Command 5 (1985, directed by E.W. Swackhamer)

Posted on April 8, 2025 by Jedadiah Leland

Morgan (Stephen Parr) is a mysterious government operative who puts together a special paramilitary force to take on extreme threats. He says that only misfits are allowed to join his group because they have the edge he needs. Smith (William Russ) is a wild Texan who drives like a maniac. Psychiatrist Winslow (Sonja Smits) can fire an Uzi better than any man. Kowalski (John Matuszak) is a demolitions expert who listens to Beethoven. Jack Coburn (Wings Hauser) is a rebellious detective who is good with a throwing knife.

After a montage of their extensive training and a scene where our heroes take a look at the bullet-proof RV that they’ll be traveling the country in, the movie finally gets down to business. A motorcycle-riding terror cult led by Delgado (Gregory Sierra) has taken an entire town hostage and is threatening to kill everyone unless they’re given a flight out of the country. Our heroes drive their bulletproof van into town and try to defeat the bad guys. There’s one good scene where the RV is driving down the town’s main street and getting hit nonstop with bullets. The scene was obviously ripped off from the end of Clint Eastwood’s The Gauntlet but it’s still exciting to watch. Otherwise, the action in this one is pretty rudimentary.

I guess Command 5 was supposed to be a pilot for television show that never went into production. It is very much a television production. There’s a lot of shooting but no blood. Wings Hauser is less dangerous than usual. The whole thing ends with Command 5 looking forward to adventures that were never to come. Watching the pilot, you can see why it never became a show. The characters were all thinly-written and never seemed to have much of a connection with each other and Hauser and Russ both seemed to be competing to be the loose cannon of the group. This one is for Wings Hauser completists only.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 3.14 “All That Glitters”

Posted on February 20, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!

This week, a conman seeks refuge in a church.

Episode 3.14 “All that Glitters”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on January 7th, 1987)

There’s a fire raging in the city and elderly homeowners are being forced to evacuate. “Father” Jonathan and “Father” Mark open up an abandoned church so that the people have some place to stay while the fires are burning. Good for them and also good for this show for finally acknowledging Catholicism.

Also hiding out in the church and disguised as a priest is Charley Trapola (John Pleshette), a con artist who, despite his criminal profession, actually has a good heart. Charley has a briefcase with him, one that is full of money. A group of criminals want the briefcase back but, at least initially, they know better than to try anything in the church. Instead, they decide to wait for Charley to come out. Inside the church, Charley gets to know Wanda (Didi Conn), a shy but kind-hearted woman who goes to Confession every day.

This episode was okay. Usually, when Jonathan and Mark go undercover as clergyman, they’re portrayed as being wishy-washy Episcopalians or vaguely liberal Methodists so I was happy that they were Catholic for this episode. John Pleshette and Didi Conn were both well-cast as this episode’s guest stars. They eventually made for a very sweet and likable couple. My main issue with this episode is that it tried to do a bit too much. Not only did we have Charley being chased by the gangsters but we also had Wanda dealing with her shyness and Mark and Jonathan dealing with the people were seeking shelter and looking for their loved ones. This episode — and not that weird marriage counseling episode — would have benefitted from an extra hour. As it was, it just felt a bit overstuffed. As well, this is another episode in which Jonathan reveals early on that he’s angel and, oddly enough, Charley has no hesitation about believing him. I always prefer the episodes where Jonathan doesn’t reveal who he really is. When Jonathan reveals that he’s an angel, it almost seems like cheating. The show is always more effective when people decide to open up their hearts on their own as opposed to doing so because they feel they’ve been ordered to.

There’s an odd scene where the three thugs break into the church and pull a gun on Jonathan. After Jonathan gives them fair warning about “the boss,” the main thug attempts to shoot Jonathan. Needless to say, the bullets don’t have any effect on an angel. However, a sudden blue lights fills the church and suddenly, the three men are apparently zapped out of existence. Jonathan later jokes that he’s not sure where the three men are but that they probably aren’t happy. So, did the three men go straight to Hell? Are they dead? I understand the logic behind the scene but it’s not really something you expect from a show where the main theme is usually that everyone has a chance for redemption.

Next week, Dick Van Dyke plays a homeless puppeteer …. uh oh. This sounds like it could a little bit cringey …. well, we’ll see.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 2.21 “The Torch”

Posted on October 17, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, its the most shocking episode of Highway to Heaven yet!

Episode 2.21 “The Torch”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on March 12th, 1986)

Everett Salomon (Herschel Bernardi) is a Holocaust survivor who has become wealthy and successful in the United States. In poor health and in need of a heart transplant, Everett spends most of his time giving speeches about his experiences in the concentration camp. He is disturbed by the rise in Holocaust denialism and has dedicated his remaining years to battling the scourge of Neo-Nazism. In a disturbing scene that brings to mind the horrible images of the October 7 attacks, a Nazi named Cal (Robert O’Reilly) sneaks onto Everett’s property in the middle of the night and murders his dog.

Cal is a follower of Jan Baldt (Paul Koslo), a Neo-Nazi and a Holocaust denier who has turned his basement into a shooting range so that he and his buddies can fire their guns at pictures of John F. Kennedy, Martin Luther King, and Moshe Dayan. Jan is consumed by hate and he’s teaching that hate to his young son, Rolf (played by a very, very young Mark-Paul Gosselaar). While Jan rants about conspiracies and bankers, Rolf cleans the guns in the basement.

At a Nazi rally, Jan’s speech is interrupted by Everett’s son, Joseph (David Kaufman). Cal proceeds to make his way through the crowd and ends up shooting Joseph dead. When Everett hears the news, he has a heart attack and is rushed to the hospital by two paramedics, Jonathan Smith and Mark Gordon. Meanwhile, while Jan and Cal celebrate in their basement, Rolf picks up a submachine gun and, not realizing it’s loaded, pulls the trigger and guns both men down.

Everett finally gets the heart transplant that he’s needed ever since he was first liberated from the camps. Unfortunately, that heart comes from Jan Baldt. At first, Everett refuses to accept the heart but then the ghosts of his parents and of Joseph appear to him and tell him that he has to continue to live and let people know the truth about what happened in the camps.

Later, Everett leaves the hospital and tells the reporters waiting outside that he will never be silent.

This seems to be one of the episodes of Highway to Heaven that anyone who has ever watched the show remembers. Because the show is usually rather gentle and non-violent, this episode can be a rather jarring viewing experience. The first time I saw it, the only thing that stunned me more than Joseph’s death was the subsequent deaths of Jan and Cal. The episode ends on an uplifting note but I always find myself wondering what happened to Rolf. Without his father around to brainwash him, will Rolf be able to learn something other than hate? Or is it too late for him? Is Rolf damned to follow in his father’s footsteps?

With the current rise of anti-Semitism, this episode still feels incredibly relevant. There’s really not much difference between Jan Baldt’s rants and the stuff currently being spewed by Nick Fuentes, Candace Owens, and Brianna Joy Gray. This episode reminds us that “never again” has to be more than just a catch phrase.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 1.9 “Catch A Falling Star”

Posted on November 23, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, the highway leads to Hollywood!

Episode 1.9 “Catch a Falling Star”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on Nov. 14, 1984)

In this rather slight episode, Daniel Davis plays movie star Lance Gaylord. Lance is both producing and starring in a western and he’s so dedicated to the film that he rarely sees his two children, Brock (Bobby Jacoby) and Karen (Emily Moultrie). His son has been acting out and Lance thinks that it’s just because the kid is a brat and he’s upset about his parents getting divorced. The truth, of course, is that Brock just wants his father’s attention.

Jonathan and Mark show up on the set of Lance’s movie and explain that they’ve been sent over by the Darwin Agency. (An angel who works for the Darwin Agency? Take that, secular humanism!) Lance tells Jonathan and Mark to keep an eye on his kids while he’s shooting his movie.

The problem is an obvious one. How can Jonathan get Lance to spend more time with his children, especially his angry son? Well, maybe the child star who is appearing in the movie could come down with the chicken pox. And then, maybe with Jonathan’s encouragement, Brock could try out for the role. At first, Lance angrily says that he will not even allow his son to audition but when Brock runs away from home and Jonathan yells at him for not being there for his son, Lance realizes the errors of his ways. When Brock returns home, he gets his audition and he gets the role. He also finally gets to go fishing with his dad.

Probably the most interesting thing about this episode is how little actually happens. It really doesn’t take much for Lance to see the errors of his ways. He just needs Jonathan to yell at him for a minute or two. The whole thing epitomizes the feel-good blandness that the show was known for. In the end, Lance isn’t a bad father. He just needed to be reminded to do what was right. Myself, I’m more concerned with the fact that Lance’s film looks way too old-fashioned to be a hit, even in the 80s. As soon as I saw Lance dressed up like a cowboy, I thought to myself, “Oh, this movie is going to be such a flop that careers are going to end.” Hopefully, Lance is keeping productions costs down or he might never work in Hollywood again.

This episode’s big scene actually doesn’t have anything to do with Lance or his children. Instead, it comes when Jonathan and Mark go to a grocery store and end up getting confronted by a junkie (Dennis A. Pratt) with a gun. With the junkie attempts to shoot Jonathan, Jonathan snatches the bullet out of the air. At the police drag him away, the junkie shouts that he’s never going to drugs again. Obviously, Jonathan and Mark were changing lives everywhere!

Next week, Jonathan and Mark help out on another film set!