Tonight’s episode of One Step Beyond takes us to Wales. A man confesses to murdering his mistress. The only problem is that he has an airtight alibi for the time of the attack. Everyone in his village swears they saw him asleep in church when the murder occurred.
Could the man be capable of being in two places at once?
Watch to find out! And, as always, can you prove it didn’t happen!?
This episode originally aired on March 7th, 1961.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
This week, the Sweathogs share a story about the time that they all tried to buy a car together.
Episode 4.5 “The Sweatmobile”
(Dir by Norman Abbott, originally aired on October 9th, 1978)
Barbarino, Washington, Epstein, and Horshack sit outside of the classroom and look at the lunches that their mothers prepared for them. Epstein has a liver burrito. Barbarino has corn flakes and he’s happy about that because his mother is saint. Horshack has peanut butter and prunes and he’s not happy about that because he hates peanut butter.
(For those trying to keep track of the fourth season’s already confusing continuity, this episode features Barbarino as a student at the school, even though the previous two episodes insinuated that he was no longer attending classes. Even though Babarino now lives in an apartment by himself, his mother apparently still makes his lunch. As for the new Sweathog, Beau is neither mentioned nor seen in this episode, which leads me to suspect that this episode was originally meant to air even earlier in the season than it did.)
Carvelli and Murray walk up to the Sweathogs and Carvelli taunts them by revealing that he was able to drive to a fast food restaurant for his lunch. Seeing how desperate the Sweathogs are for real food, Carvelli offers to sell them his used car so that they too can actually get hamburgers. However, the Sweathogs tell him that they learned their lesson the last time they tried to buy a used car.
Flashback time!
The Sweathogs all pooled their money so that they could buy a used car from Vinnie’s uncle. Vinnie insisted that he would be the one who would drive the car, as he had the most experience in cars. Everyone warned the Sweathogs about the difficulty of multiple people owning and using one car. But the Sweathogs were determined to do it. They arranged to meet with Vinnie’s uncle at the hospital where Vinnie works as an orderly. However, once they arrived at the hospital, they watched as Vinnie’s uncle was wheeled in on a gurney after having wrecked the car that he was going to sell. Vinnie’s aunt mentioned that his uncle couldn’t wait to cheat whoever was dumb enough to buy a used car from him.
This was an odd episode. It was nice to see the original Sweathogs together again but the whole flashback structure felt strange. Usually, a flashback means that the audience is about to see something that happened long ago. But, in this episode, it appears that we’re watching a flashback to something that happened maybe a day or two ago. In the flashback, Barbarino is working at the hospital, Gabe is vice principal (and away at a teacher’s conference due to the fact that Gabe Kaplan was sick of doing the show), and Julie was already Woodman’s administrative assistant. As well, Julie has her terrible new haircut in the flashbacks. This is all stuff that didn’t happen until the start of the fourth season. Again, it’s hard not to feel that this was an episode that was meant to air much earlier in this season but, for some reason, it was held back and a flashback framing device was awkwardly added.
Fortunately, the original Sweathogs, despite being clearly too old to be even remedial high school students, still have the chemistry that made this show a hit during its first season. Given everything that I’ve read about just how difficult things got behind-the-scenes on this show, it was nice to see them having fun and obviously enjoying themselves. Though the episode’s structure was weird, this episode still presents viewers with one last chance to see the chemistry and comradery that made Welcome Back, Kotter a hit in the first place.
Since I’m going to be rewatching Suspiria in a few hours, it only seems appropriate to share what may be the most famous (and perhaps the most covered) song about witchcraft, Donavon’s Season of the Witch!
This song was originally recorded in 1966 and it’s gone on to become a Halloween mainstay. One fan of the song was future director Martin Scorsese, who originally planned to borrow the song’s title for one of his own films. However, George Romero beat Scorsese out the gate with a film called Season of the Witch and Scorsese ended up renaming his film, Mean Streets.
The 1974 film Silent Night, Bloody Night is an oddity.
On the one hand, it’s pretty much a standard slasher film, complete with a menacing mansion, a horrible secret, a twist ending, and John Carradine playing a mute newspaper editor.
On the other hand, director Ted Gershuny directs like he’s making an underground art film and several of the supporting roles are played by actors who were best known for their association with Andy Warhol.
Personally, I like Silent Night, Bloody Night. It has a terrible reputation and the film’s star, Mary Woronov, has gone on record calling it a “terrible movie” but I like the surreal touches the Gershuny brought to the material and the sepia-toned flashbacks have a nightmarish intensity to them. The film makes no logical sense, which actually makes it all the more appealing to me. As the saying goes, your mileage may vary.
Watch and decide for yourself!
Suspiria (1977, dir by Dario Argento, DP: Luciano Tovoli)
You knew this was coming!
Today’s horror song of the day is the classic main theme to Dario Argento’s Suspiria! (The Argento version is the only version that matters.) The iconic soundtrack was composed by Goblin. I saw an interview with Claudio Simonetti in which he said he wanted the song to be “almost annoying” in its intensity. While I could never be annoyed this song, I do understand Simonetti’s point. The score is designed to be as overwhelming as the evil at the center of the film.
All together now: “WITCH!”
This video has a decadent feel to it, one that makes it perfect for the scary season. It may not be about vampires but perhaps it should be.
Enjoy!
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on YouTube!
This week, Micki’s in even more danger than usual as a desperate doctor uses a magic syringe to try to find a cure for his daughter. This is also our final episode of Friday the 13th for October. Can you believe Halloween is right around the corner?
Episode 2.15 “Better Off Dead”
(Dir by Armand Mastroianni, originally aired on February 13th, 1989)
John Cusack plays Lane Meyer, an artistic high school student who is stunned with he is dumped by….
Oh wait, sorry. Wrong Better Off Dead.
This Better Off Dead tells the story of Dr. Warren Voss (Neil Munro), who lives in an isolated mansion with his pre-adolescent daughter, Amanda (Tara Meyer). Amanda has a disease that makes her violent and dangerous. She attacks almost anyone who comes near her, including her own father. Dr. Voss believes that he has finally found a cure for her condition and, if he’s right, he’s convinced that he can cure all violent behavior.
Unfortunately, the cure is a bit extreme. Dr. Voss starts out by bringing prostitutes to his mansion and then using a silver syringe to extract their brain fluid, which he then injects into his daughter. This temporarily calms down his daughter but it turns Voss’s unwilling donors into violent maniacs. Voss claims that he’s doing all of this for the greater good and he’s only using donors who would be better off dead. But, as the episode unfolds, it becomes clear that Voss’s good intentions can’t hide his own sadistic streak.
The syringe once belonged to Jack the Ripper and, as you definitely already guessed, it’s a cursed object. After a friend of Micki’s becomes one of Voss’s victims, Micki is herself kidnapped and becomes Voss’s latest donor. When Jack and Ryan show up to save the day, they not only have to battle Voss. They also find themselves attacked by Micki. And Micki, due to the experiments and perhaps also due to the resentment that anyone would feel over having to put their lives on hold to search for cursed antiques, proves to be a fierce opponent.
Fear not, of course. Things are resolved. Micki is saved and, at the end of the episode, she is slowly recovering from her trauma. Voss is attacked and killed by his own daughter. Ryan wonders about whether or not Voss could have eliminated violent behavior if he had been allowed to continue his experiments. Jack says that it’s not worth wondering about. I agree. Leave Micki alone! Better the whole world suffer than one redhead be inconvenienced, say this proud redhead.
Director by Armand Mastroianni, this was a really good episode. Both Neil Munro and Tara Meyer gave good performances as the doctor and his daughter and Robey, who has often felt underused on this show so far, got a chance to show off her own dramatic abilities. As for the question at the heart of the episode, I agree with Jack. The cost outweighs the benefits. Friday the 13th deserves a lot credit, though, for seriously considering the issue. This was an episode that was both creepy and intelligent.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing T. and T., a Canadian show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on Tubi!
This week, the second-to-last episode of T and T is all about the Czar of Canadian Surf Guitar!
Episode 3.20 “Wild Willie and the Waves”
(Dir by Don McCutcheon, originally aired on May 19th, 1990)
A fat bald man named Willie (Gordon Masten) walks into Decker’s gym and tells Turner that he needs helps getting into shape. Turner looks at Willie and says, “That’s a lot to take off, brother.” Willie explains that he’s planning on making a comeback. “A come back from what?” Turner growls. Willy reveals that he’s actually Wild Willy, the Czar of Canadian surf guitar!
T.S. Turner has never heard of Wild Willy but Decker is a huge fan. He’s even written a song called Surf Cincinnati, in tribute to his hero. However, Decker points out that Wild Willy died years ago in a plane crash in Brazil. Willy says that his manager convinced him to fake his own death as a way to push up record sales. Willy says that he’s spent the past two years lost in the Brazilian jungle. (So how did he get so fat?) Decker believes him but Turner is skeptical.
But, after Wild Willy tries to break into his old house to see his wife Francine (Terri Hawkes) and confront his manager, Big Steve (Nigel Bennett), Turner starts to change his mind. Big Steve claims that this Wild Willy is an imposter but, after Willy is nearly killed by a miswired electric guitar, Turner does some digging and discovers that Big Steve is about to sign a record deal to release all of Wild Willy’s previously unreleased material. “Willy is worth more dead than alive!” Terri exclaims.
Fear not. It all works out. Big Steve is defeated by Turner, Willy, and the power of rock and roll. Wild Willy doesn’t lose any weight but he still makes a comeback. He also steals Decker’s song and turns it into a hit. Decker is heart-broken but Terri says, “That’s rock and roll!” Hey, Terri — you’re a lawyer. Maybe you could help Decker file a lawsuit as opposed to just making fun of the poor guy? I mean, it seems like a good idea to me but what do I know?
This episode felt very familiar. People were always wandering into Decker’s Gym and claiming to be someone famous. The main problem with this particular episode is that Wild Willy was such an annoying and over-the-top character that it was hard to really care about whether or not he made his comeback or not. Add to that, why is Decker writing songs about Cincinnati when it’s totally obvious that T and T takes place in Canada?
Next week …. it’s the final episode of T and T! How will the saga end?
It’s not a horror song but, considering the amount of hours that I’ve devoted to The Love Boat over the last two years, there was no way that I couldn’t take a moment to acknowledge Jack Jones, the singer who sang the show’s iconic theme song. Jones passed away on Wednesday at the age of 86. But his voice will live on.
Now, let’s set sail for adventure….
“Tom Stewart killed me!” shouts the spirit of Vi Mason (Juli Reding).
Technically, it’s debatable whether or not Tom Stewart (Richard Carlson) actually killed Vi. As is seen during the opening moments of 1960’s Tormented, Vi actually slipped and was clinging onto the lighthouse’s balcony for dear life before she fell to her death on the rocks below. Tom didn’t push her and he didn’t force her to fall. However, Tom did refuse to pull her up. After she fell, he ran into the ocean and thought he had dragged back to safety. But then it turned out that he was just dragging around a bunch of seaweed.
To a certain extent, Tom is glad to be done with Vi. Vi was his ex-girlfriend and she was determined to keep Tom from marrying the rich and innocent, Meg (Lugene Sanders). Meg’s father (Harry Fleer) already hates Tom because he’s not only a pianist but he’s also a jazz pianist! Still, Meg loves Tom and, in a somewhat disturbing way, Meg’s little sister, Sandy (Susan Gordon), seems to be kind of obsessed with Tom as well. “Why can’t I get married!?” Sandy demands. BECAUSE YOU’RE LIKE TEN, YOU LITTLE BRAT!
Still, it’s not helping Tom that he keeps hearing Vi’s voice and seeing her ghost. Everyone in the village think that Tom is acting strangely but they dismiss it as pre-wedding jitters. (And, of course, his future father-in-law just assumes that Tom is being weird because he’s one of those jazz pianists.) If it wasn’t bad enough that Tom is having to deal with Vi’s ghost, he’s also got a hepcat blackmailer named Nick (Joe Turkel). Nick was hired to take Vi out to the island where Tom lives. When Vi doesn’t return to pay him, Nick goes to Tom for the money. When Nick overhears that Tom is about to marry a rich woman, Nick decides that he needs even more money.
Joe Turkel was one of the great character actors. A favorite of Stanley Kubrick’s, he appeared in Paths of Glory and later played Lloyd the Bartender in The Shining, Turkel also played Eldon Tyrrell in Blade Runner, in which he made the mistake of talking down to Rutger Hauer’s Roy. In the role of Nick, Tukel is the best thing to be found in Tormented. Turkel delivers all of his dialogue with a wonderfully insolent attitude. He’s the type of character who, in the style of Robert Mitchum in Cape Fear, refers to everyone he meets as “Dad.” He’s a lowlife and criminal but he’s got the spirit of Kerouac and Cassady in him and it doesn’t take him long to see straight through Tom.
Tormented was directed by Bert I. Gordon, who was best-known for his movies about giant monsters. There aren’t any monsters in Tormented but there is a really shrill ghost and a truly unlikable protagonist. There’s a lot flaws to be found in this film but Joe Turkel makes up for a lot of them. And the scene where Vi’s ghost objects to Tom’s wedding is a lot creepier than it really has any right to be. This is probably the best film that Bert I. Gordon ever directed, which does not necessarily mean its a good film. Bert I. Gordon was still Bert I. Gordon. But Tormented is definitely entertaining.
Through the Shattered Lens