October True Crime: Cries Unheard: The Donna Yaklich Story (dir by Armand Mastroianni)


In 1994’s Cries Unheard: The Donna Yaklich Story, Jaclyn Smith is miscast as Donna, a naive young woman who is charmed by a cop named Dennis Yaklich (Brad Johnson).  The film is told in flashback and, for some reason, it was decided to have Jaclyn Smith (who was 49 when this film aired) not only play the middle-aged Donna but also to play her where she was just supposed to be in her 30s and looking for a husband.

Anyway, Dennis starts out charming but he soon turns out to have some problems.  He is easily angered.  He spends all of his time lifting weights.  He’s possessive.  He pops pills and shoots up steroids and, by the end of the movie, he’s grown out one of those madman beards that crazy men in movies always end up with.  When Dennis discovers that Patty (Hillary Swank), his daughter from his first marriage, is pregnant, he flies into a rage.  Donna does some research and comes to the conclusion that Dennis murdered his first wife.  When she confronts Dennis with this, he just laughs.

Donna is too frightened to grab her toddler son and run away from home, despite the fact that Dennis is hardly ever at home.  (In fairness, Dennis is a cop so he would definitely have the resources to track her down if she did leave.)  Instead, Donna hires two no-good trailer park boys to shoot Dennis when he comes home from work.  Dennis dies in his driveway, still holding the toy truck that he hoped to give his son.  It’s also raining when he dies because that’s the type of movie this is.

Donna made the mistake of hiring the dumbest people possible to carry out the crime and soon, she is getting arrested and being put on trial for murder.  Later, she tells her story to her now-teenage son, Denny (David Lascher).  Denny is angry because he had to grow up without a dad but he still assures his mother that she’s a wonderful person and the he can’t wait to pick her up from prison in 40 years.

Watching Cries Unheard was an odd experience for me.  By all logic, I should have been on Donna’s side but I found myself getting pretty annoyed with her.  Some of it was because Jaclyn Smith was totally miscast in the role.  Donna is supposed to be naive and meek and easily gaslit by her husband but Jaclyn Smith seemed as if she had just returned from a Paris shopping trip.  The other problem is that the film, which was heavy-handed even by the standards of a made-for-TV movie from the 90s, tried too hard to pretend as if hiring a hitman is something that anyone would have done in Donna’s situation.  The film ends with a Jaclyn Smith voice-over in which she points out that husbands who hire hitmen to kill their wives usually get a shorter sentence than women who do it and I really wanted to throw a shoe at the TV.  Regardless of the circumstances, hiring a hitman is an extreme step to take.  Most people will go through their entire life without ever hiring a hitman.  Most people don’t even know anyone who they could hire to be a hitman.  So, don’t sit there and act like this is the equivalent of women not getting paid as much men for the same amount of work.  I did a little research and discovered that this film was based on interviews that Donna gave in prison.  Dennis’s other daughter– who was not portrayed in the film — called the film a complete fabrication.

I should note that this film was directed by Armand Mastroianni, who also directed some of the best episodes of Friday the 13th: The Series and the classic slasher film He Knows You’re Alone.  (That film was also Tom Hanks’s feature debut.)  His direction embraces the melodrama but it can’t overcome a weak script and a miscast lead.

October Hacks: He Knows You’re Alone (dir by Armand Mastroianni)


198o’s He Knows You’re Alone opens with a young couple making out in a car.  (The guy, who is named Don, is played by Russell Todd, the devastatingly handsome actor who played the first victim in Friday the 13th Part II.)  A report comes over the radio.  There’s a killer on the loose.  The girl is concerned.  The guy is cocky.  It’s hard not to notice that both of them look a little bit too old to be playing high school students.  Suddenly the killer attacks and….

We sitting in a movie theater, watching as two friends, Ruthie (Robin Lamont) and Marie (Robin Tilgham), watch the film.  Marie covers her eyes while Ruthie announces, excitedly, that the couple is going to die.  Marie, uncomfortable with the onscreen violence, goes to the washroom.  She splashes water on her face.  She catches her breath.  When she returns to the theater, Ruthie is excited because the girl on screen is about get slashed by her stalker.  Marie hides her eyes.  Just as the girl onscreen screams, the man sitting behind Marie drives a knife into the back of her neck, killing her.

It’s a brilliantly edited sequence, one that comments on how audiences love depictions of violence while fearing it in real life.  It’s also a genuinely scary sequence, especially if you’re someone who frequently goes to the movies.  (Would the sequence have the same impact on someone who has grown up almost exclusively in the streaming age?  Probably not.)  It’s a sequence that shows a hint of a self-awareness that was lacking in many 80s slasher films.  It’s also so good that the rest of the film struggles to live up to it.

The killer in He Knows You’re Alone is Ray Carlton (played with wild-eyed intensity by Tom Rolfing), a serial killer who preys on women who are engage to be married.  While Detective Len Gamble (Lewis Arlt) tries to track down Ray and get revenge for the murder of his fiancée, Ray stalks Amy Jenson (Caitlin O’Heaney) and her bridesmaids, Nancy (Elizabeth Kemp) and Joyce (Patsy Pease).  (Why Ray focuses on the bridesmaids before going after Amy is never really explained.)

We also meet a few red herrings, all of whom would probably be suspects if the film hadn’t already shown us that Ray is the murderer.  Joyce is having an affair with a married professor named Carl (James Rebhorn).  While we don’t really get to know Amy’s fiancé, we do spend a good deal of time with her ex-boyfriend, hyperactive morgue attendant Marvin (Don Scardino).  We also meet Nancy’s date for the weekend, a psych major named Elliott (Tom Hanks).  This was Hanks’s film debut and, even though he doesn’t get much screentime, he’s  so instantly likable that it’s easy to understand why he became a star.

As I mentioned earlier, the rest of He Knows You’re Alone struggles to live up to its opening moments.  That doesn’t meant that He Knows You’re Alone is a bad movie.  Though there are a few scenes that comes across as being filler, it’s still an effective slasher film.  The fact that the killer is just some anonymous loser as opposed to a Freddy Krueger-style quip machine makes him all the more frightening.  Ray Carlton is a killer who you can actually imagine siting behind you, preparing to strike.  The film also makes good use of its chilly Long Island locations.  There’s a grittiness to the film that leaves the viewer feeling as if the world itself is decaying along with Ray’s victims.

And then there’s Tom Hanks, a ray of cheerfulness amidst the drabness of the Mid-Atlantic hellhole that is New York.  At one point, his psych student talks about how scary stories and movies can help people deal with the horrors of the real world, another hint that this film was more self-aware than the usual slasher flick.  Originally, Hanks’s character was meant to be one of Ray’s victims but director Amand Mastroianni (who later went on to direct several episodes of Friday the 13th: The Series) said that Hanks proved to be so likable in the role that no one could stand the thought of killing him off.

He Knows You’re Alone is an effective little slasher flick.  Watch it with the lights on.  You never know who might be behind you.

 

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th: The Series 3.20 “The Charnel Pit”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The entire series can be found on YouTube!

This week, we say goodbye to Friday the 13th.

Episode 3.20 “The Charnel Pit”

(Dir by Armand Mastroianni, originally aired on May 14th, 1990)

All things come to an end and that includes the adventures of Micki, Jack, and Johnny.

Friday the 13th: The Series ends with an episode about a professor (Vlasta Vrana) who owns a two-sided painting that he can use to send people into the past.  He sends female victims back to the time of the Marquis de Sade (Neil Munro) and the Marquis sends the professor his unpublished works.  If you’ve ever seen an episode of this show, you will not be surprised to learn that eventually Micki is sent back to the Marquis and briefly finds herself fascinated by the man for whom sadism is named.  Micki  gets to dress up in a cleavage-baring costume and Neil Munro plays another villain.  All the bad guys end up dead and the painting is tossed in the Curious Goods vault.  It’s Friday the 13th!

It might not seem like much of a finale.  Unfortunately, the cast and crew were not informed that the series wouldn’t be returning for a fourth season until they were almost finished filming this episode.  As a result, Friday the 13th did not get a proper send-off.  The series ended with many of the cursed antiques still out there and Jack, Micki, and Johnny apparently destined to spend the rest of their lives searching for them.

On the one hand, I enjoyed this series and I regret that it didn’t get a proper ending.  Micki, Jack, and even Johnny suffered so much that it seemed like they deserved to end things with some sort of triumph.  At the same time, it does feel appropriate that — after a season that featured some ill-thought experimentation with the show’s format — Friday the 13th went out with a traditional episode.  This show was always at its best when it focused on antiques and creepy villains.  That’s certainly the way that I’ll remember the show.

I enjoyed watching and reviewing Friday the 13th.  Was it uneven?  Sure.  It was a low-budget, syndicated show.  A certain uneveness is a part of the package.  At its best, though, it was a genuinely creepy show that was blessed with some wonderful chemistry between Chris Wiggins, Robey, and John D. LeMay.  (The show never really recovered from LeMay’s exit.)  On the whole, the good definitely outweighed the bad, even during the final season.  And who knows?  Perhaps, if there had been a fourth season, the writers would have finally figured out a way to make Johnny into a compelling character.

I’ll miss reviewing this series.

Next week, something new will premiere in this time slot.  What will it be?  You’ll find out next week!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th: The Series 3.16 “My Wife As A Dog”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The entire series can be found on YouTube!

This week, it’s all about a man and his dog.

Episode 3.16 “My Wife As A Dog”

(Dir by Armando Mastroianni, originally aired on February 19th, 1990)

I knew I was going to dislike this episode as soon as I saw the title.

While Johnny and Micki spend their time trying to get the store up to code so that it can pass a fire inspection (and good luck doing that when there’s a literal portal to Hell located in the basement), Jack searches for a cursed leash.  Jack has no idea what the leash does.  He just knows that it’s cursed.  However, the leash’s owner — fireman Aubry Ross (Denis Forest, making his fourth appearance on the show) — has figured out that, by using the leash to strangle people, he can transport the mind of his dying dog into the body of his estranged (but not dying) wife.

Or something like that.  To be honest, I had a hard time following the particulars of this curse.  Fortunately, so did Jack.  This is the first episode that I can think of where Jack admits that he has no idea how a cursed objects works.  Even when he retrieves the leash at the end of the episode, he admits that he’s still not sure what Aubry actually did with it.  Jack being confused made me feel a little bit less dumb so I was happy with that.  The episode ends with Aubry in jail, being visited his panting wife.  She brings him his slippers because she’s now a dog in a human body.

Ugh.  This was an attempt to do a light-hearted episode and I respect the show for trying to do something different.  At the same time, it also featured four murders and a woman, who simply wanted to get a divorce from her creepy husband, being transformed into a dog.  Our regulars were barely in this episode and, when they did appear, we had to suffer through some awkward flirting between Johnny and Micki.  Denis Forest did a good job as Aubry but otherwise, this was an episode that I could just as soon forget.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th: The Series 3.10 “Mightier Than The Sword”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The entire series can be found on YouTube!

Another Friday, another cursed antique….

Episode 3.10 “Mightier Than The Sword”

(Dir by Armand Mastroianni, originally aired on January 8th, 1990)

Micki’s been possessed again!

This time, it’s the result of a writer named Alex Dent (Colm Feore, who appeared in quite a few episodes of this show, always as a different villain) using his cursed pen to write about Micki becoming a serial killer.  That’s how Alex makes his money.  He writes about people becoming serial killers and then, when they do exactly what he has written, Alex publishes a true crime book about them.

Johnny is a huge fan of Alex’s books.  Micki says that she’s seen enough death in real life without having to read about it.  Johnny doesn’t seem to take her seriously, which is odd.  Sometimes, Johnny seems to forget that he and Micki spend all of their time dealing with cursed antiques and battling the Devil.  I mean, has Johnny forgotten about the time that he spent in prison after he was wrongly convicted of murdering his father?  Johnny seems to go from being streetwise to naive rather abruptly, all depending on what the episode’s story requires of him.  It’s also a bit of an odd coincidence that Johnny would just happen to be a fan of someone who has one of the cursed antiques but, then again, this wasn’t the first time this happened on Friday the 13th and I imagine it will happen a few more times as well.

This episode had an interesting premise, though I do have to wonder how Alex found out about the curse in the first place.  It doesn’t seem like the most practical of curses.  Alex must write, sell, and publish his books in record time.  Micki always seems to be getting possessed, which usually leads to her posing in a doorway and delivering her lines like a 40s noir heroine.  (In this episode, she also takes up smoking.)  Fortunately, Robey always did a good job pulling off the whole suddenly possessed thing.  I imagine it must have been pretty traumatic for Micki but at least Johnny learned a lesson about reading trashy true crime paperbacks.

As for this episode, Colm Feore was a good villain, there was plenty of noirish atmosphere, and the episode didn’t take itself particularly seriously.  It kept me entertained!  Really, what more can you ask from a show?

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th: The Series 3.8 “Night Prey”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The entire series can be found on YouTube!

This week on Friday the 13th: The Series, Micki and Jack come across vampires in their city but the real threat comes from the man who has dedicated his life to destroying them.

Episode 3.8 “Night Prey”

(Dir by Armand Mastroianni, originally aired on November 13th, 1989)

Back in 1969, Kurt Bachman (Michael Burgess) could only watch helplessly as his wife was abducted and turned into a creature of the night by vampire Evan Van Hellier (Eric Murphy).  Kurt has spent twenty years searching for Evan and trying to kill other vampires.  (Jill Hennessy makes her second appearance on Friday the 13th, this time playing a vampire who lures an unsuspecting victim into an alley.)  However, Kurt now has a new tool at his disposal.  He has a cursed crucifix that can destroy a vampire but only after it is first used to kill an innocent person.  Kurt may be trying to do the right thing by ridding the world of vampires but, as is so often the case with this show, it’s impossible to do the right thing while using a cursed object.  Kurt gets his revenge but at the cost of his own life.  Spilling blood to destroy a bloodsucker just doesn’t work in the long term.

This is another episode in which Jack gets involved after a friend of his is killed.  Poor Jack.  He friends were always dying.  In this case, Jack’s friend was a priest who attempted to keep Kurt from stealing the crucifix.  (Kurt, for all that he’s suffered, doesn’t really seem to be too upset over killing an innocent priest.  Maybe his obsession got the better of him.  Maybe Kurt was just a jerk.)  Jack and Micki investigate the local decadent vampire scene while Johnny stays at the store and has pizza and beer.  Jack confesses that he sometimes envies the vampires but fear not, Jack does not go over to the dark side.  For that matter, neither does Micki.  They both learned their lesson the last time they had to deal with a vampire.

This was a stylish episode, though the idea of vampires being decadent, leather-clad nightclubbers is not really as shocking an idea as the show seems to think it is.  Michael Burgess gives a good performance as the obsessed Kurt.  In  the end, he destroys the vampire who abducted his wife but at the cost of his own soul as his now vampiric wife puts the bite on him and soon, Kurt is a vampire himself.  Fortunately, Jack has some holy water to take care of that.  People spend so much time on stakes and crucifixes that they overlook the power of holy water.  This episode was full of atmosphere and I always like it when Jack gets to do something more than just wait back at the store.  This was a good Friday.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th: The Series 3.3 “Demon Hunter”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The entire series can be found on YouTube!

This week, a bunch of new characters show up!  What the Hell!?

Episode 3.3 “Demon Hunter”

(Dir by Armand Mastroianni, originally aired on October 14th, 1989)

I have read that one of the biggest mistake that aspiring screenwriter make when they attempt to create a compelling spec script for their favorite show is that they’ll often introduce new characters.  Instead of focusing on the established stars of the show, they’ll have a new character show up and suddenly become the center of the story.  It’s a mistake because, no matter how good the script may be, it doesn’t work as an episode of the series that the writer is trying to get a job with.  Showrunners don’t want a writer who can write about new characters.  They want a writer who can work within the framework of what the show has already established.

This week’s episode of Friday the 13th feels very much like a failed spec script.

Make no mistake.  Jack and Micki are in it.  They spend the entire episode at Curious Goods, where they are originally seen putting a cursed dagger in the vault.  With Ryan having been transformed into a child in the previous episode, Micki makes Jack a partner in the shop.  Johnny Ventura (played by new series regular Steve Monarque) is also in this episode, though he’s called to the store a bit later than Micki and Jack.  I guess Johnny is now a part of the group, even if he doesn’t have a job at the shop.  For all the time the show spent establishing Johnny as being an edgy delinquent during the second season, this episode finds Johnny as a rather conventional leading man.  He listens to a baseball game and, at one point, he’s seen making a model ship.

That said, the majority of the episode is dominated by a bunch of new characters.  The Cassidys are a family of militia types who, having rescued Bonnie Cassidy (Allison Mang) from a bunch of cultists, are now on the run from a demon that is determined to kill them.  The Cassidys have some sort of demon tracker device that leads both them and the demon to Curious Goods, where Micki, Jack, and Johnny join in the effort to destroy the demon.  The Cassidys are so prominently featured in this episode and take up so much screentime that the episode almost feels like a backdoor pilot about them.  The Cassidys are even featured in black-and-white flashbacks that show us how they rescued Bonnie.

The problem, of course, is that we don’t know the Cassidys so its a bit jarring to see them take over the episode.  After what happened in the previous episode, I think most viewers would have a lot of questions about what happened after Jack, Micki, and Johnny returned from France.  For instance, what did they do with Ryan?  Did they drop Ryan off with his mother?  Did they leave him in France?  We don’t find out in this episode and it’s actually kind of insulting to anyone who has spent the previous two seasons getting wrapped up in Ryan and Micki’s adventures.  Instead of answering the questions that they had to know that viewers would be asking, the show’s writers expect us to care about the Cassidys.

Even without John D. LeMay, Robey and Chris Wiggins had a likable chemistry.  Micki and Jack were the strongest thing this series had gone for it as the start of season 3.  Why push them to the side for a family that we’ve never seen before and will probably never see again?  As far as guessing what the rest of Season 3 will be like is concerned, it’s not a good sign.

Hopefully, I’ll be proven wrong in the weeks to come.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th: The Series 2.25 “The Prisoner”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The entire series can be found on YouTube!

This week, Johnny goes to prison!

Episode 2.25 “The Prisoner”

(Dir by Armand Mastroianni, originally aired on June 5th, 1989)

After Johnny Ventura’s father is killed by an invisible man….

Wait, what’s Johnny doing here?

No, don’t get me wrong.  I understand why Johnny’s there, mostly because I have the benefit of hindsight.  I know that Johnny is going to replace Ryan during the third season and this episode was obviously designed to get the audience used to the idea of Johnny being a part of the show.  The majority of the episode follows Johnny as he’s sent to prison, having been framed for murdering his own father.  The culprit is another prisoner, Dayton Railsback (Larry Joshua).  Dayton has a kamikaze pilot’s jacket that allows him to turn invisible whenever blood is spilled on it.  Whenever Dayton’s invisible, he sneaks out of the prison and searches for some money that he stole ten years earlier. Johnny is the only person in the prison who knows what Railsback is doing so soon, he’s being targeted by the invisible man.

While Johnny is dealing with life in prison, Micki, Ryan, and Jack are attempting to prove that Railsback is the murderer.  It’s a bit odd because the three of them — our stars! — are barely in the episode and, when they do appear, they’re just hanging out in the antique shop.  They talk about all of the investigating that they’ve been doing but we don’t actually see them doing it.  Watching the episode, one gets the feeling that John D. LeMay, Robey, and Chris Wiggins all shot their scenes in one day and then left on an extended vacation.  They showed up just long enough to establish this as being an episode of Friday the 13th, despite the fact that almost the entire episode is about Johnny.

Needless to say, it was a bit of a disjointed episode.  The show kept jumping from Johnny in prison to Railsback killing people outside of prison to everyone hanging out in the antique shop and it was a bit difficult to keep track of who was planning what.  Myself, I was surprised at how quickly the show went from Johnny’s father being murdered to Johnny getting tossed into prison.  We don’t even see Johnny’s trial.  Johnny was passed out when his father was shot and, quite frankly, it seems like he could have made a very credible argument that he was framed.  (The invisible Railsback puts the gun in Johnny’s hands but he doesn’t manipulate Johnny into pulling the trigger so it’s not like there would have been any powder residue on Johnny’s fingers.)  Johnny and his father appeared to have a pretty good relationship so you really have to wonder what type of case the prosecution made.  The episode ends with Johnny killing Railsback and then being released from prison.  So, is Johnny going to have to on trial again?  I mean, he just stood there while Railsback burned to death.

Weird episode.  It didn’t do too much for me.  I’m going to miss Ryan once season 3 starts.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th: The Series 2.20 “Mesmer’s Bauble”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on YouTube!

This week, things get dark.

Episode 2.20 “Mesmer’s Bauble”

(Dir by Armand Mastroianni, originally aired by May 1st, 1989)

Howard Moore (Martin Neufeld) is the latest in a long line of nerdy Friday the 13th villains.  With his long hair, unwashed appearance, and crazy eyes, Howard is an easy target for some of the less compassionate citizens of Canada.  Of course, Howard doesn’t help things by having a totally creepy personality.  He works in a vinyl record store, where he offers up unsolicited music advice to the teenage customers, the majority of whom giggle awkwardly whenever he’s nearby.  Howard is obsessed with a singer named Angelica (Vanity) but there’s no way Howard could ever actually meet her.

Or at least, that’s the case until he finds Mesmer’s Bauble.  Having once belonged to the inventor of hypnotism, this crystal pendant grants Howard anything that he asks for, as long as he first uses it to hypnotize people and then kill them.  (It turns out that merely looking at the pendant is enough to send someone into a hypnotic trance.)  As with so many Friday the 13th villains, Howard quickly comes to love having the power to kill people.  I’ve always felt that the majority of this show’s villains are basically addicts.  Instead of being addicted to drugs, they’re addicted to the rush of power that comes with using a cursed antique to get what they want.  That’s certainly the case with Howard.

At first, Howard thinks that he wants Angelia to love him.  He kills both her publicist and her manager in order to get closer to her.  But, once he’s finally close to her, Howard apparently realizes that he actually wants to be Angelica.  In an effectively nightmarish sequence, Howard and Angelica’s body appear to merge into one.  Howard literally turns into Angelia while Angelica presumably withers away into nothingness.  Howard is now Angelica, which will undoubtedly upset Ryan, who has bought two tickets for Angelica’s latest show.

It’s up to Micki and Ryan to recover the pendant and they manage to do so in the most anticlimactic way possible.  They go to Angelica/Howard’s concert and Micki grabs the pendant while Angelica/Howard is singing.  Without the pendant, Angelica dissolves into Howard and then a panicked Howard is promptly electrocuted on stage.

Howard’s dead but so are a lot of other people.  At the shop, Micki and Ryan confess to Jack that they feel that they failed because so many people died before they got the pendant.  Jack shrugs and basically tells them “that’s life.”  What a dark ending!  Actually, it was rare that Friday the 13th didn’t end on a dark note.

This was an effectively creepy episode, one that worked because of just how dark it allowed things to get.  Even Jack pointed out that the pendant’s powers didn’t always make sense, which made it even more dangerous in the hands of someone like Howard.  There were a few loose ends.  I found it a bit odd that there wasn’t a bigger public reaction to a famous black woman turning into an ugly white guy and then dying in front of a crowded club.  In fact, the show left it a bit unclear as to what actually happened to Angelica after Howard transformed into her but I’m going to guess it was nothing good.  In the end, though, this episode was effectively macabre.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th: The Series 2.15 “Better Off Dead”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on YouTube!

This week, Micki’s in even more danger than usual as a desperate doctor uses a magic syringe to try to find a cure for his daughter.  This is also our final episode of Friday the 13th for October.  Can you believe Halloween is right around the corner?

Episode 2.15 “Better Off Dead”

(Dir by Armand Mastroianni, originally aired on February 13th, 1989)

John Cusack plays Lane Meyer, an artistic high school student who is stunned with he is dumped by….

Oh wait, sorry.  Wrong Better Off Dead.

This Better Off Dead tells the story of Dr. Warren Voss (Neil Munro), who lives in an isolated mansion with his pre-adolescent daughter, Amanda (Tara Meyer).  Amanda has a disease that makes her violent and dangerous.  She attacks almost anyone who comes near her, including her own father.  Dr. Voss believes that he has finally found a cure for her condition and, if he’s right, he’s convinced that he can cure all violent behavior.

Unfortunately, the cure is a bit extreme.  Dr. Voss starts out by bringing prostitutes to his mansion and then using a silver syringe to extract their brain fluid, which he then injects into his daughter.  This temporarily calms down his daughter but it turns Voss’s unwilling donors into violent maniacs.  Voss claims that he’s doing all of this for the greater good and he’s only using donors who would be better off dead.  But, as the episode unfolds, it becomes clear that Voss’s good intentions can’t hide his own sadistic streak.

The syringe once belonged to Jack the Ripper and, as you definitely already guessed, it’s a cursed object.  After a friend of Micki’s becomes one of Voss’s victims, Micki is herself kidnapped and becomes Voss’s latest donor.  When Jack and Ryan show up to save the day, they not only have to battle Voss.  They also find themselves attacked by Micki.  And Micki, due to the experiments and perhaps also due to the resentment that anyone would feel over having to put their lives on hold to search for cursed antiques, proves to be a fierce opponent.

Fear not, of course.  Things are resolved.  Micki is saved and, at the end of the episode, she is slowly recovering from her trauma.  Voss is attacked and killed by his own daughter.  Ryan wonders about whether or not Voss could have eliminated violent behavior if he had been allowed to continue his experiments.  Jack says that it’s not worth wondering about.  I agree.  Leave Micki alone!  Better the whole world suffer than one redhead be inconvenienced, say this proud redhead.

Director by Armand Mastroianni, this was a really good episode.  Both Neil Munro and Tara Meyer gave good performances as the doctor and his daughter and Robey, who has often felt underused on this show so far, got a chance to show off her own dramatic abilities.  As for the question at the heart of the episode, I agree with Jack.  The cost outweighs the benefits.  Friday the 13th deserves a lot credit, though, for seriously considering the issue.  This was an episode that was both creepy and intelligent.