Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Chips 1.3 “Dog Gone”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee!

This week, Baker gets a dog and Ponch makes an enemy!

Episode 1.3 “Dog Gone”

(Dir by Michael Caffey, originally aired on September 29th, 1977)

When an adorable sheepdog puppy ends up on the Los Angeles highway, Baker and Ponch manage to rescue it, though not before it causes a minor wreck on an overpass.  The official CHiP policy is that all stray animals should immediately be turned over to the shelter but Baker takes one look at the puppy and decides that he can’t just leave it with anyone else.  In fact, every member of the highway patrol quickly falls in love with the dog.

Everyone except for Sgt. Getraer, who is allergic to dogs and makes it clear that the puppy is not to be kept around the station.

At first, Baker tries to keep the dog in his apartment but it turns out that the dog likes to bark.  So, Baker heads out to the trailer park where Ponch lives in an RV and apparently spends all of his time watching football while only wearing his boxer shorts.  (One gets the feeling that Erik Estrada had an “at least one shirtless scene per episode” clause in his contract.)  Baker leaves the dog in the RV and then runs off before the half-naked Ponch can protest.

Fortunately, for Baker, Ponch decides that he loves the dog, which he named Fido.

Unfortunately, for Ponch, Fido’s owners eventually show up at the station and ask if anyone has seen their dog.  The dog — who even I, while admittedly not being a dog person, has to admit is cute — is reunited with his family and I guess Ponch is alone again.

Meanwhile, three really stupid criminals — Boots (Bill Adler), Zero (Jeffrey Druce), and Little John (James Crittenden) — are really angry with Ponch because, at the scene of the earlier accident, Ponch prevented Boots from threatening another motorist.  Boots and his friends hops into their dune buggy and decide to stalk Ponch and Baker.  Boots even decides to sabotage Ponch’s motorcycle by loosening the front bolt so that the wheel will eventually come off while Ponch is riding it.  However, these three criminals are so stupid that they sabotage the wrong motorcycle.  As a result, the entire second half of the episode is full of close-ups of Baker’s front tire wobbling as he speeds down the highway.

The subplot with the criminals is really dumb but the way it plays out shows that Larry Wilcox had a point when he complained about the show’s producers always favoring Erik Estrada.  Not only is Ponch the one who faces off against Boots at the scene of the accident but he’s also the one who gets to save Baker’s life at the end of the episode.  When a guilt-stricken Zero goes to Getraer and tells him about what Boots did to the motorcycle, it doesn’t take long for Getraer to figure out that they accidentally sabotaged Baker’s motorcycle instead of Ponch’s.  With Baker unable to hear his radio due to being involved in a high-speed chase, it falls to Ponch to chase after Baker and warn him.  The bike still crashes but Baker is not seriously injured and Ponch …. well, Ponch is just a big damn hero!

(Admittedly, there is a scene earlier in the episode where Baker performs mouth-to-mouth recitation on a motorist who has had a heart attack and saves the man’s life.  But even then, Ponch is the one pushing on the man’s chest to try to get his heart going again.  Baker’s a good cop, the show tells us, but Ponch is a big damn hero.)

This episode …. well, at least the dog was cute!  And the California scenery was lovely to look at.  Still, a cop show like this needs to have some smart or at least intimidating criminals for the cops to do battle with and Boots was such an idiot that it was hard to take anything he and his gang did seriously.  In the end, this was a typical episode of CHiPs, full of stiff acting but impressive motorcycle stunt work.  Probably the most interesting thing about this episode was discovering that Baker was the one with a swinging bachelor pad while Ponch was the one living a solitary life in a trailer park.  I’m just happy that the dog was reunited with its family.

Retro Television Reviews: Miami Vice 1.12 “Little Prince”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Crockett and Tubbs once again end up with a case that leaves them wondering what it all means.

Episode 1.12 “Little Prince”

(Dir by Alan J. Levi, originally aired on December 14th, 1984)

If nothing else, this episode of Miami Vice has a brilliant opening.

As Relax by Frankie Goes To Hollywood plays on the soundtrack, Gina and Trudy stumble down a Miami street.  Trudy is shaking and sobbing and saying that she desperately needs a fix.  A drug dealer named Luther (played an amazingly young and charismatic Giancarlo Esposito) steps out of the shadows and invites them to come back to his shooting gallery for a fix.  Gina accuses Luther of being a cop.  Luther smiles and points to a tear drop that’s been tattooed under his eye.

Gina and Trudy go to Luther’s shooting gallery, which they discover is full of strung-out people.  (Luther calmly mentions that there’s at least two dead people in the apartment.)  Of course, Gina and Trudy aren’t there to score drugs.  They are there to make a bust, which they do as soon as Tubbs and Crockett arrive.  (Tubbs and Crockett had to beat up an informant to find out where Luther’s shooting gallery was and, as a result, they’re running a little late.)  Guns are fired.  Gina gets to shoot yet another man.  (Go Gina!)  One junkie jumps out a window.  Crockett says that the junkie probably landed on the fire escape.  He looks out the window.

“No fire escape,” he says.

It’s a great opening.  Unfortunately, it’s pretty much all downhill from there.  This is the first episode of Miami Vice that just didn’t work for me.

One of the junkies arrested at the shooting gallery turns out to be Mark Jorgenson, Jr. (Mitchell Litchenstein), the son of the very wealthy Mark, Sr. (Paul Roebling).  Mark, Jr. loves to play polo and he’s hooked on heroin.  Because they’re convinced that he can be intimidated into giving up his dealer, Crockett and Tubbs put pressure on him.  Crockett starts showing up at all of Mark, Jr.’s polo matches.  He even meets Mary McDermott (Maryann Punkett), who is Mark Sr’s girlfriend and the closest thing that Mark Jr. has to a mother.

Over the course of the investigation, Crockett and Tubbs come to realize that Mark, Sr. is actually a big-time money launderer and drug boss.  When they raid one of his warehouses, they discover that Mary is the one who handles all of the business transactions.  After Mary turns up dead, Mark Jr. agrees to help the cops expose his father.  Mark Jr. wears a wire, just for his father to finally tell him that he loves him before confessing to Mary’s murder.  Mark, Sr. is arrested and Mark, Jr.’s life is ruined and Sonny wonders if it was all really worth it.

As I said, this episode didn’t work for me.  Neither Mark Jr. nor Mark Sr. were particularly compelling characters and neither actor could do much with their underwritten characters.  In particular, Mark, Jr. came across as being so spoiled and whiny that I really didn’t care whether his life was ruined or not.  Brilliant opening aside, this was a forgettable episode.

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Degrassi Junior High 1.11 “It’s Late”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi Junior High, which aired on CBC and PBS from 1987 to 1989!  The series can be streamed on YouTube!

This week, we have the episode that would eventually turn out to be the most important in the history of the Degrassi franchise.

Episode 1.11 “It’s Late”

(Dir by Kit Hood, originally aired on March 29th, 1987)

This is it.  This is not only the episode that really established Degrassi Junior High as a show that dealt, honestly, with things that teenagers were actually dealing with but it’s also the episode that, albeit unintentionally, lay the groundwork for what would become Degrassi: The Next Generation.  It was an episode that was considered to be so controversial that the BBC refused to air the episode.  Indeed, It’s Late would not air in the UK until 1988, by which point the repercussions of this episode had already been felt in every episode that followed.

(How confusing must it have been to be a British Degrassi fan in the 80s?)

This episode opens with a party at Lucy’s house where, as usual, Lucy’s parents are not present.  While Joey, Wheels, and the twins wait outside, Spike and her boyfriend, Shane, lock themselves in a guest room.  “What are you guys doing in there?” one of the twins — I think it was Heather but who knows, to be honest — repeatedly asks.

A few weeks later, Spike comes to school in a bad mood.  She’s late to Mr. Raditch’s class and Mr. Raditch mentions — in front of everyone! — that Spike’s grades have been suffering and that she’s no longer that good role model that she used to be.  (Seriously, that’s kind of harsh, Raditch.)  When Shane smiles at her from the back of the classroom, Spike looks away without a word.

After class, Joey and Wheels try to get Shane to tell them about what happened at the party.  “Haven’t you guys ever had sex before?” Shane asks, with a smirk that is just begging to be slapped off of his face.  Both Joey and Wheels lie and say that they’ve had lots of sex.  But still, Joey has some questions.  For instance, why won’t Spike talk to Shane.  Shane says he’s not sure what Spike is upset about.  “I bet she’s got her period!” Joey announces.

However, as Spike tells Heather and Erica Farrell, the opposite is the case.  She’s late and she’s now frightened that she might be pregnant.  Unfortunately, Spike has no one to talk to about sex.  She’s scared to tell her mother (Rhonda Kristi).  The twins are clueless about sex.  Lucy tells Spike not to worry because she’s heard that you can’t get pregnant from your first time.  When Spike tells Shane that she’s scared that she might be pregnant, Shane walks away from her without a word.  Spike is totally alone and can only watch and listen as people around her either go crazy over baby pictures or complain about how much they can’t stand their kids.

Eventually, Spike does buy a pregnancy test but, when she arrives home, her mother demands to know what’s in the bag.  Finally, Spike shows her the test and Spike’s mother takes her to a clinic to find out for sure.  Shane, who still looks shell-shocked, also shows up at the clinic.  Spike’s mother tells Spike that no matter what happens, “I’m behind you.”

And….

Actually, let’s get the B-plot out of the way really quickly.  Yes, even the most important episode in the history the Degrassi franchise had a B-plot, featuring Arthur and Yick.  In this case, Yick has to work up the courage to ask out Melanie.  And he finally does, though only after misquoting a poem and causing Melanie to have an allergic reaction by giving her a bunch of flowers.  Still, Melanie is excited to ice skating with Yick.  Good for them!  I just hope Yick can actually go on his date without Arthur demanding to come along.  Seriously, Arthur is way too clingy.

Anyway, back to the plot we care about.

Spike is pregnant!  The episode ends with Spike and Shane talking in a school stairwell, trying to figure out what they’re going to do.  Neither wants to be a parent.  Spike doesn’t think that she could have a baby and give it up for adoption.  She says, “Maybe I could just not have it,” just for Shane to say that he’s against abortion.  Of course, Shane also says, “You’re not going to want me to marry you, are you?” so maybe Shane should just keep his opinions to himself.

“It was just a little mistake,” Spike says.

“It was kind of a big mistake,” Shane replies.

The episode ends with a freeze-frame of Spike’s tear-streaked face.  Suddenly, the cheerful Degrassi music starts up.  Other reviewers have commented on how jarring it can sometimes be to hear the peppy Degrassi theme song after spending 30 minutes watching teenagers deal with things like eating disorders, bullying, drug abuse, mental health issues, and unplanned pregnancies and they have a point.  That said, in this case, the combination of the very sad freeze frame and the jaunty music actually provides a bit of a relief for a very dramatic episode.  It gives the viewer an excuse to breathe a sigh of relief and smile.

This is one of Degrassi Junior High‘s best episodes, one that is intelligently written and which also is carried by Amanda Stepto’s strong and emotionally honest performance as Spike.  (Reportedly, for years after this episode aired, Stepto received letters from girls asking her for advice.)  Those of us who are fans of the Degrassi franchise know that Spike is going to keep the baby, Shane is going to have a bad acid trip and end up in an assisted living facility, and their daughter is going to be the center of the first eight seasons of Degrassi: The Next Generation.  We also know that Joey is eventually become much less of a jerk and Spike is going to end up marrying Snake.  But that’s all waiting in the future.  This episode ends with two teenagers still struggling to come to terms with the fact that, at 14, their lives have changed forever.

Retro Television Reviews: The Secret Life of John Chapman (dir by David Lowell Rich)


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay.  Today’s film is 1976’s The Secret Life of John Chapman!  It  can be viewed on Tubi.

John Chapman (Ralph Waite) is a mild-mannered college president and a recent widower.  Everyone tends to assume that John grew up wealthy but John is actually the son of a bricklayer.  As he puts it, his father literally helped to build the college of which John is now president.  John has felt lost and directionless ever since the passing of his wife.  When his rebellious son (Brad Davis) announces that he’s going to drop out of college and pursue a career as a laborer, John is at first outraged but soon, he’s wondering if perhaps his son has a point.  Has John spent so much time cocooned in his college that he’s lost touch with the rest of the world?

John takes a sabbatical and pursues a career as a blue collar worker.  He discovers that it’s not as easy as he assumed.  Because John doesn’t want to reveal that he’s an academic, John doesn’t really have any references to offer up to potential employers.  Because he’s nearly 50, John is continually told that he’s too old for most of the jobs that he applies for.  When he goes into a bar and attempts to order a dry martini, he quickly realizes that he has no idea what it’s like to be blue collar.

John eventually does get a job, helping to lay water pipes.  His boss is the gruff Gus Reed (Pat Hingle), who John eventually discovers is not quite as fearsome a figure as he originally appears.  Once the pipe job is done, John gets a job in a diner and even pursues a tentative romance with a waitress (Susan Anspach) who, as she points out,  comes from a totally different world than him.  And yet, despite John’s efforts, his son remains unimpressed.  According to his son, John is just slumming.  He has the freedom to quit and return to the college whenever he wants.

Yikes!  John’s son is a bit judgmental and it doesn’t help that he’s played by Brad Davis, who was never a particularly likable actor.  (Davis later starred in Midnight Express, in which director Alan Parker used his lack of likability to good effect.)  Yet, watching the film, you can’t help but feel that John’s son has a point.  At times, it seems like John wants a lot of credit for spending a week working in the type of job that most people take because they don’t have any other option.  Indeed, you could argue that John’s project is basically keeping someone who really needs the money from finding a job.  It’s not like John gives up any of his money when he goes to work.  It doesn’t help that John Chapman narrates his story and his voice-over often feels like a parody of liberal noblesse oblige.

Fortunately, Ralph Waite was a likable actor and he plays John Chapman as being well-intentioned if occasionally a bit condescending.  The made-for-TV movie plays like a pilot and it’s easy to imagine a series in which John Chapman would have worked a different job every week.  It’s a slight but pleasant-enough made-for-TV movie.  Seen today, it works best as a time capsule, a portrait of a society still trying to find its identity in the wake of the turbulence of the 60s.

Music Video of the Day: Can’t Catch Me Now by Olivia Rodrigo (2023, dir by Leonn Ward)


This video was made to promote The Hunger Games prequel but who cares about that?  Seriously, as much as I liked the first two Hunger Games movies, the third and the fourth one bored me to tears and pretty much left me totally burned out on dystopian YA adaptations.

For me, this song brings back some memories of living and visiting the country.  Of course, I didn’t spend much time in any barns because barns are extremely creepy.  But I did use to enjoy running through the tall grass.  There’s a real sense of freedom when you’re running and the world seems to stretch on forever, without a building, road, or street sign standing in your way.  This video does a good job of capturing that feeling.

Enjoy!

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Check It Out! 1.8 “….Or Get Off The Pot”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing the Canadian sitcom, Check it Out, which ran in syndication from 1985 to 1988.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

After celebrating Thanksgiving and my sister’s birthday, all in the same week, I’m exhausted but I still managed to review yet another episode of Check It Out!  So, I guess …. check it out below!

Episode 1.8 “….Or Get Off The Pot”

(Dir by Ari Dikijian, originally aired on November 20th, 1985)

As this week’s episode opens, Edna (Dinah Christie) is excited because it’s her 7-year anniversary with Howard!  Seven years ago, Howard took her out to celebrate Secretary’s Day and they ended up going back to his place.  What some people would call a clear breach of workplace etiquette, Edna calls the beginning of something wonderful.  She can’t wait to see what Howard is going to do for their anniversary!

And what is Howard planning on doing?  He’s planning on going bowling with the guys.

YIKES!

Realizing that Howard seems to have real issues with commitment, Edna follows a friend’s advice and she demands that Howard join her in seeing a relationship therapist.  Howard is not a big fan of therapy and he tries to get out of it by moving back his bowling game and offering to take Dinah to a theme restaurant afterwards.  (The restaurant’s theme?  Bowling!)  Edna does not agree.  Therapy it is!

Needless to say, the therapy doesn’t go well.  There’s only one happy couple at the session and they’re married but not to each other.  Everyone else is miserable, despite the fact that their therapist is played by Helen Seymour, who played the nice (and doomed) laundromat owner in the original My Bloody Valentine.  Edna eventually gives Howard an ultimatum about proposing to her but she changes her mind after Howard apologizes for taken her for granted.  After a night of anniversary sex (“You apologized several times,” Edna says), Howard agrees to marry her someday and Edna agrees not to run off with her building’s gardener.

Meanwhile, the employees of Cobb’s pool their money to buy Howard and Edna an anniversary gift.  Why would they do that?  Like seriously, they’re always talking about how little they get paid but now, they’re pooling their money to buy a gift for someone else’s anniversary?  Anyway, Christian takes their money and buys Howard a new golf club.  Good for him!

This episode didn’t add up too much but, on the plus side, Don Adams and Dinah Christie had more chemistry in this episode than they had in previous episodes.  This is the first time, since I started watching this show, that I’ve believed Howard and Edna as a couple.  That said, their relationship is still probably the least interesting part of this show.  So far, the best episodes of Check It Out! have been the ones taking place not in the office but on the salesfloor.

Next week, someone is stealing the store’s pricey gourmet food!  Can Howard catch the Phantom of the Market!?

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 11/19/23 — 11/25/23


I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving!  Here’s a few thoughts on what I watched this week, in between shopping, eating Thanksgiving dinner, and celebrating Erin’s birthday!

The Amazing Race (Wednesday Night, CBS)

The Race continued!  My sister and I need to get on this show while we still can.

Baywatch Nights (YouTube)

I wrote about Baywatch Nights here!

A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving (Apple TV+)

Erin and I watched this on Wednesday night, as we do every November.  You can read her thoughts here!

Check It Out (Tubi)

I watched another episode of this show earlier today.  Unless I fall asleep, I’ll be posting a review of it in an hour or two.  (Warning: There’s a very good chance that I might fall asleep.)

CHiPs (Freevvee)

I wrote about CHiPs here!

Degrassi Junior High (YouTube)

I wrote about Degrassi here!

Dr. Phil (YouTube)

I watched an episode of Dr. Phil this afternoon, just because I needed some background noise.  Dr. Phil was yelling at a woman who was cheating on her husband.

Fantasy Island (Daily Motion)

I wrote about Fantasy Island here!

Football: Commanders vs Cowboys (Thursday Afternoon)

Football: 49ers vs Seahawks (Thursday Night)

Football: Packers vs Lions (Thursday Morning)

Yep, the family was watching football all Thursday and I occasionally glanced at the television.  I was happy that the Cowboys beat the Commanders.  I can’t remember who won the other games.  I accidentally called the Commanders by their original name and I got yelled at by my cousin.  Bleh.

Happy Hour (YouTube)

I watched an episode of this 90s, celeb-themed game show on Saturday morning.  Unfortunately, one of the celebs was Danny Masterson so I cringed whenever the camera went past him.

Highway to Heaven (Tubi)

I wrote about Highway to Heaven here!

Jennifer Slept Here (YouTube)

I wrote about Jennifer Slept Here on Thursday.

Kitchen Nightmares (Tuesday Night, Fox)

On Tuesday, I watched the latest episode of Kitchen Nightmares, which featured Gordon Ramsay helping out a married couple who were on the verge of divorcing over their restaurant.  I always like it when Gordon shows off his nice side and he seemed to really care about this couple.  On Wednesday, I rewatched the classic Amy’s Baking Company episode on Hulu.

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about The Love Boat here!

The Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade (Thursday Morning, NBC)

It’s not Thanksgiving without the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade playing in the background.  I watched some of it with my family.  I liked the balloons but I got tired of all the reporters talking.

Monsters (Tubi)

I wrote about Monsters here!

Snub (YouTube)

This is a British music show from the late 80s.  I watched the first episode on Friday night.  Three bands performed.  I particularly liked Fugazi’s performance.

Survivor (Wednesday Night, CBS)

Crazy Eye Kendra is gone so that’s a good thing!

T and T (Tubi)

I wrote about T and T here!

Welcome Back Kotter (Tubi)

I wrote about Welcome Back Kotter here!

WKRP In Cincinnati (DVD)

On Tuesday night, Jeff and I watched the classic “I thought turkey could fly” episode of this 70s sitcom.  This episode always makes me laugh.  Jeff has the entire series on DVD so who knows?  This could be a future entry in my retro television reviews!

Yes, Prime Minister (Monday Night, PBS)

This week’s episode was amazingly cynical, even by the standards of this rather cynical show.  Sir Humphrey effortlessly manipulated Jim Hacker into nominating a corrupt banker to an important post.  Somehow, it was also quite funny.  There’s just something about the way that poor, earnest (if occasionally pompous) Jim Hacker continually falls for every scheme that Sir Humphrey comes up with.  It helps that the schemes usually seem to turn out for the best.  If anything, Sir Humphrey might have a point about the importance of not giving the Prime Minister too much room to think for himself.

Music Video of the Day: When We Were Young (The Logical Song) by David Guetta and Kim Petras (2023, dir by Hannah Lux Davis)


Needless to say, there is nothing that will make you feel older than realizing that you’re entire house has been flood and you didn’t even notice because you were too busy singing.

I am definitely not feeling young right now, though I guess I still am.  Seriously, I’ve spent most of November in a daze.  Maybe this song will help me wake up!

Enjoy!