Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 4.3 “To Your Health”

Posted on July 14, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983. The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, Ponch solves all the world’s problems. Thank God!

Episode 4.3 “To Your Health”

(Dir by Barry Crane, originally aired on October 5th, 1980)

A farmer (Paul Gale) just wants to deliver his crops to various health food stores across Los Angeles but someone keeps sabotaging his truck. Ponch wants to get laid so he pretends to like health food so he can get closer to the women who lives with the farmer. Meanwhile, a kid keeps causing accidents whenever he goes windskating. The kid’s father isn’t paying enough attention to him so Ponch gives both of them a stern talking to. Ponch also helps the farmer make his deliveries and he saves the life of two women after a massive highway pileup. Baker just stands around looking grim.

It’s the Ponch Show!

This episode was a bit of a mess but it was CHiPs in its most distilled form. What little story there was only existed as an excuse for multiple car crashes. Every time the kid went windskating, he caused an accident. THREE MASSIVE, MULTI-CAR ACCIDENTS, all caused by this kid. I’m talking accidents that involve cars flying through the air in slow motion. This kid is going to get people killed! And yet, he never really gets in trouble for it. He gets scolded. He gets dragged down to the police station. But he’s always set free and apparently, he and his father somehow manage to get through episode without getting sued.

Meanwhile, that farmer wrecked his truck three times! You would think that the farmer would get a new truck after a while. And again, every accident seemed to lead to a car flying in slow motion through the air. Amazingly, no one was ever seriously injured.

Baker was concerned about both the farmer and the windskating kid but, in the end, it was Ponch who solved all the problems. In the past, Baker was always the one who gave the kids a good talking to. But now, it’s Ponch who has all the wisdom. Sorry, Baker. You’ve been replaced by the blinding smile of Erik Estrada.

Really, what can we say about this episode? Thank God for Ponch, right? Los Angeles would be doomed without him.

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 3.14 “Wheeling”

Posted on March 31, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Things get weird in California.

Episode 3.14 “Wheeling”

(Dir by Barry Crane, originally aired on December 8th, 1979)

This is one of those weird episodes where Ponch and Jon just keep running into the same people over and over again.

Artie (Paul Gale), Don (Ray Vittie), and Alan (Ron Lombard) are all in wheelchairs but they’re not going to let that stop them from enjoying life and, far more dangerously, playing tag while driving on the highway. Artie’s van taps Alan’s car. Alan taps Don’s car. Don tries to tap Artie’s van. It’s dangerous and Ponch and Jon, when they see it, promptly pull the three men over. Ponch is impressed with Artie’s joie d’vivre. As usual, Baker is less impresses and is like, “You — of all people! — should understand the danger!” (I swear, poor Larry Wilcox. While Erik Estrada got to smile through each episode, it always fell on Wilcox to be the killjoy.)

That said, both Jon and Ponch came to admire Artie and his determination to make sure that all of his wheelchair-bound friends get the most out of life. They even help Artie present a fancy new wheelchair to Brent (David Gilliam), a surfer who has not been able to bring himself to leave the hospital ever since he learned that he will never walk again.

Artie and the gang help out Jon and Ponch as well. Jon and Ponch are searching for a blue car that was involved in a street race that left one teenager with a broken leg. The teenager’s father, Harry (Taylor Lacher), has been speeding up and down the freeway, searching for the car. Harry even made a citizens arrest, though Delgado (Fil Formicola) had an alibi for the time that Harry’s son was injured. While Delgado makes plans to sue Harry for false arrest. Artie happens to spot the blue car that Jon and Ponch are looking for. Way to go, Artie!

But then, after all of this, Artie and his friends decide to race on Harry’s street. Harry goes crazy. He jumps in his car and takes off after Artie’s van, not realizing that Artie was the one who helped the police catch the guy who hit Harry’s son. It leads to a huge accident at a construction site. The van flips over. Harry’s car flips over. Harry breaks his leg. Artie’s breaks both of his arms. The judge sentences Harry to serve as Artie’s manservant until Artie’s arms heal. Everyone has a good laugh, including Harry.

What a weird episode! I mean, its heart was definitely in the right place. The whole point of the episode was that Artie and his friends were just as capable as anyone who could walk. That’s a good message. But, then, out of nowhere, Artie is suddenly involved in a street race and Harry is trying to crash into his van. And then, at the end of it, everyone finds it all to be terrifically amusing. And somehow, Ponch and Jon manage to be at the scene of every incident involved Harry, Artie, and Artie’s friends. Like, seriously, what are the odds? There are other highway patrolmen in California.

Again, a strange episode. As always, the scenery was nice. It’s always fun to see what the world looked like in 1979. And I appreciated that this episode made a strong case for people not taking it upon themselves to make a citizens arrest because, seriously, people who do that tend to be so obnoxious.

Anyway, I enjoyed it. It was just weird enough to be fun. Drive safely out there!

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 6.3 “The Perfect Gentleman/Legend”

Posted on January 28, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984. Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites. Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

Smiles, everyone!

Episode 6.3 “The Perfect Gentleman/Legend”

(Dir by Philip Leacock, originally aired on October 30th, 1982)

Jimmy Jordan (Paul Williams, who appeared on a lot of these type of shows) is a rock star who witnessed a mob hit at one of his concerts. Jimmy did what anyone would do. He called the police. They offered to protect him if he testified but then they told him that they probably wouldn’t be able to continue to protect him afterwards. (Uhmm …. hello? Witness Protection Program?) Jimmy decided to fake his own death and then go to Fantasy Island. His fantasy? To not get caught by the two mobsters who have been sent to make sure that he’s actually dead.

Uhmmm …. that’s weird. Like all of that was going on Jimmy just decided to go to Fantasy Island? And then he shows up on Fantasy Island wearing a trenchcoat over his rock star jump suit? Weird.

Fortunately, Michelle (Leslie Easterbrook) is on the island and her fantasy is apparently to have a new butler! Soon, Jimmy is calling himself Godfrey and helping Michelle and her family save their business while Tracer (John Davis Chandler) and Killer (Joseph Ruskin) search for him. Needless to say, Jimmy and Michelle fall in love and leave the island together and, unless I missed something, it appears that Jimmy is planning on just being Godfrey for the rest of his life. He even drives Michelle and her daughter to the docks so that they can all fly off to the mainland. I guess the world is going to go on believing that Jimmy’s dead and….

This fantasy raised way too many unanswered questions and Paul Williams was convincing neither as a rock star or a butler. This is a fantasy that called out for someone like …. oh, I don’t know. Sonny Bono, maybe.

The other fantasy was a bit of an improvement, just because it featured the unlikely but surprisingly likable pairing of Michelle Phillips and Andy Griffith. Phillips plays Andrea Barclay, who has a beautiful singing voice but who suffers from crippling stage fright. Her fantasy is to successfully perform in front of the toughest crowd ever.

Really? Roarke says, The toughest crowd?

By now, guests should realize that whenever Roarke says something like that, it means your fantasy is going to be interpreted in a bizarre way that you never expected. Considering that, the last time that Michelle Phillips was on the show, her fantasy to be the most famous woman in the world somehow led to her becoming Lady Godiva, Andrea really should have known better. Instead, Andrea is shocked when she finds herself in the Old West, where Judge Roy Bean (Andy Griffith) has promised the citizens of Langtry, Texas that his favorite actress and singer, Lillie Langtry (Madlyn Rhue), will be performing for them. When Lillie leaves without singing, it’s time for Andrea to put on a mask and pretend to be Lillie as she performs in Judge Bean’s saloon. Yeah, it’s a silly fantasy but Andy Griffith and Michelle Phillips both put their heart into their performances. Andy Griffith does his folksy-but-intelligent routine while Michelle Phillips especially deserves a lot of credit for taking things seriously.

This episode had the same problem as last week’s. Everything felt very familiar. Last week, we had what seemed like the show’s hundredth boxing and dancing fantasy. This week, we have what feels like the hundredth singing fantasy. After five seasons, it’s obvious that the show’s writers had started to run out of ideas.

Next week …. Roddy McDowall returns to Fantasy Island! Yay!

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 4.16 “Gopher’s Bride/Love with a Married Man/Not Tonight, Jack!”

Posted on May 15, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week’s cruise did not make me want to set course for adventure.

Episode 4.16 “Gopher’s Bride/Love with a Married Man/Not Tonight, Jack!”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on January 24th, 1981)

This week’s episode is all about cabins.

For instance, Jack Clayton (Patrick Wayne) invited his girlfriend of four weeks, Helen Mann (Trish Stewart), to join him on the cruise without telling her that they would be sharing a cabin. Sorry, Jack — Helen doesn’t go for that sort of thing! Jack is kicked out and spends most of the cruise trying to find some place else to sleep. (He also ends up awkwardly lugging his suitcase around with him.) Eventually, Helen gets some romantic advice from Julie (always a mistake) and decides that it’s not fair to kick Jack out of the cabin that he paid for. She tells him that he can stay in the cabin. Jack’s like, “Finally, let’s get it on!” No, Jack, Helen doesn’t go for that. Instead, she plans on sleeping outdoors for the rest of the cruise!

The two of them work it out eventually. When Jack objects to Helen sleeping outside, even if it means Jack would again have to find someplace else to go, Helen realizes that he actually does care about her and he’s not just interested in sex. They leave the boat together, with Helen promising that she and Jack will always sleep in the same bed from now on. I give their relationship another two weeks or so.

Meanwhile, Kay Tindal (Susan Oliver) wants Ned Beacham (Paul Burke) to come visit her cabin and Ned is sorely tempted because his wife, Margo (Dana Wynter), is such a workaholic. Fortunately, Ned and Margo’s 24th anniversary falls right in the middle of the cruise and it causes Ned to realize that he still loves Margo and it causes Margo to realize that she spends too much time worrying about her career. Ned and Margo leave the ship together while Kay can only watch from the staircase. Ha! Take that, homewrecker!

Finally, Gopher risks his job so that Nicole (Marie Laurin) can stay in his cabin. Nicole is Gopher’s pen pal from Quebec. (Actually, she was writing to Doc and Isaac who, for reasons that are never made clear, signed Gopher’s name to all of the letters.) When Nicole shows up on the boat, Gopher takes one look at her and says that she can stay with him. Of course, it’s against ship regulations for passengers to stay with crewmembers so, in order to keep Captain Stubing from finding out, Gopher tells him that Nicole is a new maid. Gopher ends up doing all of Nicole’s work and Nicole ends up meeting and getting engaged to a passenger named Frank (Paul Gale). Sorry, Gopher!

This was a pretty forgettable episode and it was a bit hard to sympathize with any of the passengers. Jack was a cad. Helen was a prude. Kay was a homewrecker. Ned was a wimp. Margo was cold. Nicole was so self-centered that she didn’t even notice that Gopher was killing himself with extra work to keep her from getting kicked off the boat. I wouldn’t want to be on a cruise with any of these people.

On a slightly positive note, Captain Stubing did ask Vicki if she had done her homework so I now definitely know that Vicki has a tutor and is getting an education while living on the boat. At least I don’t have to worry about that anymore!