The TSL Horror Grindhouse: I Drink Your Blood (dir by David E. Durston)

Posted on October 24, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Put yourself in the shoes of the townspeople in 1971’s I Drink Your Blood.

Here you are. You’re minding your own business. Life isn’t great because of the economic downtown. Your town is nearly deserted and is basically full of empty buildings. In fact, it seems like there are currently more construction workers around then townspeople. The workers are working on the dam. Maybe a dam will help the area. Maybe it won’t.

The sexist construction workers are kind of a pain but then, things get even worse when a bunch of hippies show up. Led by the mysterious Horace Bones (played by dancer Bhaskar Roy Chowdhury), these are not your typical (if annoying) peace-and-love hippies. These hippies have more in common with the Manson Family than they do with the commune folks from Easy Rider. They are a remarkably diverse group of hippies. Some of them are young. Some of them are older. Some of them really enjoy attacking other people. Some of them are just along for the ride. For his part, Horace is really into Satanism and human sacrifice and he encourages his followers to feel the same way. Has anyone nice ever been named Horace Bones?

When the cultists assault a local girl named Sylvia (Arlene Farber), they are confronted in the abandoned building in which they are squatting by Sylvia’s grandfather, Doc Banner (Richard Bowler). They proceed to beat up the kindly doctor and they force him to take LSD. Sylvia’s younger brother, Pete (Riley Mills), get revenge by injecting the blood of a rabid dog into several pies and then selling them to Horace and his hippies. Almost all of the hippies eat the pies and soon, they are foaming at the mouth and rampaging through the countryside, infected by and spreading rabies. One of the hippie women ends up having sex with all of the construction workers, which leads to the rabies spreading even more. Soon, it’s hippies vs hardhats as the fights happening across the real world are repeated in small town America. Of course, there’s no police around to break up the fights and, thanks to the rabies, everyone is fighting to the death. Heads are ripped off. Electric knives are used to carve more than just food. People are set on fire. Blood is definitely drank.

Only one hippie didn’t eat the pies. Andy (Tyde Kierney) was never a big fan of Horace’s Manson-like tendencies and he pretty much draws the line at human sacrifice. Andy flees from Horace’s world and finds himself with Sylvia, Pete, and Mildred (Elizabeth Marner-Brooks), the owner of the local bakery. The four of them struggle to survive in a world that has literally gone mad.

I Drink Your Blood was, not surprisingly, controversial when it was first released. It was one of the few films to be given an X-rating for its violence as opposed to its sexual content. It is definitely violent, though it’s really nowhere near as graphic as some of the R-rated horror films that have come out over the past few years.

I Drink Your Blood is a classic grindhouse film, one that takes a fairly ridiculous premise and works wonders with it. The crazed hippies fighting the far more blue collar construction workers stand in for the fanatical soldiers in America’s cultural wars, with innocents like Sylvia, Pete, and Mildred caught in the middle with Andy. Director David Durston mixes horror and satire with a deft hand, suggesting that the rabies is ultimately just allowing people to show their true selves. I Drink Your Blood is an underground classic and thematically, it’s portrayal of a rabid world is just as relevant today as when it was first released.

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 3.20 “Nona/One Million B.C.”

Posted on October 24, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986. Almost entire show is currently streaming is on Youtube!

This episode features a trip to the past and a surprisingly good turn from Peter Graves.

Episode 3.20 “Nona/One Million B.C.”

(Dir by Earl Bellamy, originally aired on March 1st, 1980)

This week, we have another episode of Fantasy Island in which a somewhat effective fantasy is matched with an incredibly dumb one.

The dumb fantasy involves two women (Phyllis Davis and Jo Ann Pflug) who want to go back to a time when men took care of everything and women didn’t have to do anything. They’re sick of all that women’s lib stuff! Mr. Roarke explains that their fantasy is rather vaguely worded and then sends them back to the time of dinosaurs and cavemen. (Of course, dinosaurs and cavemen didn’t exist at the same time but whatever.) After the two women are nearly killed by a Claymation dinosaur, they are taken in by a tribe of cavemen. Since their modern clothes were ruined in all the excitement, they are given fashionable fur outfits to wear. Despite the fact that they’ve gone back to One Million B.C., the new animal skins outfits have built-in bras, showing that the cave people were more advanced than anyone realized.

Anyway, living in a cave sucks but, fortunately, it turns out that tribe’s leader (Neville Brand) is actually just Mr. Roarke in disguise. Just as the cavemen find themselves in a battle with another tribe of cave dwellers, Roarke reveals himself and ends the fantasy. Yes, it was dumb.

The other fantasy was significantly better. Ned J. Scott (Peter Graves) is a former Chicago cop who is now blind but still obsessed with finding the whereabouts a missing actress named Nona (Joanna Pettet). Roarke gives Scott one of his magic potions, which briefly returns his ability to see. Fortunately, Nona is on Fantasy Island, being held prisoner by a knife-wielding pimp (Edd Byrnes). Scott saves her from the pimp, encourages her not to be so critical of herself, and reunites Nona with her family before losing his eyesight once again. Nona, having fallen in love with Scott, declares that she loves him whether he can see or not. They leave the Island together. Awwwwww!

The second fantasy had its flaws, not the least of which was that Nona certainly got over being a sex slave in record time. But, almost despite itself it still worked. A lot of that is due to Peter Graves. Graves, who we normally think of as being something of a stiff actor, gives a very emotional performance here and the viewer never doubts for a second his love for Nona. Graves especially does a good job in the scenes where Scott realizes that his vision is starting to fade and that he will soon be blind again. He gives a fully committed performance, one that elevates the fantasy.

Finally, this episode features one brief scene of Roarke and Tattoo banter. (Roarke and Tattoo banter used to be one of the show’s trademarks but it was rarely seen during the third season.) Roarke tricks Tattoo into thinking that he’s just taken an invisibility serum. It’s a bit cruel but at least they were speaking to each other again.

Horror Film Review: The Stepsister 2 by R.L. Stine

Posted on October 24, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The Wallner family is back!

Yes, the annoying family from R.L. Stine’s The Stepsister returns in The Stepsister 2. First published in 1995, The Stepsister 2 picks up a year after The Stepsister. Hugh and Mrs. Wallner are still married and Hugh is still a blowhard. Stepsister Emily and Jessie are now as close as can be, though Emily has yet to fully recover from the events of the previous book and Jessie is still sensitive about the death of her friend Jolie. Jessie’s brother Rich has moved on from reading Stephen King and is now a Clive Barker fan who shoots his own horror movies with his friends. Rich is considerably more rebellious and bratty in this book than he was in the first one. And, of course, Emily is still dating Josh.

As for Emily’s sister, Nancy, she’s spent the last year in a mental hospital, working on the issues that previously led to her killing the family dog and trying to kill her sister as well. (For the record, Nancy blamed Emily for the death of their father and she also never forgave Emily for going out with her ex-boyfriend. Seriously, sisters should not share boyfriends.) However, Nancy is coming home and Emily is a little bit nervous about it.

And really, why wouldn’t Emily be nervous? When Nancy first enters the house, she’s carrying a knife! Nancy explains that she just found the knife in the bushes and that it was left there by Rich’s film crew but seriously, if you had just spent the year in a mental hospital because you tried to kill the members of the your family, would you chose to step through the front door while carrying a bloody knife? Later, Nancy wraps her hands around Emily’s throat but claims that she was only doing so to make Emily realize that she’s still scared of Nancy and that she hasn’t forgiven her. Again, it seems like there are other ways to make that point. I’m going to be scared of anyone wrapping their hands around my throat.

Nancy’s behavior, though, really isn’t as strange as a scene where Emily and Josh go on a date and they end up ice skating on frozen Fear Lake. Didn’t we establish, in the previous book, that Emily’s father drowned in Fear Lake while Emily watched helplessly? I mean, isn’t she worried that she’s going to look down at the ice and see her father’s gray corpse floating by?

Anyway, as you can probably guess, weird things start happening around the house and the stepsisters feels threatened. Is it Nancy? Is it the increasingly angry Rich? Or is it Jessie’s best friend, Cora-Anne? You’ll have to read the book to find out, but I’m going to tell you right now that it’s pretty much the same story as the first Stepsister so you probably won’t be surprised by the final revelation. The first time, you can accept people making dumb decisions. The second time, no one really has an excuse. Personally, after all this drama, I think the Wallners should maybe look for a home away from Fear Street.

October True Crime: Goodnight Sweet Wife: A Murder In Boston (dir by Jerrold Freedman)

Posted on October 24, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

1990’s Goodnight Sweet Wife opens with a frantic 9-11 call.

A man named Charles Stuart (Ken Olin) calls the Boston Police Department and says that he and his pregnant wife have just been shot. He says that he got lost while trying to drive home and that a black man got in the car, made Charles drive to a remote location, robbed Charles and his wife, and then shot them. When the police finally manage to track Charles down, he’s nearly dead as a result of having been shot in the stomach. Carol was shot in the head and is pronounced dead shortly after arriving at the hospital. Her baby, named Christopher, is delivered via C-section but dies a few days later.

The city of Boston is outraged as the crime makes national news. The story that thousands hear is that Charles Stuart, a hard-working and financially successful man who has never had any trouble with the police, took one wrong turn, ended up in a “bad” neighborhood, and lost his wife and his son as a result. As Charles recovers in the hospital, the police make capturing his assailant their number one priority and soon, black men are being stopped and frisked in the streets.

With the entire world mourning the loss of Carol and Christopher Stuart, there are only a few people in Boston who are willing to take a careful look at Charles’s story. There are quite a few inconsistencies in Charles’s story, not the least of which was his claim that he was shot in a nearly deserted area of town when the neighborhood is actually one of Boston’s busiest. Some start to suspect that Charles killed his wife and then shot himself to make it look like a robbery and the fact that Charles nearly died from his wound is not proof that Charles was actually the victim but instead just a sign that Charles didn’t know where to shoot himself in order to not nearly die. However, even with all of the inconsistencies in Charles’s story, the police still announce that they’ve arrested a man for the crime. Charles even identifies the suspect, William Bennett, as being the murderer.

Of course, as is revealed in flashbacks, Charles Stuart is a murderer and he’s not a particularly clever one. He’s the type of murderer who openly talked to people about how he was considering committing a murder. He’s the type who roped his own brother into helping him fake the robbery. Far from being the successful professional that he presented himself as being, Charles was mediocre broker who depended on his wife’s salary to finance his lifestyle. With Carol pregnant and planning on quitting her job to be a full-time mother, Charles decided to kill her for the insurance and he also figured that he would be able to get away with it as long as he blamed the crime on a black man.

Tragically, it turned out that Charles Stuart was almost right. In both the movie and in real life, Charles Stuart was believed because he didn’t look like what most people thought a criminal looked like. He was a young, handsome, middle class white guy and because he couldn’t face the prospect of having to cut back financially, he killed his wife and his son and he nearly put an innocent black man in prison. The film does a good job of depicting the consequences of both Stuart’s crime and the rush to judgment on the part of the police. Ken Olin plays Charles Stuart as being outwardly friendly but empty on the inside, a cold sociopath who is incapable of truly caring about anyone but himself. In real life, Stuart chose to jump into the Mystic River rather than face the consequences of his actions. Stuart’s brother, who helped Charles fake the robbery and later turned Charles into the police, died in a homeless shelter 30 years later. Carol’s family set up a scholarship fund in her name to aid students in Mission Hill, the neighborhood where Charles claimed he had been hijacked. One of the scholarship’s first recipients was the daughter of William Bennett.

The Films of Dario Argento: Opera

Posted on October 24, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

It can be argued that 1987’s Opera is one of Dario Argento’s most personal films.

In the mid-80s, Argento was hired to direct an opera, in this case a production Giuseppe Verdi’s Macbeth. Argento described the opportunity to direct an opera as being a case of one of his childhood dreams coming true. Unfortunately, certain people were scandalized with the idea of hiring a director of violent horror films to direct the opera, even though Macbeth is one of the most horrific of Shakespeare’s plays. I mean, if any story seems to be custom-made for a director who is known for his complex set pieces and his willingness to indulge in graphic imagery, it would seem to be Macbeth. Despite this, the production was canceled and Argento was left feeling like an outsider in his own industry.

Along with his disappointment over the canceled production of Macbeth, Argento was also suffering on a personal level when he directed Opera because he had just separated from his long time partner and collaborator, Daria Nicolodi. The two of them had a notoriously volitale relationship, one that led to some of Argento’s best films and reportedly some of his biggest on-set fights. Despite the fact that they had split up, Argento still wrote a role for her in his latest film. At first, Nicolodi refused the role but she changed her mind when Argento promised her the most spectacular death scene in the movie. However, when it came time to shoot the scene, Nicolodi apparently grew paranoid that Argento was planning to kill her for real. Fortunately, Nicolodi was incorrect about that and Argento was totally correct about her scene being one of the best in the film.

Opera takes place during a production of Macbeth, one that is directed by a controversial horror director named Marco (played by Ian Charleson, the star of the Oscar-winning Chariots of Fire). When his star is injured in an auto accident, Marco is forced to cast the young understudy, Beth (Cristina Marsillach), as Lady Macbeth. Despite the doubts of many, Betty gives a strong performance in the role. She stuns the audience. Perhaps the power of her performance is due to her own traumatic memories of her mother being murdered by a never captured assailant.

Speaking of murder, people around Betty start dying as well, often while Betty is forced to watch. The black-gloved killer often come out of nowhere, gags Betty, and ties her to whatever is nearby. The killer always tapes a row of needles under Betty’s eyes, keeping her from being able to close them or to look away as the killer then proceeds to murder her friends. The first victim is Betty’s handsome boyfriend, Stefano (William McNamara). The second murder is a costumer (Barbara Cupisti). Three of the opera’s ravens are killed, leaving the remaining ravens determined to get revenge.

Betty, it should be noted, refuses to go the police about what she has witnesses because she thinks that the killer is the same person who murdered her mother. You have to wonder at her logic or the fact that director Marco agrees with her decision. Personally, if I witnessed a murder as brutal as the murder of Stefano, I would go to the police. It’s hard to really sympathize with Betty’s decision, as much as the film seems to think that I should.

Opera has a lot of fans and it does feature some of Argento’s strongest visuals. Towards the end of the film, there’s an extended raven attack in the opera house that is one of Argento’s greatest set pieces. And, for all of her fears that she was about to be killed for real, Daria Nicolodi’s shocking death scene is Argento at his best. Both Ian Charleson and Urbano Barberini give excellent performance and, even if the genesis of the film was found in Argento’s anger over his canceled version of Macbeth, there’s a lot of affection to be found in the film’s portrayal of what goes into putting on a massive production. One gets the feeling that, for once, Argento actually likes the majority of the characters in the film.

That said, I have to admit that there are a few things that I don’t particularly care for in Opera. If I liked Phenomena more than most viewers, I like Opera a bit less. After each murder, Argento attacks our ears with heavy metal and I assume the point is to contrast the stateliness of the opera with the chaos of the killer’s actions. But, while I can respect Argento’s logic (assuming that was his logic), the music itself tends to be repetitive and, after the second time that we hear it, it gets kind of boring. And Betty is not a particularly sympathetic protagonist, both due to the way she’s written and also Cristina Marsillach’s less than convincing performance in the role. Reportedly, Argento and Marsillach did not get along during filming and perhaps that explains why her performance never really seems to come alive. Everyone in the film insists the Betty is a revelation of Lady Macbeth but there’s nothing about Marsillach’s performance that makes us believe that. It’s hard not to feel that the film would have been improved if Cristina Marsillach and Barbara Cupisti had switched roles.

(Director Michele Soavi, who has a small role in this film, did later cast Cupisti as the lead in his film Stage Fright and watching Cupisti in that film, it’s even easier to imagine her as the lead in Argento’s film.)

The film ends on a strange note, one that seems to serve as a call-back to Phenomena. What I find interesting is that critics who like the film overall tend to be critical of the ending and the idea of Marsillach talking to a lizard. Whereas I, someone who does not like the film quite as much as some others, absolutely loves the ending because it’s just so weird and it comes to use from out-of-nowhere. It’s as if Argento is saying, “You might have kept me from directing an opera but it’s my movie and I’m in control here.”

Opera did well in Italy and the rest of Europe but, as was so often the case, Argento was screwed by his American distributors. Opera was originally supposed to get an American theatrical release but, when the distributor went bankrupt, the film was only given a video release, with much of the gore edited out to ensure that the film received an R-rating and could be carried by Blockbuster. (That’s right. Blockbuster wouldn’t carry anything above an R. Where’s your God now, video nerds?) Fortunately, all that was edited out was put back in when Opera was released on DVD in 2002.

The (Reviewed) Films of Dario Argento:

Horror Film Review: Army of Darkness (dir by Sam Raimi)

Posted on October 24, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This is not going to be a traditional film review because let’s just state the obvious. Army of Darkness is great. Everyone knows that Army of Darkness is great. Everyone loves Army of Darkness. It’s not like you’re reading this review because you need to know whether or not Army of Darkness is a good film.

Now, interestingly enough, not everyone recognized just how good Army of Darkness was when it was first released. A lot of reviewers were confused by director Sam Raimi’s mix of of horror (because the Deadites are scary under any circumstances) and slapstick comedy. Today, we’re used to films and television shows that attempt to mix comedy and horror. Ryan Murphy’s built an entire career out of mixing gore with camp and, as a result, he’s the favorite horror filmmaker of people who think they’re too good for horror. In 1992, when Army of Darkness was first released, mixing horror and comedy caught critics and audiences off-guard. What’s interesting is that 31 years later, Army of Darkness still feels fresh while many of the comedy horror films that followed feel tired.

I think one reason why the film continues to work is because it’s obvious that both Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell were truly committed to bringing their demented vision to screen. The film features Campbell as Ash Williams, the S-Mart clerk who, after a night of fighting the Deadites and losing his hand, has found himself in the Middle Ages, captured by Lord Arthur (Marcus Gilbert) and expected to live the life of a medieval slave.

Ash is often described as being one of the dumbest movie heroes of all time but, as this film shows, Ash’s stupidity is also his secret weapon. While others heroes would probably get caught up trying to rationalize or understand the situation in which they’ve found themselves, Ash just accepts it. While others heroes would strategize or try to figure out a clever way to get out of their situation, Ash simply fights back and runs straight into trouble. “This is my boomstick!” Ash yells at one point and, while it establishes himself as being a great warrior, it’s also a case of Ash bragging on himself. Ash is a big fan of bragging and it must be said that it usually works out for him.. When Ash is attacked by evil Ash and several miniature Ashes, the mindless delight that all of these different Ashes take in trying to destroy each other is infectious.

Of course, Ash’s stupidity can also be his biggest downfall. For me, the best part of this film is when Ash tries to recover the Necronomicon from the haunted forest. He is given three simple words that he needs to repeat before taking the book. Before entering the forest, he practices by repeating the words twice but refuses to repeat them a third time because “I’ve got them!” Of course, Ash doesn’t have them so he does what any of us would do. He attempts to mumble the third world. This, of course, raises an army of the dead.

(My second favorite part of the film is that the army of the dead is surprisingly talkative as they rise from their graves. My third favorite part of the movie is Ted Raimi continually popping up as different supporting characters, occasionally even arguing with himself. My fourth favorite part of the movie — well, I’ve got a lot of favorite parts of this movie. Army of Darkness is one of those endlessly quotable movies about which you can spend hours saying, “Remember when….”)

“Shop smart, shop S-mart,” Ash says at one point and it’s tempting to laugh because Ash isn’t smart but he’s determined and his oddly confident and he manages to find a strange sort of joy in every situation that he finds himself. He’s the ultimate blue collar hero and Army of Darkness is the ultimate celebration of Ash Williams, Bruce Campbell, and Sam Raimi.

Horror Film Review: The Giant Claw (dir by Fred Sears)

Posted on October 24, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

You know, a lot of people are a bit of dismissive of 1957’s The Giant Claw because they say that the monster — a big flying turkey from an anti-matter universe that has somehow slipped into our universe — is not convincing.

They make fun of the fact that, instead of hiring Ray Harryhausen like they were originally planning to do, the producers decided to save money by going for his non-union, Mexican equivalent.

They make fun of the scene in which a French-Canadian trapper announces that the Turkey Monster is actually a mythological beast that has the body of a woman, the head of a wolf, and the wings of a bat because the Turkey Monster certainly looks nothing like that.

They laugh at the scene where the Turkey Monster chases an airplane, even though I think that would be pretty terrifying if I was actually on the airplane. I mean, the last time we were flying home from the UK, we hit a bit of turbulence and it traumatized me for days. I can only imagine how I would feel if I looked out the window and I saw a giant flying turkey chasing after the plane.

Critics will even make fun of how the turkey sounds, mocking it for its weird “caw caw” noises.

Well, alright. Let’s just admit it. The turkey isn’t the most menacing monster in the world and yes, it does sometimes sound a bit hoarse and it could definitely stand to put on a little weight but seriously, how can you not love this thing?

As for the film itself, it not only features one of the greatest monster of all time but it’s also a love story! Mitch MacAfee (Jeff Morrow) is a pilot who sees a UFO and who faces an attempt, by the government, to cover up what he’s seen. As happened to so many of the people who saw UFOs in the 50s, he’s accused of being either mistaken or an outright hoaxer. Meanwhile, Sally Caldwell (Mora Corday) is a mathematician who is originally skeptical of Mitch and his claims but who realizes that he was right when they’re attacked by the Turkey Monster. Their plane crashes in Canada, where they are rescued by a French-Canadian trapper named Pierre Brousssard (Lou Merrill). While the Turkey Monster is terrifying the world, Sally and Mitch are falling in love and since Jeff Morrow and Mara Corday are the most attractive people in the film, it only seems right. They’re a cute couple, who cares if the script makes any sense?

Anyway, back to the Turkey Monster. The Turkey Monster is protected by an anti-matter shield, which makes it impossible for it to be attacked by missiles and planes. A high-ranking general is left repeating, “Missiles and bombs,” after realizing that they’re all useless against the turkey.

Eventually, the Turkey Monster makes its way to New York City and announces that it’s not going anywhere!

Well, you know what, Giant Turkey? If you can make it there, you can make it anywhere!

Sadly, the Turkey’s New York visit doesn’t end well and that’s a shame. Benjamin Franklin famously suggested that America’s official bird should have been the turkey as opposed to the eagle. Looking at the Giant Turkey sitting on the Empire State Building, how can you disagree?

Seriously, don’t listen to the critics. The Turkey Monster is one of the most entertaining monsters of all time and The Giant Claw is tons of fun!

Horror On The Lens: Haunted House of Horror (dir by Michael Armstrong)

Posted on October 24, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

First released in 1969, The Haunted House of Horror features a group of 20-somethings who, bored with the usual parties, decide to that it might be a kick to hang out in a supposedly haunted mansion. Once they’re in the mansion, they decide that it might be even more fun to hold a seance!

(Seriously, what is the deal with people holding séances in haunted mansions? That really seems like the last place where you would want to mess with potentially malevolent spirits!)

The party becomes much less fun once someone starts killing off the group, one-by-one.

This film is notable for two reasons. First off, it features Frankie Avalon in one of his attempts to break free of his Beach Party typecasting. Secondly, the role of Richard, who is played by Julian Barnes, was originally offered to a young singer named David Bowie. Reportedly, Bowie was quite excited about doing the film but, in the end, the producers worries that he and Frankie Avalon would not get along. I’m not sure why. David Bowie had a sense of humor and, judging from his Casino cameo, so does Frankie.

October Positivity: Patmos (dir by Jimmy Murphy)

Posted on October 23, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

First released in 1985, Patmos imagines the final days of St. John the Evangelist.

The film opens with John (Louis Rolston), the last surviving member of Jesus’s original disciples, having been arrested by the Romans and sentenced to the penal colony of Patmos. At Patmos, he lives in a cave and, despite being an elderly man, he is expected to take part in hard manual labor. The commandant of Patmos is Catalinus (Mark Mulholland), an arrogant centurion who is known for his temper. For Catalinus, being assigned to Patmos is a bit of a demotion and he’s eager to take his anger out on John.

John, however, refuses to allow Catalinus to break him and his quiet dignity starts to impress some of the Roman centurions. (“I’m not paid to think,” one centurion replies, when asked for his opinion on John.) It also starts to impress John’s fellow prisoners. When John starts to have visions of the eventual apocalypse, the other prisoners help him to record them. When Catalinus starts to execute the other prisoners and demands that John renounce his religion and his visions, John is faced with a difficult decision. Should he claim to have rejected God or should he stand firm in his beliefs, even in the face of Catalinus’s cruelty?

Well, there’s never really any question as to what John is going to do. This film was made to be shown in church basements and at religious camps so there’s no way that John is going to renounce his faith. That said, the film deserves a good deal of credit for not making it appear as if John’s decision was an easy one. Everyday, as John is led out of his cave, he has to pass the people who have been crucified in an attempt to intimidate him into silence. His fellow prisoners soon start to demand that John give into Catalinus’s demands, even as John tries to explain why he cannot. Catalinus’s cruelty is actually supported by what we know about the techniques that some Romans used to keep order in their prison colonies so the idea that he would execute everyone but John is not an outlandish one. The cruelty, as the saying goes, is the point.

(Indeed, Catalinus’s arrogance and his anger at being defied should seem familiar to anyone who has ever had to deal with a middle management bureaucrat.)

That said, when a film is called Patmos and deals with the final years of St. John the Evangelist, most people are going to be watching because they want to see how the film portrays the visions of revelation. Patmos, being a low-budget film, goes for a simple approach. We see horsemen riding across Patmos, each bringing a plague to Earth. There are occasional shots of people begging for food and there’s also a sepia-toned sequence that takes place in Heaven. As I said, it’s simple and it’s obvious that the film’s low budget played a huge role in how the apocalypse was presented. But that simplicity is actually rather effective. After sitting through so many flamboyant and over-the-top portrayals of the end of the world, it’s hard not to appreciate the starkness of Patmos’s imagery.

The acting is a bit uneven but Louis Rolston is appropriately wise as John and Mark Mulholland is appropriately arrogant as Catalinus. Patmos is an effectively done apocalypse film, one that makes good use of its low budget.

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Nightmare Café 1.4 “The Heart of Mystery”

Posted on October 23, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Nightmare Café, which ran on NBC from January to April of 1992. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, a dying detective is allowed a chance to solve one last case.

Episode 1.4 “The Heart of Mystery”

(Dir by John Harrison, originally aired on March 20th, 1992)

This week’s episode of Nightmare Café is the first to largely focus on a guest star. While Jack Coleman and Lindsay Frost do play roles in this week’s episode and Robert Englund’s Blackie actually gets to do more than usual, the majority of the episode is still dominated by Timothy Carhart as Detective Stan Gates.

One dark night, Stan chases a young thief (played by Alfonso Quijada) into a dark alley. When the thief pulls a gun on him, Stan explains that he’s a police officer and he’s not trying to take the thief to jail. He explains that he knows the young man is on drugs and is not in full control of his actions. He asks the young man to give him the gun.

Meanwhile, in the nearby Nightmare Café, a bored Frank and Fay are playing a game of Clue. (Colonel Mustard did it.) Stan walks into the café and asks for a cup of coffee. Robert Englund’s Blackie suddenly appears sitting in a booth and eating from a bag of popcorn. He introduce himself to Stan and then leads Stan over to a window. Looking through the window, Stan can see himself and the thief in the alley. The thief has fired the gun and the bullet appears to be suspended in the air. Blackie explains that the café has slowed down time to give Stan the chance to solve one last case before the bullet hits and kills him.

The case involves the death of Charlotte Bening (Laura Mae Tate), a wealthy woman with whom Stan was in love. One night, when Stan was investigating a break-in at her mansion, Stan fired his weapon at what he believed to be the burglar. Someone hit him from behind, knocking him out. When Stan woke up, he discovered that the person who was actually shot was Charlotte! While the police ruled it an accidental shooting, Stan was convinced that someone specifically set him up. Could it have been Charlotte’s brother, a frustrated artist named Philip (Denis Forest, who also appeared in last week’s episode of Friday the 13th)? Or could it have been …. well, there is no one else, actually. The great Lochlyn Munro does make a brief appearance as one of Charlotte’s more aggressive suitors but he’s only onscreen for a few minutes. There’s not much suspense to this mystery.

That said, I did enjoy this episode of Nightmare Café, which not only pays homage to film noir but which also features Robert Englund at his quippy best as he passive-aggressively pushes Stan into solving the case. Fay does briefly leave the café so that she can pretend to be the producer of a true crime series and interview some of the people who knew Charlotte and Stan but, for the most part, this episode is centered around Timothy Carhart and Robert Englund and both of them carry things nicely. Though the episode’s format probably confused those who, on the basis of the previous three episode, didn’t realize that Nightmare Café was originally envisioned as being an anthology series, The Heart of Mystery holds up very well.