Claudia Lonow | Through the Shattered Lens

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

Set a course for adventure, your mind on a new romance!

Episode 6.20 “The Zinging Valentine/The Very Temporary Secretary/Final Score”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on February 12th, 1983)

It’s a Valentine’s Day cruise!

A football player (John Amos) tries to romance an intellectual college professor (Jayne Kennedy) who doesn’t care about sports. The professor is impressed when the player reveals that he’s written a book. But she’s shocked when she reads it and discovers how much time the player spent scoring off-the-field.

The head of a temp agency (Don Adams) comes on the boat to inform a magazine editor (Fannie Flagg) that he hasn’t been able to find a secretary for her. But, when he meets her, Adams pretends to be the secretary, even though he doesn’t know how to take dictation or type.

Don Most is a cocky jerk who is informed by a singing telegram girl (Suzie Scott) that his girlfriend is dumping him. Most gets upset. Scott goes to look for him so she can apologize but — uh oh! The ship sets sail! Scott is stuck on the boat but, believe it or not!, she and Don Most eventually end up falling in love.

This was a sweet, uncomplicated, and likably lightweight episode. At its best, The Love Boat was the epitome of television comfort food. It’s a show that you watch because you know exactly what’s going to happen and you also know that everyone is going to get a happy ending. This episode features likable guest stars (and yes, I’m including Don Adams, who was a lot more likable here than he was on Check It Out) and all the romance that you could hope for. Personally, I loved that the ship was decorated for Valentine’s Day. All of those hearts? They totally made me want to take a cruise next February. (Hint, hint….)

This episode also featured scenes in which all of the guest stars interacted with each other and discussed their problems. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that on The Love Boat before. Usually, the guest stars only interact with the people in their stories. Instead, for this episode, we got scenes of Jayne Kennedy telling Fannie Flagg about how much she liked her magazine. Suzie Scott told Kennedy and Flagg about how tough it was having to delivers singing messages for people. Seeing Don Most, John Amos, and Don Adams sitting in the Pirate’s Cove and discussing their problems while Isaac watched was surprisingly entertaining. In this episode, the boat felt truly alive and active. It seemed like a genuinely fun cruise and a reminder that the Love Boat offers something for everyone.

This was a likable episode. I enjoyed it. Listen, just because I love horror movies, that doesn’t mean I can’t love my weekly cruise on the Love Boat!

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984. Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites. Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

Smiles, everyone!

Episode 6.3 “The Perfect Gentleman/Legend”

(Dir by Philip Leacock, originally aired on October 30th, 1982)

Jimmy Jordan (Paul Williams, who appeared on a lot of these type of shows) is a rock star who witnessed a mob hit at one of his concerts. Jimmy did what anyone would do. He called the police. They offered to protect him if he testified but then they told him that they probably wouldn’t be able to continue to protect him afterwards. (Uhmm …. hello? Witness Protection Program?) Jimmy decided to fake his own death and then go to Fantasy Island. His fantasy? To not get caught by the two mobsters who have been sent to make sure that he’s actually dead.

Uhmmm …. that’s weird. Like all of that was going on Jimmy just decided to go to Fantasy Island? And then he shows up on Fantasy Island wearing a trenchcoat over his rock star jump suit? Weird.

Fortunately, Michelle (Leslie Easterbrook) is on the island and her fantasy is apparently to have a new butler! Soon, Jimmy is calling himself Godfrey and helping Michelle and her family save their business while Tracer (John Davis Chandler) and Killer (Joseph Ruskin) search for him. Needless to say, Jimmy and Michelle fall in love and leave the island together and, unless I missed something, it appears that Jimmy is planning on just being Godfrey for the rest of his life. He even drives Michelle and her daughter to the docks so that they can all fly off to the mainland. I guess the world is going to go on believing that Jimmy’s dead and….

This fantasy raised way too many unanswered questions and Paul Williams was convincing neither as a rock star or a butler. This is a fantasy that called out for someone like …. oh, I don’t know. Sonny Bono, maybe.

The other fantasy was a bit of an improvement, just because it featured the unlikely but surprisingly likable pairing of Michelle Phillips and Andy Griffith. Phillips plays Andrea Barclay, who has a beautiful singing voice but who suffers from crippling stage fright. Her fantasy is to successfully perform in front of the toughest crowd ever.

Really? Roarke says, The toughest crowd?

By now, guests should realize that whenever Roarke says something like that, it means your fantasy is going to be interpreted in a bizarre way that you never expected. Considering that, the last time that Michelle Phillips was on the show, her fantasy to be the most famous woman in the world somehow led to her becoming Lady Godiva, Andrea really should have known better. Instead, Andrea is shocked when she finds herself in the Old West, where Judge Roy Bean (Andy Griffith) has promised the citizens of Langtry, Texas that his favorite actress and singer, Lillie Langtry (Madlyn Rhue), will be performing for them. When Lillie leaves without singing, it’s time for Andrea to put on a mask and pretend to be Lillie as she performs in Judge Bean’s saloon. Yeah, it’s a silly fantasy but Andy Griffith and Michelle Phillips both put their heart into their performances. Andy Griffith does his folksy-but-intelligent routine while Michelle Phillips especially deserves a lot of credit for taking things seriously.

This episode had the same problem as last week’s. Everything felt very familiar. Last week, we had what seemed like the show’s hundredth boxing and dancing fantasy. This week, we have what feels like the hundredth singing fantasy. After five seasons, it’s obvious that the show’s writers had started to run out of ideas.

Next week …. Roddy McDowall returns to Fantasy Island! Yay!