Late Night Retro Television Review: Baywatch Nights 2.21 “The Vortex”

Posted on December 3, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, a detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, Mitch has a day off but still has to work.

Episode 2.21 “The Vortex”

(Dir by L. Lewis Stout, originally aired on May 9th, 1997)

Mitch has the day off and he’s spending it with Ryan! No matter what else one might say about Baywatch Nights and the direction it took as the production budget grew smaller, David Hasselhoff and Angie Harmon made for a cute couple and, as this episode began, I was kind of looking forward to watching them spend the day together.

Unfortunately, when they come across a fortune teller’s shop, Ryan insists that they go inside and discover their future. Mitch mocks Ryan for “believing in that stuff” and says that there’s no such thing as psychic powers or being able to see the future, despite the fact that, over the course of the second season, Mitch has both gotten psychic powers and traveled through time. Seriously, I get that Mitch was supposed to be the skeptic of the group but, by this point in the series, Mitch has seen and dealt with enough that his continual skepticism is just not believable. Especially after last week’s episode, Mitch should be prepared to accept anything. If this was a Lovecraft short story, Mitch would be ranting about the things he’s seen while locked away in an insane asylum.

At first, the store appears to be deserted. Ryan sits at the fortune telling table and, when an actress (played by Priscilla Inga Taylor of Malibu CA), comes in the store, Ryan is able to tell her that she’s going to get the next role for which she auditions. (I’d like to think that Taylor is playing her Malibu CA character, Traycee, here.) After the actress leaves, Mitch and Ryan are suddenly joined by the owner of the shop, Wahote (Floyd “Red Crow” Westerman). Wahote invites them to step behind a curtain and into a vortex and soon, Mitch and Ryan find themselves ten minutes into the future and watching as their future selves receive a call from Teague telling them that they need to investigate a boat that’s come back from the Amazon. Future Mitch complains about always having to do things on his day off. What I find strange is that neither present not future Mitch and Ryan seem to be curious as to why Teague, who apparently has connections with the CIA, is always asking the two of them to do these things.

A mysterious woman (Elaine Bilstad) shows up and says something about pollution and the rain forests. Mitch and Ryan jump around in time and eventually, future Ryan and Mitch have to help present Ryan and Mitch get off the boat because the boat is full of mutants that have been created by pollution. Or something. To be honest, I had a hard time following the plot of this one. Time travel nonsense is always a bit difficult for me to follow and the constantly moving camera was a bit of a distraction.

To give credit where credit is due, this episode had a good deal of atmosphere and, as I said earlier, Hasselhoff and Harmon were a likable team. But the episode’s story was nearly incoherent and the fact that Mitch was still a skeptic at the end of the episode required too great of a suspension of disbelief. During this episode, all I could think about was how obvious it was that Baywatch Nights was on its last legs.

Speaking of which …. next week, we finish up Baywatch Nights! It’s time for it all to end.

Retro Television Review: Malibu, CA 1.19 “Jason’s New Job”

Posted on November 21, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, I continue to torture myself by watching this dumb show.

Episode 1.19 “Jason’s New Job”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on February 28th, 1999)

Frustrated with always being the one who is accused of screwing things up at the restaurant, Jason decides to get a new job. That seems a bit petulant on his part, especially when you consider that Jason is the one who is always screwing everything up. But anyway….

Jason ends up working at a gym. His job title is Customer Relations. His actual job is cleaning up after people. He’s a janitor, basically. Meanwhile, at the restaurant, Peter hires another waiter, who is also named Jason and who is totally responsible. He’s so responsible that Peter and Scott start calling him “Super Jason.”

And I’ll say this …. as stupid as this show is and as much as I regret deciding to watch and review it, the Super Jason thing was kind of funny. Mostly it was funny because the other Jason is such a douchebag that it’s fun to watch him get humiliated.

Anyway, Super Jason “cleans out” the restaurant. Peter thinks that means that Super Jason is really working hard to keep the place clean but no, actually, Super Jason stole the cash register, the deep fryer, the security cameras, and just about everything else he could get his hands on. What’s funny is that, even when Peter and Scott are looking at their now empty restaurant, they still keep calling the guy Super Jason.

Suddenly, a food critic shows up. She’s not amused when she’s told that she can’t have what she wants because the kitchen has been cleaned out. She’s going to give the restaurant a bad review! Oh no! Oh wait, there’s Ordinary Jason with a plate of food. He saves the day by making her order. How does he do that when there’s no supplies left in the restaurant? Who knows?

Meanwhile, Murray and Tracy are convinced that they (and Stads) have been cursed with bad luck. They convince Stads to put on a bird costume and dance on the beach. A guy who likes Stads sees Stads doing it and cancels their date. Stads is like, “My friends betrayed me!” Seriously, when did lifeguards get so whiny?

This episode was pretty stupid, if slightly (and just slightly) more amusing than the typical episode of Malibu, CA. As I watched, I thought about the show’s pilot, in which both Jason and Scott were sociopathic, Peter was a cool surfing legend, Stads was the tomboy lifeguard, Murray was crazy, and Samantha was the girl that Jason and Scott were both in love with. The pilot introduced us to the principal of the high school and suggested that she and Peter were in love with each other. Now, 19 episodes in, Scott is the responsible one while Jason is an immature douchebag. Peter is now a dorky restaurant owner. Stads is whiny. Samantha is so bland that it’s easy to forget that she’s on the show. Neither the high school nor the principal have been seen since the pilot. And Murray and Tracy are probably the only redeeming things about this show, if just because Brandon Brooks and Priscilla Inga Taylor really throw themselves into playing those ludicrous characters.

Next week …. oh, who cares? It’ll be dumb whatever it is.

Retro Television Review: Malibu, CA 1.17 “The Game Show”

Posted on November 7, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Why do I do this to myself?

Episode 1.17 “The Game Show”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on February 14th, 1999)

Scott has been promoted! His father has made Scott the new weekend manager of his restaurant, The Lighthouse. Jason is offended, even though Jason regularly comes to work late and is rude to the customers. Strangely enough, though, the other workers at The Lighthouse, the majority of whom have probably been working there longer than both Jason and Scott, are not offended that a major promotion was given to the boss’s inexperienced jerk of a son. Seriously, Scott has only been in Malibu for a few months and he’s gotten in just as much trouble with Jason. Neither one of them deserves a promotion.

Jason and Scott are selected to appear on Blind Date, a dating game show that airs on Malibu’s public access channel. (Not surprisingly, the show is hosted by Tracy.) Jason makes a $300 bet with Scott that he can win the date. Jason’s plan is to cheat by sneaking a look at the audition tape of the girl who will be selecting her date. Scott discovers that Jason is cheating so he cheats by convincing Tracy to invite a different girl on the show. During the show, Jason realizes what Scott has done and calls him out. Tracy disqualifies both of them, which means that Murray wins the date.

I got a headache just writing that paragraph.

Meanwhile, Stads puts on a fat suit so that she can research how people treat the obese. A lifeguard named Darren (Brody Hutzler) asks Stads out while she’s in disguise. Stads is excited to finally have a date but will Darren still want to date her when he finds out that Stads is thin?

Every Peter Engel-produced sitcom did at least one episode where one of the main characters found themselves being forced to either go on a date or work with a fat person. Usually, these episodes ended with the standard message of “It’s what’s inside that counts,” and then the fat character, having served their purpose, would never be seen or mentioned again. The theme of this episode of Malibu, CA seems to be that some people don’t care about physical appearances and seriously, what the Hell’s wrong with those people? Stads learns that not everyone is turned off by a few extra pounds and wow, those people are weird! It’s not a great message for a sitcom aimed at teen girls, to be honest.

As usual, this episode struggles because almost everyone on the show comes across as being a sociopath. Scott is promoted for no good reason and immediately gets an attitude. Jason breaks the fourth wall to brag to the audience about how he’s going to lie, cheat, and steal. Stads may not be a sociopath but she is remarkably shallow in this episode. It’s always strange the way that this show insists that Stads, who is blonde, pretty, and athletic, can somehow never get a date. Maybe it would help if she had a better name. Stads probably sounds a bit too much like Stabs.

Murray and Tracy are, at this point, is the only decent characters on the show, largely because they’re both open and honest about who they are and they’re not ashamed of their quirks. Brandon Brooks and Priscilla Inga Taylor both seemed to have understood that it was pointless to try to give “real” performances on this show and their willingness to full embrace the over-the-top silliness of their characters went a long way towards making them tolerable.

Next week, the agony continues!

Retro Television Review: Malibu, CA 1.15 “Love on the ‘Net”

Posted on October 24, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, a guest star from Hang Time comes to Malibu, CA!

Episode 1.15 “Love on the ‘Net”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on January 31st, 1999)

Scott is meeting women though a new and weird method that is called the — let me see, I wrote down the term just so I would get it right — the Internet. Jason, who hasn’t had any luck getting a date since he broke up with Stads, says that only “geeks and weirdos” spend any time on this Internet thing. He thinks his brother is crazy for making a date with a girl who met online. But when Jason sees the picture that Jocelyn sends Scott, he changes his mind.

Being a sociopath, Jason switches out the photo of Jocelyn with a picture of a female body builder. He tells Scott that he should stand Jocelyn up and Scott agrees. Jason then meets Jocelyn (played by Daniella Deutscher, who previously played Julie Connor on Hang Time) and claims that he’s Scott.

Seriously, Jason is the absolute worst. Scott, to his credit, at least feels bad about standing up Jocelyn. He’s still a jerk but at least Scott is capable of feeling guilt. Jason, on the other hand….

Eventually, Scott discovers what Jason is doing. Scott pretends to be Jason and tells Jocelyn that his brother loves doing extreme things …. like skydiving! Soon, all three of them are in an airplane. When a terrified Jason admits that he’s not actually Scott and then a cocky Scott explains that he’s not actually Jason, Jocelyn says that she would rather jump out of a plane than be with either of them. And then she does just that. Hopefully, she remembered to put on her parachute.

Jason and Scott apologize to each other for being jerks. Then, they fall out of the plane because this is a Peter Engel sitcom and you can bet that, in the Engelverse, there’s no way anyone’s going to go up on a plane without falling out of it. Unfortunately, both Jason and Scott remembered their parachutes.

While this is going on, Tracy gets a role on Baywatch and follows around Stads in order to learn how to be a lifeguard. Stads gets annoyed when Tacy gets credit for saving a hot wealthy guy who invites Tracy to his yacht. Stads says that Tracy is a bad actress and a bad lifeguard. “And you’re a bad friend!” Tracy replies.

YOU TELL HER, TRACY! Seriously, Stads was really annoying in this episode.

This episode was dumb but it does have value as a time capsule from the age when the Internet was still viewed as being something exotic and new. Any 90s kid will smile at the sight of Scott’s bulky computer. As for this episode’s guest star, Daniella Deutscher is far more likable here than she ever was on Hang Time. She told both Jason and Scott to go to Hell so that makes her a winner in my book!

Retro Television Review: Malibu, CA 1.14 “Murray For Mayor”

Posted on October 17, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Dennis Haskins guest stars!

Episode 1.14 “Murray for Mayor”

(DIr by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on January 24th, 1999)

Upset that his favorite tree stump has been slated to be destroyed to make room for a new road, Murray decides to run for mayor of Malibu. When they discover that Murray’s father has given him a check for $20,000, Scott and Jason declare themselves to be Murray’s campaign managers.

Being two sociopaths, Jason and Scott proceed to spend the money on things for themselves. It doesn’t matter, though. Murray soon finds himself rising in the polls.

Who is Murray’s opponent? It’s none other than Dennis Haskins, of Saved By The Ball fame! Haskins plays himself in this episode, offering up a bunch of vacuous plans and slogans while continually having to explain to people that Mr. Belding was just a character that he played on television. When Haskins learns that Scott and Jason have been using the money on things like a new television, he informs them that he will report them to the campaign board unless Murray loses.

Being two sociopaths, Jason and Scott try to sabotage Murray’s campaign by telling Murray to make increasingly outrageous promises. But it doesn’t matter …. Murray wins the election!

Yay! Jason and Scott are going to prison! The show’s over!

No, not quite. After making sure that his stump will be saved, Murray resigns as mayor. Dennis Haskins announces that he’ll be running to replace Murray and, for some reason, this means that he’s dropping his investigation into Jason and Scott’s financial activities. I don’t think that’s the way it works but whatever.

Meanwhile, Tracy is learning how to be a magician. She accidentally handcuffs herself to Stads, totally ruining Stads’s date with some random guy. Luckily, Tracy later handcuffs herself to the same guy and convinces him to give Stads a second chance.

(Where would mediocre sitcoms be without aspiring magicians and handcuffs?)

This episode was actually not as bad as it probably sounds. Casting Dennis Haskins as himself and then having him spend the entire episode angrily saying that he’s tired of talking about Screech was actually kind of clever and probably a good reflection of what was actually happing in Haskins’s life at the time. With its story of a washed-up celeb running for political office, this episode actually felt a bit prophetic. (Just a few months before this episode aired, Jesse Ventura was elected governor of Minnesota.) Just as Ben Savage had to spend his entire congressional run dealing with questions about why he no longer talks to the cast of Boy Meets World, Dennis Haskins finds his entire campaign defined by one role.

In the end, this episode predicts our cynical future. Murray is elected despite being an idiot. How often does that happen nowadays?

Retro Television Review: Malibu, CA 1.13 “Mom Returns”

Posted on October 10, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Jason and Scott’s mom returns to America and quickly decides to leave again.

Episode 1.13 “Mom Returns”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on January 17th, 1999)

With their Dad stuck in San Diego on his birthday, Jason and Scott decide to throw a wild party at the house. The music is loud. The house is crowded. Murray jumps off the second floor balcony. The police show up and start dancing. Oddly enough, Stads shows up and there’s absolutely no awkwardness between her and Jason, despite the fact that they just broke up.

Everything is going great until Michele (Carol Huston) shows up.

Michele is Jason and Scott’s mother, the one who sent them to Malibu so that she could take a job in Saudi Arabia. She’s returned home and Jason and Scott panic that she’s going to order them to return to New York. When they overhear Michele talking to their Dad about getting married again, Jason and Scott are convinced that their parents are getting back together.

Of course, this being a Peter Engel-produced show, it’s all a big misunderstanding. Michele is getting married again but she’s marrying a guy that she met in Saudi Arabia. In fact, she’s planning on spending another year in Saudi Arabia. I guess she likes not being allowed to drive and having to cover herself from head to toe while living in the middle of the desert. Still, when Jason and Scott start wearing suits and behaving like perfect angels in an attempt to convince their mom to let them stay in Malibu, their Dad decides to play a trick on them and basically allows them to believe that he and Michele are getting back together….

Wow, what a fucking asshole.

Seriously, it’s rare that I curse but this is one of the worst things that I’ve ever seen a television father do. I’m a child of divorce. I know exactly how it feels to fool yourself into thinking that your parents are going to get back together. That’s not something joke about.

Their father also jokes about sending his sons to Saudi Arabia. He even gives them some keffiyehs to wear. The audience laughs. Today, of course, Scott and Jason would just look like a typical Ivy Leaguer.

Anyway, after this episode, I understand why Michele got a divorce and couldn’t wait to get away from the kids. She probably could have escaped to a less misogynistic country but I guess she was desperate.

While all of this was going on, Sam and Stads competed to see who could raise the most money for charity. Stads really got over Sam kissing her boyfriend quickly! Both of them recruit Tracy to help them raise money. Tracy walks around the beach in a bikini and says, “Who wants to give me money?” It works.

This was a dumb episode.

Retro Television Review: Malibu, CA 1.12 “The Big Storm”

Posted on October 3, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, a mudslide changes everything …. kind of.

Episode 1.12 “The Big Storm”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on January 10th, 1999)

Stads and Jason are coming up on their big, six-month anniversary! Stads wants to celebrate at a volleyball tournament. Jason wants to celebrate at the “Puff Daddy” concert. You can really tell how old this show is by the fact that 1) they’re still calling him “Puff Daddy” and 2) they’re taking seriously the idea of wanting to see him in concert.

With Stads annoyed that Jason never seems to want to do anything that she wants to do, Jason turns to Sam for advice. Sam says that Jason should drive into Beverly Hills and buy a necklace that Stads wants. Sam even accompanies Jason on the drive. Awww! What a good freind.

But then — oh no! — a storm hits. Jason and Sam end up getting trapped in their car by a mudslide. Trapped together, Jason and Sam share a kiss. Its a big moment that would have been bigger if it made any sense. Seriously, until that moment, Sam had never shown any interest in Jason whatsoever. But now, suddenly, they’re kissing and preparing to die together. I understand that it’s probably mudslide panic but still, it just feels as if it comes out of nowhere.

Fortunately, Jason and Sam are rescued by the lifeguards (including Stads). Jason and Sam agree not to tell Stads about the kiss. Jason also gives Stads the necklace (Awwww! It’s a nice necklace!) and then suggests that, instead of seeing Puff Daddy, they just have a romantic dinner. Stads agrees.

Unfortunately, at dinner, Stads says that she knows what happened in the car. Jason says the kiss didn’t mean anything, just to discover that Stads was just referring to Jason and Sam talking in general. Stads gives Jason back his necklace and then dumps him. Good for Stads, she deserves better!

This is one of those storylines that would have worked better if I actually cared about any of the characters on the show but, for the most part, everyone is so shallow that it’s hard to really get worked up when they get trapped in a mudslide. As well, it would have helped if Sam had ever previously shown any interest in Jason. As well, while Jason did have a crush on Sam when the show began, that didn’t seem to last long. Two people who produce absolutely no romantic sparks shared a kiss. It didn’t really do much for me.

As often happens with this show, the B-plots were better than the main plot, largely because Brandon Brooks and Priscilla Inga Taylor were both willing to full embrace the absurdity of their characters. After Peter told Murray to stop talking so much, Murray resorted to typing his words out on his laptop and having a computerized voice repeat them. That made me laugh. Meanwhile, Tracy — who is now dating Kip, the dumb lifeguard from the previous episode — explored her artistic side by getting a camera and taking pictures of a shirtless Scott wearing an Abraham Lincoln beard. It was weird enough to be funny.

Anyway, Stads has escaped Jason …. for now. Run, Stads, run!

Retro Television Review: Malibu CA 1.11 “Malibu Holiday”

Posted on September 26, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, an actress runs away with Scott.

Episode 1.11 “Malibu Holiday”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on December 20th, 1998)

Desperate to escape the paparazzi, world-famous movie star Jessie Sinclair (Ragan Wallake) ducks into the restaurant where Scott works. (Does this place have a name? I assume it does but I can’t remember it to save my life.) Even after Jessie dyes her blonde hair brown, Scott still recognizes her. However, he also promises not to let anyone know who she is. Touched by Scott’s kindness (and seriously, when has Scott ever been this nice before?). Jessie spends the weekend with him.

Meanwhile, Jason and Stads want to make a quick $5,000 by taking a picture of Jessie for the tabloids. While pretending not to know who Jessie actually is, they secretly snap a picture of Jessie with Scott. However, when the publisher of the tabloid starts to press Jason and Stads for information on Scott, Jason and Stads realize that Jessie deserves her privacy.

It’s too late, though. The paparazzi are on to Scott and Jessie. At first, Jessie accuses Scott of selling her out but, eventually, Stads and Jason admit that they were the ones who took the picture. That night, Jessie and Scott hang out at the beach before Jessie announces that she has to leave to go shoot another movie. After Jessie leaves, Scott admits to Jason that his heart is breaking.

Awwwww!

This would be an okay episode if not for the fact that it reminded me way too much of that episode of Saved By The Bell where Zach made a bet that he could get a kiss from pop star Stevie. Little did Zach suspect that Stevie was actually Miss Bliss’s houseguest, Colleen McMurphy. Seriously, are there any episodes of Malibu CA that don’t feel as if they were recycled from leftover bits of Saved By The Bell, California Dreams, and Hang Time? With each episode, it gets more and more difficult to ignore this show’s total lack of originality.

As for the b-plots, Tracy (who, as played by Priscilla Inga Taylor, is the only consistently amusing character on Malibu CA) hopes to be cast as a screaming girl in Jessie’s film. Meanwhile, Murray takes it upon himself to screen all of Sam’s potential boyfriends because, as he explains it, Sam has terrible taste in men. Considering that Sam dated Scott for two episodes, Murray has a point.

It’s kind of interesting how, when this show started, both Scott and Jason were supposed to be in love with Sam. Now, Scott is dating random guest stars, Jason is dating Stads, and Sam rarely gets much to do on the show. If anything Gina May (who played Sam) had more chemistry with Brandon Brooks (who played Murray) than she did with either of the show’s stars. It’s just funny how things develop.

Retro Television Review: Malibu, CA 1.10 “The Costume Party”

Posted on September 19, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Summer forever! Hey, who wants to go to a costume party on the beach? Like, seriously, why would you even do that?

Episode 1.10 “The Costume Party”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on December 13th, 1998)

Well, this is sure stupid.

This week, Jason once again proves himself to be the world’s worst boyfriend by getting jealous just because Stads is working with a totally hot lifeguard named Kip (Taso Papadikis). Jason fears that Stads will dump him for Kip, just because Kip happens to be better-looking and a lot more athletic than Jason.

Scott proves himself to be the world’s worst brother by suggesting that Jason flirt with Tracy in order to make Stads jealous. Jason does so, not knowing that Stads has absolutely no romantic interest at all in Kip because Kip’s dumb. Stads, however, doesn’t know that Jason is just flirting with Tracy to make her jealous and she starts to get insecure about their relationship. Stads, being a doormat, doesn’t realize that a decent boyfriend wouldn’t be flirting with another girl right in front of her in the first place.

Sam proves herself to be the world’s worst friend by suggesting that Stads make Scott jealous by flirting with Kip. Stads flirts with Kip. Jason responds by continuing to flirt with Tracy. Eventually, Scott and Sam realize that they’ve royally screwed things up but it’s too late. Jason and Stads have already broken up.

Luckily, there’s a costume party on the pier! Because seriously, who wouldn’t want to go a hot beach in a suffocating costume? Thinking that Stads is dressed as an astronaut and that Jason is dressed as a gorilla, Scott dressed up like a gorilla and pretends to be Jason. What he and Sam don’t know is that Stads and Jason switched costumes. So, when Scott tries to give a romantic note to who he thinks is Stads, he actually gives it to Jason.

As you can probably guess, this leads to Jason and Scott holding each other tight and dancing while the audience whoops it up. If this sounds familiar, it’s because the exact same joke was used on Saved By The Bell and a host of other Peter Engel-produced sitcoms. In the Engelverse, there’s apparently nothing funnier than two guys dancing together.

This was a pretty dumb episode but, surprisingly enough, Murray’s antics did make me laugh this week. Having forgotten the security code to his house, Murray moves in with the Collins family. First, he’s a slob. Then, he’s a neat freak. In the end, he dresses up like the Silver Surfer and runs around the costume party. It was silly but Brandon Brooks really went all-out in the role and, for once, the character’s weirdness made me smile.

Otherwise, this was all pretty dumb. Seriouisly, Stads …. you deserve better!

Retro Television Review: Malibu, CA 1.9 “Murray Wear”

Posted on September 12, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Jason and Scott do something stupid!

Episode 1.9 “Murray Wear”

(DIr by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on December 6th, 1998)

Peter gives Jason and Scott the responsibility of ordering supplies for the restaurant. Jason and Scott get distracted by a bunch of models who stop by for a bite to eat and, as a result, they order too much of everything and end up costing Peter a lot of money. It’s tempting to say that this is another example of Jason and Scott being idiots (and it is) but this also an example of Peter being an even bigger idiot for giving them any responsibility to begin with.

Peter wants to be paid back for the money that his son wasted and he threatens to take the money from their paychecks unless they can pay him back in some other way. Jason and Scott rent out time on the community access channel and attempt to do their own home shopping network. No one’s interested in buying their kitchen supplies but when Murray wanders on set wearing a paint-splatted, plastic coat, the phones start ringing.

Realizing that everyone wants their own version of Murray’s coat, the boys start up Murraywear and produce their own commercial. When a buyer from Bloomingdale’s calls and says she’s thinking about stocking Murraywear in the store, Jason and Scott decide it’s time to have a fashion show on the beach….

Of course, if Jason and Scott have the money to 1) produce a television show, 2) produce a commercial, 3) buy ad space, and 4) put on a fashion show, why don’t they have the money to pay back their father?

It turns out that Murraywear has one fatal flaw. The paint wipes off very easily. A sudden rainstorm leaves everyone at the fashion show wearing only a transparent coat and their underwear. Everyone freaks out. It’s about as racy as a Peter Engel show can get, which is to say that it’s not racy at all and everyone is wearing boring underwear.

Meanwhile, Tracy dates a British snob who is, of course, named Ian (John Paul Saurine). When Ian and his parents talk about how Malibu is beneath them, Peter reminds them that they lost the Revolutionary War and Tracy realizes that she loves the beach too much to be with someone who hates it. Good for her!

What a stupid episode. I mean, it could have been worse. I actually did like Murray’s paint-splotched coat and I would have ordered one for myself. But still, Jason and Scott are just too unlikable and, quite frankly, too stupid to really be compelling protagonists. One could imagine the casts of California Dreams or even Hang Time pulling this episode off but it’s impossible to care about whether or not Jason and Scott get in trouble. Seriously, they need to head back to New York.