Familiar Faces”

Posted on January 22, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, Captain Stubing poses for a portrait.

Episode 5.14 “Good Neighbors/Captain’s Portrait/Familiar Faces”

(Dir by Jerome Courtland, originally aired on January 9th, 1982)

Don York (Sonny Shroyer) is an ad man who is so famous that even Gopher knows who he is. Don gets really excited when he sees Doris Weldon (Arlene Golonka) boarding the boat. Don rushes over and starts to hit on her. He even notices that, according to the tag on her luggage, they live in the same building in Los Angeles! They’re neighbors! Too bad Doris refuses to date anyone who lives in the same building as her. Don spends the entire cruise trying to get Doris to reconsider. Personally, I suspected that Doris was just using the “neighbor” thing as an excuse to avoid telling Don that he’s very annoying and kind of pushy. Stuff like that never happens on The Love Boat, though. Instead, Doris is definitely attracted to Don but she doesn’t want him living next door. Will things work out for Don and Doris?

Stan (Dean Butler) and Laura Barber (Mary Beth McDonough) are newlyweds. Stan has the bar exam coming up so he’s brought his law books with him on his honeymoon. (Boo! Nerd!) Stan’s future seems bright until he sees that Frank Jenson (Henry Jones) is also on the cruise. Frank once owned the liquor store where Stan used to hang out when he was an alcoholic. Stan apologizes for stealing from the store. Frank accuses Stan of beating him up, something that Stan says didn’t happen. Will things work for Stan, Laura, and Frank?

Of course, things will work out for them. The is The Love Boat and things always work out on The Love Boat! Both of the stories were okay but they were also kind of boring and predictable. The more interesting story for this cruise featured Lee Meriwether as Barbara Baden, an artist who has been hired by the cruise line to paint a picture of Captain Stubing. Apparently, any captain who sticks with the line for ten years gets their picture painted and hung in the corporate offices.

As you can probably already guess, the Captain and the artist end up falling for each other. And if you didn’t already guess that Barbara’s portrait of the Captain would be a nude portrait that she ends up doing from memory after they become lovers, you’ve really never watched an episode of The Love Boat before. Fortunately, it’s also an abstract painting and no one knows that they’re looking at a nude painting of the Captain. In fact, the painting is so abstract that I get the feeling that the cruise line isn’t going to demand its money back. This story was entertaining due to how uncomfortable Stubing was with being painted. Gavin MacLeod did a good job portraying his nervousness and his panic when he discovered the painting was about to be unveiled made me chuckle a little.

Overall, this was kind of a bland episode. But at least the scenery was pleasant. It still provided a nice hour away from reality.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 2.15 “Change of Life”

Posted on September 5, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee and several other services!

This week, things get freaky, as in Friday.

Episode 2.15 “Change of Life”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on January 29th, 1986)

Once again, Jonathan and Mark find themselves in Hollywood. It’s interesting just how many of Jonathan’s heavenly assignments involved helping a film or television star feel better about life. Given that Michael Landon was heavily involved in the show as a producer, director, writer, and star, I’ve usually assumed that the Hollywood episodes were his way of dealing with his own possibly conflicted feelings about being a part of the entertainment industry.

(Interestingly, the Hollywood episodes always seem to take place in a sort of old-fashioned fantasy of Hollywood, where anyone can become a star and where westerns and historical epics were still being shot on studio backlots.)

This time, Jonathan and Mark find themselves assigned to work with actress Linda Blackwell (Anne-Marie Martin). Jonathan is her new bodyguard and Mark is her hairdresser. Mark totally freaks out when he discovers that he’s not only going to have to cut hair but that God has lied and provided him with a fake beauty school diploma. Everyone, including Linda and head of studio security Sam Quigley (Greg Mullavey), assumes that Mark and Jonathan are a couple. Jonathan is amused by it but Mark freaks out.

(Seriously, though, Mark and Jonathan are two single, middle-aged men who drive around the country and regularly rent apartments together. What does Mark think everyone’s been assuming for the last years and a half?)

Anyway, Mark thinks that being a woman is easy. Linda thinks that men spend all of their time being pigs. No sooner can you say “Freaky Friday” then the lights have switched on-and-off and Mark and Linda have switched bodies. Mark discovers what it’s like to be objectified and Linda discovers that Sam isn’t a jerk but instead, he’s a sensitive guy who wants to marry her.

It’s a pretty simple episode, even by the standards of Highway to Heaven. There’s a bit too much gay panic humor, with Mark overreacting to such an extent that it’s hard not to wonder if maybe there’s some truth to what everyone is assuming. But, on the plus side, both Victor French and Anne-Marie Martin do a good job portraying Mark and Linda, both before and after they switch bodies. There’s nothing at all subtle about Victor French’s performance here but, considering that his usual role on Highway to Heaven was to be kind of gruff and stoic, it’s a nice change-of-pace to see him not only doing physical comedy but also showing himself to be fairly adept at it.

The episode ends with both Mark and Linda back in their original bodies. Linda marries Sam. As for Mark, he mentions that cows never have to worry about any of the stuff that humans do. Uh-oh, Mark, don’t give God any ideas….

TOO LATE!

The episode ends with Mark, who is driving, mooing while a cow chases after Mark and Jonathan’s car. God apparently enjoys playing little tricks on Mark. Hopefully, the car didn’t end up crashing.

Retro Television Review: Love Boat 1.21 “Taking Sides/Going By The Book/A Friendly Little Game”

Posted on January 18, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

It’s time to once again experience the magic of The Love Boat!

Episode 1.21 “Taking Sides/Going By The Book/A Friendly Little Game”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on February 18th, 1978)

This week’s episode begins with the extremely nerdy Howard Wilson (Harvey Jason) preparing to board the ship. Before he does so, he’s approached by his best friend, Bernie (Paul Sylvan). Bernie gives Howard a book on how to talk to women. Apparently, this is something that Howard’s not good at but Bernie swears that the book will change his life. There’s a Roy Lichtenstein-style picture of a man and a woman kissing on the cover of the book so Howard decides that Bernie knows what he’s talking about.

On the boat, Howard immediately notices Sheila Lawrence (Georgia Engel). However, Sheila’s overprotective father (Herb Voland) has specifically asked Captain Stubing to make sure that no one seduces his daughter. The captain assigns Doc Bricker (Bernie Kopell) to keep an eye on her, which makes absolutely no sense. Over the course of the last twenty episodes, Doc has yet to meet a woman who he has not hit on. Doc is a walking HR nightmare and quite frankly, I would be kind of uncomfortable going to him for a medical examination. He seems like he would be a little bit handsy, if you get my drift.

Anyway, Doc turns out to be pretty bad at his job because Howard still manages to hit on Sheila. Of course, Howard’s just doing what the book tells him to do. Eventually, though, he realizes that he doesn’t need the book and Shelia realizes that she needs to spend more time on her own happiness and stop worry about what her father wants. Yay! It’s another Love Boat success story,

Meanwhile, Scott (Robert Urich) and Ellen (Diana Canova) are newlyweds who seem to be totally in love until they make the mistake of having dinner with an old married couple, Max (Robert Mandan) and Gladys (Audrey Meadows). Listening to Max and Gladys bicker soon leads to Scott and Ellen bickering and it looks like their marriage might be over. But again, the magic of The Love Boat leads to everyone realizing that bickering is a part of marriage and that you can still love someone even if you disagree with them. Yay! Robert Urich and Diana Canova were such a cute couple. They just looked like they belonged together.

Finally, poor old Wendell Snead (Harry Morgan) is taking his wife on a cruise that he can’t really afford. In fact, he secretly took out a mortgage on their house in order to buy the tickets. Wendell has plan, though! He has a set of marked playing cards and he beats Gopher at several games of gin rummy. When the crew discovers that he’s been cheating, their initial reaction is to cheat back. But when they learn why he’s been cheating, they give him all the money from the ship’s emergency fund. Awwwwww!

This was a sweet episode. Yes, the stuff with the book and the overprotective father was pretty stupid but the other two stories were entertaining. Harry Morgan’s melancholy performance was the episode’s stand-out. The fact that the crew gave him money instead of calling the cops brought tears to my mismatched eyes. Nicely done, Love Boat.

What will happen next week? We’ll find out in seven days!