Cleaning Out The DVR, Again #35: A Father’s Secret (dir by R. D. Braunstein)

Posted on July 11, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

(Lisa is currently in the process of trying to clean out her DVR by watching and reviewing all 40 of the movies that she recorded from the start of March to the end of June. She’s trying to get it all done by the end of July 11th! Will she make it!? Keep visiting the site to find out!)

(MINOR & MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW!)

The 35th film on my DVR (only 5 more films to go!) was A Father’s Secret. A Father’s Secret originally aired on the Lifetime Movie Network on June 19th. It’s about a father who has a secret!

Actually, it’s about more than just that. It’s also about an attorney named Carrie Evans (Willa Ford). Carrie would appear to have everything. She has great hair, a great job, a great apartment, and a great boyfriend. What she does not have is any knowledge of who her mother was. She’s close to her father, however. Or, at the very least, she’s close to the man who she thinks is his father. He’s not actually her father but that’s all a part of the secret.

Carrie is also close to Cagswell Foxx (Daniel Hugh Kelly), the senior partner at the law firm. Cagswell is rich, old, white, and politically ambitious so we already know that he’s going to turn out to be a bad guy. Cagswell has assigned Carrie to defend an oil company in a wrongful death lawsuit. (Boooo! Oil company! Hissssssss!)

One night, Carrie is shocked when she receives an envelope that is full of pictures of her undressing. At first, Carrie assumes that it must have been sent by environmental activist, Greg (Aidan Bristow). However, Greg tells her that the picture were sent by Cagswell. Why? Because Cagswell wants to have something on her, just in case he needs to use it in the future…

Wow, that Cagswell is really evil!

Carrie decides to take a closer look at the details of that wrongful death case. As she illegally goes though the files in Cagswell’s office, she comes across a picture of a youngish Cagswell with a woman who seems oddly familiar to her. Carrie decides to discover the woman’s identity and soon learns that the woman has been missing for decades. And the last person she was seen with? Cagswell Foxx!

Of course, Cagswell isn’t just interested in covering up crimes and helping out the oil companies. Cagswell is also running for the U.S. Senate! Do you think all of this could possibly lead to Carrie challenging Cagswell right in the middle of a political rally?

Of course, it could!

A Father’s Secret is predictable but well-done. Daniel Hugh Kelly is properly sleazy as Cagswell, while Willa Ford is surprisingly credible as a lawyer. Director R. D. Braunstein brings a surprising amount of visual flair to this Lifetime film, with the film’s opening montage being especially well-done. A Father’s Secret is full of melodrama and silly plot twists and, in the end, it’s a lot of fun!

What more can you ask for, really?

Cleaning Out The DVR, Again #34: Revenge Porn (dir by Monika Mitchell)

Posted on July 11, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The 34th film on the DVR was Revenge Porn, which I recorded off of Lifetime on June 18th.

Here’s two important things to know about Revenge Porn:

First of all, when it originally aired, I live tweeted it on twitter, along with several other friends. Needless to say, we used the hashtag #RevengePorn. Also needless to say, using #RevengePorn as a hashtag ended up getting me a lot of attention from people who weren’t necessarily watching the film. I picked up a lot of new followers that night.

(Of course, most of them left once I started to tweet about Big Brother.)

Secondly, when it came time to write this review, I wanted to make sure that I had at least one image to go along with it. So, innocently, I did a google image search on “Revenge Porn.” That turned out to be a big mistake. If you want to find pictures from this film, I suggest that you do a search for “Elisabeth Rohm Lifetime movie.” It’ll be a lot less traumatic.

As for the film itself, it starts out like a more respectable version of Break-Up Nightmare. The innocent and college-bound Peyton Harris (Tiera Skovbye) is up in her bedroom, taking topless pictures, while her overprotective parents (Elisabeth Rohm and David Lewis) are downstairs. In fact, the only real difference between the opening of Break-Up Nightmare and Revenge Porn is that Peyton isn’t taking the pictures for a boyfriend. Instead, she’s considering whether or not to get a boob job.

Otherwise, the first hour of the film plays out pretty much the same as Break-Up Nightmare. Peyton’s best friend (Jodelle Ferland) is jealous over Peyton’s great future and, in a moment of spite, sends naked pictures of Peyton to everyone at school. However, things get even worse when Carl Cook (a thoroughly creepy performance fro Levi Meaden) comes across Peyton’s pictures and posts them on his revenge porn website, ExMyEx. Cook claims that what he’s doing is perfectly legal and that it’s the fault of his victims for taking naked pictures in the first place. Peyton’s mom decides to try to bring the website down and Carl seeks revenge…

However, after about an hour of this, the film goes totally crazy. Angered over their attempts to shut him down, Carl starts to harass the Harrises in every over-the-top way imaginable. Since Carl Cook is a hacker (which, in the world of Lifetime films, is the equivalent of being an MCU-style super villain), there is literally nothing that he can’t do.

Send threatening texts to every member of the family? Carl can do it!

Send and re-send naked pictures of Peyton to everyone on the planet? Carl can do it!

Cancel everyone’s credit cards and destroy the family’s finances? Carl can do it!

Cancel Peyton’s college scholarships? Carl can do it!

Issue a warrant for Peyton’s father arrest? Carl can do it!

Eventually, the Harrises even find themselves being chased by a drone, which Carl is apparently controlling from his super villain lair!

When it comes to movies about creepy hackers and naked pictures, Break-Up Nightmare is definitely the one to go with. But Revenge Porn has its own strengths. Both Rohm and Skovbye give good performances and, seriously, as played by Levin Meaden, Carl Cook is one of the most loathsome villains to ever appear in a Lifetime movie.

If you’re a fan of the Lifetime way of telling cinematic morality tales, Revenge Porn is one to keep an eye out for. Hopefully, Lifetime will be do a Revenge Porn/Break-Up Nightmare double feature at some point in the future.

Cleaning Out The DVR, Again #33: The Night Stalker (dir by Megan Griffiths)

Posted on July 11, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The next film on my DVR was The Night Stalker. Though I recorded the film off of Lifetime on June 12th, the film actually made its premiere 8 days earlier when it played at the Seattle International Film Festival.

The Night Stalker tells a story about the real-life serial killer Richard Ramirez. Ramirez was a drifter and a self-declared Satanist who, in the 1980s, went on a murder spree in Los Angeles and San Francisco. He was eventually captured, not by the police but by a group of citizens who saw his picture in a newspaper. Ramirez spent the rest of his life of California’s death row, where he died in 2013. Despite spending the majority of his life condemned to death, Ramirez was never executed. Instead, he died of lymphoma.

Of the thousands of serial killers who have haunted America’s nightmares over the past few decades, Ramirez was infamous for both the savagery of his crimes and the fact that he never showed any remorse. The famous footage of him smirking in the courtroom and shouting, “Hail Satan!” has shown up in a countless number of “World’s Most Evil” cable documentaries. Ramirez is also infamous for being better-looking than the average serial killer. From the minute he was arrested to the day of his eventual death, Ramirez had admirers and groupies.

It’s a disturbing story and, for the most part, The Night Stalker does it justice, using Ramirez to tell an intense story about a man without a soul. This is a seriously dark and disturbing little movies, with the scenes of Ramirez’s abusive childhood and subsequent crimes achieving a nightmarish intensity in a way that you would rarely expect to see on Lifetime.

The film itself deals with a lawyer named Kit (played by Bellamy Young) who interviews Ramirez (Lou Diamond Phillips) during the final days of his life. Kit is hoping that she can get Ramirez to confess to committing a murder in Texas and help to get a condemned man off of death row. However, Kit has another reason for wanting to talk to Ramirez. She was a teenager (played, in flashbacks by Chelle Sherrill) during Ramirez’s crime spree. (The young Ramirez is played by Benjamin Barrett.) While Ramirez was murdering the people in her neighborhood, Kit was dealing with her abusive stepfather and her passive mother. As a result of her childhood, Kit is impulsive and often self-destructive and she hopes that by understanding Ramirez, she can maybe somehow understand how own childhood.

(In many ways, Kit stands in for many of the women who, for various reasons, became obsessed with Ramirez after his arrest and imprisonment.)

As for Ramirez — well, he’s a manipulative asshole. That’s actually the best that you can say about him. The film portrays the details of Ramirez’s own abusive childhood but, to its credit, the film never tries to turn Ramirez into a sympathetic character. The performances of Lou Diamond Phillips and Benjamin Barrett both come together to create a chilling portrait of a man who is literally empty on the inside.

It’s not a perfect film, by any means. The scenes set in Texas feature a few notably dodgy accents and, occasionally, the film comes close to turning into a Silence of the Lambs rip-off. But, for the part, this is a thoroughly disturbing and, at times, frightening portrait of life at its worse. The Night Stalker is a deeply creepy portrait of an all too real evil. Watch it but be aware that it may lead to nightmares.

Cleaning Out The DVR, Again #32: His Double Life (dir by Peter Sullivan)

Posted on July 11, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

(MINOR SPOILERS)

The 32nd film on my DVR was His Double Life, which I recorded off of the Lifetime Movie Network on June 12th.

His Double Life has a plot that will be familiar to anyone who has ever watched a Lifetime film. Scarlett (Cristine Prosperi) is still recovering from the trauma of her father’s death in a traffic accident. It doesn’t help that, five years later, her mother, Linda (Emmanuelle Vaugier), has married her father’s former business partner, Greg (Brian Krause). Scarlett doesn’t trust Greg. Admittedly some of that is because she resents Greg trying to take the place of her father but, at the same time, there is definitely something off about Greg. He tries too hard. He never seems to be sincere when he’s being friendly. He practically oozes sleaze.

And yet, somehow, Scarlett seems to be the only person who has any suspicions about Greg. This is a common theme in Lifetime films. Even when someone is obviously up to no good, only one person ever seems to notice. Everyone else just makes excuses for Greg’s behavior. And you know what? That’s actually a lot more plausible than a lot of critics are willing to admit. No one ever wants to admit that their neighbor might be a serial killer.

Or a spy.

Anyway, Scarlett thinks that there’s something wrong with Greg. So, while visiting home from college, Scarlett decides to follow Greg around. She sees Greg with another woman and is convinced that she caught him cheating. However, the next day, the woman turns up dead!

Is Greg a murderer?

Or is he a spy?

You’ll have to watch the movie to find out!

(He’s both.)

His Double Life is an entertaining Lifetime film, with all that implies. However, there are two things that make this Lifetime film especially memorable.

First off, the film ends with a title card that informs us that, ever since the end of the Cold War, the number of Russian spies in the United States has actually increased. “They’re your neighbors. Your friends. YOUR HUSBANDS!” Seriously, it was so melodramatic and silly (and intentionally so, I like to believe) that I couldn’t help but love it.

Add to that, His Double Life continues the trend of former Degrassi cast members showing up in Lifetime movies. Cristine Prosperi is well-remembered for playing, over the course of three seasons, the endearingly quirky Imogen on Degrassi. Scarlett is a bit more conventional than Imogen but Prosperi still does a great job playing her. For that matter, Brian Krause also does a good job as the menacing Greg.

Enjoy His Double Life! Just remember that the person you watch it with could easily be a Russian spy…

Cleaning Out The DVR, Again #30: The Inherited (dir by Devon Gummersall)

Posted on July 10, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The 30th film on my DVR was broadcast on the Lifetime Movie Network on June 5th. It was aired under the title The Inherited but, according to the imdb, it was originally called Stranger In The House. I imagine that Lifetime changed the title in order to keep viewers from confusing it with a previous Lifetime film that happened to have the same title.

Anyway, regardless of the title, this is a very confusing movie. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. This is just one of those films where, in order to truly understand what’s happening, you have to be willing to give the film some thought. It’s a film that raises many questions but doesn’t always supply easy answers. The answers are there but you have to be willing to look for them.

Unfortunately, because this film demands a certain amount of focus on the part of the audience, commercial television is probably the worst place for it to show up. When the action stops every fifteen minutes for a 3-minute block of commercials, it makes it a little bit difficult to remember what’s happened from one scene to another.

Stranger In The House/The Inherited tells the story of Eve (Jenn Liu) and Tom (Nathan Darrow). Eve and Tom has just gotten married. Eve lost her parents when she was younger and — well, to be honest, I’m not sure why the film opens with Eve’s parents dying. (Later, we find out that Tom’s parents also died when he was young. Maybe it’s all connected, maybe it isn’t. I honestly don’t know.) Tom is a widower. His first wife died but, in her will, she left Tom her family’s home on the condition that Tom never sell the house.

As soon as Tom and Eve move into the house, strange things start to happen. Eve thinks that she hears strange noises and she’s upset to discover that Tom has secrets that he hasn’t told her about. When his former sister-in-law, Wendy (Tammy Blanchard), comes over for dinner, she and Tom get into a huge argument that ends when Wendy’s necklace suddenly tightly wraps around her neck. Eve thinks there is something terrible in the house but Tom continually says that she’s imagining things. Fortunately, the housekeeper (Annabella Sciorra) believes Eve and even shares the fact that Tom cooked all of his first wife’s meals before she mysteriously fell ill and died. Suddenly, Tom’s cooking for Eve…

Soon, Eve doesn’t know who she can trust. Is the house haunted or is she going crazy? Is Tom trying to murder her or is Eve just going crazy? Is the housekeeper Eve’s friend or is Eve just going crazy? Could the film be any more of a Rebecca rip-off or is Eve just crazy? Is this film Gaslight or is it The Haunting?

I had to watch the ending a few times before I could tell you for sure. The Inherited is not always an easy film to follow. It’s directed in a deliberately dream-like manner, which leads to some memorably surreal scenes but which can also be frustrating when you’re trying to figure out what the Hell’s going on. Personally, I liked The Inherited because it had a lot of atmosphere, some good acting, and a lot of twists and turns. But it’s definitely not a film for everyone. You have to be willing to accept the fact that the movie is never going to make much sense.

On final note, Jenn Lui not only wrote this film but she also gave herself the lead role. That was a smart decision because the script is definitely written to her strengths as a performer. She gives a great performance, one that helps to hold this somewhat uneven film together.

Cleaning Out The DVR, Again #29: You May Now Kill The Bride (dir by Kohl Glass)

Posted on July 10, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

(Lisa is currently in the process of trying to clean out her DVR by watching and reviewing all 40 of the movies that she recorded from the start of March to the end of June. She’s trying to get it all done by July 11th! Will she make it!? Keep visiting the site to find out!)

The 29th film on my DVR was You May Now Kill The Bride! You May Now Kill The Bride originally aired on Lifetime on June 4th, during which time I took part in one of the most epic live tweets ever. This was one of those films that brought out the best in everyone!

First off, You May Now Kill The Bride wins points for having one of the most brilliant titles of all time. Not only does it tell you exactly what the film is about (i.e., weddings and killings) but it sets the tone perfectly. When you see a title like You May Now Kill The Bride, you know that there’s no need to even try to take what you’re about to see seriously. You May Now Kill The Bride says “Sit back and have fun.”

You May Now Kill The Bride tells the story of Nicole (Ashley Newbrough), a 30-s0mething teacher who has yet to get married or have children. Almost everyone has given up on the idea of Nicole ever finding true love. And, really, that’s okay because Nicole has a fun-loving best friend named Celine (Aubrey Reynolds), who is always available to come over to the house and get drunk.

However, to everyone’s shock, Nicole meets and falls in love with the handsome and sensitive Mark (Rocky Myers). Mark asks Nicole to marry him and it’s really great because Mark is not only nice to look at but he owns a really nice house as well. He also has a stepsister named Audrey (Tammin Sursok) and here’s where things start to get a little bit complicated.

Y’see, Audrey isn’t quite sane. Not only is she obsessed with her stepbrother but she’s also interested in being Nicole’s best friend at well. Even though Celine immediately decides that Audrey is crazy, Nicole insists on making Audrey a bridesmaid.

Why not maid of honor?

Well, Celine already has that job. Or, at least, Celine has that job until she mysteriously ends up getting tossed over the ledge of a parking garage…

Now, it may sound like Audrey is really dangerous but actually, I think she was only trying to help out her new sister-in-law. During an earlier scene, Nicole announced that she was going to wear perhaps the least flattering wedding dress that I have ever seen in a Lifetime movie. Celine supported Ncole’s decision. Audrey, however, immediately started to plot to destroy the dress.

Sometimes, a bridesmaid just has to do what a bridesmaid has to do.

It is true that, plotwise, You May Now Kill The Bride may be a perfectly standard Lifetime story. But the cast throws themselves into their roles, the dialogue is full of snarkiness, and Tammin Sursok fully commits to playing obsessive Audrey. This is a film that lives up to the crazy promise of its name.

Cleaning Out The DVR, Again #27: Running For Her Life (dir by Philippe Gagnon)

Posted on July 10, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

(Lisa is currently in the process of trying to clean out her DVR by watching and reviewing all 40 of the movies that she recorded from the start of March to the end of June. She’s trying to get it all done by July 11th! Will she make it!? Keep visiting the site to find out!)

The 27th film on my DVR was Running For Life, which originally aired on Lifetime on May 29th.

Running For Her Life has a very simple and yet very important message: if you’re going to take part in hypnotherapy, make sure that your therapist isn’t a fucking psycho who is obsessed with you. Really, that seems like it should be common sense but I’ve seen enough Lifetime films to know that people of a certain age and socio-economic background are often way too quick to enter into co-dependent relationships with people that they barely know!

For instance, Alison Wynn (Claire Forlani) wants to be an Olympic-winning triathlete, despite the fact that she’s still recovering from a major accident, one that caused many doctors to tell her that she would never walk again. Alison proved them wrong then and she wants to prove them wrong now! The only problem is that something is holding her back from giving it her all in competition. Could it be a childhood trauma of some sort? Could it be her own insecurity over her husband’s attractive new assistant?

What better way to find out than to convince the famous and controversial Dr. Laura Stevens (Michelle Nolden) to take her on as a client! At first, Laura says that she only works with professional athletes and suggests that Alison just read her book. But Alison continues to beg and eventually, Laura relents.

It turns out that Laura is a demanding coach. She pushes Alison to the limit and then demands even more, all the while screaming at her that her mother was right and that Alison is worthless. But, despite the harsh treatment, Alison starts to get better. It especially helps when Laura hyponotizes her and implant psychic suggestions in her brain. Of course, there is a nosy reporter (Arnold Pinnock) who claims that Laura is less of a coach and more of a brainwasher but at least Laura is getting results!

Of course, that’s not all Laura is doing. It quickly becomes apparent that she has grown obsessed with Alison. Soon, Laura is breaking into Alison’s apartment and hiding panties behind the cushions of the living room couch. “THESE AREN’T MINE!” Alison later yells at her husband.

It all leads to a scene in which Alison’s husband confronts Laura and Laura literally smashes a bottle over her head. Seriously, it’s one of the most batshit crazy scenes to ever show up in a Lifetime film and it makes the entire film required viewing.

Anyway, I rather liked Running For Her Life. Yes, it’s predictable but it’s also fun. As well, this is one of the rare Lifetime films where the victims are just as interesting as villains. Claire Forlani really throws herself into the role of Alison and you actually find yourself hoping that things actually do work out for her (though I have to admit that I’m still not totally sure I understand what a triathlon is). Meanwhile, Michelle Nolden turns Dr. Laura into a truly classic Lifetime villain.

Keep an eye out for Running For Her Life!

Cleaning Out The DVR, Again #23: A Wife’s Suspicion (dir by Jesse James Miller)

Posted on July 8, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

(Lisa is currently in the process of trying to clean out her DVR by watching and reviewing all 40 of the movies that she recorded from the start of March to the end of June. She’s trying to get it all done by July 11th! Will she make it!? Keep visiting the site to find out!)

The 23rd film on my DVR was A Wife’s Suspicion.

I recorded this on May 23rd and, just like with Broken Promise, you can probably guess by the title alone that I recorded this off of Lifetime. In fact, when I first saw that I had recorded this movie, I went back and checked to make sure that I hadn’t already reviewed a Lifetime film called A Wife’s Suspicion. Seriously, you have to wonder how it could possibly taken until 2016 for Lifetime to use this title.

(In all fairness, before Lifetime picked it up, the movie’s title was Evidence of Truth. I’m actually glad that they changed the title, just because Evidence of Truth makes it sound like one of those tedious climate change documentaries that you sometimes come across on Netflix.)

Anyway, A Wife’s Suspicion is a mix of CSI procedural and Lifetime melodrama. Renee Murphy (Andrea Roth) is the type of forensic examiner who talks to corpses while she examines them. She’s stubborn but she gets results, dammit! She once dated Detective Kyle Ferguson (Sebastian Spence) but, after they broke up, she ended up married to Jack Murphy (Woody Jeffreys). Jack seems like he’s a great guy and he’s got impressive hair but women are being murdered and Renee has reason to suspect that Jack might be the murderer.

It doesn’t help, of course, that Jack has been keeping secrets from her. When she decides to follow him, Renee spots Jack talking to a younger woman. Could Jack be having an affair or is he telling the truth when he says that he’s simply the woman’s sponsor? It turns out that Jack has had issues with addiction in the past. That’s one of those things that he didn’t tell his wife because he wanted “a second chance” at life.

Does Renee give Jack that second chance or does she work with her ex-boyfriend to put him in prison? Decisions, decision….

When I mentioned that I was watching A Wife’s Suspicion, my Lifetime-watching friend Trevor asked me if the movie had bored me to tears yet. Well, the movie never quite brought tears to my eyes but I still quickly discovered what he was talking about. A Wife’s Suspicion moves slowly, largely because there’s barely enough plot for an hour-long cop show, much less a 90 minute movie. You’ll be able to guess whether Jack is guilty or not fairly early and the fact that you figured it out but Renee didn’t only serves to make Renee an annoying character.

Sadly, A Wife’s Suspicion is a film that I would recommend skipping.

Cleaning Out the DVR, Again #22: Broken Promise (dir by Nadeem Soumah)

Posted on July 8, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

(Lisa is currently in the process of trying to clean out her DVR by watching and reviewing all 40 of the movies that she recorded from the start of March to the end of June. She’s trying to get it all done by July 11th! Will she make it!? Keep visiting the site to find out!)

The 22nd film on the DVR was Broken Promise, which I recorded off of Lifetime on May 22nd.

Before I get into the film itself, let me just say this about the title: Broken Promise is the perfect generic Lifetime title. I mean, it tells you absolutely nothing and yet it somehow tells you everything as well. If I hadn’t told you that I recorded this movie off of Lifetime, you would have guessed it just from the title, wouldn’t you? There’s an art to coming up with perfectly generic titles and Lifetime has mastered it.

Anyway, Broken Promise opens in 1992! Two high school seniors — Mina (Angeline Appel) and her boyfriend, Reese (Mickey River) — are driving around in Reese’s canary yellow car. If you watch that movie, pay attention to the car because you’ll be seeing it again. It’s like the canary yellow harbinger of death and doom. Anyway, Mina and Reese are young and in love so, naturally, they decide to break into a house for a romantic evening. However, the romance is interrupted when the owner of the house shows up with a shotgun. There’s a struggle. The homeowner is killed. Reese tells Mina that she needs to leave and that he’ll take the blame when the cops show up. Mina promises to wait for him to get out of prison.

However, promises were made to be broken…

Jump forward 25 years! Reese Sinclair (now played by Louis Mandylor) is finally being released from prison. However, no one is waiting to greet him on the outside. While he manages to get back his yellow car, his girlfriend is nowhere to be seen.

That’s right — Mina broke her promise! No only did she not wait for him but she also got married and now has a sullen teenage daughter, Hali (Lauren York). Making matters even worse, Mina not only got married but she married a cop! Ben Gardner (Nick Baillie) may be a nice guy and a good cop but that doesn’t stop Reese from fantasizing about murdering him.

Well, you can probably guess what happens. Reese tracks down Mina and her family. Reese tries to ingratiate himself with the family. Rebellious Hali starts to get too close to her mom’s ex-boyfriend. It’s really pretty much a typical Lifetime film, with all that implies. It’s well-made and well-acted and it won’t surprise you one bit.

In fact, to me, the most interesting thing about the film was looking at the cast and remembering all the other Lifetime films that they’ve appeared in. Ashley Scott was in 16 and Missing. Nick Baillie was in Full Out, which I will be reviewing soon. Lauren York was not only in The Perfect Daughter but also co-starred in Babysitter’s Black Book with Angelina Appel, who plays the younger version of her mom in this movie! According the imdb, York will also be appearing in the sequel to Lavalantula. They all do a pretty good job in this movie and so does Louis Madylor.

Let’s put it like this: if you like Lifetime movies, you’ll like this. If you don’t, you won’t.

Cleaning Out The DVR, Again #21: I Am Watching You (dir by Maureen Bharoocha)

Posted on July 8, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

(Lisa is currently in the process of trying to clean out her DVR by watching and reviewing all 40 of the movies that she recorded from the start of March to the end of June. She’s trying to get it all done by July 11th! Will she make it!? Keep visiting the site to find out!)

I was originally planning on reviewing the 21st film on my DVR yesterday evening but that was before my hometown of Dallas, Texas turned into a war zone after a sniper opened fire on a Black Lives Matter protest that was being held downtown. From 9 pm to 5 in the morning, I was watching the news and following the story on twitter. 10 police officers and 1 protester were shot by a gunman who later blown up in the parking garage of El Centro College. Sadly, as of this writing, five of the wounded officers have lost their lives. It was tragic and terrifying to watch this situation unfold, especially with the knowledge that it was all happening just a few miles away from me. Needless to say, at that moment, reviewing a Lifetime film was the last thing on my mind. I was just happy knowing that my family, friends, and loved ones were all safe.

As I sit here writing this, the city is still in shock and large portions of Dallas are currently shut down. (Fortunately, I was already off work for this week.) And, oddly enough, I’m suddenly finding myself very happy that I still have 19 films left to review. When the world gets too crazy and scary, movies can provide a needed escape and right now, I need that escape.

So, with all that in mind, let’s take a look at I Am Watching You!

There’s a scene in Joe Swanberg’s 2014 holiday film, Happy Christmas, in which Anna Kendrick encourages novelist Melanie Lynesky to abandon her pretentious and stalled literary project and instead just try to make a quick buck by writing a “mom sex” book. “Mom sex” books (like 50 Shades of Grey, to cite the most obvious example) might not qualify as great literature but they’re full of sex and middle-aged women like to read them on the beach. I Am Watching You tells the story of Nora Nichols (Madline Zima), a writer who specializes in writing “mom sex” books.

Nora, however, is suffering from writer’s block! Could it be because, like all Lifetime heroines, she has recently broken up with her boyfriend and is no longer having sex? Of course, it is! Fortunately, Nora’s office window provides her with a perfect view of her neighbor, photographer Lucas Wheeler (Brian Ames). Nora spends her time watching Lucas dress and undress but what Nora doesn’t suspect is that Lucas might be watching her as well.

Anyway, eventually, Nora and Lucas actually run into each other in real life and soon, they’re exploring their own 50 Shades of Grey-style melodrama. It helps with Nora’s writing, too. For instance, when she has to write a bondage scene, she has Lucas tie her up.

And, at first, it looks like everything is perfect! He’s hot, he’s into bondage, he likes to watch — what could go wrong? Well, he’s also obsessed with her and Nora soon discovers that she’s being stalked by him. Will all of this help Nora to write a best seller? How couldn’t it!?

Anyway, I Am Watching You is pretty much your typical Lifetime sex film. All of the scenes are gauzy and Lucas looks good without a shirt on but otherwise, it’s pretty tame. Even the very brief bondage scene felt more like a Chanel commercial than anything else.

But I guess my main problem with I Am Watching You is that, from what we heard in the film, Nora didn’t appear to be a very good writer. If anything, her writing sounded like second-rate 50 Shades of Grey fanfic (which is pretty bad when you consider that 50 Shades itself is second-rate fanfic). Considering all that she goes through to get her book written, it would be nice if the book at least sounded like it was worth reading.

I Am Watching You originally aired on Lifetime on May 15th and I’m sure it’ll probably air again many times over the upcoming year. They usually do.