Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 4.9 “Why Punish the Children?”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, we will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Amazon Prime, Tubi and other services!

Episode 4.9 “Why Punish the Children?”

(Dir. by Michael Landon, originally aired on November 25th, 1987)

In this Thanksgiving episode, Jonathan Smith (Michael Landon) and Mark Gordon (Victor French) take on roles as history teachers in a women’s prison. It seems a compassionate social worker named Melanie Canner (Sally Spencer) has been fighting hard to improve the lives of the women on the inside and has been getting close to nowhere with prison warden Thomas Inman (Bruce French). The first positive step that Melanie has been able to secure for the inmates from the warden are these history classes. Once on the inside, we meet inmates like Maria Rojas (Tasia Valenza), a young woman who’s just about to have her first baby, and Reba Williams (Bebe Drake), a mother of five. Both women want to straighten out their lives in order to give their children a better chance in life. It soon becomes clear that Jonathan, Mark, and Melanie are on a mission to convince the warden to open up more opportunities for the women to improve their lives and spend more quality time with their kids. The warden isn’t an easy case, as he seems convinced that the women shouldn’t be given any real favors as they pay their debts to society. As you might imagine, Jonathan has a couple of divine tricks up his sleeve.

I liked this episode of HIGHWAY TO HEAVEN even if it’s not the most realistic story you’ll ever see. Each woman we meet has 100% accepted the error of their ways and are determined to be a productive member of society if they can get just one more chance. The cynical part of me has to overcome this unrealistic element of the story, and the “women in prison” movie lover in me would have enjoyed a couple of good catfights. Alas, this is HIGHWAY TO HEAVEN and director Michael Landon is not in the business of going for complete realism or providing B Movie fan service! Rather, Landon is interested in creating a world where basically good people have done wrong, honestly regret how their choices negatively impact those they love, and vow to do better for their children. This series built its five seasons on the prospect of people turning their lives around, and I’ll admit I got pretty emotional again with this one. This episode really focuses in on a mother’s love for her children, and I certainly want to believe that these women would do anything for theirs. Each mother is given a beautiful moment, at Thanksgiving no less, and the chance that they need to be the mom their children deserve. I’m getting a little misty just thinking about it as I type these words. The character of the warden is there to learn the lesson that we all need to learn, which is to try to see situations from different points of view. He gets a little angelic help in this area, which is quite heavy handed and completely in line with the show’s expectations.

Overall, I again enjoyed this episode as a nostalgic trip down memory lane with a series I grew up watching with my mom. The fact that I got a little emotional is also no surprise because the older I get the more I cry when watching movies and TV shows. The fact that I was bawling in my office while I watched the show at work could have been a little hard to explain… luckily, nobody came by during those waterworks moments.

What Lisa Marie Watched Last Night #223: Black Eagle (dir by Eric Karson)


Last night, I watched the 1988 “action” film, Black Eagle!

Why Was I Watching It?

Last night, I watched Black Eagle as a part of the Monday Action Movie live tweet.  Going into the film, I knew that it starred Sho Kosugi and Jean-Claude Van Damme and that was enough for me.  As the film started, I was happy to see that it took place in Malta.  I spent the summer after I graduated from high school in Europe and I spent a few days visiting Malta, its museums, and especially its beaches.  I have good memories of the Malta days and especially the Malta nights.

What Was It About?

I’m not really sure what the film was about.  I watched all 100 minutes of it and, as far as I could tell, an American airplane crashed off the coast of Malta so the CIA brought in Ken Tani (Sho Kosugi) to dive into the sea and retrieve something important from the plane.  However, a Russian named Andrei (Jean-Claude Van Damme) also wanted whatever it was that was on the plane so he and his people ended up chasing Ken all over Malta, an island that I have visited.

Ken was also on vacation so, when he wasn’t killing people, he was hanging out with his two sons, Brian (Kane Kosugi) and Denny (Shane Kosugi).  The CIA helpfully sent along one of their agents, Patricia Parker (Doran Clark), and she acted a sort of nanny while Ken was busy fighting the Russians.  Also helping Ken was a Jesuit (Bruce French) who also happened to be an explosive expert.  I don’t think the Vatican would approve of a priest blowing up boats and building but everyone knows better than to argue with a Jesuit.

What Worked?

Jean-Claude Van Damme didn’t really do much in this movie but he still looked good and he got to do the splits a few times.  In fact, it was kind of funny to watch him actively search out any possible excuse to do a split.  I had a lot of fun imagining that Andrei only became an international spy so that he could show off his gymnastic abilities.  It’s too bad he missed out on Gymkata.

The Maltese scenery was lovely, even if the film itself was a bit grainy.  Have I mentioned that I’ve been to Malta?

What Did Not Work?

Oh, that Sho Kosugi.  He was great when he was fighting people and tossing them off of buildings but whenever he had to actually deliver dialogue and try to show emotion …. AGCK!  There’s a reason why Sho Kosugi’s most popular American films — Enter the Ninja, Ninja III: The Domination — feature him playing a villain.  Even when Kosugi was acting opposite his children, he seemed to be in a fairly bad mood.

At one point, Ken asked the priest how he became an expert in demolitions.  “Ever hear of a place called Vietnam,” the Jesuit replied and I groaned as I realized that Ken had made one of the biggest mistakes of his life.  If there’s one thing that I understand as a result of being raised Catholic, it’s that you never ask a Jesuit for his origin story unless you’ve got a few hours to kill.

To be honest, the film could have used even more scenes about Malta, a lovely place of which I have many good memories.

“Oh my God!  Just like me!” Moments

I’ve been to Malta.

Lessons Learned

Definitely go to Malta if you get a chance.

A Movie A Day #335: Ruby and Oswald (1978, directed by Mel Stuart)


The year is 1963.  The month is November.  The city is Dallas.  The President of the United States, John F. Kennedy, is coming to visit and two very different men have very different reactions.  An eccentric and lonely strip club owner, Jack Ruby (Michael Lerner), worries about an anti-Kennedy ad that has just appeared in the Dallas Morning News.  Another loner, a strange man named Lee Harvey Oswald (Frederic Forrest), is busy making plans of his own.  When Kennedy is assassinated, history brings Ruby and Oswald together in a way that a shattered nation will never forget.

This is a curious one.  It was made for television and, according to Wikipedia, its original running time was 180 minutes.  The version that I saw, on VHS, was barely 90 minutes long so obviously, the version I saw was heavily edited.  (In the 70s, it was common for made-for-TV movies to be reedited for both syndication and overseas theatrical release.)  Maybe that explains why Ruby and Oswald felt do disjointed.  In the version I saw, most of the emphasis was put on Jack Ruby running around Dallas and getting on people’s nerves.  Very little time was devoted to Oswald and the film was almost entirely stolen by Lerner. Michael Lerner is a familiar character actor.  You may not know his name but you will definitely recognize his face.  Lerner was convincing and sometimes even sympathetic as the weaselly Ruby.  Ruby and Oswald supported the Warren Commission’s findings, that Oswald killed Kennedy and Ruby shot Oswald out of a sense of loyalty to Jackie Kennedy.  Michael Lerner’s performance was so good that he almost made that theory plausible.

One final note, for fans of WKRP in Cincinnati: Gordon Jump and Richard Sanders, best known as Arthur Carlson and Les Nessman, were both in Ruby and Oswald, though they did not share any scenes together.

Horror on the Lens: Panic at Lakewood Manor (dir by Robert Scheerer)


Today’s horror on the lens is a made-for-TV movie from 1977.  This movie has many different names: Panic at Lakewood Manor, It Happened At Lakewood Manor, and Ants.

Panic at Lakewood Manor is a mix of different genres.  It’s a disaster film, a soap opera, and ultimately a revenge-of-nature horror film.  The film begins with our cast gathering at Lakewood Manor, a luxury hotel that’s only partially finished.  In fact, the owners are so determined to complete construction that they ignore the threat posed by …. KILLER ANTS!

Anyway, this is a made-for-TV movie from the 70s so it’s never as graphic as what we’d expect to see today.  That said, I once accidentally stepped on a fire ant mound while I was barefoot and OH MY GOD DID THAT EVER HURT!  AGCK!

If you’re a fan of old movies, you’ll enjoy seeing a lot of familiar faces in this one.  Even Myrna Loy shows up!

(Incidentally, this film was written by Guerdon Trueblood, who directed the brilliant The Candy Snatchers.)