Retro Television Review: Mary Jane Harper Cried Last Night (dir by Allen Reisner)

Posted on May 12, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay. Today’s film is 1977’s Mary Jane Harper Cried Last Night! It can be viewed on YouTube.

Damn.

I mean, seriously! I have seen some depressing films before but nothing could have quite prepared me for Mary Jane Harper Cried Last Night.

Susan Dey stars as Rowena, a young single mother whose 3 year-old daughter, Mary Jane Harper (Natasha Ryan), is taken to the hospital with a broken arm. Dr. Angela Buccieri (Tricia O’Neil) doesn’t believe Rowena’s claim that Mary Jane is just accident prone and when she discovers what appears to be cigarette burns on the little girl, Dr. Buccieri goes to the head of pediatrics (played by veteran screen villain John Vernon) and requests a full set of X-rays to see if there are any previously healed injuries. Buccieri’s request is denied. It turns out that Rowena comes from a wealthy family and her father (Kevin McCarthy) is a trustee of the hospital. Even after Dr. Buccieri opens up about her own experiences as an abused child, she is told to drop the matter.

She doesn’t drop it. Instead, she goes to a social worker named Dave Williams (Bernie Casey). Dave does his own investigation but none of Rowena’s neighbors want to talk about all of the crying and the screaming that they hear coming from Rowena’s apartment. Rowena presents herself as being a stressed but loving mother. Dave suggests a support group that she can attend. When Rowena goes to the group, she opens up a little about how overwhelmed she feels. Unfortunately, she leaves Mary Jane in the apartment alone and, when a fire breaks out, Mary Jane is lucky to survive.

As intense as all of that is, it’s also only the first half of the movie. The second half is even more intense and emotionally draining and it all leads up to one of the most devastating final lines ever uttered in a movie. Throughout the film, the system fails both Rowena and Mary Jane. Mary Jane is failed when all of the evidence of the abuse that she has suffered is either ignored or shrugged away by the same people who are supposed to be looking out for her. Rowena is failed when no one pays attention to her obvious emotional instability. When she finally does have a breakthrough during a therapy session, her psychiatrist (played by James Karen) curtly tells her that they’ll have to talk about it next week because their hour is up.

Rowena is a character who I both hated and pitied. Like many abusers, she herself was a victim of abuse. Even when Rowena tries to get support, no one wants to admit that a mother is capable of abusing their own child. That said, Mary Jane Harper is at the center of the film. She’s a little girl who is desperate to be loved by a woman who often terrifies her. She is continually failed by the people who should be looking after her and it’s just devastating to watch. I’m sure I’m not the only person who was moved to tears by this film.

What a sad film. At the same time, it’s also an important one. If the film takes place at a time when no one wanted to admit to the abuse happening before their eyes, we now live in a time when people toss around allegations of abuse so casually that it’s led to a certain cynicism about the whole thing. Even when seen today, Mary Jane Harper Cried Last Night works as a powerful plea to watch out and care for one another.

May Positivity: Divine Will (dir by Ken Jones)

Posted on May 11, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

First released in 2017, Divine Will is a short film but it’s also a rather odd film.

Dave Blessing (Brent Reed) used to be the lead singer of Isolation, a band that was apparently the hottest in the world in the 90s. His son, Will (Lee Roessler), is the result of a marriage that only lasted for two weeks. When Will’s mother dies, he moves to Chicago and lives with Dave and Dave’s quirky sister, Jenny (Kat Moser).

We are told (but we do not see) that Will had trouble in Chicago and that he spent a few nights in jail. Wanting to raise his son in a better environment, Dave accepts an offer to become the music minister for a church in small town Kentucky.

So, Dave, Will, Jenny, and the always silent ghost of Will’s mother move to Kentucky. At first, everyone is skeptical about a rock star becoming a choir leader but then all of the women in town see how handsome Dave is and they all suddenly remember that they were once huge fans of Isolation. While Dave tries to avoid all of the women that now want to marry him, Aunt Jenny gets a job as an art teacher. Jenny’s quirky methods go against the staid traditions of the school.

As for Will, he falls for Casey Buckner (Kathryn Boswell), who lives next door and who is still coming to terms with the death of her brother. Will should be able to help both her and several other people in town because he has the power to bring people a feeling of peace just by touching them. It’s a power that he’s had ever since the passing of his mother. Did I mention that the silent ghost of his mother keeps popping up at random moments?

Oh! And did I also mention that the movie is a musical? Will breaks into song while walking around the countryside. Later, he and Casey share a duet.

As I said, it’s an odd film. I’m a little bit hesitant about reviewing it because the imdb lists the film as having a 114 minute run-time while the version on Tubi was only 74 minutes long. Either the imdb is incorrect or the version of Tubi was heavily edited. Either way, the version I saw did feel as if it was missing a few scenes. It crammed a lot of plot into just 74 minutes and the film was not always easy to follow. The version I saw leaned very heavily on Will’s narration, especially during the first few scenes.

But you know what? It’s a likably goofy film and it’s earnest enough that it feels somewhat churlish to be too critical of it. If nothing else, it definitely captures the feel of living in the country. There’s a scene set in a barn that has so many bales of hay that I immediately felt like I was back on my grandmother’s farm and suffering from allergies. Much like the country that it portrays, the film was odd but the scenery was lovely.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Check It Out! 2.6 “The Bear Facts”

Posted on May 11, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing the Canadian sitcom, Check it Out, which ran in syndication from 1985 to 1988. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Howard helps Murray master the bush.

Episode 2.6 “The Bear Facts”

(Dir by Alan Erlich, originally aired on November 7th, 1986)

Murray, the teenage stockboy played by Simon Reynolds, has a problem.

He’s in the Scouts. He promised his father that he would not leave the Scouts until he earned all of the badges. He only has one badge left …. the *snicker* Bushmaster Badge. In order to get *cough* Bushmaster Badge, he has to go camping with his father. However, Murray’s father is in the Merchant Marine and is far from home. Hey — maybe Howard could go camping with Murray and help him become a *chortle* Bushmaster!

Since Howard is actually being a nice guy in this episode, he agrees. (As I’ve mentioned many times in the past, this show is incredibly inconsistent when it comes to how Howard is portrayed. Sometimes, he’s a saint. Sometimes, he’s the boss from Hell.) Howard even puts on a scout uniform. While camping, Murray talks about how his parents split up 12 years ago but that he still hopes that they’ll get back together. (Awwww!) Howard admits that he has never asked Edna to marry him because he worries that it would end in divorce. Howard and Murray bond and you know what? It’s actually kind of sweet. Simon Reynolds is actually rather touching as the naive Murray while Don Adams, in the role of Howard, actually stops yelling long enough for us to see that Howard is a sensitive guy underneath all the bluster….

Of course, then a bear shows up and eats Murray.

Or maybe not. Howard sees the bear and he runs away, just to later realize that Murray didn’t run away with him. Howard assumes that Murray has been eaten. Instead of calling the police or Murray’s mother, Howard goes back to the store and tells Edna, Christian, and Leslie about what happened. No one seems to be that upset about Murray being devoured and that’s kind of sad.

Suddenly, Murray’s scoutmaster (Diane Douglass) shows up and says that she personally wants to give Murray his *ahem* Bushmaster Badge. Howard explains that Murray was possibly eaten by a bear. The scoutmaster is about to form a search party when suddenly, Murray shows up. It turns out he wasn’t eaten after all. The bear was really nice and Murray was not only able to escape but also make it through the untrimmed wilderness on his own. Everyone agrees that Murray has truly proven himself to be a master of the bush. Murray gets his final badge and, as a result, he can finally stop wearing his uniform. Yay!

This was a weird episode. It started out as very sincere and heartfelt and then it suddenly devolved into a bunch of jokes about a lonely teenage boy being eaten by a bear. I have to admit that I kind of dug this episode, precisely because it was so odd. The best episodes of Check It Out! are usually the ones where the show gets unapologetically weird and this one did just that.

Hopefully, next week will be even stranger.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 5/5/24 — 5/11/24

Posted on May 11, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Abbott Elementary (Wednesday Night, ABC)

This Abbott Elementary Mother’s Day episode was sweet and funny. No, Janine, Kevin Hart is not your father.

Baywatch Nights (YouTube)

I wrote about Baywatch Nights here!

Check It Out (Tubi)

My review of this week’s episode will be dropping shortly.

CHiPs (Freevee)

I wrote about ChiPs here!

Coronation Street (Hulu)

On Tuesday, I watched two episodes of Coronation Street on Hulu. They were both from January of this year. Bethany returned home! I have no idea who Bethany is or who anyone else on this show is but I still found it interesting to watch. Maybe I just miss London. Due first to the pandemic lockdowns and now to the way that anti-Semitism is spreading its shadow across Europe, it’s been a while since Jeff & I last visited.

Degrassi Junior High (YouTube)

I wrote about Degrassi Junior High here!

Dr. Phil (YouTube)

On Monday morning, I watched a really sad two-parter in which Phil talked to an old widow named Kaye who had basically become so enthralled by a catfish that she gave him the password to her bank account. Kaye’s daughter tried to tell Kaye that her online boyfriend was a fake but Kaye was very angry and would not listen. I felt terrible for her and her family.

On Tuesday, I rewatched the episode with the woman who was convinced that she was married to Tyler Perry, despite having never met him before. Dr. Phil, of course, took time to point out that he knows Tyler Perry and is apparently one of his best friends. Dr. Phil knows everyone! I followed this up with an episode featuring a man who thought he was engaged to a Kennedy cousin named Misty. Not surprisingly, there is no Kennedy named Misty.

On Friday and Saturday, I watched too many episodes. Most of them were about feuding in-laws.

Fantasy Island (Daily Motion)

I wrote about Fantasy Island here!

Friday the 13th: The Series (YouTube)

I wrote about Friday the 13th here!

Highway to Heaven (Tubi)

I wrote about Highway to Heaven here!

Law & Order (Thursday Night, NBC)

On Tuesday evening, I watched last week’s episode of Law & Order and I have to say that I groaned a bit when I saw it was going to be yet another episode about a murder involving a wealthy family. There’s a lot that I have liked about this season but I’m a bit bored with every episode revolving around the same generic wealthy characters. Not every case has to be a society scandal. That said, last week’s episode did feature some interesting twists and turns and personally, I think the jury made the right decision. Overall, it was a good episode though, once again, we had to spend some time listening to Maroun whine about having to do her job.

On Friday, I watched this week’s episode. The defendant was an ex-con who had previously been given a lenient plea deal by Nolan Price. Because of Price’s involvement, Baxter took over as lead prosecutor on the case and demoted Price to second chair. This not only kept Maroun out of the courtroom and minimized her involvement in the episode (yay!) but it also gave Baxter a chance to show off his abilities. The great thing about this episode is that Price finally got called out for being so wishy-washy and self-righteous.

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about The Love Boat here!

Malibu, CA (YouTube)

I wrote about Malibu, CA here!

Miami Vice (Freevee)

I wrote about Miami Vice here.

Monsters (YouTube)

I wrote about Monsters here!

Snub (Night Flight Plus)

On Friday, I watched a bunch of music videos from 1987. It was fun!

T and T (Tubi)

I wrote about T and T here!

Welcome Back, Kotter (Tubi)

I wrote about Welcome Back Kotter here!

The Films of 2024: Sixty Minutes (dir by Oliver Kienle)

Posted on May 11, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Octavio Bergmann (Emilio Sakraya) has a problem.

A German MMA fighter is just minutes away from fighting a leading contender when he gets a call from his ex-wife. It is his daughter’s birthday and Octavio is told that if he doesn’t make it to her birthday party within an hour, Octavio’s ex-wife is going to demand full custody of her. Octavio runs from the match, hoping that he can somehow make it from one end of Berlin to the next in just 60 minutes.

What Octavio doesn’t know is that the fight was fixed. Octavio’s opponent agreed to take a dive so a bunch of gamblers put down a lot of money on Octavio winning the fight. If Octavio forfeits, they’ll lose all of their money. Soon, Octavio finds himself being pursued by motely collection of Serbian mobsters, bikers, and cops. Meanwhile, Octavio just wants to pick up a cake and his daughter’s birthday gift (an adorable kitten named Onion) and make it to the party in time.

That’s not a bad premise for an action film and Sixty Minutes features a lot of exciting fight scenes as Octavio battles his way to his ex-wife’s house. Unfortunately, it soon becomes obvious that the film is cheating a bit with the time frame. When Octavio takes off running, a stopwatch lets us know that he has 59 minutes and 59 seconds left. About ten minutes later, the stopwatch reappears and tries to convince us that only four minutes have passed. Octavio has to face a lot of obstacles on his way to that birthday party but it’s hard to create any suspense when the audience knows that the movie isn’t going to be honest about how much time has passed. If any film cries out for a “real time” approach, it’s this movie.

(Personally, I would have changed the title to 80 Minutes. It would still be a stretch to claim that the majority of the movie’s action could have taken place over such a compressed time frame but it would still be more believable than 60.)

On the plus side, the action scenes are exciting. Emilio Sakraya is not the most expressive of actors but, as a former Full-Contact Karate champion, he’s totally convincing in the fight scenes. Wisely, the film does not try to convince us that Octavio is some sort of genius. He is often his own worst enemy. (If you had to get across Berlin in a narrowly-allotted amount of time, would you be stupid enough to stop to argue with the cops?) And there definitely is something rather sweet about Octavio’s determination to make sure that his daughter gets her birthday present. (And fear not, animal lovers — the cat survives the film.) Finally, the soundtrack was heavy on EDM, which I definitely appreciated.

With all of the scenes of Octavio running through Berlin and checking his watch to see how much time he had left, the film feels a bit like a direct descendant of Run, Lola, Run. Unfortunately, Sixty Minutes is nowhere near as exciting, witty, or thoughtful as Tom Tykwer’s classic film. Still, Sixty Minutes is entertaining when taken on its own terms. Just don’t make the mistake of trying to count the minutes.

Retro Television Review: Welcome Back, Kotter 3.21 “There’s No Business: Part 2”

Posted on May 11, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

Gabe is finally happy so, of course, Julie is pissed off about it.

Episode 3.21 “There’s No Business: Part 2”

(Dir by Bob Claver, originally aired on February 2nd, 1978)

This week, Gabe’s comedy career continues!

The Sweathogs are hurt when Gabe doesn’t even come by the school to say goodbye to them before their substitute teacher is brought in. Julie is upset that Gabe agrees to do a muti-week tour without even asking her about it first. (Then again, one gets the feeling that if Gabe had turned down the tour, Julie would find an excuse to get mad about that as well. At this point, I’m just waiting for Julie to run off with Epstein but Marcia Strassman had more chemistry with Robert Hegyes than she ever did with Gabe Kaplan.)

At first, the only person who is happy about any of this is Mr. Woodman. Without Gabe around, the Sweathogs are running wild and Woodman finally has a reason to give everyone detention. “It’s Woodman’s Golden Reign of Terror!” Woodman declares. But then the Sweathogs, due to being sad over being abandoned by Gabe, become listless and Woodman is left with nothing to do.

“We need you back, Kotter!” Woodman tells Gabe just before Gabe goes out on stage to perform.

Gabe agrees. Gabe bombs on stage so badly that his show business career comes to an end. Gabe returns to teaching. “Did you bomb on purpose?” Woodman asks when he sees Gabe in the school. Gabe doesn’t reply but we all know the answer.

The problem is that Gabe “bombing,” occurs off-screen and we only hear about it second-hand. It’s hard not to feel a bit cheated because the idea of Gabe giving an intentionally bad performance sounds like it would have been a lot more fun to watch than sitting through yet another scene of Julie giving Gabe the death glare while Gabe looks like a deer in the headlights.

On the plus side, this episode did feature some good Sweathog moments. John Travolta, who hasn’t really gotten a lot to do in the latter half of the third season, explains that the best way to deal with someone leaving is to pretend that they’re dead so you don’t have to worry about them anymore. All of the Sweatogs dress up to visit Gabe before he performs and all of the cheap suits provide a nice visual moment. The Sweatogs may not have the money for expensive suits but they still want to look their best when they see Gabe. They respect their teacher, even if he is thinking of abandoning them,

In the end, this entire two-part episode was a bit of an anti-climax. Because the show would cease to exist if Gabe actually did go on tour and we’re not even done with the third season yet, we all know that Gabe is going to eventually return to the Sweathogs. And considering that Gabe seemed a lot happier as a comedian than as a teacher, it’s kind of hard not to feel bad for the guy. He’s stuck with Arnold Horshack! Your dreams were your ticket out but now your dreams are your prison. Welcome back indeed.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th The Series 2.3 “And Now The News”

Posted on May 10, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on YouTube!

This week, Jack is on vacation so Ryan and Micki try to retrieve an antique on their own. Near disaster ensues. I swear, why is Jack always running off? How can you take a vacation when your job is to literally save the world? You know who never got a decent vacation? Atlas.

Anyway, onto the episode….

Episode 2.3 “And Now The News”

(Dir by Bruce Pittman, originally aired October 14th, 1988)

With Jack on vacation, it falls to Micki and Ryan to track down the latest antique, a cursed radio that will reveal information to its owner as long as the owner uses the radio to kill a certain number of people. (The radio brings people’s greatest fears to life. So, if you’ve got a thing about snakes, watch out!) Micki and Ryan discover that the radio is currently in the possession of Dr. Avril Carter (Kate Trotter), who works at the local mental hospital and who is murdering patients so that the radio will help her with her research. Dr. Carter really wants to win that Nobel Prize.

Ryan and Micki really probably should have waited for Jack to come back because their attempts to get the radio back leads to one disaster after another. Ryan even manages to get electrocuted while trying to climb over the hospital’s security fence. Micki, meanwhile, does manage to get into the hospital but she is soon reminded that the majority of the patients are serial killers and perverts.

The best thing about this episode is that radio actually has a voice. Henry Ramer provides the voice of the “radio announcer,” who says stuff like, “And now the news …. after this murder” and such. At the end of the episode, it even taunts Dr. Carter when she fails to kill the required number of people and announces that Carter will never win a Nobel Prize. (The radio then proceeds to electrocute her.) In a nice touch, the announcer continues to talk to Ryan and Micki even when they’re taking it down to the vault. It offer to help them out in their quest, in return for a certain amount of murders. Micki and Ryan end up tossing the radio back and forth between the two of them. The episode even ends with a freeze frame of the radio in the air. Hopefully, they got it into the vault eventually.

This was a fun episode. The mental hospital was a atmospheric location, the radio was an inspired antique, and Kate Trotter gave a good performance as the villainous Dr. Carter. After two less than enthralling episodes, And Now The News was a definite return to everything that worked about the first season.

The Films of 2024: Bob Marley: One Love (dir by Reinaldo Marcus Green)

Posted on May 10, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Bob Marley: One Love opens in 1976. With Jamaica torn by political violence, Reggae superstar and devout Rastafari Bob Marley (Kingsley Ben-Adir) announces that he will be holding a concert for peace. When Marley, his wife Rita (Lashana Lynch), and several members of the band are shot in a home invasion, a disillusioned Marley sends his wife and children to stay with his mother in Delaware and then heads to London with his band.

The majority of Bob Marley: One Love centers around the years that Marley spent outside of Jamaica. In London, Marley struggles to come up with a concept his new album, finally finding inspiration in the soundtrack for Otto Preminger’s Exodus. Marley explains his philosophy and Rastafari beliefs to journalists and listeners, many of whom are shocked by Marley’s claim to not care about money. With more and more countries declaring their independence and freeing themselves from colonialism, Marley makes plans to perform in Africa and to spread his message of love and freedom. Rita, who eventually rejoins Bob when he tells her that he cannot create his music without her presence, tells Bob that he needs to return to Jamaica and perform his peace concert. Bob remains stubborn but when he’s diagnosed with a rare-form of cancer, he realizes that it’s time for him to return to his home and not just preach about peace and forgiveness but to extend it as well.

Musical biopics have been all the rage since the release of Bohemian Rhapsody and Bob Marley: One Love features enough of Marley’s music that it’s not surprising that the film was a crowd-pleaser when it was released in February. The film was clearly made by people who loved Marley’s music. Kingsley Ben-Adir has a strong screen presence and gives a charismatic performance as Bob but, for whatever reason, Bob Marley remains something of a distant figure throughout the film. We learn a bit about what motivated Bob Marley as a musician and as an activist but we still don’t really feel that we get to know him as a person. (Nor does the film delve too deeply into the details of Marley’s Rastafari beliefs, presenting it as being more about good vibes than a belief in the divinity of Ethiopia’s emperor, Haile Selassie I.) The film hits all of the expected biopic plot points like clockwork. It’s almost too efficient for its own good, lacking any of the spontaneity that makes real life so memorable. It leaves the viewer very much aware that they’re watching a well-made film.

But, one might be justified in dismissing that as just being nit-picking. The film is full of Marley’s music and it ends with a good deal of archival footage that allows the viewer to see both Bob Marley’s real-life charisma and the joy that he took in performing. As I said, the film is a crowd pleaser. While it doesn’t quite provide the insight into Marley’s life that Rocketman did for Elton John, it’s still a better-made and less cynical production than Bohemian Rhapsody. Even if the film is a bit too conventional for its own good, the love of the music still comes through.

Retro Television Review: T and T 3.8 “The Mysterious Mauler”

Posted on May 10, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing T. and T., a Canadian show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on Tubi!

This week, Mr. T enters the wrestling ring and we all wonder what took so long. Seriously, T and T, do you not realize who is starring on your show?

Episode 3.8 “The Mysterious Mauler”

(Dir by Alan Simmonds, originally aired on February 24th, 1990)

Teri and T.S. Turner are hired to investigate a series of accidents that have afflicted the wrestlers of the Galactis Wrestling Federation. With the GWF royal championship coming up, all of the contenders are being taken out of contention before they even step into the ring! Teri and T.S. think that a wrestler known as the Masked Mauler may be involved but the head of GWF, Mr. Barnum (Elias Zarou, chewing every available piece of scenery), refuses to reveal the Mauler’s true identity. Instead, Mr. Barnum is more interested in putting a “hood” on T.S. Turner and sending him into the ring.

From the start, this episode confused me. It opened with Terri excitedly telling T.S. that their money woes were over because they had been hired by an insurance company to investigate all of the accidents that have been taking place in the GWF. Now, I could understand the company hiring Turner because he’s an established detective but this episode seems to suggest that Terri is now a private investigator as well. But, in every previous episode, Terri has been portrayed as being an attorney who is almost as prominent and as successful as her sister Amy. Terri suddenly working for an insurance company as an investigator doesn’t really make sense. Aren’t the Taler sisters supposed to be crusading attorneys who have dedicated their practice to defending the little guy from heartless corporations? But now, Terri is suddenly an enthusiastic insurance investigator. Terri sold out!

And yet, this episode actually isn’t that bad, at least not by the usual standards of T and T. From the minute I learned this episode was set in the world of professional wrestling, I knew that Mr. T would eventually end up in the ring while wearing a sparkly uniform and that’s exactly what happened. Mr. T perfectly fits into the flamboyant world of pro-wrestling and he certainly does seem to be in a good mood in this episode. From the second season on, T and T has often failed to take advantage of the fact that half of their duo was Mr. T. This episode allows Mr. T to be himself.

As for the Mauler, his identity is eventually revealed. He owns a pizzeria and wears a mask so that his wife won’t discover that he’s a wrestler. The Mauler may be fearsome in the ring but, outside of it, he’s just trying to live a peaceful life and make an appetizing pizza. Good for him!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 2.9 “The Secret”

Posted on May 9, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee and several other services!

This week, Jonathan’s in trouble and so is the audience.

Episode 2.9 “The Secret”

(Directed by William Claxton, originally aired on November 27th, 1985)

This is an odd episode.

While heading to visit yet another one of Mark’s former cop buddies, Jonathan stops the car at a country store. He spots a young man being bullied by three rednecks. Jonathan politely asks the rednecks to back off. When the main redneck tries to attack Jonathan, Jonathan responds by punching the guy out.

UH-OH, JONATHAN’S BROKEN A RULE! He immediately gets summoned back to Heaven for a disciplinary hearing and, as a result, he’s not in the majority of this episode.

I’m going to assume that Landon had something else going on that caused him to skip out on the majority of this episode. (This was also the first episode of the series to be directed by someone either than Landon or Victor French.) Still, having Jonathan throw a punch seems out-of-character. Over the course of the first two seasons, Jonathan has dealt with a lot of bullies and usually, he just uses his powers to make their car break down or to make them trip over a branch. The Boss has never had a problem with that so you have to wonder why Jonathan didn’t just make the bully’s car radiator start to overheat or something. As well, it seems like Jonathan was acting in self-defense and to protect the guy who was being bullied.

Anyway, the important thing is that Mark has to visit his friend on his own. Wes Fowler (Barry Jenner) has been married to Carol Fowler (Linda Miller) for nearly 18 years. When they first married, Carol told Wes that she couldn’t have children and, as a result, they decided to adopt a young girl that they named Heather. Shortly after adopting Heather, Carol did get pregnant and gave birth to Shelley. Having recently turned 18, Heather (played by Leslie Bega) is now curious about who her birth mother was. A little research leads to her discovering that her birth mother is …. CAROL!

Carol explains that Heather’s father was an ex-boyfriend who left town as soon as he discovered that Carol was pregnant. When Carol married Wes, she wanted to adopt the daughter she abandoned so she lied about not being able to get pregnant so that Wes would agree to the adoption. When Wes finds out about this, he gets angry and, along with Shelley (played by a young Shannen Doherty), he moves out of the house.

Can Mark put this family back together again? Of course, he can. And you better believe Jonathan returns to Earth during the show’s final moments. This is Highway to Heaven, after all.

This episode felt off to me. Some of it was the absence of Jonathan. Some of it was the fact that, even when working solo, Mark didn’t really do that much other than stand in a corner and observe. Both the soap opera dramatic and the performances were so over-the-top that they were impossible to take seriously. This almost felt like a parody of Highway to Heaven as opposed to an actual episode.

Oh well. So much for this episode. Hopefully, next week’s episode, which apparently involves a man being mistaken for a monster, will be a bit better. We’ll find out soon!