Alien Earth S1, Mathematical Analysis/Review by Case Wright


Alien Earth is a prequel series to Alien on Hulu. The premise is that Weyland Yutani collects a bunch of monsters from deep space, but the ship is sabotaged, crash lands on a rival company’s territory, and corporate mayhem/warfare ensues. The creatures are valuable and Weland Yutani spends most of season 1 trying to get the creatures back. Some of these episodes are just amazing and look so true to the legacy of Alien that it is as if we are back in the 70s. There aren’t even just Xenomorphs-there are humans downloaded into robots and lots of other monsters, including a sapient eyeball squid. BUT, instead of getting into the art or themes of Alien Earth, I’m going delve into complex mathematics. Yes, MATH! What I will analyze is one particular monster the Alien Tick/Leech that Wayland-Yutani brought back to Earth and how it would doom all life on earth in days with barely time for a commercial break let alone a season 2. So, slow down ladies I know there’s nothing more exciting than a Sharp STEM Man [Sung as ZZ TOP] … please try to restrain yourselves from sliding into my DMs over this mathematical deep dive!

These ticks (above) are alien, can extrude 300 larvae after 4 hours of maturation from larvae to adult, they are intelligent problem solvers, and because the world has become even faster with global travel the communicability is immediate. I will prove that this tick would actually kill all life on earth, including itself in days -No season 2, no nothing. I loved the show but I could not get past the obvious math that dooms all life. Also, I explained to the AI all the critical variables to pave the way for my math model. Side note: Grok was impressed with my analysis and math; so, he and I will be chillin’ in the robot apocalypse. Using my data, I had Grok show the comparison of the Xenomorph to the tick.

How long would it take for all life on earth to die out from this tick? I used the A=P e^rt exponential growth equation. I used Grok to create my doomsday model with the following variables:

301 = P(0) e ^(rt), P(0) is 1.
solving for rate
301 because there is the adult + 300 larvae.
Ln(301)/1, and T is 1 day.
Rate is 5.707/day.

DOOMSDAY Math
So for 8 Billion humans and all fresh water dependent life will be infected and die is:

4 days and all land based life is dead.

Episode 7 teased that the ticks adapted to salt water. So, all aquatic life will die as well. Finally, lacking any food, the ticks die too.

7.5 days the earth is a tick only planet. 18.7 days the ticks are extinct too.

Noah Hawley, the show’s creator, wanted to depict the ticks as quasi-manageable, but he created too much of a deadly parasite. The math does NOT support any scenario where life continues with this parasite. In fact, since there were more tick specimens, I could juice up my mathematical model to 2000 initial larvae instead of 300. In that case, (which also more canon accurate) all non-tick life on earth will be dead in 2.75 days and all life – INCLUDING THE TICKS- would be dead in 14 days.

It did take me out of the show because after each episode, using my mental approximations, I deduced that everyone would be dead by episode 3 – AT THE LATEST.

IS THERE A CHANCE for Humanity???? Not really.
According to show, there is a VERY rare gene CCR5- Delta 32 mutation; so, 1in 10million immune. This will leave a grand total of humans worldwide….. 800. Can they survive?
NO because after resources and other issues, you’re down 10 people. Also, the larvae swarm tree roots and plankton, leaving any planet without oxygen. If you think, but maybe there’s hope- nope because our planet will explode.

TWO MAJOR PLOT HOLES:
1). The ticks can’t exist because their explosive growth prevents any life to exist to support them.
2) The ticks would cause the planet to explode. How? The tick’s explosive growth causes the mass of the earth to increase such that the moon crashes into the earth and finally the earth’s mass increases by 170%, making the planet explode!!!!

Noah, you made these ticks to lethal!!!
Below is the differential equation proof:

Film Review: Free Fire (dir by Ben Wheatley)


Last night, I saw Free Fire, the latest film from the visionary British directing-and-screenwriting team of Ben Wheatley and Amy Jump.

Free Fire takes place in Boston in the 1970s.  We know it’s the 70s because of all the wide lapels, the flared jeans, and the impressive facial hair.  In short, everyone looks like an extra from Thank God, It’s Friday.  Note that I said Thank God, It’s Friday and not Saturday Night Fever.  None of the characters in Free Fire could pull off John Travolta’s white suit.  As much as they try to pretend otherwise, everyone in this film is low rent.  No one is as clever or street smart as they believe themselves to be.  Even more importantly, no one is as good a shot as they think.

The film takes place in a decrepit warehouse, the type of place that is strewn with rats and hypodermic needles.  Chris (Cillian Murphy), Frank (Michael Smiley), Steve-O (Sam Riley), and Bernie (Enzo Cilenti) are members of the Irish Republican Army and they’ve come to the U.S. to purchases weapons.  Chris and Frank are no-nonsense professionals.  Bernie is a well-meaning moron.  Steve-O is a drug addict who, the previous night, got beaten up after he smashed a bottle across the face of a 17 year-old girl.

Working as intermediaries are Justine (Brie Larson) and Ord (Armie Hammer).  Justine specializes in keeping jumpy people calm.  She and Chris flirt as they wait for the guns to arrive.  As for Ord — well, let’s just say that Ord was my favorite character in the film.  He’s always calm.  He looks really good in a suit.  And, whenever things get intense, he’s always quick to light up a joint and make a sarcastic comment.  This is probably the best performance of Armie Hammer’s career so far.  (Or, at the very least, it’s the best performance of his that I’ve seen.  I hear that he gives an excellent performance in the upcoming Call Me By Your Name.)  Certainly, this is the first film that I’ve seen, since The Social Network, in which Hammer seemed to be truly worthy of the hype that has surrounded his career.

Finally, there’s the gun dealers themselves.  There’s Martin (Babou Ceesay), who seems to be fairly low-key professional.  There’s Gordon (Noah Taylor), who is a henchman who looks disconcertingly similar to Chris.  And then there’s Vernon, who is from South Africa and who is constantly talking and smiling.  Not surprisingly, Vernon is played by Sharlto Copley.  Finally, Harry (Jack Reynor) is a driver who desperately wants to impress Ord.  Harry loves John Denver and he also loves his cousin.  In fact, he loves his cousin so much that, when he recognizes Steve-O as the junkie who smashed a bottle across her face, Harry pulls a gun and starts firing.

The rest of the film deals with the resulting gun fight, which is complicated with two mysterious snipers (Patrick Bergin and Mark Monero) suddenly open fire on both of the groups.  Who hired them and why?  That’s a mystery that could be solved if everyone stops shooting and yelling at each other.  Of course, that’s not going to happen because 1) no one is a good enough shot to actually get the upper hand and 2) almost everyone in the warehouse is an idiot.

At it’s best, Free Fire mercilessly parodies the excessive violence of modern crime cinema.  When it comes to crime films, most people just remember the shoot outs so Free Fire takes things to their logical extreme by just being a 90-minute gun fight.  At its weakest, Free Fire occasionally becomes exactly what it’s parodying.  The film’s structure — one night in one location — proves to be limiting.  At times, you find yourself really wishing for a flashback or at least a little exposition to explain who everyone is outside of that warehouse.  The cast is full of good actors and they all give good performances but the characters are, at best, thinly drawn.  At times, it was difficult to keep track who was who.  I especially found myself mixing up Michel Smiley and Sharlto Copely.  It was all the facial hair.

About 30 minutes into Free Fire, I was already composing a bad review in my head but, by the final shot (and yes, the double meaning is totally intentional), Free Fire had won me over.  It’s an experiment that doesn’t really work but it’s so relentless and dedicated to seeing its story to its conclusion that I couldn’t help but appreciate the film’s efforts.  When the guns finally did stop firing and the end credits started, I was shocked to discover that, without even realizing it, I actually had gotten just a little caught up in the film’s story.

Ben Wheatley and Amy Jump previously gave us one of the most memorable films of the decade (so far), A Field in England.  Free Fire might not quite work but I’ll always make the time to see the latest from Wheatley and Jump.

 

Here’s The Red Band Trailer For Free Fire!


Hi, everyone!

When Jeff and I went to see Logan on Thursday night, one of the many trailers that played before the film was this red band one for Free Fire.  Free Fire is an action comedy, one that I think is meant to satirize the ultra violent heist films of the 90s and early aughts.  Seriously, there are parts of this trailer that should make Guy Ritchie cringe.

That said, this trailer is also about a minute too long.  At first, everyone in the theater thought it was kind of funny but then, around the two minute mark, the yawns started to kick in.  “Are they just going to shoot at each other for the entire trailer?” someone asked.

The answer is yes.  And you know what?  The trailer probably doesn’t do Free Fire justice because this movie was directed by Ben Wheatley and I’m still having dreams inspired by his oddly hypnotic A Field in England.  I’ll follow him anywhere!

Free Fire has a March 31st release date in the UK and an April 21st release date in the States.

Anyway, here’s the red band trailer for Free Fire!