Mama and Me”

Posted on September 11, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, Gopher finds love!

Episode 4.22 “Sally’s Paradise/I Love You, Too, Smith/Mama and Me”

(Dir by Earl Bellamy, originally aired on March 7th, 1981)

Occasionally, on The Love Boat, a member of the crew would happen to find love.

It seemed to happen most often to Julie. Having watched three and three-quarters seasons of The Love Boat, I’ve lost track of the number of times that I’ve seen Julie tear up while saying goodbye to a passenger with whom she had fallen in love. Isaac also seems to have had his share of shipboard romances. Doc is almost always seen escorting someone to his cabin. The Captain is usually busy running the ship but he’s found a few opportunities to fall in love.

And then there’s Gopher. Poor, goofy Gopher. He’s had a handful of cruise romances but, compared to his co-workers, they tend to be few and far apart. This week, however, Gopher finally gets to have another romance. (Perhaps not coincidentally, the Gopher storyline was co-written by Fred Grandy.)

Angelina Blenderman (Joanna Pettet) is the by-the-book customs agent who always takes her time checking people’s luggage when they disembark from the ship. Blenderman and Gopher have an antagonistic relationship, with her making fun of him for wearing shorts with his uniform and Gopher complaining that Blenderman is a humorless scold. But when Blenderman boards the ship and Gopher discovers that her boyfriend, Ray (Christopher Pennock), is a total cad who is cheating on her, Gopher and Blenderman fall in love.

And you know what? It’s actually really sweet. Fred Grandy and Joanna Pettet had a lot of chemistry and they made for a cute couple. Pettet did an especially good job of capturing the insecurity lurking beneath the abrasive surface. My heart really broke for her when she first discovered Ray cheating on her. (Grandy himself had a nice moment where he shyly revealed to Blenderman that his little-used first name was actually “Burl.” “Stick with Smith,” Blenderman replies.) I was happy to see that Blenderman and Gopher were still together at the end of the cruise.

As for the other (less interesting) stories, Sally (Juliet Mills) is the manager of the ship’s gift shop. When Julie hears that Sally’s fiancé, Donald (Gary Conway), is boarding the ship, she is excited for Sally. Then Sally’s other fiancé, Ricardo (Pedro Armendariz, Jr.), unexpectedly boards the ship. And then Henry (Kenneth Kimmins) boards the ship and Julie learns that Sally has gotten engaged to a third man! None of the men know about each other. Sally explains to Julie that she loves something different about all three of them. When Donald, Ricardo, and Henry all stop by the gift shop at the same time, Sally’s secret is revealed. Realizing that she has to choose and having been assured by the men that they will respect her choice, Sally decides to remain single and continue to date all three of the men. Good for Sally! On the one hand, her actions are very manipulative, regardless of how much she loves each man. On the other hand, she is right when she says she has the right to explore different things and enjoy her life. Somehow, Juliet Mills makes Sally into a likable character. (One can only imagine how cringey this episode would have been if Hayley had played the role.)

Finally, Natalie Corson (Sylvia Sidney) boards the ship with her son, Stanley (Eddie Mekka). Natalie wants Stanley to marry a woman that he’s not in love with. Stanley would rather marry his childhood friend, Jill (Joan Prather). Natalie accuses Jill of being a nudist because she wears a bikini but eventually, Natalie comes to realize that she’s not being fair and her son deserves to be happy. The problem with this story was that Stanley was such a wimp that you couldn’t help but feel that Jill deserved better.

With the exception of the third story, this was a fun cruise. I’m glad Gopher found love and Sally found lust. It was an enjoyable trip on the boat that offers something for everyone.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 4.21 “Clothes Make The Girl/Black Sheep/Hometown Girl”

Posted on September 4, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

It’s time for another cruise on …. THE LOVE BOAT!

Episode 4.21 “Clothes Make The Girl/Black Sheep/Hometown Girl”

(Dir by Earl Bellamy, originally aired on February 28th, 1981)

This week’s cruise is all about money!

For instance, in this episode, we learn that Doc Bricker is from a small town called Cedar Flats. Doc was the head of a committee that raised the money necessary to send Mike Lucas (Randy Powell) to medical school so that Mike could return home and serve as the town doctor. However, when Mike boards the cruise with his fiancée, Tracy (Cindy Morgan), it turns out that he has some bad news. Tracy’s wealthy father has offered Mike a job working at a Park Avenue clinic in Manhattan. Mike is planning on taking the job because of the money and the fact that Tracy doesn’t want to live in a small town. Unfortunately, that will leave Cedar Flats without a doctor.

Doc Bricker, showing that he actually is a man of integrity despite also being a walking HR nightmare, decides that he has no choice but to return to Cedar Flats and serve as their doctor until someone can be found to replace him. He asks Captain Stubing for a six-month leave of absence. Stubing agrees but warns that the cruise line might hire someone to take Doc’s place.

Meanwhile, Suzy Marshall (Kyle Aletter) is excited because it appears that her daughter, Anne (Lee Meriwether), has attracted the attention of a wealthy man named Jonathan (Larry Breeding). Little do they know that Jonathan is actually just Johnny, the ship’s valet. Johnny is wearing another passenger’s clothes and pretending to be rich.

At one point, Johnny takes Anne back to his cabin, making this the first episode to show us what a low-level employee’s cabin looks like. It’s small and cramped and located at the bottom the boat, which means it’ll be the first to flood if The Love Boat ever hits an iceberg. It’s also mentioned that Johnny is not allowed to eat in the main dining room with the passengers. I have to admit that it’s all a bit disillusioning. Apparently, the Love Boat is a terrible place to work!

Finally, a passenger named Donald Gray (Robert Ginty) tells the Captain that he works for the Secret Service. He is on the Love Boat because he hopes to capture a notorious counterfeiter. But what will happen when that counterfeiter turns out to be Jesse (Demond Wilson), Issac’s ne’er-do-well uncle who claims to have turned a new leaf? Poor Isaac!

Well, don’t worry. Everything works out:

1) Mike realizes that he has to honor his commitment to Cedar Flats and, after talking to her father, Cindy realizes that she loves Mike enough that she can be happy in a small town. (Cindy’s father says some very dismissive things about Cedar Flats but it turns out that he was only doing that to get Mike so outraged that he would have no choice but to return home. He was doing it as a favor to Doc Bricker. Can you imagine if that plan didn’t work? What if Mike just said, “You’re right! New York, here we come!”)

2) Anne learns the truth when she sees Johnny in his valet uniform. Luckily, she doesn’t care.

3) It turns out that Donald is actually a criminal who is masquerading as a treasury agent and Uncle Jesse is an undercover government agent! Isaac is happy to learn this but also agrees to keep Jesse’s secret. “You’re my favorite nephew,” Uncle Jesse replies. Awwwww!

This was an okay cruise. The guest stars weren’t particularly interesting but Bernie Kopell and Ted Lange both got an opportunity to show what they could do when given a real storyline to deal with. Kopell especially deserves a lot of credit for showing that humanity that lurked underneath Doc’s carefree surface. This episode kept me entertained and I enjoyed the scenery. Really, what else can you ask for from The Love Boat?

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 4.5 “The Love Doctor/The Pleasure Palace”

Posted on December 19, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986. Almost the entire show is currently streaming is on Youtube, Daily Motion, and a few other sites.

This week, Roarke and Tattoo are still ignoring each other.

Episode 4.5 “The Love Doctor/The Pleasure Palace”

(Dir by Earl Bellamy and Cliff Bole, originally aired on November 22nd, 1980)

The plane has arrived and, once again, Mr. Roarke and Tattoo head down to the docks to meet their guests. And, as with the previous season four episodes, it’s hard not to notice that neither Ricardo Montalban nor Herve Villechaize are willing to look at each other while delivering their lines. I feel a little bit bad about having started almost every recent review by mentioning the obvious hostility between the two of them but it’s impossible not to notice. Previously, one of the show’s greatest strengths was the playful banter between Roarke and Tattoo and, when it’s gone, it’s impossible not to notice the absence.

Speaking of hostility, Gordon Hughes (Gary Burghoff) seem to have a lot resentment against the world. Thanks to the inheritance that he received from his grandmother, Gordon has graduated from law school and he is on the verge of joining a top law firm. But, before he does so, he wants to go back in the past and discover how his grandmother made all of her money. Mr. Roarke takes Gordon to a recreation of the saloon that his grandmother owned in turn-of-the-century San Francisco. Gordon takes a sip of brandy and is transported into the past. He quickly discovers that …. HIS GRANDMOTHER OWNED A BROTHEL!

At first, Gordon is upset about this discovery. But then he falls in love with one of his grandmother’s employees, a waitress named Molly (Barbie Benton). And then he stands up to a crooked cop (Dane Clark). And then he meets his grandmother (Ruta Lee) and discovers that she was tough and refused to let anyone push her around. Gordon realizes that he should be proud of his grandmother and his heritage and that he wants to be with Molly. But then the San Francisco earthquake hits and Gordon is abruptly transported to the present. Not to worry, though! It turns out Molly was also a guest having a fantasy and she and Gordon board the airplane home together.

This fantasy — which featured a lot of nice clothes and period detail — would have been effective if not for Gary Burghoff’s rather off-putting performance as Gordon. Seriously, Gordon came across as being such an uptight and self-righteous prig that it was difficult to have much sympathy for him. Of course, that was kind of the point. Gordon was supposed to be a snob but Burghoff made him such a convincing and such a committed snob that it was hard to believe that he could have changed his ways just over the course of a few days.

The second guest is actress Kim Holland (Loni Anderson), who is the biggest star in the world after appearing in only three movies. She wants a break from being a star so Mr. Roarke arranges for her to serve as a nurse in a remote clinic that is run by the gruff Dr. Greg Miller (Christopher George). Kim finds a purpose in life helping Dr. Miller but, when they’re kidnapped by a native tribe, Dr. Miller reveals that he has always known who Kim is. Dr. Miller plays one of her movies for the tribe, convincing them that Kim is a goddess. Miller goes on to explain that he’s been in love with Kim ever since he first saw her on screen. Seeing as Kim’s fantasy was to not be recognized for a few days, it would seem that Roarke failed to keep up his end of the bargain. But it doesn’t matter because Kim and Greg are in love. This fantasy could have worked with perhaps a different actress in the role of Kim. Loni Anderson gave such a blank performance as Kim that it was hard to really believe her either as a movie star or a nurse.

(Interestingly enough, the character of Kim Holland also appeared on the episode of The Love Boat that aired right before this episode. So, if nothing else, this is the first Love Boat/Fantasy Island cross-over. Incidentally, I’ll be reviewing that episode of The Love Boat in a few more months.)

This was a fairly forgettable episode. The island was lovely to look at and I’m glad that everyone found love but I just wish Mr. Roarke and Tattoo could be friends again.

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 4.2 “The Flying Aces/The Mermaid Returns”

Posted on November 28, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, a guest star from the past returns!

Episode 4.2 “The Flying Aces/The Mermaid Returns”

(Dir by Earl Bellamy, originally aired on November 1st, 1980)

The plane is landing, bringing with it a new group of Fantasy Island guests. As always, Tattoo steps out of the main Fantasy Island office, intent to head down to the lagoon and discover what this week’s fantasies will be. Except …. wait a minute …. where is Mr. Roarke!?

Tattoo waits for a few minutes and then looks around. Mr. Roarke is nowhere to be seen! Is it possible that, after three seasons of reported acrimony between him and Herve Villechaize, Ricardo Montalban has left the Island!? That would certainly make Tattoo happy. Though it was a storyline that was phased out as the show became more family friendly, Tattoo did spend the first two seasons of Fantasy Island talking about how he would like to be in charge of everything. Finally, Tattoo is in charge! Tattoo heads down to the landing lagoon and, for once, he’s the one who declares, “Smiles, everyone, smiles!”

However, Mr. Roarke has not left the Island. Instead, he’s been having a meeting with Nyah (Michelle Phillips), the mermaid who lives off the shore of Fantasy Island and who, during the third season, tried to tempt John Saxon to his death. Nyah reveals to Roarke that she wants to come to Fantasy Island as a guest because she had a fantasy of her own. Roarke informs her that, to do this, she will have to agree to be human for the weekend. Nyah agrees and Roarke makes a fist and closes his eyes tight. Suddenly, Nyah’s tail is replaced by legs!

Roarke then heads over to the landing lagoon, where he meets up with Tattoo. Tattoo is shocked when Nyah stumbles off of the plane. (So was I, as I was kind of under the assumption that the plane had already landed when Roarke had his conversation with her.) Tattoo wonders why Nyah is struggling to walk. Roarke explains that she’s still learning how to use her legs. When the friendly island girls offer her a drink and a lei, Nyah rudely shake her head. It’s not easy being human! Roarke explains that Nyah wants to experience human love.

As for the other guest, he’s an airline pilot named Tony Chilton (Sam Melville). Tony feels that World War II was the last time when men could truly be men and he has stated that his fantasy is to be a member of the 53rd fighting group, battling the Germans above New Zealand. However, as Roarke quickly deduces, Tony’s actual fantasy is to meet the father he never knew. David Chilton (Tom Wopat) was a member of the 53rd and he died in aerial combat.

Both fantasies play out pretty much the way that you probably expect that they would. Fantasy Island was a show that understood the importance of fulfilling expectations. For instance, you’ve probably already guessed that Nyah is going to end up announcing that she’s in love with Mr. Roarke and also that, by the end of the episode, Nyah is going to have realized that her home is in the ocean. But Nyah’s storyline is still enjoyable because Michelle Phillips does such a good job of playing Nyah and her struggle to figure out how humans do things like walk, make small talk, and wear clothes all the time. At first, Nyah is rude to almost everyone that she meets and I cringed a bit when Roarke disciplined her by giving her a spanking. (Oh hi, 1980!) But, at the same time, I could relate to Nyah because, from my childhood, I know what it’s like to constantly find yourself in a new town and a new school and having to figure out the customs of a whole new group of people. Sometimes, it’s not easy to learn how to walk in a new place.

As for the World War II story, Tony does meet with his father and he gets to bond with him. Awwww! Sadly, he also learns that Roarke wasn’t kidding when he warned that history cannot be changed. It was a simple story but it worked due to the heartfelt performances of Sam Melville and Tom Wopat. This storyline was unabashedly sentimental and all the better for it!

All in all, this was a good trip to the Island.

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 3.20 “Nona/One Million B.C.”

Posted on October 24, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This episode features a trip to the past and a surprisingly good turn from Peter Graves.

Episode 3.20 “Nona/One Million B.C.”

(Dir by Earl Bellamy, originally aired on March 1st, 1980)

This week, we have another episode of Fantasy Island in which a somewhat effective fantasy is matched with an incredibly dumb one.

The dumb fantasy involves two women (Phyllis Davis and Jo Ann Pflug) who want to go back to a time when men took care of everything and women didn’t have to do anything. They’re sick of all that women’s lib stuff! Mr. Roarke explains that their fantasy is rather vaguely worded and then sends them back to the time of dinosaurs and cavemen. (Of course, dinosaurs and cavemen didn’t exist at the same time but whatever.) After the two women are nearly killed by a Claymation dinosaur, they are taken in by a tribe of cavemen. Since their modern clothes were ruined in all the excitement, they are given fashionable fur outfits to wear. Despite the fact that they’ve gone back to One Million B.C., the new animal skins outfits have built-in bras, showing that the cave people were more advanced than anyone realized.

Anyway, living in a cave sucks but, fortunately, it turns out that tribe’s leader (Neville Brand) is actually just Mr. Roarke in disguise. Just as the cavemen find themselves in a battle with another tribe of cave dwellers, Roarke reveals himself and ends the fantasy. Yes, it was dumb.

The other fantasy was significantly better. Ned J. Scott (Peter Graves) is a former Chicago cop who is now blind but still obsessed with finding the whereabouts a missing actress named Nona (Joanna Pettet). Roarke gives Scott one of his magic potions, which briefly returns his ability to see. Fortunately, Nona is on Fantasy Island, being held prisoner by a knife-wielding pimp (Edd Byrnes). Scott saves her from the pimp, encourages her not to be so critical of herself, and reunites Nona with her family before losing his eyesight once again. Nona, having fallen in love with Scott, declares that she loves him whether he can see or not. They leave the Island together. Awwwwww!

The second fantasy had its flaws, not the least of which was that Nona certainly got over being a sex slave in record time. But, almost despite itself it still worked. A lot of that is due to Peter Graves. Graves, who we normally think of as being something of a stiff actor, gives a very emotional performance here and the viewer never doubts for a second his love for Nona. Graves especially does a good job in the scenes where Scott realizes that his vision is starting to fade and that he will soon be blind again. He gives a fully committed performance, one that elevates the fantasy.

Finally, this episode features one brief scene of Roarke and Tattoo banter. (Roarke and Tattoo banter used to be one of the show’s trademarks but it was rarely seen during the third season.) Roarke tricks Tattoo into thinking that he’s just taken an invisibility serum. It’s a bit cruel but at least they were speaking to each other again.

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 3.13 “The Inventor/On The Other Side”

Posted on September 5, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986. Almost entire show is currently streaming is on Youtube!

This week’s trip to Fantasy Island is sadly forgettable. Let’s find out why.

Episode 3.13 “The Inventor/On The Other Side”

(Dir by Earl Bellamy, originally aired on December 15th, 1979)

This week, there is no banter between Tattoo and Mr. Roarke before they head off to meet their guests. In fact, Ricardo Montalban and Herve Villechaize barely look at each other. It’s a shame because this is actually a pretty dire episode. It could have used some passive-aggressive Tattoo/Roarke interaction.

The first fantasy features Arte Johnson as Professor Dwayne Clebe and Marcia Wallace as his assistant, Martha Meeks. Professor Clebe is tying to develop a solution that, when sprayed on metal, will make it impervious to damage. When he first arrives at Fantasy Island, the solution is called 2X76409, with the 9 signifying the 9 labs that have been blow up by Clebe’s experiments. By the time he and Martha perfect the solution, it has become the 2X76411. Fear not, no one is injured when the labs blow up. Even though Clebe and Martha are both standing in the middle of these explosions, they always just end up with soot on their face.

Anyway, once the formula is perfected, leaders of both industry and the world’s trade unions travel to Fantasy Island to try to destroy it. The industrialists think that it will drive down prices. The unionists think that it will put people out of work. Eventually, the Russians show up because they want the formula for themselves. It all leads to a big chase and Prof. Clebe realizing that he loves Martha.

The whole fantasy was way too cartoonish and overwritten for its own good and it featured some of the worst acting that I’ve ever seen on Fantasy Island. Let’s move on!

Unfortunately, the other fantasy really isn’t that great either. Irma Gideon (Jeanette Nolan) was the wife of a medium. When he died, he promised that he would contact her from the other side. He hasn’t done so and Irma’s fantasy is to go to the other side, see her husband, and then return. Mr. Roarke arranges for a séance but, when he suspects that Irma is planning on just going to the other side and staying there, he cancels the fantasy. After Irma swears that she won’t stay in “the other side,” Mr. Roarke allows her to enter a death-like trance in a Fantasy Island laboratory. When Irma goes to the Other Side and is tempted to cross a bridge and stay permanently, her grandson (Keith Gordon) enters into a trance of his own so that he can beg her to come back.

It all sounds like it should be interesting but the execution is lacking, with one scene featuring a painting of Irma’s husband speaking to her being so badly done that it makes it impossible to take the rest of the fantasy seriously. Jeanette Nolan and Keith Gordon both give marginally better performances that Arte Johnson and Marcia Wallace did in the other fantasy but, in the end, the whole thing just falls flat.

Well, not every trip to Fantasy Island can be a winner.

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 3.12 “The Cheerleaders/Marooned”

Posted on August 29, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Let’s see what’s happening on the Island this week….

Episode 3.12 “The Cheerleaders/Marooned”

(Dir by Earl Bellamy, originally aired on December 8th, 1979)

I’m just going to be honest here. This week’s episode of Fantasy Island is not a good one. Neither one of the fantasies work. In fact, they’re both really, really annoying. Usually, this show does a fairly good job of balancing a fun fantasy with a serious fantasy. This episode, though, both fantasies are meant to be humorous. They’re not. They are both rather shrill.

That said, this episode did feature the return of Roarke and Tattoo bantering before going to meet their guests. When Roarke steps out of his office to meet the plane, he’s surprised to see that Tattoo is hiding in a red fire hydrant costume. When Roarke demands to know what Tattoo is doing, Tattoo explains that he’s training to be a secret agent. Roarke rolls his eyes so violently that I’m surprised he didn’t injure himself. Later, Tattoo attempts to disguises himself as a bale of hay and ends up getting chased by an enraged bull that just happens to be wandering around the Island. Roarke laughs and laughs because there’s nothing that makes him happier than the idea of his assistant suffering a terrible injury. That said, though it was all a bit mean-spirted, it was nice to see the return of the banter.

As for the two fantasies …. God, I don’t even want to talk about them.

The marginally more interesting one featured Vic Tayback as a blue collar guy named Melvyn whose fantasy was to spend some time with his favorite movie star, a total diva named Liz Merrill (Jayne Meadows). When Liz shows up on the Island, it turns out that her fantasy is for everyone to think that she’s lost at sea before she’s eventually found on a tropical island. She’s told that Melvyn has been hired to row the boat taking her to the island. Instead, Melvyn and Liz get lost and really do end up on a deserted island, where Liz eventually drops her arrogant attitude and Melvyn wins her love by barking orders at her. The fact that this was the “better” fantasy should tell you just how bad the other fantasy was.

The other fantasy features Georgia Engel and Patty McCormack as Cathy and Marg, two roommates whose fantasy is to be cheerleaders for their favorite football team, the Titans. Fortunately, the Titans training camp happens to be on Fantasy Island! Marg has a crush on quarterback Roger Mosely (played by Dan Pastorini) but Roger is more interested in Cathy. This leads to the two friends not being friends anymore but then Mr. Roarke tells them that there’s nothing more important than friendship. It’s a nice message but it’s hard to believe either Georgia Engel or Patty McCormack as cheerleaders and Engel and Pastorini had absolutely zero chemistry. The whole thing just felt too silly for its own good.

(I even forced Erin to watch this episode with me so that I could get her perspective as a former cheerleader. She agreed with me. As far as cheerleader stories go, this was no Bring It On.)

Sigh. This week’s episode was not great. Hopefully, next week’s will be better!

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 3.11 “The Mermaid/The Victim”

Posted on August 22, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Smiles!

Episode 3.11 “The Mermaid/The Victim”

(Dir by Earl Bellamy, originally aired on December 1st, 1979)

This week, Fantasy Island suddenly becomes the most dangerous place on Earth.

Julie Bett (Joan Prather) comes to the island with a simple fantasy. She wants a date — just one date — with a man that she met briefly four years ago. Mr. Roarke asks Julie if perhaps she has overidealized her memories of Michael Duvall (James Darren). Julie says no and that Michael is the ideal man. Roarke reveals that Duvall lives on a nearby island where Roarke has no legal authority. Julie says that fine, since the date will be on Fantasy Island. Roarke reveals that Duvall is usually not allowed to step foot on Fantasy Island because of his shady reputation. Julie replies that there’s nothing shady about Michael Duvall. Roarke finally allows Duvall to come to Fantasy Island for the date.

Of course, within minutes of arriving, Duvall has drugged Julie’s drink and then whisked her back to his own island. It turns out that Michael Duvall is a Jeffrey Epstein-style human trafficker and his estate doubles as a prison for the women that he had abducted. His evil assistant, Madame Jeannot (Yvonne DeCarlo), announces that there is no way that Julie can escape and, to prove her point, she introduces Julie to Annie (Cathryn O’Neil), who tried to escape and was severely beaten as a result.

Julie tries to rally the other prisoners (including Dorothy Stratten, who would be murdered 8 months after this episode aired) to fight back against Duvall, Jeannot, and their servant. If her rebellion fails, Julie knows that she’ll never be seen again….

Meanwhile, oceanographer Harold DeHaven (John Saxon) has come to Fantasy Island with his wife, Amanda (Mary Ann Mobley). Harold and Amanda have a troubled marriage, largely because Harold is too obsessed with his work and his desire to make a major discovery of some sort. No sooner has Harold started walking along the beach then he comes across a mermaid! Princess Nyah (Michelle Phillips) is apparently a well-known figure on Fantasy Island and, at one point, Roarke even confronts Nyah about her history of trying to lure the guests to their deaths. Can Amanda prevent her husband from drowning in his attempt to be with Princess Nyah?

(This episodes leaves us to wonder just what exactly Fantasy Island’s legal liability would be if someone died as a result of their fantasy. Seriously, it seems like Mr. Roarke has really left himself vulnerable to a lawsuit.)

Anyway, Julie and the other kidnapped women manage to escape from Duvall’s estate, just to find Mr. Roarke and a bunch of policemen waiting for them. Roarke explains that he knew what Duvall was doing but he needed proof before he could contact that authorities. Julie provided the proof. Essentially, Roarke is saying that he put Julie’s life at risk to take down Duvall but Julie and the other women seem to be amused by the whole thing. Everyone smiles as Mr. Roarke says that he’ll take them back to Fantasy Island. I guess PTSD doesn’t exist on the islands.

Meanwhile, Amanda’s efforts to keep Harold from swimming off with Nyah nearly leads to Amanda drowning. Seeing his wife risk her life for him, Harold realizes that he really does love Amanda and both he and Amanda return to dry land. Disappointed, Nyah swims off.

Yay! Everyone lived! As they all left the Island, no one seemed to be the least bit traumatized by nearly dying. At the plane flies away, Roarke suggest that Nyah’s new target might be Tattoo. “Be serious, boss,” Tattoo, “I can’t even swim.” The thought of his assistant dying a terrible death from drowning cause Roarke to laugh out loud as the end credits roll.

There was a weird episode and compulsively watchable as a result. Seriously, how do you not love John Saxon following Michelle Phillips into water? That said, Fantasy Island seems like a very dangerous place.

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 3.10 “Class of 69/The Pug”

Posted on August 15, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, boxing comes to Fantasy Island!

Episode 3.10 “Class of 69/The Pug”

(Dir by Earl Bellamy, originally aired on November 24th, 1979)

Once again, this episode opens with no banter between Mr. Roarke and Tattoo. Instead, Tattoo announces the arrival of the plane and rings the bell and then he and Mr. Roarke head down to the docks to meet their guests. This is the third episode in a row without any pre-guest banter and I have to admit that I’m really missing it.

As for this week’s guests, they’re an improvement on last week’s rather forgettable offering.

Joey Lee (Gary Collins) is a former heavyweight boxer who comes to the Island with his son, Mitch (K.C. Martel). Joey thinks that he’s just been hired to serve as a sparring partner for the world champion, Jackson Malone (Fred Williamson). Jackson has a title defense coming up, right on the Island. What Joey doesn’t know is that Mitch’s fantasy is for his father to have a shot at the championship. When Malone’s opponent has to drop out of the fight, Joey is named as a substitute. Mitch is excited, until he finds out that Joey is being pressured to take a dive in the third round. Will Joey throw the fight? And, even if Joey doesn’t, how will Mitch react to seeing his father getting pounded in the face by the world champion? Will Mitch learn that his love for his father is more important than his father’s championship?

This fantasy was a typical Rocky rip-off, right down to Fred Williamson doing a credible Apollo Creed impersonation. The problem, of course, is that the middle-aged and mild-mannered Gary Collins was in no way credible as a heavyweight boxer. The fact that the world champion was played by an actual athlete didn’t help matters. (It’s true that Carl Weathers, like Williamson, was also a football player before he played Apollo but Sylvester Stallone himself had been an amateur boxer before he played Rocky so it was easier to buy the idea of their match going the distance.) In the end, I liked the fact that Mitch realized that his father’s health was more important than being champion. The fantasy had a nice ending, even if it’s difficult to buy the set-up.

The other fantasy featured Adrienne Barbeau as Brenda Richards. When she first arrives on Fantasy Island, Tattoo comments on how obese Brenda is, even though she’s only a few pounds overweight. (Adrienne Barbeau wears a very unconvincing fat suit.) Mr. Roarke explains that Brenda was humiliated at her high school prom when her date, arrogant jock Lance (Tim Thomerson), tricked her into undressing in the gym before then bringing in the entire senior class in to laugh at her. (Yikes!) The high school reunion is being held on Fantasy Island and Brenda’s fantasy is to get revenge. Roarke gives her a potion which allows her to be thin for 48 hours. (In reality, Barbeau just ditches the fat suit.)

At the reunion, Brenda tricks Lance into taking off his wig. The entire senior class discovers that Lance is totally bald and they laugh and laugh. Everyone is impressed with Brenda’s revenge except for Brenda’s old high school friend, Bernie Drexel (Fred Grandy, taking a break from The Love Boat). Brenda sees that she was just as cruel to Lance as he was to her back in high school so she makes a public apology and encourages everyone to be kind to one another. Barbeau then puts the fat suit back on. Bernie says that Brenda will always be the most beautiful woman that he knows. Awwwww!

I actually liked this fantasy, largely because of the chemistry between Barbeau and Grandy. Plus, Tim Thomerson made a great arrogant jock. I know that some people will say that this episode featured too many jokes about Brenda’s weight (especially considering the fact that, even before drinking the potion, Brenda was hardly obese) but I appreciated the fact that it had an anti-bullying message. And if her romance with Bernie inspires Brenda to eat healthy and start getting regular exercise, all the better!

At the end of the episode, Mr. Roarke tells Tattoo that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. “To me,” Mr. Roarke says, “you are six feet two inches tall.”

Uhmmm….yeah, I don’t know how I feel about that ending. It seems like the show, whether intentionally or not, is saying that Tattoo will be forever unloved because of his height. Even without the pre-guest banter, Roarke is finding ways to passive-aggressively taunt his assistant. That’s life on Fantasy Island.

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 3.7 “The Wedding”

Posted on July 25, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Mr. Roarke gets married!

Episode 3.7 “The Wedding”

(Dir by Earl Bellamy, originally aired on November 3rd, 1979)

Helena Marsh (Samantha Eggar) and her son, Jamie (Paul John Balson), return to Fantasy Island!

The last time Helena visited the Island, she and Mr. Roarke ended up falling in love but Helena ended up leaving the Island so that she could return to the clinic that her late husband started in India. However, Helena has now come back to the Island and she has only one fantasy. She wants to marry Mr. Roarke! Mr. Roarke is going to make her fantasy come true. He’s so happy that he doesn’t even yell at Tattoo during this episode.

The entire Island is excited about the wedding. However, Tattoo grows concerned when he hears Helena’s parents (played by Laraine Day and Joseph Cotten) talking about how unfair it is that Helena is dying and probably won’t even survive the honeymoon. Tattoo goes to Mr. Roarke and discovers that Roarke knows that Helena is dying. Mr. Roarke assures Tattoo that Helena has one of those television diseases where death comes with little to no suffering. Unfortunately, Jamie does not yet know that his mother is ill.

The Hawaiian-style wedding goes off without a hitch. Mr. Roarke and Helena honeymoon on the other side of the island and, for the first time since this series began, Ricardo Montalban actually gets to wear something other than a white tuxedo. While Jaimie helps Tattoo train Chester the Chimpanzee to stop stealing things, Helena enjoys her last few days with Mr. Roarke. Unfortunately, the honeymoon is cut short as Helena grows ill. From his grandfather, Jamie learns that his mother is dying. “If life were fair,” Mr. Roarke says with tears in his eyes, “there would be no need for Fantasy Island.”

Awwwww! Seriously, what a terrifically sweet and sad episode this turned out to be. Ricardo Montalban and Samantha Eggar had fabulous chemistry together and Montalban, in particular, really seemed to be energized by the chance to do something other than act mysterious and enigmatic. In this episode, Mr. Roarke finally gets to show his emotions and when he cries, you’ll want to cry too. Helena dies peacefully on the island, in the arms of Mr. Roarke. Her final fantasy has been granted.

As for Jamie, he decides that he can’t stay on the Island. He has to go back to school so that, someday, he can become a doctor just like his mother.

Oh my God, I’m like seriously tearing up just writing this recap.

This episode was Fantasy Island at its sentimental and emotional best. This was a great episode, featuring outstanding performances from Ricardo Montalban and Samantha Eggar. Would you believe that an episode of Fantasy Island could make a reviewer cry? Well, this episode did.