Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.7 “Line In The Sand”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, the beach gets dangerous.

Episode 2.7 “Line In The Sand”

(Dir by Michael Levine, originally aired on October 6th, 1996)

There’s a lot going on in this episode, leaving me to wonder if maybe this episode was edited together from two or three other episodes that, for whatever reason, were never aired in their original form.  Seriously, it’s an oddly put together episode, with two very dramatic stories and one silly story and absolutely no tonal consistency whatsoever.

A kayaker keeps trying to kayak where he’s not wanted so two surfers beat him up.  When the kayaker continues to kayak, the two surfers break into his home and …. put his girlfriend in a coma?  Seriously?  That seems like an overreaction.  How exactly are these two getting away with this?  Every episode of Pacific Blue leaves me more and more convinced that bicycle cops are a terrible idea.  These surfers aren’t brilliant criminals or anything.  Real cops would have been able to stop them.

Even with his girlfriend in a coma, the kayaker continues to kayak.  So, the surfers punch out two other guys and steal their jet skis so they can chase the guy.  But the kayaker leads them under the pier, which leads to one surfer colliding with a wooden support beam and the washing up on the beach, where he’s promptly arrested by Palermo.

“She woke up,” Palermo explains, referring to the kayaker’s girlfriend.  Apparently, this whole thing was just a sting to arrest the surfers but did allowing the surfers to beat up two innocent jet ski owners play into the plan?  If the girlfriend woke up and identified them as her attackers, why not just arrest the surfers on the beach instead of making them chase the kayaker?

Yes, it’s good the guy’s girlfriend woke up but consider this.  She wouldn’t have been in a coma to begin with if Santa Monica had a real police force.  Seriously, how can two surfers cause this much havoc without getting arrested before it reaches the point that they’re breaking into someone’s house and putting his girlfriend into a coma?  It is explained that they have a lawyer who represents them free-of-charge in return for surfing lessons.  I can’t think of a single lawyer who would do that.  Most lawyers need money to pay their bills and stuff.

One of the surfers is named Weed so Palermo got to say, “Hold on, Weed!” at one point.  That made me smile.

Meanwhile, a random woman became obsessed with Victor and started painting pictures of him.  When Victor rejected her, she tore her clothes and accused him of attempting to rape her.  Victor was charged with rape but we never actually saw anyone arrest him.  Cory went undercover as Victor’s girlfriend in order to get the woman to attack her.  Somehow, this led to the charges against Victor getting dropped, though it didn’t actually do anything to disprove the woman’s claim.

Finally, Elvis — the Pacific Blue mechanic played by David L. Lander — wanted to join a swinger’s club but he was told he would have to bring a woman with him.  Elvis asked Chris to accompany him.  By this point, Elvis should know that Chris’s character only exists to humiliate people who ask her to do things.  Chris isn’t interested in swinging but Elvis continue to look.  To be honest, I didn’t even realize that Elvis was still on the show.

This was a dumb episode.  Let’s leave it at that.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.6 “The Enemy Within”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

Okay, let’s do this again.

Episode 2.6 “The Enemy Within”

(Dir by Stephen L. Posey, originally aired on September 28th, 1996)

A group of masked men are breaking into the homes of wealthy Vietnamese immigrants and stealing their money and jewelry.  We are told that the men are specifically targeting the Vietnamese because Vietnamese people do not trust banks or the police.  I have no idea if that’s true or not.  I just know that the show insisted that this is true with a bizarre vehemence.  To be honest, I’m Irish-Italian-Spanish in descent and I don’t trust banks or the police either.  That said, I would be kind of offended if something bad happened to me and the cops responded by going, “Eh.  It’s because she’s Irish-Italian-Spanish, what can you do?”

Kelly Hu, who is not Vietnamese, plays Wendy Trang, the granddaughter of a Vietnamese couple of have been robbed.  Her grandfather does not want to talk to the police so Wendy instead talks to her grandfather and then meets with TC to tell him what her grandfather told her.  From what Wendy tells him (which I think would be considered hearsay in a court of law), TC decides that only one of the thieves is Vietnamese and that the head of the robbery crew is probably an American who served in Vietnam and who harbors resentment towards immigrants.  Seriously, he figures that out from just having one conversation.

(Actually, maybe it was Palermo who figured it out.  Once they get on their bikes and put on their helmets, Palermo and TC are pretty much indistinguishable.)

TC recruits a psychic named Leslie Quint (Ken Weiler) to handle a knife that was left behind at the scene and to pick up on whatever psychic residue has been left behind.  Chris smirks and calls the guy a fraud because, two seasons is, the writers still haven’t bothered to give Chris a personality beyond being bitchy.  The psychic not only reveals that the leader of the gang is a big white guy but he also tells Chris that she needs to go to the dentist because she has a cavity.  (Ewwww!  Brush your teeth, weirdo!)  He also tells Cory that her never-before mentioned brother is involved in some trouble.

The psychic’s right!  Peter McNamara (William Bumiller), Cory’s brother, is a corrupt narcotics cop!

Anyway, things worked out.  The bag guys were captured.  Cory realized her brother wasn’t perfect.  Chris learned a lesson about dismissing secret powers.  TC smirked in that oddly humorless way of his.  As Palermo, Rick Rossovich seemed to be begging someone to remember that he had been in both Top Gun and The Terminator before allowing himself to get sucked into the world of Pacific Blue.

Along with Kelly Hu, this episode featured Cronenberg favorite Robert A. Silverman, playing an eccentric on the beach.  It’s always nice to see Silverman!

Otherwise, this was another stupid episode.  At some point, these characters are going to have to develop personalities beyond riding bikes and getting annoyed, right?

 

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.5 “Point Blank”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, the bike patrol’s stupidity and worthlessness puts everyone at risk.  What are they thinking!?

Episode 2.5 “Point Blank”

(Dir by Michael Levine, originally aired on September 21st, 1996)

A report comes in about an armed robbery so TC and Chris speed off on their bicycles to catch the guy …. *snicker*

I’m sorry, I need a minute to stop laughing.

Anyway, TC gets knocked off of his bike by the robber, who proceeds to steal TC’s gun.  Oh my God, TC’s such a dumbass!  The real cops show up in their cars and Chris is all like, “Go get the robber while I tend to my fallen colleague and his totally rocking bicycle.”  Seriously, Chris is kind of rude about it, frantically motioning at them to go after the robber.  What else do you think they were going to do, Chris?

While TC searches for his gun, Chris discovers that someone has signed her up for a video dating service.  Chris, who is always complaining about how she can’t get a date, complains about having too many dates.  Then she complains that none of her dates work out, largely because of her whiny and abrasive personality.

Meanwhile, a little kid has lost his dog.  Del Toro and Cory suspect that the pet has been kidnapped and sold to a research lab.  They go from one sleazy kennel to another, searching for the dog.  They take the kid with them and probably traumatize him for life.  The good thing is that they save the dog and break up the dognapping ring.  The bad thing is that their story and likable chemistry still has to share the screen with Chris whining and TC searching for his lost gun.

TC’s gun eventually lands in the hands of a bullied teenager who promptly threatens to shoot his bullies.  But he changes his mind and instead give the gun back to TC.  TC’s praises the kid for doing the right thing.  To be honest, the kid threatened to kill three people.  Haul him off to jail, TC!  DO YOUR JOB, BICYCLE BOY!

I swear, this show….

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.4 “Bangers”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, Victor gets a plot.

Episode 2.4 “Bangers”

(Dir by Charles Siebert, originally aired on September 14th, 1996)

Victor del Toro, who often doesn’t get to do much on this show, finally gets a storyline of his very own.  Unfortunately, it involves trying to keep a young man for his old neighborhood from joining a gang.  One thing that you can always count on whenever you watch any sort of cop show from the 90s, if there’s a Latino cop in the cast, he’s going to have to keep someone from joining a gang.  It was one of the biggest cliches on the 90s.

And don’t get me wrong.  Gangs are a reality in America and they are a problem.  At the same time, though, is there a reason why every time a Latino appeared on a show like this, they always seemed to either be in a gang or on the verge of joining a gang?  Not every Latino family is poor, not every young Latino male is struggling with the pressure to join a gang, and for that matter, not every Latino with a tattoo is a member of a street gang.

While Victor dealt with the gangs moving into the neighborhood, Chris and Corey decided to rent an apartment together.  Needless to say, things didn’t go well.  Corey reveals that she is hyperorganized and likes to keep every surface in the apartment clean and spotless.  (I don’t really see what that’s a problem.)  Chris is revealed to be a slob who hangs her clothes around the kitchen and who pours a box of cereal out on the floor because she’s tired of Corey always cleaning.  Isn’t Chris supposed to be a hotshot fighter pilot?  I mean, up until this episode, there was absolutely nothing about her character that would suggest that she was incapable of picking up her clothes.  I would think that, being a member of the Air Force, she would actually have had some sort of discipline drilled into her.  It’s kind of like how soldiers still tend to stand at attention even while visiting their families.  Anyway, this storyline ends with Chris throwing food around the apartment and Corey grabbing a pair of scissors and attacking Chris’s laundry …. wait, what?  I’m sorry, this is psychotic behavior.

Don’t worry, though.  Chris and Corey share a laugh about it and agree to remain friends but not roommates.  Uhm, Chris …. Corey took a pair of scissors to your clothes.  I mean, I don’t like sloppy people either but I generally don’t try to destroy their possessions.

Of course, the main problem with this episode is the same problem that all of the episodes have had.  They’re cops on bikes!  They wear shorts and polo shirts and they spend all of their  time insisting that they’re real cops even though it’s obvious that they aren’t.  Real cops don’t ride bicycles with baskets on the back.

This episode did not leave me with much confidence in California law enforcement.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.3 “Rapscallions”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

It’s another day in L.A.

Episode 2.3 “Rapscallions”

(Dir by Gary Winter, originally aired on September 7th, 1996)

There’s a lot happening in Santa Monica or wherever it is this stupid show takes place.

Mr. Baron (Tom Towles) has hired two thugs to run all the tenants out of a building so it can be turned into a drug den.  TC and Cory help the tenants.  TC encourages one of them, Travis (Anthony De Longis), to be a big old hero.

The lifeguards challenge the bicycle cops to a street hockey game.  Victor goes crazy trying to recruit good players.  The lifeguards bring in a professional player who apparently works as a lifeguard during the summer.  The bicycle cops still manage to hold the lifeguards to a tie.  Their goalie collapses at the end of the game, apparently as a result of getting hit in the face by the puck a hundred times.  So, I guess he’s dead now.  Oh well.  At least the bike cops can feel like heroes before facing another day of people laughing about how dorky they look on their bicycles.

Palermo has a new girlfriend (Marisa Urkovich), which upsets his 16 year-old daughter, Jessie (Johna Stewart-Bowden).  Jessie wants her parents to get back together but Palermo has to explain that the divorce is final.  He is never going to remarry Jessie’s mother.  Palermo’s heart belongs to the bicycles now.

There was a lot happening in this episode and I have to admit that I really didn’t care about any of it.  After this episode ended, I started thinking about the show’s main characters and I asked myself whether or not any of them were actually likable.  I mean, let’s consider this:

Jim Davidson plays TC Callaway, who doesn’t even have a consistent backstory.  When we first met him, he was being pressured to quit his job and become an executive at his family’s business.  TC was wealthy when we first met him but we haven’t heard anything about his family or their company since then and TC certainly doesn’t act like someone who grew up with money.  Sometimes, TC has a regular girlfriend who lives with him and sometimes, it appears that he does not.  Of course, the main problem with TC is that it’s hard to keep him straight from either Victor or Palermo.  Once he puts on his riding helmet and his sunglasses, TC basically looks about as generic as someone can.  A huge part of the problem is that TC never has any facial expressions or anything that would suggest any sort of personality at all.

Darlene Vogel plays Chris Kelly, who is still whining about being on the bike patrol.  When the show started, she was obviously meant to have a will they or won’t they thing with TC but the total lack of chemistry between Darlene Vogel and every performer on the show pretty much ended that.  For someone who was originally meant to be one of the main characters, Chris never really seems to have much to do on the show.  She spent this episode smirking whenever anyone asked to see Palermo.  Everyone’s had that friend that they secretly can’t stand and that’s pretty much who Chris is on this show.

Marcos A. Ferraez plays Victor Del Toro, who at least has a bit of a personality in that he’s always getting angry about something and he always stops and stares whenever he sees anyone wearing a bikini.  (Since this series takes place on a beach in California, you can imagine the amount of time that is taken up by this.)  Victor is impulsive and competitive but he’s also a bike cop so it’s still hard not to feel like he’s overcompensating because of his job.

Paula Trickey plays Cory McNamara.  Cory is as close to being a likable character as you’re going to find on Pacific Blue and Paula Trickey, at least by this point in the series, is definitely the best member of the ensemble.  Unfortunately, the show itself seems to only be interesting in either finding excuses for her to get sprayed with water or having her get menaced while wearing a tank top.

And finally, Rick Rossovich is Lt. Palermo.  Palermo is strict and no-nonsense, which is actually what you want from a boss.  Unfortunately, for the by-the-book boss thing to be compelling, someone in the group has to be a rule-breaker and that’s not really a description that applies to anyone on Pacific Blue.  Rossovich was not a bad actor but, at least at this point in the series, Palermo still spends way too much time telling people that bicycle cops are real cops.  If you haven’t been able to convince them yet, you never will.

In short, this episode of Pacific Blue didn’t work because the cast was boring and putting them on bicycles did not help.  Hopefully, things will change as I continue to watch the series or else it’s going to be long couple of seasons.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.2 “Daystalker”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, the Daystalker stalks wherever it is that this show takes place.

Episode 2.2 “Daystalker”

(Dir by Don Michael Paul, originally aired on August 24th, 1996)

After his girlfriend Sandy (Cindy Ambuehl) is assaulted by a serial rapist, TC becomes obsessed with tracking the so-called Daystalker down.  Detective Bonnie Wilson (Gwen McGee), sent to the beach to head up the investigation, thinks that the Daystalker is going to eventually move on from rape to murder.  She also thinks that TC is a loose cannon who is going to spook the Daystalker into moving to another city before he can be captured and prosecuted for his crimes.  Cory is set up as a decoy and soon finds herself being followed by the Daystalker.  Meanwhile, the terribly traumatized Sandy struggles with PTSD.

And, while that’s going on, Elvis and Victor try to get a Rastafarian to take a hex off of them!

This episode epitomizes one of the things that really bugs me out Pacific Blue.  On the one hand, we have a very serious storyline about a serial rapist and one of his traumatized victims.  A scene where Sandy has to leave a self-defense class because it’s triggers a flashback is a powerful and honest moment, certainly more powerful than anything you would expect to see on a show like Pacific Blue.  On the other hand, we have this totally cartoonish subplot about a random Rastafarian putting a hex on Elvis and Victor.  At a time when the entire bike patrol is supposed to be out looking for a serial rapist who has assaulted their best friend’s girlfriend, Victor and Chris are laughing because Elvis thinks the hex is making his hair fall out.  Never mind the stupidity of the hex plot.  Tonally, the two plots don’t go together.  With this episode, Pacific Blue reveals that it still doesn’t know if it wants to be a gritty crime drama or just Baywatch on bicycles.

This could have been a very strong episodes.  There were moments and lines of dialogue that really stood out for being considerably more thoughtful than one might expect from this show.  But it was still an episode of Pacific Blue, which means that the camera still lingered on random women in bikinis and way too much time was spent on TC saying, “I have to do something!”  Only TC could make his girlfriend’s rape about himself and only Pacific Blue would let him get away with that.

Even when they’re dealing with a serious issue as they did for half of this episode, it’s hard to escape the fact that these people are bicycle cops.  The bicycles, the crisp white shirts, the shorts …. it just makes it hard to them seriously.  This was yet another episode where a lot of time was spent with Palermo and TC explaining that bike cops are real cops.  We’re at the start of the second season here.  If you’re still having to justify your existence at this point, you’re never going to do it.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.1 “Lights Out”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

Let’s start season two of this stupid show!

Episode 2.1 “Lights Out”

(Dir by Terrence O’Hara, originally aired on August 17th, 1996)

It’s time for season 2 of Pacific Blue!

Elvis, the mechanic played by David L. Lander, is no longer a member of the cast but the rest of the ensemble is there and still trying to convince us that they’re real cops despite the fact that they ride bicycles and wear shorts.  The episode opens with Palermo telling everyone that they have new bicycles.  In fact, it’s the same type of bicycles that are used by the Secret Service!

See, the show tells us, bicycle cops aren’t dorky!

Okay, Pacific Blue, whatever,  It’s the start of the second season and you’re still trying to justify your existence.

A mad bomber named Wilson Dupree (Robin Sachs) is planting bombs all over …. Malibu?  Santa Barbara?  Where does this show take place again?  Anyway, we know that Wilson is a bad guy because he speaks with a British accent.  Whenever he plants a bomb, he calls ahead and specifically asks for someone from the bike patrol to come and defuse it.  Why is Wilson picking on the bike patrol?  Hey, who wouldn’t?  The bike patrol is dorky as Heck!

TC and Victor are soon finding bombs.  TC and Victor turn out to be rather incompetent when it comes to defusing bombs.  A lifeguard tower explodes.  A car explodes.  There’s an unintentionally funny scene where the entire bike patrol chases after a taxi that they’ve been informed is carrying a bomb.  Wouldn’t it have made more sense to call the real cops so that they could send a patrol car with its lights flashing and sirens going?  The taxi driver doesn’t even realize he’s being followed.

The FBI sends down Agent Stone (David Lee Smith) to head up the investigation.  As soon as Stone arrives, Palermo starts in with usual “We’re real cops!’ spiel, even though Stone hasn’t suggested that they aren’t.  Palermo is apparently so used to people not taking bike cops seriously that he just starts ranting as soon as he meets anyone new.  Stone asks Chris to be his liaison and Chris, as usual, is like, “Anything to get off this stupid bicycle!”

Stone thinks that Wilson is an anti-technology, eco-terrorist, like the Unabomber.  Palermo has his doubts because Palermo always has to try to convince everyone that he knows everything.  In the end, it really doesn’t matter because Wilson’s main goal is just to blow everything up.  The whole argument over motives feels like it has more to do with Palermo’s insecurities than anything else.

Is the town saved from the mad bomber?  Yes.  Good work, bike patrol!  You all still look silly on those bikes though.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 1.12 “The Big Spin”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

Bike patrol expands its roster, this week.

Episode 1.12 “The Big Spin”

(Dir by Terrence O’Hara, originally aired on May 18th, 1996)

Bike patrol has a new recruit!  Scott Kramer (Richard Joseph Paul) has been a cop for ten years and, for nine of those year, he had a perfect record.  But lately, he’s became impulsive and too much of a risk taker.  Bike patrol is his last chance!  “I run things by the book,” Lt. Palermo says.

Chris is assigned to train Kramer and soon, the two of them are falling for each other.  Chris explains that Kramer, like her, is a rebel who breaks the rule.  One of the funnier things about Pacific Blue is that Chris is supposed to be a rebel who breaks the rule when she’s nothing of the sort.  Instead, she just kind of gets annoyed and pouts every episode.

Anyway, it turns out that Kramer is terminally ill so he doesn’t care if he dies while taking down the two motorcycle bandits who have been robbing people all across town.  And that’s a good thing because that’s pretty much what happens.  The bandits are captured but bike patrol loses a recruit.

“The last thing he saw was you,” Palmero tells Chris and I think that was supposed to comfort her.  Chris nods and then walks along the beach by herself.

Wow, it’s an edgy episode!  Well, no, not really.  It comes close to being an edgy episode.  Richard Joseph Paul gives a pretty good performance as Kramer.  But …. come on, folks …. they’re on bicycles!  I’m sorry that I keep harping on this and, since this stupid show has like a gillion episodes, I imagine I’ll continue to harp on it in the future but bicycles are not edgy!  The first season is nearly over and I still laugh whenever I see the bike cops hearing about a crime on their radio and then going, “Unit whatever responding.”  I’m just imagining the dispatcher being like, “Oh no, bike patrol again.”  Seriously, everyone on this show always has such a grim expression on their face and they’re determined to catch the bad guys but, again …. bicycles!

Anyway, season one comes to an end next week.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 1.10 “Captive Audience”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

I’m a little bit late with this review but so what?  I mean, what’s Pacific Blue going to do?  Chase me on their bicycles?

Episode 1.10 “Captive Audience”

(Dir by Terrence O’Hara, originally aired on May 4th, 1996)

The local bank is being robbed!  The three robbers — desperate and murderous criminals all — have taken hostages, including TC and Cory.  TC just wanted to check out his safe deposit box.  Cory just wanted to withdraw some money so she could buy a motorcycle.  (If she had been withdrawing the money to buy another bicycle, I would have thrown a shoe at my television.)  TC is in uniform.  The robbers know he’s a cop.  Cory is not in uniform and she and TC are pretending not to know each other.  There’s also a pregnant woman in the bank who goes into labor, which means that Cory is going to have to get over her loathing of babies to help deliver one!

*Sigh*

I think I’ve said before that I hate cop shows that feature people being held hostage.  It’s always the same thing.  The robbers threaten a lot of people.  The hostages get beaten and abused.  Outside the bank, the negotiator says, “You have to give me more time!”  On Pacific Blue, the negotiator is Captain Palermo and there’s something just silly about him, in his shorts and crisp polo shirt, directing a bunch of rough-and-ready SWAT team members who are in protective gear.  Hostage situations are serious and potentially deadly but Palermo chasing the robbers are on his bicycle just made me laugh and laugh.  I also laughed when the SWAT team first arrived at the bank and spotted Cory and TC’s bicycles sitting outside the building.  “There might be cops in there,” someone says.  Apparently, they’re unsure about whether or not bike cops should be considered real police or not.  I’m glad I’m not the only one.

It falls to Del Toro and Chris to track down Doc Mueller (Charley Lang), a paranoid electronics expert who lives in a tent on the beach.  He agreed to help disable the bank’s alarm so that the SWAT team can sneak inside.  He also taps into the head robber’s “cellular phone” so that the cops can see who he is working with on the outside.  Shows from the 90s are always amusing because everyone’s always like, “He’s got a cellular phone!”  In 1996, those were still unusual and only used by desperate bank robbers.

(On a positive note, one of the robbers is played by a handsome young actor named Walton Goggins.  What ever happened to him?  Seriously, there’s not much about his performance here that indicates the type of actor he would become but still …. WALTON GOGGINS!)

Everything works out, of course.  The main bank robber tries to escape in a helicopter but Palermo chases him — on his bike! — and manages to jump into the helicopter.  It would have been really impressive if not for the bicycle and the fact that the Pacific Blue uniforms — those shorts and those blindingly white shirts — make all of the characters look really silly.  It’s hard to take a cop seriously when he’s dressed like an aging track coach.  The important thing, though, is that Cory gets over her hatred of babies and Palermo shows that bike cops deserve as much respect as real cops.

Eh.  Who cares?

 

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 1.9 “Moving Target”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

Eh, who cares?

Episode 1.9 “Moving Target”

(Dir by Mickey Dolenz. originally aired on April 27th, 1996)

When TC’s former lover, ex-model Rebecca Reynard (Jacqueline Collen), is nearly shot by a mysterious gunman, TC takes it upon himself to serve as her bodyguard.  Chris rolls her eyes because that’s how Chris reacts to every situation.  We’re nine episodes in and Chris still doesn’t really have a personality beyond being perpetually annoyed.  To the surprise of no one, Rebecca turns out to be hiding some deadly secrets of her own and TC comes to realize that his former and current lover is actually a stone cold sociopath.  This is one of those traumatic developments that will probably never be mentioned again.

(I thought TC had a girlfriend.  She was present in the pilot but has never been heard from since.)

Meanwhile, former boxer Victor returns to the ring to help Palermo win a bet against a smarmy lifeguard.  The boxing storyline — which features Victor facing off against the one opponent who beat him during his previous pugilist career — was actually interesting.  Too bad the show ended without actually revealing who won the big fight.  I think we were supposed to be satisfied with the fact that Victor found the confidence necessary to step back into the ring.  No, Pacific Blue.  You haven’t earned the right to end on a note of ambiguity.  Not yet.

This episode was directed by former Monkee Mickey Dolenz.  Unfortunately, not even a Monkee can make cops on bikes look cool.