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Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 5.5 “Mr. Nobody/La Liberatora”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  Almost the entire show is currently streaming on Daily Motion, YouTube, Plex, and a host of other sites.

This week, Charo shows up but Tattoo doesn’t.

Episode 5.5 “Mr. Nobody/La Liberatora”

(Dir by Cliff Bole, originally aired on November 7th, 1981)

Once again, we have an episode the features only stock footage of Tattoo shouting, “The plane, the plane!”  Otherwise, Herve Villechaize is not in this episode.

What excuse does Mr. Roarke come up with this week to explain Tattoo’s absence?

He’s hung over.

Seriously, that’s what Mr. Roarke goes with!  He explains to Julie that Tattoo was up very late, helping another guest celebrate a drunken fantasy.  It must be said that Ricardo Montalban seems to be quite amused to be labeling his sidekick a drunk.  Apparently, Herve Villechaize was holding out for more money when this episode was shot and I’m guessing Tattoo being hung over was a “take that” on the part of the show’s producers.  To be honest, it feels a bit petty.

It falls to Julie to help Charles Atkins (Sherman Hemsley) fulfill his fantasy.  Charles is a short man who has been picked on by bullies all his life.  He wants to feel strong and confident.  Julie gives him a potion that she thinks will give him “inner strength” but — whoops! — instead it turns Charles into the world’s strongest man.  As Roarke admonishes Julie for not being specific when she ordered her potion, Charles embarks on a wrestling career.  Can Charles defeat Sampson Smith (H.B. Haggerty), the most savage wrestler in the world?  Or will he instead fall in love with Sampson’s publicist, Carrie Wilson (Vernee Watson) and realize that true strength comes from inside?  We all know the answer.  A more important question is whether Mr. Roarke will ever be foolish enough to let Julie handle a fantasy again?

This fantasy was nothing special.  The comedy was a bit too broad, though I did like the heartfelt performances of both Sherman Hemsley and Vernee Watson.  The main problem is that the whole thing hinged on Julie screwing up in a way that really didn’t make any sense.  Surely, she would have been smart enough to make sure she had the right potion before giving it to Charles.  I mean, not being careful with your potions sounds like a lawsuit waiting to happen.  Surely, Mr. Roarke would have kept a closer eye on his goddaughter as she handled her first fantasy ever.  Poor bumbling Julie doesn’t really work as a sidekick.  The show suffers without Villechaize’s snarky attitude.

Villechaize’s absence means that we also miss the chance to see him acting opposite Charo and that just seems like a crime against pop culture.  I have to admit that I was a little worried when I saw Charo’s name in the opening credits, largely because I thought she would be playing her silly Love Boat character.  Instead, Charo plays a world-famous guitarist named Dolores DeMurica, whose fantasy is to go back to the days of Spanish California and meet her ancestor, the famous El Lobo Rojo.  (El Lobo Rojo is basically Zorro but if Fantasy Island’s producers weren’t going to give Herve Villechaize a raise, they certainly weren’t going to pay for the rights to Zorro.)

I have to say that I was pleasantly surprised by Charo’s fantasy.  There was a lot of swashbuckling action, Cesare Danova and Alex Cord both gave good supporting performances, and Charo seemed to be energized by playing a character who, while comedic, was not quite as silly as The Love Boat‘s April.  Charo actually gave a pretty good performance here and the entire fantasy was fast-paced and fun to watch.  It would have been even more fun if Tattoo had shown up but it was not to be.

This episode was a mixed bag, with one forgettable fantasy and one entertaining fantasy.  In the end, both fantasies would have been better with Tattoo.

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 2.8 “The Grudge”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee!

This week, Ponch and Baker face their greatest enemy …. frat boys with a grudge!

Episode 2.8 “The Grudge”

(DIr by John Florea, originally aired on November 11th, 1978)

When Baker and Ponch attempt the warn the driver of an RV about the fact that his vehicle won’t be able fit through a tunnel, the driver reacts by trying to speed away.  That’s because the driver is a frat boy and the RV is full of marijuana (or “Cannabis Rex!” as another frat boy puts it).  This leads to the RV not only crashing in the tunnel but also Baker and Ponch busting all of the frat boys for possession.

A few months later, the frat boys are horrified when, despite only getting probation, they are still suspended from college and their fraternity is kicked off campus.  The frat boys decide to get revenge on Baker and Ponch by playing a series of practical jokes.  They send Baker and Ponch mysterious letters.  They toss a bunch of fake money on the highway, causing a slow motion wreck.  They try to disrupt the CHiPs open house, over which Baker and Ponch have been put in charge.

This was a bit of a silly episode.  The frat boys somehow had the ability to always know exactly where Ponch and John were.  For some reason, Ponch and John didn’t do the obvious and bust the frat boys for violating their probation.  Sgt. Getraer, meanwhile, spends almost the entire episode being a jerk.  He puts Ponch and Baker in charge of the open house and then gets mad at them for working on it while on the clock.  Well, when are they supposed to work on it?

The episode did feature one good car crash.  In fact, not only were multiple vehicles destroyed but it all happened in slow motion.  That made up for a lot.  Still, in the end, The Grudge was just a bit too silly to really work.

Documentary Review: Brats (dir by Andrew McCarthy)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

The documentary Brats opens with actor and travel writer Andrew McCarthy in New York City.

He’s obsessing over his film career, which featured him starring in several classic 80s films, like Pretty In Pink, Class, and Less Than Zero.  If you love those films as much as I do, you’ll be happy to know that, physically, McCarthy has aged well.  If he was adorably cute during his teen idol days, Andrew McCarthy now looks like a distinguished and handsome creative writing teacher.  McCarthy talks about how he was briefly a star and now, he has a busy career as a writer.  To be honest, it seems like everything should be going pretty well for Andrew McCarthy.

The only problem is that Andrew McCarthy has spent the last 30 years obsessed with an article that he feels led to him being labeled as one of the “Brat Pack,” along with Emilio Estevez, Rob Lowe, Judd Nelson, Molly Ringwald, Demi Moore, and Ally Sheedy.  Interestingly enough, McCarthy is only mentioned once in the article, when Nelson dismissively describes him as playing every role “with the same intensity.”  Still, McCarthy feels that the article led to him being unfairly labeled “a brat,” and it also led to his film career fizzling.

Over the course of the documentary, McCarthy travels to California and tracks down some of his co-stars (with both Ringwald and Nelson being notable for their absence) and he also talks to the author of the article.  He talks about what it means to be identified with the Brat Pack and how the label still haunts him.

Seriously, this is one of the most depressing documentaries I’ve ever seen.

It’s not just that McCarthy, who really does seem like he should be enjoying his second act as a successful and respected travel writer, is still obsessed with an article that came out 30 years ago.  It’s also the fact that, judging from the scenes in which he drops in on Estevez, Lowe, Moore, and Sheedy, it doesn’t appear that anyone has wanted to talk to McCarthy since they all did St. Elmo’s Fire.  Emilio Estevez, especially, seems to be uncomfortable with having McCarthy in his kitchen.  As for the others, Ally Sheedy is polite, Demi Moore comes across as if she’s visiting from another planet, and Rob Lowe is once again the most likable and laid back person in the room.  Everyone that McCarthy interviews has dealt with the Brat Pack legacy in their own different way.  The thing they all have in common is that they’ve all dealt with it better than McCarthy.

The saddest part of the film is that Molly Ringwald never returns Andrew McCarthy’s call.  Seriously, the main reason I watched this documentary was because I wanted to see Andie and Blane reunited.  Instead, I had to settle for Blane and Duckie having an awkward conversation.  It’s nice to see that McCarthy and Jon Cryer are apparently now on friendly terms (which apparently they weren’t during the filming of Pretty in Pink), but seriously, Molly is the one that most viewers will probably want to see reunited with Andrew.  That it doesn’t happen is kind of heart-breaking.

I hope someone gives Andrew McCarthy a good hug and tells him that we’re all Team Blane.  He deserves it.

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 2.18 “French Twist”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, Crockett learns an important lesson about trusting the French.

Episode 2.18 “French Twist”

(Dir by David Jackson, originally aired on February 21st, 1986)

An infamous French drug dealer and terrorist named Bandi (Xavier Coronel) has escaped from a Canadian prison and  surfaced in Miami, where he murders an innocent hospital worker and takes off with a van full of morphine.  While Tubbs tries to protect the only witness, a rebellious teenage photographer named Cindy (Shari Headley), Crockett works closely with Danielle Hier (Lisa Eichorn), a French INTERPOL agent who has been sent to Miami by her boss, Zolan (played, in an odd cameo, by folk singer Leonard Cohen).

In fact, Crockett may be working a bit too closely with Danielle because he’s the only person who doesn’t seem to notice that there’s something suspicious about her.  Tubbs feels that there’s something that Danielle is not telling the Vice Squad and he’s right.  While Castillo is under orders to take Bandi alive so he can be sent to face prison in Canada, Danielle has been sent to assassinate Bandi on behalf of French Intelligence.

This is a typically cynical episode of Miami Vice.  The latter half of the first season and the majority of the second season have been full of episodes in which competing government agencies screw up Tubbs and Crockett’s efforts to clean up Miami.  This episode is unique in that the competing government agency is French but otherwise, the theme remains the same.  The War on Drugs can never be won because too many people are benefitting from it.  When watched today, it’s helpful to have some knowledge of what was going on in France from the 60s to the 80s.  Many French terrorist organizations — on both the left and the right — funded their activities through the heroin trade and it’s easy to see Bandi as a stand-in for the infamous ex-OAS drug lords of the era.  As for Danielle, it’s mentioned that one of her previous missions involved blowing up a Greenpeace boat, which is something that French Intelligence actually did around the same time that this episode aired.

This is yet another episode the ends with a fateful gunshot in the night.  In this case, it’s Crockett killing his lover to save his partner.  It’s an ending that doesn’t quite have the emotional resonance to it that it’s had when used during previous episodes, largely because there’s very little romantic or sexual chemistry between Don Johnson and Lisa Eichorn.  Eichorn, who was so good in Cutter’s Way, struggles a bit with her French accent and the final twist involving her character feels a bit too obvious.  It’s hard to believe that Sonny — world-weary Sonny who lives on a boat and whose best friend is a crocodile and who has experienced plenty of CIA duplicity in both Vietnam and Miami — wouldn’t have been able to see right through her.

This was a forgettable episode, one that went through the motions without making much of an impression.  It happens …. even in Miami.

Song of the Day: Atomic by Blondie (Happy Birthday, Debbie Harry)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today, the Shattered Lens wishes a happy 79th birthday to the legendary Debbie Harry!

Our song of the day is my favorite of Blondie song (and, believe me, there were many to choose from), Atomic!  This song, which was subsequently covered for Trainspotting by Sleeper, is one that I often find myself not only quoting but also hearing in my head.

Uh huh, make me tonightTonight, make me rightUh huh, make me tonightTonightTonight
Oh, uh-huh, make it magnificentTonightRight
Oh, your hair is beautifulOh, tonightAtomic
Uh huh, make me tonightTonight, tonight
Oh, your hair is beautifulOh, tonightAtomic
Tonight, make it magnificentTonightMake me tonight
Your hair is beautifulOh, tonight
AtomicOh, atomicOh
Oh, atomicOh, atomicOh

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 6/23/24 — 6/29/24

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, I discovered that the producers of the Dr. Phil show finally enforced their copyright and, as a result, all of the episodes on YouTube were taken down.  That’s a shame.  Regardless of what you may think of the man and his show (and my feelings on both are definitely mixed), old episodes of Dr. Phil made for good background noise.  Of course, I can still turn over to Pluto TV, where they have an entire station that just shows Dr. Phil for 24 hours a day.  But Pluto shows the episodes out of order so, it it’s a two-parter, you’re just out of luck.

In the absence of Dr. Phil, I’ve resorted to using episodes of The Trisha Goddard Show as my background noise.  Trisha’s show (of which there are many episodes on YouTube) was just as trashy as Maury and Jerry Springer but Trisha spoke with a posh British accent, which I’m going to assume classed the joint up for whoever it was who watched these shows when they originally aired.  As I said, I used the show strictly for background noise this week and, to be honest, I quickly got annoyed with Trisha and her holier-than-thou attitude.  So, I guess I’ll have to find something else.

As far as new shows are concerned, I am now caught up with both 60 Days In and Inmate to Roommate.  I’m enjoying the latest season of 60 Days In, largely because all of the participants appear to be losing whatever grip they have on their sanity.  Corey became the first of the participants to tap out, which is good because his growing paranoia wasn’t going to do anyone any good.  As for Inmate to Roommate, the main message here seems to be that, if you’re planning on helping an ex-prisoner adjust to life outside of prison, don’t do it.  What a frustrating show!  The inmates are almost all idiots and the roommates are almost all incredibly naive.  I was not surprised when Devon got arrested on his first day on probation.  Devon’s an idiot.

Finally, I swore I would not watch the Presidential Debate and I kept my word at first.  But, on Thursday night, I took one look at what was being said on twitter and I realized that I had to watch it.  Because I know we have readers of all political persuasions, I’m going to refrain from giving my own feelings about the two men who were on the debate stage.  I’m just going to say, “Yikes,” and assume that you know why.  I have no idea what’s going to happen but I do know that hopefully, in 2028, it’ll be time to finally start electing some younger candidates.  Seriously, there’s nothing wrong with bowing out of public life and enjoying retirement.

Apparently, Big Brother is starting in July.  I am not at all enthused.  After last season, I am pretty much exhausted with the show, the twists, and Julie Chen Moonves.  But I’ll watch anyways, because it’s tradition and the houseguest will hopefully make better background noise than Trisha Goddard.

Music Video of the Day: Pour Me A Drink by Post Malone, featuring Blake Shelton (2024, dir by ????)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

It’s not quite football season yet but it’s approaching so this video feels appropriate.  Fortunately, I neither watch football nor drink so I’ve spared myself a lot of angst.

Enjoy!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th: The Series 2.6 “Master of Disguise”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on YouTube!

The search for cursed antiques continues!

Episode 2.6 “Master of Disguise”

(Dir by Tom McLoughlin, originally aired on November 11th, 1988)

A side job delivering antiques for use in a horror film leads to Micki meeting her favorite actor, the amazingly handsome and charming William Pratt (John Bolger).  And when the film’s leading lady refuses to shoot a scene because of Pratt’s method obsessiveness, Micki finds herself cast as her replacement.  Soon, Pratt and Micki are having a torrid romance.  Ryan feels that there’s something wrong with Pratt but then again, we all know that Ryan has unrequited romantic feelings for his cousin (ewwww!).

That said, Ryan is right.  Pratt is actually Jeff Amory, an actor who was so disfigured that he was previously typecast in horror films.  Amory disappeared after the murder of one of his co-stars, an actress who looked a lot like Micki.  Using a cursed makeup box that once belonged to John Wilkes Booth (“the actor who shot Lincoln,” Ryan helpfully explains), Amory has transformed himself into the handsome Pratt.  Unfortunately, the box needs to constantly absorb blood to work and Pratt has become a one-man murder spree.  (One of his victims is played by Aaron Schwartz, of Check It Out! fame.)  Will Micki become his next victim?

(An interesting piece of trivia: Booth is often described as just being “the actor who shot Lincoln,” but he was actually a legitimate star and a celebrity in both the North and the South in the years leading up to the Civil War.  The youngest and best-looking of the Booth brothers, he was an acclaimed and popular Shakespearean actor who was so handsome that women would flock to the theater whenever one of his show’s came to town.  He was the 19th century stage’s version of Ryan Reynolds.  Everyone who was into theater knew his name, even before he shot Lincoln.  America has seen many assassins who wanted to be celebrities.  Booth was a celebrity who wanted to be an assassin.)

This was an okay episode.  I liked the fact that Pratt was a bit more tormented by his actions than some of the other villains who have appeared on this show and I was also happy that Micki got to be at the center of the action, even if the episode’s script did make her a bit more flighty than she’s ever been previously portrayed.  Ryan’s romantic feelings for Micki are a little bit awkward, seeing as how they’re related but, again, they were necessary to establish why Micki was originally dismissive of Ryan’s concerns.

This episode ended with a bit of trivia, with Jack mentioning that William Pratt was also the real name of one of the gentlest men in show business …. Boris Karloff.  Again, you have to wonder why no one else noticed that is before Jack and why it took Jack so long to mention it.  Still, it’s nice that Karloff got a shout out.