Other than the shows that I watch for my retro television reviews, I didn’t watch much TV this week. I was busy getting ready for the 4th, celebrating the 4th, and fighting to keep my father from getting kicked out of his rehab facility.
I used the Dr. Phil channel on Pluto TV as background noise. It all kind of blended together. I lost track of the number of times I heard “How’s that working out for you?” I also lost track of the number of shots that I saw of Robin McGraw pretending to be shocked that her husband mentioned her.
On Friday, I watched a bit of H&I’s Twilight Zone marathon. I saw some of my favorites, like The Monsters Are Due On Maple Street, Shadowplay, and It’s A Good Life.
So, I didn’t watch much but that’s okay. I needed the rest.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
This week, it’s Welcome Back, Rosalie!
Episode 3.24 “The Return of Hotsy Totsy”
(Dir by Bob Claver, originally aired on May 11th, 1978)
Using fakes IDs provided by Epstein, the Sweathogs go to a strip club and are shocked to see their former classmate from season one, Rosalie “Hotsy” Totsy (Debralee Scott), dancing on stage. Rosalie is not particularly happy to see them either, especially when Horshack keeps calling out her name and saying “hi” while she’s performing.
At first, almost all of the Sweathogs are very judgmental of their former classmate, never mind the fact that 1) she has a baby to support and 2) they were the ones who went through all the trouble of getting fake IDs so that they could illegally go to the club to the first place. Only Horshack refrains from judging Rosalie. Instead, he gets an extra job so that can give the money to Rosalie and her baby. Awwwwwww!
Fear not. Gabe eventually finds out that his former student has fallen on hard times and with the help of Woodman, he finds employment for her as a receptionist. That made me smile a little bit. Being a receptionist is harder than a lot of people realize but I have faith in Rosalie.
This episode deserves some credit for explaining what happened to Rosalie, who was a fairly prominent character during the first half of season one before disappearing without an explanation. I liked the fact that the episode was clearly on Rosalie’s side and not afraid to call out the Sweathogs on their misogyny. Debralee Scott gave a heartfelt performance as Rosalie, reminding us of how edgy Gabe’s students used to be.
At the same time, it’s hard not to feel this episode would have worked better during the second season, before the Sweathogs became caricatures and, even more importantly, when Robert Hegyes, Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs, and Ron Pallilo could still convincingly pass for being young enough to need fake IDs to get into a bar. (Travolta, who was the youngest of them all, was the only one who still made for a convincing teenager during season 3.) Watching this episode, it was hard not to regret how the show transformed Horshack from just being slightly eccentric to being someone who appeared to come from a totally separate planet. Ron Palllilo, it must be said, still managed to give a good performance in this episode but the character was still so broadly drawn that it was hard to believe that the Sweathogs would have invited him to the strip club to begin with. Still, his interactions with Rosalie were undeniably sweet. Horshack may be annoying but he’s a good person.
Interestingly, this episode was written by Gabe Kaplan. Perhaps that explains why Marcia Strassman’s Julie only gets a few seconds of screentime and only one line of dialogue.
According to the comments on YouTube, this was filmed at the Media Arts Department at Jersey City State College. Also according to the video’s description, the woman in the video was named Gena Marel but the actual vocals were performed by Ellen Gannon Leeds.
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on YouTube!
This week, Ryan and Jack go to a carnival!
Episode 2.7 “Wax Magic”
(Dir by William Fruet, originally aired on November 14th, 1988)
Unable to get a date, loser Ryan convinces Jack to go to a traveling carnival with him.
(Okay, maybe “loser” is a bit harsh. I like Ryan and I think John D. LeMay did a pretty good playing him on the series but seriously, in this episode, Ryan is oddly whiny. Then again, I would think that Ryan would be more careful about trying to date anyone, considering that everyone with whom he falls in love either dies or is his cousin, Micki.)
Ryan and Jack discover that the carnival has been rocked by a series of decapitations. Ryan suspects that it might involve the creepy wax figure exhibit that is run by Aldwin Chase (Angelo Rizacos). Aldwin is incredibly jealous of but also very abusive towards his wife, Marie (Susannah Hoffman). Whenever someone shows too much interest in Marie, they are visited by a wax figure of Lizzie Borden. Guess who Ryan develops an obviously doomed crush on?
This was an effectively creepy episode and, with its scenes of carnival goers losing their heads, it felt like it had more in common with the Friday the 13th movies than some of the other episodes. Towards the end of the episode, Jack and Ryan are actually attacked in the antique shop and it’s actually a bit jolting, a reminder that nowhere is safe. The show ends with a twist about Marie that’s not particularly but it’s effective nonetheless. In the role of Jack, Chris Wiggins gets to deliver another one of his monologues about the nature of evil and, as always, he pulls it off wonderfully.
That said, Micki is not in this episode and that’s unfortunate. Micki is the character to whom I relate, mostly because we’re both redheads with big boobs and, therefore, we share the same struggle. There have been plenty of episode where Jack was said to be off on another mission and, in those cases, that actually raised the stakes because it left Micki and Ryan without their mentor. But not having Micki present just felt weird. Unlike Ryan, I guess she was actually able to get a date.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing T. and T., a Canadian show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on Tubi!
This week, Terri’s ex-boyfriend is in town and T.S. is largely indifferent.
Episode 3.12 “Thief of Hearts”
(Dir by Don McCutcheon, originally aired on March 24th, 1990)
Terri’s ex-boyfriend from college, Zack (Patrick McKenna), is in town. He tells her that he’s in town testifying as an expert witness in a trial but soon, he also reveals that he’s involved in another get-rich-quick-scheme. He’s looking for investors to fund a search for a treasure that was lost at sea. While Turner reacts with his usual indifference, Terri worries that Zack is conning all of her friends.
This was a bizarrely inconsequential episode of a show that, by its third season, had pretty much lost whatever reason it once had for existing. It’s an episode about Terri dealing with her past and her future but since we really don’t know much about Terri — beyond the fact that she suddenly showed up at the start of the third season and everyone on the show has been acting like she’s always been around — there’s not really much emotional resonance to be found in an episode about her having to deal with a former boyfriend who might be a conman. Watching this episode, I again reflected on how weird it is that no one ever mentions Amy or why she’s no longer on the show. I’ve always assumed that, since they share the same last name, Terri is meant to be Amy’s sister but it seems odd that her ex-boyfriend wouldn’t even ask how Amy or any other member of Terri’s family is doing.
This episode wasn’t a total loss. Patrick McKenna gave a pretty good performance as Zack. And I’ll admit that I did laugh when Detective Hargrove went from trying to arrest Zack to agreeing to invest in his scheme. For the most part, though, this was an episode that didn’t add up to much. Mr. T looked even more bored than usual.
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee and several other services!
This week, Highway to Heaven moved me to tears.
Episode 2.13 “Alone”
(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on January 8th, 1986)
Arnie (played by John Franklin, the head little baddie in the original version of Children of the Corn) is a developmentally challenged boy who ran away from home because his father was abusive. Now, he lives in a box in an alley and his only companion is an adorable calico kitty that he’s named Thomas. (Some, I know, will be tempted to point out that almost all calico cats are female but it should also be remembered that cats also don’t care what we name them as long as we remember to pet and feed them.) On his birthday, he steals a muffin, a candle, and a can of tuna. While Thomas eats, Arnie wishes that he could have just one friend.
*sniff* Sorry, got something in my eye….
Suddenly, Jonathan and Mark are standing in front of him. Jonathan introduces himself as an angel and says that he’s here to make Arnie’s wish come true.
Sorry, I’m getting teary-eyed here.
Jonathan and Mark have gotten a job as construction workers for a rancher named Morgan (Gerald Gordon). Morgan’s son, Larry (Danny McMurphy), spends all of his time in bed because he never feels well enough to go outside. There’s nothing physically wrong with Larry. Instead, his illness is a result of his depression over his parents splitting up.
As you can probably guess, Arnie does meet Larry. And they do become friends. And Arnie does give his birthday wish to Larry so that Larry can be healthy and so his parents will get back together. And yes, Morgan and Larry do end up adopting both Arnie and Thomas.
I’ll admit that I cried while watching this episode. Make no mistake, there was a part of me that realized just how heavy-handed the episode was. I knew I was being manipulated and occasionally, I did resent how blatant it all was. But I still cried, because it was a sweet story and Thomas the Calico was such a sweet kitty. It was manipulative (there’s that word again, I know) but the themes of the story — friendship, loneliness, sadness, and the joy of taking care of an animal — were all universal and the manner that they were dealt with was almost achingly sincere. When Jonathan admonished a store owner for wanting to call the police just because Arnie stole some cat food to feed his only companion, it’s obvious that Landon was speaking from the heart. This episode was the epitome of Highway to Heaven — unashamedly sentimental, not at all subtle, and far more effective than it perhaps had any right to be.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!
It’s time for another episode of the worst show ever produced by Peter Engel!
Episode 1.6 “My Hero”
(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on November 15th, 1998)
Jason and Stads are finally admitting that they are a couple. Normally, I would say that this is a step forward for them and a sign of growing maturity but Jason still cannot stand the fact that his girlfriend is more athletic to him. (Did it not occur to Jason that Stads works as a lifeguard, a job that requires a certain amount of athleticism?) Stads beats Jason at foosball. She beats him at tennis. She beats him at basketball. She beats him at everything so, of course, when someone tries to rob the restaurant, Stads lets Jason have all the credit for knocking him out despite the fact that she’s the one who did it.
Oh yeah, this is a healthy relationship….
Everyone celebrates Jason as a hero. Traycee gives him a picture of David Hasselhoff to sign. The local news wants to do a story on him, for some reason. Jason lets all the adulation go to his head and, on live television, says that Stads was cowering in a corner while he defeated the robber. Stads proceeds to call him out and reveal what really happened, again on live television.
So, I guess that’s the end of that relationship, right? Nope. Jason apologizes and Stads takes him back because it would appear that Stads has no self-esteem. Seriously, Stads — you’re a blonde lifeguard with a sweet personality. YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN JASON! (That said, I probably would have at least let him win a game or two of tennis, just to be nice. And I wouldn’t have played basketball at all because everyone always seems to end with a skinned knee or a broken nose whenever they play that game. Foosball, though …. TAKE NO PRISONERS!)
This is yet another episode of Malibu, CA where the main theme is that Jason Collins is the second worst person on the planet. (The worst, of course, is his brother, Scott.) Whiney and entitled is no way to go through life.
Speaking of being whiney, Scott is upset that Murray keeps tagging along on all of his dates with Sam. So, Scott sets up Murray up with a girl who is as into surfing as Murray is. Suddenly, Scott discovers that Murray is a big believer in double dating. Scott tries to explain to Murray that he’s becoming a third wheel but Murray thinks that Scott is talking about Murray’s new girlfriend so Murray dumps her so that he can spend all of his time with Scott and Sam. Ha! Take that, Scott, ya schmuck!
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.
This week, Monsters asks us, “How far would you go to be immortal?”
Episode 2.11 “Half as Old as Time”
(Dir by Christopher Todd, originally aired on December 17th, 1989)
Dying of a brain tumor, elderly archeologist Dr. Miner (played by Leif Garrett, under a ton of old age makeup) visits his daughter Jacqueline (Valerie Wildman). Jacqueline, who is also an archeologist, lives in the desert and, from the start, it’s obvious that she and her father have a strained relationship. However, when Dr. Miner begs her to take him to the secret location of a “fountain of youth,” that she’s spent her career searching for, Jacqueline agrees.
Sitting underneath the statue of an evil-looking serpent and overseen by a Native American named Saspondo (Nick Ramus), the fountain does indeed make Dr. Miner young again. Unfortunately, it only lasts for a short time. Saspondo explains that if Dr. Miner wants to be both permanently young and immortal, he has to be prepared to sacrifice a family member and let their blood mix with the water.
Oh, hi, Jacqueline!
Dr. Miner doesn’t waste any time killing his daughter and afterwards, he doesn’t seem to be particularly upset over his crime. (“She was always a disappointment to me.”) Saspondo, however, reveals that Dr. Miner should have asked more questions about what immortality meant before killing his daughter and then drinking from the fountain. Dr. Miner may be forever young but he’s also forever be trapped in front of the fountain….
The main joke here, of course, is the casting of former teen idol Leif Garrett as an old man. Interestingly enough, he’s more convincing when he’s playing old than when he is later allowed to be his then-young self. When he’s wearing the makeup and walking with a shuffled gait, Garrett has a character to play. When he loses all of that, he sleepwalks through the rest of his performance. Nick Ramus, however, gives an excellent performance all-around as the enigmatic keeper of the fountain.
This episode was uneven but effective. The pace was occasionally a bit slow but the murder of Jacqueline was shockingly brutal, even by the standards of this show. If nothing else, it showed who Dr. Miner truly was and it made his eventual comeuppance especially satisfying. Flaws aside, this episode worked.
Through the Shattered Lens 