Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, Doc’s in trouble!

Episode 4.12 “Doc’s Dismissal/A Frugal Pair/The Girl Next Door”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on January 3rd, 1981)

Carl (Lew Ayres) and his wife, Violet (Janet Gaynor), board the boat in a good mood.  Carl has just retired from the post office and they’re about to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary.  Awwwww!  Carl and Violet are the sweetest couple ever, frequently referring to each other by pet names.  They’re also very frugal.  Violet brings her own tea bag on board.  Carl turns down a bottle of champagne.  They are a nice old couple who know the value of pinching a penny.

But, on the morning of their anniversary, Violet tells Carl a secret and everything changes.  It turns out that Violet has been buying stock for years.  She based her purchases on whatever pet name Carl used for her that day.  If the name started with a G, she bought General Motors.  If it started with an S, she bought Standard Oil.  Once, Carl used a name that started with a “Z,” and she bought stock in Xerox.  She explains that she didn’t know how Xerox was spelled at the time.  (So, how did she buy the stock?)  Anyway, the important thing is that Carl and Violet are rich and they have been for several decades.

Carl is upset by this news.  If he had known he was rich, he wouldn’t have spent years at the post office!  I see his point though, to be honest, they’re not that rich.  The total stock portfolio is only worth $200,000.  Still, Carl and Violet stop speaking to each other.  Julie, Isaac, and Gopher jump into action and throw them an anniversary party, which causes Carl and Violet to remember how much they love each other.

Meanwhile, Charley Cole (Sal Viscuso) tells Pam Madison (Lynda Goodfriend) that he’s with the CIA so that she’ll let him stay in her cabin so that he can spy on his girlfriend (Denise DuBarry) and the guy (Stephen Shortridge) with whom she is cheating.  Got all that?  This storyline was incredibly dumb but it was saved by the frantic performance of Sal Viscuso, who managed to make even the lamest of lines seem funny.

Finally, Sally (Jessica Walter) boards the ship with her lout of a husband, Hank (Alex Cord).  Hank is the type of jerk who looks at other women while his wife is sitting right next to him.  Complaining of a headache, Sally goes to Doc Bricker’s cabin for some aspirin.  Doc, who has witnessed Hank’s bad behavior, is sympathetic to Sally.  Later, Sally tries to make Hank jealous by saying that Doc hit on her when she went to see him.

Angered, Hank calls the captain and accuses Doc of sexually harassing his wife.  The Captain is forced to suspend Doc from his duties until an investigation can be launched.  The crew is shocked.  Doc would never hit on a patient, they all say.  Except, of course, Doc does exactly that every single episode!  Seriously, Doc is a walking HR nightmare.  (Fortunately, for Doc, he was played by the always likable Bernie Kopell.)  When the captain makes it clear that Doc could be fired and lose his medical license, Sally admits that he never hit on her.  Doc keeps his job and somehow, all of this fixes Sally and Hank’s marriage.  Later, Gopher and Isaac joke about how Doc got in trouble for the one time he “didn’t hit on a passenger.”  Gopher and Isaac aren’t blind to what’s happening.

This was a surprisingly effective episode.  Lew Ayres and Janet Gaynor were adorable and Jessica Walter’s intense, method performance as a desperately unhappy wife provided a good change-of-pace from all of the usual Love Boat goofiness.  Even with all of the CIA nonsense, this was an entertaining cruise.