollars to watch this. I probably would have cut this episode a little more slack if I had watched it for free. But for two bucks, I expect to at least feel like I got my money’s worth.

Retro Television Review: Welcome Back, Kotter 4.3 “Don’t Come Up And See Me Sometime”

Posted on October 12, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Vinnie tries to move on with his life. The Sweathogs say, “No!”

Episode 4.3 “Don’t Come Up And See Me Sometime”

(Dir by Norman Abbott, originally aired on September 25th, 1978)

Vinnie Barbarino has his own apartment!

And it’s a dump!

Seriously, if you watch enough 70s sitcoms, you know that no one is going to live in a nice apartment. For whatever reason, characters on 70s tv shows always lived in the ugliest apartments imaginable. But, even with that in mind, Barbarino’s apartment is terrible. The walls are stained. The couch is worn and has visible stuffing. Every time the train goes by, the entire apartment shakes and Vinnie’s bed falls out of its closet. It’s an awful apartment in an awful part of Brooklyn but then again, Barbarino is a janitor who hasn’t even graduated from high school so really, the crappy apartment is probably the most realistic part of this episode.

Vinnie is happy to have his own place because he has a serious girlfriend, Sally (Linda McCullough). Sally works as a nurse at the hospital. Vinnie can’t wait to spend time with her, though she has to break their first date when she’s assigned to work overnight.

Julie Kotter makes her first appearance of the season when she drops by to give VInnie a house-warming present and to show off her terrible new haircut. The present turns out to be towels. Vinnie is happy with the gift because he was feeling bad about stealing towels from the hospital.

Then the Sweathogs show up, including a new blonde guy with a Southern accent. Washington says that the guy’s name is Beau (Stephen Shortridge) and he’s a new student at Buchanan High and in Mr. Kotter’s class. What’s odd is that the previous episode ended with Vinnie once again enrolled in high school and a student in Kotter’s class. So, why hasn’t he met Beau yet? Did Vinnie drop out after dropping back in?

After Vinnie and Beau debate which one of them is uglier, Vinnie gives everyone a tour of the apartment. He’s especially proud of his dining table.

Things are going fine until the Sweathogs start to talk about how they’re going to be spending all of their time at Barbarino’s new apartment. Vinnie, realizing the he just wants some privacy, asks all of the Sweathogs to leave. The Sweathogs get offended and say that Vinnie has let his new apartment go to his head.

The next day, at school, Gabe is shocked to see the Sweathogs shunning Vinnie. Woodman, however, tells Vinnie that he’s lucky. “I haven’t had a friend in 20 years,” Woodman says, “and look how happy I am!” Fortunately, Gabe is not quite so cynical and he’s able to help the Sweathogs realize that they need to give Barbarino room to live his own life. This episode ends with Barbarino, having nearly been driven mad by loneliness, happily allowing the Sweathogs, the Kotters, and Mr. Woodman into his apartment. But then Sally arrives and he kicks them all out.

This episode feels like a metaphor of sorts. Just as Barbarino was escaping the Sweathogs and starting his own life, John Travolta was escaping television for the movies. One has to imagine that, just as the Sweathogs were offended to be kicked out of the apartment, there were some Kotter people who weren’t necessarily happy about not being included in Travolta’s new Hollywood career.

This episode works surprisingly well. That’s largely because it’s a showcase for John Travolta. The scenes of Barbarino talking to himself come close to going on for too long but Travolta’s charisma carries the day. At the end of the episode, even Gabe and Julie look happy for a minute or two.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 4.17 “Lose One, Win One/The $10,000 Lover/Mind My Wife”

Posted on May 22, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week’s cruise proves that you never knew who you would see on The Love Boat as both Jill St. John and Ron “Horshack” Pallilo set sail for adventure.

Episode 4.17 “Lose One, Win One/The $10,000 Lover/Mind My Wife”

(Dir by Jack Arnold, originally aired on January 31st, 1981)

I have often said that the least believable thing about The Love Boat has been its portrayal of Doc Bricker (played, in likable but mild-mannered fashion, by Bernie Kopell) as being a legendary seducer. This week’s episode, however, features something that is even less believable. Ron Pallilo (yes, Horshack from Welcome Back, Kotter) plays Casper Martin, the world’s most successful lover.

Yes, seriously.

Now, in the show’s defense, everyone points out that Casper is a bit on the …. nerdy side. Gopher even calls him a nerd and if there’s anything that Gopher knows about, it’s being a nerd. But apparently, women are supposed to find Casper to be irresistible. (Speaking for myself …. uhmm, no.) Though Casper himself doesn’t know it, he boards the ship just five sexual encounters away from setting the world record. On the first day of the cruise, he takes it down to just being two encounters away. (SERIOUSLY — WHO TAKES A CRUISE AND HAS SEX WITH HORSHACK!?) Casper’s friend, Tony Streeter (James Darren), works for The Encyclopedia of World Records and is keeping track.

But then Casper meets the equally quirky Norma Kittredge (Gina Hecht) and falls in love and decides that he’s ready to settle down. Will the record never be broken!?

Meanwhile, another passenger — Nick Rondo (Steve Marachuk) — is convinced that rich Priscilla Hensley (Dorian Lopinto) is actually Penny, a girl that he went to high school with. It turns out that he’s right but Priscilla is lying about her background so that she can marry a rich snob named Buckstone Cooper (Sam Chew, Jr.). Who will Penny pick? Blue collar Nick or snobbish Buckstone? Do you really have to ask?

Finally, Doc is excited because his old friend, Dr. Charlie Wilson (James MacKrell) has booked a cruise with his wife, Sandy (Jill St. John). Unfortunately, Dr. Wilson has to back out of the cruise to perform surgery so Sandy sails alone. Charlie asks Doc to look after his wife and Doc agrees. However, Doc soon comes to fear that Sandy is interested in more than just friendship. (Yes, this is the cruise where Horshack gets laid while Doc — for the first time ever — tries to resist temptation.) No worries, Doc! Sandy is more interested in Captain Stubing than her husband’s best friend.

This episode was a bit on the dull side. Perhaps if Barbarino or even Epstein has taken the cruise instead of Horshack, things would have been a bit more entertaining but, as it was, this cruise didn’t make much of an impression. Even the usually reliable Jill St. John seemed to be a bit bored by the whole thing. Hopefully, next week’s episode will have something for everyone.

Retro Television Review: Welcome Back, Kotter 3.22 “What Goes Up”

Posted on May 18, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Freddie gets hooked on pills!

Episode 3.22 “What Goes Up”

(Dir by Jeff Bleckner, originally aired on February 9th, 1978)

At the new, big, how-does-he-afford-that-on-a-teacher’s-salary apartment, Gabe tries to avoid taking out the trash by telling Julie a joke about his Uncle George. Julia tells Gabe to shut up and take out the damn trash.

Meanwhile, at school, Freddie has a problem. After injuring his knee while playing basketball, Freddie is given a prescription for pain killers. But the pain killers leave him feeling groggy so he also starts taking pills to give him energy. The other Sweathogs are concerned. Freddie insists that he’s just taking vitamins. Horshack insists that Freddie would never lie to him. If Freddie says that the pills that he’s buying in the bathroom and carrying around in his shoe are harmless vitamins than Freddie is telling the truth!

Woodman, however, is concerned. He tells Kotter that Freddie entered the cafeteria, took off his shoes, and said, “Ho ho ho, I’m the Jolly Black Giant.” “Is he on the dope!?” Woodman demands to know.

Epstein and Barbarino decide that the best way to handle this problem is to act like they’re on drugs as well so that Freddie can see how dumb he looks. Epstein tries to act spacey. Vinnie walks around hunched over and repeating, “Give me drugs …. give me drugs …. give me drugs….” Freddie doesn’t buy it for a second but then …. what’s going on with Horshack!? Horshack explains that he took some of Freddie’s special vitamins and then he tries to jump out of the classroom window!

(What the Hell was in those pills? I pretty much take the same thing for my ADHD and I have never been tempted to jump out a window.)

That’s all it takes for Freddie to realize that it’s time to stop taking the pills. Gabe encourages him to flush them down the school’s toilet and Freddie agrees to do while the studio audience watches in reverent silence.

Back at the apartment, Gabe tells Julie a joke about his Uncle Luther. Julie does not care.

It’s hard to know where to begin with this episode. On the one hand, Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs was often underused by the show so it’s always nice when he gets a chance to show off the fact that he was one of the better actors on the show. That said, the show’s portrayal of drug use was so cartoonish that it ultimately kind of made being a speed freak look kind of fun. If nothing else, this show left me wondering how a bunch of teenagers in the late 70s could be so naive about drugs.

Of course, if Barbarino had been the one who nearly died, I imagine the audience would have been more upset. If Epstein had gotten hooked due to Freddie’s lies, it could have led to some drama. But Horshack? Eh, who cares? When the show first started, Ron Pallilo was often given an opportunity to show that there was some hidden depths underneath Horshack’s eccentricity. But, by the time the third season rolled around, Horshack had become such a cartoonish character that it’s impossible to take anything involving him seriously.

To give credit where credit is due, John Travolta made me laugh with his delivery of “Give me drugs …. give me drugs….” Travolta appeared to be having a lot of fun in this episode, perhaps because he knew he wouldn’t be on the show much longer.

Anyway, for someone who couldn’t go an hour without popping a pill, Freddie got over his addiction pretty quickly. That’s good because next week, Vinnie is going to have to deal with the death of one of his teachers and Freddie’s going to have to be there for him. As for Horshack, this episode ends with him being taken to the school nurse but I assume he’ll eventually make a full recovery as as well. It takes more than pills to keep the Sweathogs down.

Retro Television Review: Welcome Back, Kotter 3.21 “There’s No Business: Part 2”

Posted on May 11, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Gabe is finally happy so, of course, Julie is pissed off about it.

Episode 3.21 “There’s No Business: Part 2”

(Dir by Bob Claver, originally aired on February 2nd, 1978)

This week, Gabe’s comedy career continues!

The Sweathogs are hurt when Gabe doesn’t even come by the school to say goodbye to them before their substitute teacher is brought in. Julie is upset that Gabe agrees to do a muti-week tour without even asking her about it first. (Then again, one gets the feeling that if Gabe had turned down the tour, Julie would find an excuse to get mad about that as well. At this point, I’m just waiting for Julie to run off with Epstein but Marcia Strassman had more chemistry with Robert Hegyes than she ever did with Gabe Kaplan.)

At first, the only person who is happy about any of this is Mr. Woodman. Without Gabe around, the Sweathogs are running wild and Woodman finally has a reason to give everyone detention. “It’s Woodman’s Golden Reign of Terror!” Woodman declares. But then the Sweathogs, due to being sad over being abandoned by Gabe, become listless and Woodman is left with nothing to do.

“We need you back, Kotter!” Woodman tells Gabe just before Gabe goes out on stage to perform.

Gabe agrees. Gabe bombs on stage so badly that his show business career comes to an end. Gabe returns to teaching. “Did you bomb on purpose?” Woodman asks when he sees Gabe in the school. Gabe doesn’t reply but we all know the answer.

The problem is that Gabe “bombing,” occurs off-screen and we only hear about it second-hand. It’s hard not to feel a bit cheated because the idea of Gabe giving an intentionally bad performance sounds like it would have been a lot more fun to watch than sitting through yet another scene of Julie giving Gabe the death glare while Gabe looks like a deer in the headlights.

On the plus side, this episode did feature some good Sweathog moments. John Travolta, who hasn’t really gotten a lot to do in the latter half of the third season, explains that the best way to deal with someone leaving is to pretend that they’re dead so you don’t have to worry about them anymore. All of the Sweatogs dress up to visit Gabe before he performs and all of the cheap suits provide a nice visual moment. The Sweatogs may not have the money for expensive suits but they still want to look their best when they see Gabe. They respect their teacher, even if he is thinking of abandoning them,

In the end, this entire two-part episode was a bit of an anti-climax. Because the show would cease to exist if Gabe actually did go on tour and we’re not even done with the third season yet, we all know that Gabe is going to eventually return to the Sweathogs. And considering that Gabe seemed a lot happier as a comedian than as a teacher, it’s kind of hard not to feel bad for the guy. He’s stuck with Arnold Horshack! Your dreams were your ticket out but now your dreams are your prison. Welcome back indeed.

Retro Television Review: Welcome Back, Kotter 3.20 “There’s No Business: Part One”

Posted on May 4, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Gabe finally realizes that there’s more to life than teaching!

Episode 3.20 “There’s No Business: Part One”

(Dir by Bob Claver, originally aired on January 26th, 1978)

After Vinnie attempts and fails to be a hit at the Comedy Connection’s open mic night, the Sweathogs decide that Gabe should give it a shot. According to the Sweathogs, the audience at the Comedy Connection loves it when people get on stage and tell really old jokes. Gabe admits that he’s thought about doing stand-up before. He decides to give it a shot.

And you know who is really happy about that? Mr. Woodman. Mr. Woodman can’t wait to heckle Gabe. Woodman explains that he’s a master heckler. He’s been heckling people his entire life. “Ever hear of Shecky Rubinstein?” Woodman asks. No, Gabe replies. That’s because Woodman heckled him until he quit show business.

The first night that Gabe performs, Woodman gets many opportunities to heckle. While Woodman, the Sweathogs, and Julie sit in the audience, Gabe struggles through a routine about his aunts and uncles. The audience is not amused. Woodman laughs but only at the fact that no one likes Gabe. As dispirited Gabe retreats to his dressing room, where he tells Julie that he’s going to give up on comedy.

That’s when agent Peter Charnoff (Sam Weisman) enters the room and tells Gabe that he’s funny. It doesn’t matter that Gabe bombed because “there’s some crazy old man out there heckling anyone.” Peter tells Gabe that he should talk about his students in his act.

The Sweathogs are surprisingly cool with the idea of Gabe making fun of them. The next week, Gabe again takes the stage and the audience loves his jokes, especially the ones about how Freddie always says “Hi there,” and Epstein forges his own notes. Gabe is a hit! And, with Peter’s encouragement, he announces that he’s stepping away from teaching so that he can be a stand-up comedian. The Sweathogs and Julie are stunned!

And run the end credits!

Hey, Gabe quit and apparently, he’s abandoning his wife and children. I guess the show’s over now. Thanks for reading, everyone! I wasn’t expecting things to end this abruptly but overall, I enjoyed….

Oh wait. This is a two-parter and this is just the end of part one. So, maybe the series isn’t over. We’ll find out next week, I guess!

As for this episode, it made sense that Gabe would eventually become a stand-up comedian. I’m a bit surprised it took him this long. I’m not really sure that audiences would actually go crazy over the rather anodyne jokes that Gabe told about his students but whatever. It’s television. (In Gabe Kaplan’s actual stand-up act, Arnold Horshack was named Arnold Horseshit. Obviously, that wasn’t going to happen on network television in 1978.) The highlight, as usual, was Woodman’s unhinged delight in being a jerk. Mr. Woodman is a true treasure.

We’ll see how Gabe’s new career progresses next week!

Retro Television Review: Welcome Back, Kotter 3.18 “Angie”

Posted on April 20, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Gabe gets a new student.

Episode 3.18 “Angie”

(Dir by Alan Myerson, originally aired on January 12th, 1978)

Gabe tells Julie a joke about his Uncle Zoltan. It’s not really that good of a joke but Julie fake laughs as if it’s the funniest thing that she’s ever heard. I notice that this has been happening a lot over the course of Welcome Back, Kotter‘s third season. By most reports, Gabe Kaplan and Marcia Strassman could not stand each other off-camera. That’s especially obvious whenever Strassman deliberately overreacts to one of Kaplan’s jokes. It’s easy to imagine that Strassman was secretly thinking of throwing something at Kaplan whenever she laughed.

At school, Mr. Woodman interrupts Gabe’s class to introduce everyone to a new student, Angie Grabowski (Melonie Haller). Epstein, Washington, Horshack, and Barbarino are very excited to see their new classmate, leading to Woodman ordering them to shut up.

Angie announces that she is thrilled to be in Gabe’s class because her dream has always been to become a Sweathog. Really? I mean, Barbarino’s cute but would anyone really dream of hanging out with Horshack? Of course, it doesn’t matter what Angie wants. Washington and Epstein explain that women are not allowed to become Sweathogs. That kind of contradicts everything that we’ve previously learned about the Sweathogs but whatever.

Determined to prove that she can be a Sweathog, Angie riggs the spinklers in Woodman’s office. Woodman ends up soaked but he also announces that he’s going to expel all of the Sweathogs. Angie demands that he expel her as well. (Angie seems to be a little self-destructive.)

Well, so much for the Sweathogs. I guess the show is over. Thanks for reading these reviews and….

Oh wait! Angie figures out that the fire alarm is broken because it didn’t go off when the sprinklers started up. The fire alarm is Woodman’s responsibility! The Sweathogs — including Angie — dress up as firemen and demonstrate to Woodman that the alarm doesn’t work. Somehow, this leads to Woodman not expelling the Sweathogs and apparently just forgetting about the prank with the sprinklers. It also leads to Angie becoming a Sweathog.

Later, Gabe tells Woodman a joke about Ebenezer Kotter, the cheapest of all his uncles. It takes Woodman a while to figure out the joke but then he laughs in his wonderfully unhinges way. Gabe Kaplan actually had more chemistry with John Sylvester White than he did with Marica Strassman.

This episode attempted to rejuvenate the show by introducing a new Sweathog. That makes sense. A lot of shows have tried to reverse declining ratings by introducing a new character. The problem is that the show doesn’t need a new Sweathog as much as it just needs for the old Sweathogs to return to being the realistic (if flamboyant) troublemakers that they were during the first season. In her first appearance, Melonie Haller delivers her lines in a flat and emotionless manner, which adds to the feeling that Angie might not be quite sane. Seriously, I’m worried about Horshack. It’s obvious that he has a crush on Angie but Angie seems likely to turn into a stalker.

Run, Horshack, run!

Retro Television Review: Welcome Back, Kotter 3.15 “A Sweathog Christmas Special”

Posted on March 30, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Merry Christmas from the Kotters!

Episode 3.15 “A Sweathog Christmas Special”

(Dir by Mel Stuart, originally aired on December 15th, 1977)

The Kotters are trimming the tree and getting ready to celebrate Christmas. (Before anyone points out the obvious, it’s mentioned that they also celebrated Hannukah.) Suddenly, the Sweathogs show up. Shouldn’t the Sweathogs be with their own families? Vinnie’s mother is a saint. Epstein has dozens of sisters. Horshack’s family needs him! Freddie …. well, we’ve never really met Freddie’s family but still, he has one. Then suddenly, Woodman shows up, dressed as Santa Claus! Doesn’t Woodman have a family? Actually, he probably doesn’t.

Anyway, all of this leads to everyone sharing their favorite memories and …. IT’S A FLASHBACK EPISODE!

Hey, who am I to complain? Flashback episodes are very easy to review, because nothing happens. And the clips are from episodes that have already been reviewed. It’s Easter weekend. I’m happy to have something easy to deal with.

That said, I will point out one interesting thing about this episode. Even though it aired halfway through the third season, most of the flashbacks were from the first season. We revisited the Sweathogs having a rumble in the school courtyard. We once again witnessed Vinnie searching the Kotter refrigerator and complaining about the lack of food. “Hi there,” Freddie said about a dozen times. Julie tried to get Gabe to eat her “famous tuna casserole.” “Up your nose with a rubber hose,” Barbarino said several times. Woodman cheerfully predicted the end of the world several times and it was interesting to revisit his descent into madness. We spent a lot of time revisiting the first season but there were no flashbacks to Julie finding out she was pregnant or Julie giving birth while the Sweathogs sat in the hospital waiting room. Seeing as how this was the twins’s first holiday, you would think Gabe and Julie would bring them up at some point.

It’s as if the show itself was acknowledging just how much better the first season was than the seasons that followed. Watching those season one flashbacks, it was a bit jarring to be reminded of the fact that this show started out as the fairly realistic story of a dedicated teacher who refused to give up on his remedial students. The first season was full of broad comedy but it also had a lot of heart and sincerity, which are two qualities that have been missing from much of the third season. It was nice to be reminded of the fact that the show was not always as cartoonish as it later became.

Anyway, on that note — Merry Christmas!

Oh! For those keeping track, Gabe’s pre-show joke was about his Uncle Arnold. Arnold got a hearing aid. It didn’t work well.

Retro Television Review: Welcome Back, Kotter 3.14 “Epstein’s Madonna”

Posted on March 23, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Epstein is finally the center of the action. Unfortunately, the episode doesn’t really take advantage of the character and all of his possibilities.

Episode 3.14 “Epstein’s Madonna”

(Dir by Bob Claver, originally aired on December 8th, 1977)

For his art project, Epstein paints a picture of a naked woman on the outside wall of Buchanan High. (Actually, it stretches out across two walls.) The Sweathogs are impressed. The local media wants to do a story on the painting. Epstein is proud of himself. Woodman is offended, even after Gabe points out that Botticelli also painted nudes.

“Botticelli,” Woodman replies, “didn’t paint a nude with Born To Boogie tattooed on her thigh!”

Gabe is all about defending Esptein’s right to express himself …. up until he realizes why the painting looks so familiar to him. As Epstein explains it, he put Julie’s head on Debbie Del Vecchio’s body. Gabe likes the body but he’s less happy about Julie’s face staring at him from the wall. And it must be said that the painted Julie looks even more annoyed with Gabe than the real-life Julie.

Julie, surprisingly enough, is flattered. That’s not really the reaction that one would expect from Julie, who is usually a lot more uptight. But, after being married to Gabe for five years or however long they’ve been together, Julie is probably just happy to know that there are still other options out there for her. Seriously, Julie …. Epstein takes care of his family and he has that cute gap between his front teeth.

Does Gabe deface Epstein’s artwork? Though tempted, he does not. Someone else does and there’s some confusion when Gabe is caught holding the spray-paint can but that’s all forgotten when the other Sweathogs jump in to help fix the painting. Good for them! Epstein passes his class, the painting gets to say on the wall for a week, and …. well, that’s it. Wow, that wasn’t a very consequential episode.

“Lisa, what about the jokes!?”

Oh yeah! Gabe tells Julie about his Cousin Janet, who lied about being pregnant and seriously injured so that her parents would be less upset about the D she got in English. He also talks about his Uncle Willie who used his resemblance to Jimmy Cagney to get laid. Julie was amused by both jokes, which I think was a record for her.

This episode really didn’t have much going on. In the first season, Gabe would have had a semi-serious heart-to-heart talk with Epstein about his love for art and it would have been touching. But, in the third season, the show was more about catch phrases and audience applause than teaching life lessons. It’s a shame because Robert Hegyes usually did a pretty good job as the tough but secretly sensitive Juan Epstein. This episode has to be considered a bit of a missed opportunity.