Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 3.13 “Malcolm”

Posted on April 2, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

This week, we have an episode directed by Tom Noonan and starring Ed Lauter! Come discover what’s eating Malcolm….

Episode 3.13 “Malcolm”

(Dir by Tom Noonan, originally aired on December 23rd, 1990)

When he was younger, Malcolm (Ed Lauter) was a romantic who played the clarinet. Now, he’s just a boring old businessman. When his wife (Carole Shelley) asks him to play the clarinet again, he collapses in pain. Their doctor (Farley Granger) discovers that Malcolm has what appears to be a tumor in his stomach. Of course, the glowing tumor is actually alive. It’s a weird, giant worm that gives Malcolm his musical talent. The worm is removed but now, Malcolm has lost his talent. One night, the worm shows up again….

This was an odd and moody episode, which I guess is not surprising as it was directed by Tom Noonan, a director and actor who specializes in the odd and moody. Moving at its own deliberate pace, the episode benefitted from a good performance from Ed Lauter, a good deal of atmosphere, and some Cronenbergian body horror. The worm was obviously a stand-in for the self-destructive nature of many artists. The worm gives Malcolm his talent but it also has the potential to eat him from the inside. When the worm returns, Malcolm makes his decision and the whole thing plays out like a moody nightmare.

In other words, this was a good episode, one that was willing to be both surreal and a bit grotesque. Tom Noonan and Ed Lauter made for an excellent combination.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 3.12 “A New Woman”

Posted on March 19, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Let’s celebrate Christmas early with Monsters!

Episode 3.12 “A New Woman”

(Dir by Brian Thomas Jones, originally aired on December 16th, 1990)

It’s the day before Christmas and businessman Tom (Thomas McDermott) is dying. His wife, Jessica (Linda Thorson), want him to sign over the deed for several building that he owns so that she can kick out everyone who isn’t paying their rent. His son (Dan Butler) thinks that is an inhumane thing to do on Christmas. Tom’s doctor (Mason Adams) informs Jessica that she will be visited by three spirits that will help her change her ways….

And indeed, she is! But these aren’t the ghosts that Charles Dickens made famous. Instead, they’re horrifying zombies that are being led by Tom’s vengeful spirit. That’s enough to scare Jessica into changing her ways. She doesn’t want to become a zombie! Who would? It’s a Merry Christmas for all!

Monsters’s take on A Christmas Carol actually isn’t bad. It takes a while to get going but the zombies are effectively frightening and Jessica’s terrifying night is full of ominous atmosphere and effective scares. I guess my main problem with this episode was that the pacing was odd. It seemed to take forever to get around to that doctor telling Jessica she would receive visitors from the other side. And when the visitors did arrive, it was effective but it still felt a bit rushed.

Still, it was nice to see Monsters not only do a Christmas episode but also, in a rarity for this show, one that had a happy ending.

Monsters Will Return Next Week

Posted on March 12, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Much as with my Love Boat reviews, I am preempting my review of the next episode Monsters until next week so that I can focus my energies on our upcoming St. Patrick’s Day/Kurt Russell’s birthday extravaganza.

Monsters, “our favorite show,” will return next week with a review of a Monsters take on A Christmas Carol.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 3.11 “Sin-Sop”

Posted on March 5, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Monsters heads down south. No complaints from me. I like it when things head on down.

Episode 3.11 “Sin-Sop”

(Dir by P.J. Pesce, originally aired on December 9th, 1990)

In the deep South, a young man named Brother Roy (Christopher Shaw) claims that he can literally extract the sin from people, turning it into a black sludge that can then be disposed of. Brother Roy has the corpse of the most evil man in the world in his house. Touching the corpse (ew!) allows for the sin to be extracted. (This is why I prefer going to confession.)

Laura Daniel (Christine Dunford) is a reporter who is hopeful that she’ll be able to expose Brother Roy as being a fraud. Larch Lazaar (Richard Borg) is a sociopathic murderer who shows up at Roy’s place shortly after Laura. Laura and Lazaar are both skeptics but they’re also both about to discover the reality of sin-sop.

This was an atmospheric episode with an intriguing premise. I’m from the South and I’ve heard the stories of the so-called sin eaters, people who would go to the homes of the recently deceased and “eat” all of the dead person’s sins, usually by eating food that had been placed near the corpse. The deceased’s family would get the peace of mind of knowing their loved one was now without sin and the sin-eater usually got to eat a fairly large meal. (That said, I don’t know if I’d want to eat food that had been sitting next to or, in some cases, on a decaying corpse.) This episode makes good use of the sin eater legend and it features appropriately theatrical performances from Richard Borg and Christopher Shaw. This was an entertaining piece of Southern Gothic.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 2/16/25 — 2/22/25

Posted on February 23, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Yeah, I’m running late with this. That seems to be the theme of my life this weekend but no matter! Here it is, my week in television.

American Murder: Gabby Petito (Netflix)

Netflix’s Gabby Petito documentary didn’t necessarily tell me anything that I didn’t already know about that tragic and awful case. Indeed, I kind of found myself getting angry at the documentary as I watched the endless footage of Gabby because it reminded me that Gabby Petito — and every other crime victim — deserved more than to be the latest subject of America’s fascinating with the morbid and the sordid. (Of course, it’s hypocritical of me to judge as I was the one watching the documentary.) But, in the end, I did feel that the documentary made an important point. There were so many red flags about Brian Laundrie but no one wanted to admit it, not the cops and not Gabby’s friends. Gabby was failed by so many people.

Up until I saw this documentary, I was not convinced that Brian’s family really knew the full extent of his crimes. Now, I’m convinced that they not only knew but tried to help him cover them up. It’s infuriating.

Check it Out! (Tubi)

I reviewed Check It Out! here. I’ll soon be finished with this show and I have to admit that I’m kind of proud of being the only person to have actually sat down and reviewed every single episode.

CHiPs (Prime)

I reviewed CHiPs here!

Dark (Netflix)

Case and I have now started the third and final season of this creepy German show. It’s all about time travel, black holes, and people having nonstop sex without any emotional connection. The architecture is brutalist, the cinematography is dark, and everyone seems to be fairly depressed. It’s very German and very intriguing.

Fantasy Island (DVR)

I reviewed Fantasy Island here!

Friday the 13th: The Series (YouTube)

I wrote about Friday the 13th here!

Highway to Heaven (Tubi)

I reviewed Highway to Heaven here!

Kitchen Nightmares (Tuesday Evening, Fox)

Chef Ramsay was back in New Orleans, helping out another surprisingly ugly restaurant. Seriously, how can a restaurant succeed when it looks like a trailer? Again, a former football player was brought in to provide emotional encouragement. I will undoubtedly find myself in New Orleans in the future but I’ll probably never eat there.

The Love Boat (Paramount+)

I reviewed The Love Boat here!

Malibu CA (YouTube)

I reviewed Malibu CA here!

Miami Vice (Prime)

I reviewed Miami Vice here!

Monsters (YouTube)

I reviewed Monsters here!

Pacific Blue (Tubi)

I reviewed this stupid, stupid show here!

Scamanada (Hulu)

I finished up Scamanda this week, watching the final two episodes. For all the build-up, the finale was a bit disappointing. Amanda was arrested and convicted and then, for 30 minutes, we listened to a bunch of podcast hosts talk about how they came across the story and went viral with it. I love true crime documentaries but true crime podcast hosts are always so annoying and self-important.

St. Elsewhere (Hulu)

I wrote about St. Elsewhere here!

Welcome Back, Kotter (Prime)

I’m nearly done with this show, thank God. I reviewed the latest episode here!

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 2/9/25 — 2/15/25

Posted on February 15, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Abbott Elementary (Wednsesday Night, ABC)

I loved the science fair episode, which I watched on Hulu on Wednesday afternoon! Ava is my favorite character so I enjoy any episode that deals with her troubled past, her unique principal style, and the moments where she actually turns out to be good at her job.

I also enjoyed the latest episode of Abbott, with Ava helping out the other schools and Jacob giving an impassioned speech to the school board that will probably come back to haunt him at some point in the future. After the previous season’s somewhat uneven mix of episodes, it’s nice to see Abbott Elementary going strong again!

Be My Valentine, Charlie Brown (Apple TV+)

Erin and I watched this on Thursday. It’s a holiday tradition! You can read Erin’s review here!

Dark (Netflix)

Case and I finished up season two this week. Onward to the season three next week!

Extracted (Monday Night, Fox)

In this new reality show, out-of-shape people go into the wilderness and try not to die. From a control room, their family members watch and debate whether or not to pull them out of the game. On Wednesday, I watched the first two episodes on Hulu. The show is ludicrous but it’s entertaining, as most good reality shows are. I would hope that my family would pull me out after the first ten minutes.

Kitchen Nightmares (Tuesday Night, Fox)

Finally leaving the ugly restaurants of New Orleans, Chef Ramsay helped out an ugly restaurant in Houston. Seriously, how does the show find these ugly places? This time, the restaurant owner got mad at Ramsay and even called him into the storeroom for a talk. Ramsay was still able to get through to her and save the restaurant. Yay!

Scamanda (Hulu)

On Tuesday, I watched the second episode of Scamanda, which revealed a bit about Amanda’s background and also her husband. The episode suggested that Amanda based her scam off of her husband’s stepdaughter from his first marriage and her very real battle with Leukemia. Not only does this show how twisted Amanda was but it also indicates that her husband was very much a part of her scheme. The second episode was marked improvement over the first. I’m looking forward to the third.

The Story Behind (Tubi)

I watched two episodes. One featured the story behind Beverly Hills 9o210. The other was the story behind Full House. Neither really told me anything that I didn’t already know.

Super Bowl LXI (Sunday Night, Fox)

The only thing more boring than the game were the commercials. A lot of people are making a big deal about Taylor Swift getting booed at the game. The Swifties are in an uproar but, honestly, it’s an American tradition to boo celebs at sporting events, especially ones who are only there because they’re dating a player. Taylor’s apparent shock at being booed has become a meme but it was actually a very relatable and human moment. I prefer Taylor’s “What’s going on?” to the celebs who either pretend to not to care or the ones who go into a rage mode the minute they have to deal with public opinion.

Watched and Reviewed Elsewhere:

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Monsters 3.9 “The Young and the Headless”

Posted on February 12, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Monsters loses its head of another series.

Episode 3.9 “The Young and the Headless”

(Dir by Tom Abrams, originally aired on November 25th, 1990)

As you can tell from the title, this episode of Monsters is meant to be a parody of soap operas. Two scientists, Victoria (Karen Valentine) and Edward (George Reinhardt), have been have been married ever since Victoria’s lunkhead ex-boyfriend, Hunk (John Schiappa), disappeared while on a soldier of fortune mission. However, when Hunk suddenly returns, Victoria and George are left with a dilemma, especially after Edward tricks Hunk into killing himself and then removes his head.

Victoria and George decide to reanimate the headless Hunk, bringing him back to life with microchips. (Sure, why not?) They treat the headless Hunk as a servant but it turns out that Hunk doesn’t need a brain to get his revenge.

The plot was nonsense but the episode did have good performances and a memorable monster in headless Hunk. I think the main problem is that the episode tried very hard to parody the soap opera genre but, since most soap operas are already self-parodies that cheerfully embrace the melodrama and make no attempt to pretend to be realistic, a lot of the humor fell flat. It’s hard to make fun of a genre that is, for the most part, defined by its self-awareness.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 2/2/25 — 2/8/25

Posted on February 8, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Here’s a few thoughts on what I watched this week.

Abbott Elementary (Wednesday Night, ABC)

I’m one episode behind as far as Abbott goes. This week, I watched the golf course episode but I still need to watch the science fair episode. I’ll do it tomorrow before the Super Bowl. As always, the episode made me laugh. The show has done marginally better with the gentrification subplot than it did with the charter school storyline a few seasons ago.

Dark (Netflix)

Case and I continuing to watch this creepy German show. This is the only show I’ve ever seen that’s actually held my attention while the characters discuss physics.

Hell’s Kitchen (Fox, Thursday Night)

And we have a winner! Kyle’s door open and he is the latest chef to win a season of Hell’s Kitchen. I did like Kyle but I have to admit that I lost interest in this season after both Brandon and Egypt were eliminated. I still can’t see Kyle as a head chef. Brandon had a bad night and Egypt lost an arbitrary contest but I still feel like either one of them would have been a better winner. That said, anyone who has ever tasted my cooking knows that I wouldn’t have even made it past the first 10 minutes of the first episode of Hell’s Kitchen. Congratulations to Kyle on his victory and on proving people like me, who were pretty dismissive of his chances at first, wrong.

King of the Hill (Hulu)

I watched the episode where Bill’s touchdown record was broken and, with Hank’s encouragement, Bill rejoined the high school team in an effort to win it back. “You the man, Bill …. don’t look down at your leg.”

Kitchen Nightmares (Fox, Tuesday Night)

Chef Ramsay was, again, in New Orleans this week. The New Orleans shows have been kind of boring. None of the restaurants have really been that appealing, either before or after their makeover. You have to wonder how many times Chef Ramsay is going to have to invite an ex-football player to come and convince people to do their job. It’s kind of funny how the only thing many of these restaurants really need is for a former member of the Saints to show up for five minutes.

After being bored with the trip to New Orleans, I hopped on Tubi and revisited the Amy’s Baking Company episodes from seasons 6 and 7. Now that was classic Ramsay chaos! I like it when Chef Ramsay is nice to the chefs on Hell’s Kitchen but, when it comes to Kitchen Nightmares, I just want him to rip the place apart!

Scamanda (Hulu)

On Wednesday, I watched the first episode of this NBC docuseries about a woman who pretended to have cancer and who swindled a lot of people out of a lot of money. It was an interesting episode. People pretending to be sick to get money from people is hardly a new phenomena but it was interesting to see not only how far Amanda took it but also how gullible people really were. (They really wanted to believe.) The film did have a few regrettable reenactments, including a truly risible one of a bunch of churchgoers literally throwing money at Amanda’s feet. Still, it’s an interesting story.

Watched and reviewed:

Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 3.8 “Shave and a Haircut, Two Bites”

Posted on February 5, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Who needs a haircut?

(What is it with today’s reviews and hair?)

Episode 3.8 “Shave and a Haircut, Two Bites”

(Dir by John Strysik, originally aired on November 18th, 1990)

Tom (played by a young Matt LeBlanc) stands in front of an old timey barbershop and remembers when he was a teenager and he learned the truth about the place. His friend, Kevin (Wil Wheaton), lived across the street from the barbershop and was convinced that the two elderly barbers who owned the place were actually vampires. Kevin pointed out the customers were going inside with big jars of blood and then coming with little jars of blood. Tommy remained skeptical. I’m not sure why. Jars of blood are a HUGE red flag. Still, Tommy warned Kevin that if he continued to follow his vampire theory, he would probably get kicked out of all of his honors classes. That was a risk that Kevin was willing to take.

Tommy and Kevin snuck into the barbershop one night and searched for evidence of vampires. Kevin was serious while Tommy treated the whole thing as just being a big joke. They were caught by the two barbers, Mr. Innes (John O’Leary) and Dr. D’Onofrio (Al Mancini), who revealed that they were not vampires. Instead, they were just two guys who worshipped a giant slug creature who lived in the basement. The slug creature stayed alive by drinking the blood that was brought into the barbershop. In return, it offered up a smaller amount of its blood for the donors to drink. The blood apparently allowed to people to live for a very long time. So, I guess they were vampires but not really.

In the present, Tom gets a shave and a haircut and allows Kevin to draw some of his blood. Then Kevin gets in the barber chair and Tom picks up the razor blade. They both have noticeable scars on their neck.

This was an odd episode. It was full of atmosphere and Tom’s voice over contributed to the creepy vibe. It was generally well-acted. Not even Wil Wheaton was too annoying. The premise of the episode was intriguing but the episode’s pay-off fell a little flat. I was happy that the show did something other than vampires but the weird slug creature really wasn’t that compelling either. It felt like something out a Lovecraft short story but Lovecraft’s style of horror always works better when it’s something that the reader has to imagine as opposed to actually seeing. This episode played out like an odd dream. Even the ending feels like a fragment from a bigger narrative that has been lost to time.

Overall, though, I liked this episode and I appreciated the strange atmosphere. Monsters was always the most fun when it was weird and this episode was definitely that.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 1/26/25 — 2/1/25

Posted on February 1, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

My sinuses were really bothering me this week so I didn’t watch much, other than the shows that I review for this site. I mean, it was literally a struggle for me to look at a screen, whether it my phone, a laptop, or a television for more than a few minutes without getting a headache.

I did watch two more episodes of Dark with Case. This intriguing German show gets more and more creepy with each episode.

On Sunday, Jeff and I watched a football game. It was Taylor Swift’s team vs someone else. Taylor Swift won.

I watched Kitchen Nightmares. This week’s restaurant was boring. I’m hoping for another Amy’s Baking Company style fiasco.

And I watched Hell’s Kitchen. Really? They eliminated Egypt? First Brandon and then Egypt? Weakest final two ever!

Finally, I watched and reviewed Miami Vice, CHiPs, Fantasy Island, Pacific Blue, The Love Boat, Monsters, Malibu CA, Highway to Heaven, St. Elsewhere, Friday the 13th, Welcome Back Kotter, and Check It Out!