A Blast From The Past: Contract For Life (dir by Joseph Pevney)


Our regularly scheduled review of Friday the 13th: The Series will not be posted tonight so that we might bring you this special presentation….

My retro television reviews will return next week.  For tonight, check out 1984’s Contact For Life, an earnest and actually pretty well-acted short film about teenagers and drunk and driving.  Yes, that is William Zabka in the thumbnail below.  I imagine that Zabka is the main reason most people would watch this film today.  He plays a slightly nicer version of Johnny Lawrence in this film.  Be careful about getting too attached to him.

The film also features a hockey practice where everyone apparently practices getting hurt by deliberately falling on the ice and then slamming against a wall.  Ouch!  That game will never make sense to me.  (Sorry, Leonard.)

Without further ado, here is Contract For Life!

A Blast From The Past: You Can’t Take It With You (dir by Kirk Browning and Ellis Rabb)


Our regularly scheduled review of St. Elsewhere will not be posted today so that we may bring you this special presentation….

My retro television reviews will return next week but for now, check out this 1984 production of You Can’t Take It With You, starring the great Jason Robards.  Back in 1938, this play served as the basis of a perfectly charming Frank Capra film.  (It also won best picture of the year.)  This filmed version of the play’s Broadway revival is just as charming.

And now, without further ado, here is You Can’t Take It With You….

A Blast From The Past: Wait Until Dark (dir by Barry Davis)


Malibu, CA will not be reviewed tonight so that we might bring you this special presentation….

My retro television reviews will return next week but, for now, why not enjoy something even better than me discussing my hatred of Malibu, CA?  1982’s Wait Until Dark is a videotaped record of a stage production of Frederick Knott’s classic play about a blind woman who is menaced by three criminals.  (I assume it was filmed for PBS.  According to Lettrboxd, this aired on television on June 20th, 1982.)  This play was famously adapted into an Audrey Hepburn film in 1967.  The production below gives us a chance to see how the suspense plays out in a theatrical setting.  The cast, including Katharine Ross and Stacy Keach, is excellent!

And now, here is Wait Until Dark….

 

 

A Blast From The Past: Have You Ever Been Ashamed Of Your Parents (dir by Harry Harris)


Monsters will not be reviewed tonight so that we may bring you this very special presentation of 1983’s Have You Ever Been Ashamed Of Your Parents?

Yes, my retro television reviews will return next week but, until then, enjoy this blast from the past.  In this hour-long presentation, Fran Davies (Kari Michaelson) is upset when her mother (Marion Ross) takes a summer job working as a maid for a rich family.  At first, Fran thinks that Andrea (Jennifer Jason Leigh), the daughter of her mother’s employer, is a stuck-up snob but she soon learns that Andrea is instead painfully shy and that she has parents who are rich but unloving.  Meanwhile, Fran’s parents are …. well, I wouldn’t call them poor.  The film acts as if they’re poor but, from all indications, they appear to be comfortably middle class.  The point is that they’re not rich but they are loving.

This is worth watching for Jennifer Jason Leigh’s performance as Andrea, a character to whom I could relate.  It’s not easy being both shy and beautiful.  Fans of great character actors will also be happy to see James Karen, playing Andrea’s father.

Now, without further ado, here is Have You Ever Been Ashamed Of Your Parents?

A Blast From The Past: Don’t Call Me Mama Anymore (dir by John Moffitt)


“The Love Boat will not be reviewed tonight so that we might bring you this special presentation….”

My Retro Television Reviews, including my reviews of The Love Boat, will return next week.  For now, let’s enjoy a blast from the past.  First aired in 1973, Don’t Call me Mama Anymore was the second television special to feature Cass Elliott.  Like the first one, it was essentially a pilot for a weekly variety show.  This special was a far better showcase for Cass Elliott and it actually led to her getting a show for the 1974 season.  Unfortunately, Cass passed away in London before filming began.

For now, here is Don’t Call Me Mama Anymore, featuring Cass Elliott, Joel Grey, Michelle Phillips, and Dick Van Dyke.

A Blast From The Past: Rock: It’s Your Decision (dir by John Taylor)


Pacific Blue will not be reviewed this week so that we might bring you this special broadcast of 1982’s Rock It’s Your Decision!

Jeff (Ty Taylor) has been challenged to think about the music he listens to and to only listen to Christian music for a few weeks.  Jeff takes the challenge and, in the film’s climatic speech, he reveals that even Barry Manilow is a servant of the Devil.  This film is dated, incredibly silly, and oddly watchable.  It might have had more impact if the lead character wasn’t so dorky.  “I love a get down beat!”  I love the way his voice cracks when he shouts, “Do you think I’m sexy?”

Pacific Blue will return next week.  For now, check out Rock It’s Your Decision!

A Blast From The Past: The Mama Cass Television Program (dir by Sid Smith)


Normally, this is where and when I would post my weekly review of Fantasy Island but, due to this being a busy week, my Retro Television Reviews are on break until Sunday.  Fear not, though, we have alternative programming!

From 1969, it’s The Mama Cass Television Program!  This was actually meant to be a pilot for a variety show that would have been hosted by Mama Cass Elliott, formerly of the Mamas and the Papas.  For that reason, there’s some comedy bits along with Cass singing.  Keep an eye out for Martin Landau!  The comedy, to be honest, is a bit cringey but it really doesn’t matter when you’ve got Cass Elliott and her amazing voice.

Fantasy Island will return next week but for now….

 

A Blast From The Past: The Velvet Underground in Boston (dir by Andy Warhol)


 

In the late 60s, The Velvet Underground often performed at the Boston Tea Party, a concert venue in — you guessed it! — Boston.  Lou Reed described the Boston Tea Party as being the band’s favorite place to play and the Velvets’ performances at the venue would eventually become legendary.  The Velvet Underground would attract an audience made up of bikers, Harvard students, MIT Students, Northeastern Students, celebrities, and a young Jonathan Richman.

In 1967, artist Andy Warhol attended a performance and filmed the show.  He got 33 minutes of footage, one that doesn’t quite work as a concert film but which does work marvelously as a time capsule.  While the music itself is often distorted (and this is not the film to watch if you’re wanting to hear your favorite songs performed live), Warhol’s camera does capture the feel of the psychedelic 60s, complete with strobe lights, sudden zoom shots, and an audience that alternates between moving to the music and standing still in a state of stoned contemplation.  Warhol films like someone who has just gotten his first camera and can’t wait to experiment and see what it can do.  The end result is actually rather likable, even if it is often incoherent.  The enthusiasm and the excitement of filmmaking and capturing history comes through.  When you’re first learning and experimenting with film, there’s nothing cooler than a sudden close-up or a sudden pull back to reveal the size of the crowd.  The film finds Warhol having fun with the camera and the footage is ultimately rather hypnotic.

It’s a true time capsule.  Here is The Velvet Underground in Boston.

 

 

A Blast From The Past: Cindy Goes To A Party (dir by Herk Harvey)


In the 1955 short film, Cindy Goes To A Party, Cindy is upset because she hasn’t received an invitation to a party.  Even her dumbass friend Dennis has been invited!  Cindy’s mom assures Cindy that her invitation has probably just gotten lost in the mail.  Consumed by ennui, Cindy goes to bed at 2 in the afternoon.

Cindy is visited by her fairy godmother who, with the help of her magic wand, transports Cindy to the party and then gives Cindy and Dennis a long list of rules to obey.  For those of you who don’t have 9 minutes to watch this film and discover the rules for yourself, here they are:

  1. Be Clean and Neat
  2. Arrive on Time
  3. Leave on Time
  4. Join In The Games (even if the games are totally lame)
  5. Don’t Be Noisy and Rough
  6. Don’t Break Things
  7. Don’t Tease or Make Fun of Others (even if Dennis kind of deserves it)
  8. Obey the Rules of the Game
  9. Be a Good Loser (this rule is specifically given to Dennis because it’s obvious Dennis will never have to worry about being a winner)
  10. Be Considerate
  11. Be A Good Winner (something that Dennis will never have to worry about)
  12. Be Polite
  13. Be Considerate of other (wait a minute, we just did that one)
  14. Remember Your Table Manners
  15. Leave On Time (again, we already did that one)
  16. Thank Your Hostess

That’s a lot of rules!  I think Cindy would have more fun just staying home.

This short film was one of the many educational films directed by Herk Harvey.  Today, of course, Harvey is best known for directing the horror classic, Carnival of Souls.

For Your Halloween Eve Viewing Pleasure: Swing You Sinners


The much-missed Gary Loggins loved Halloween and he loved the old, frequently subversive cartoons from the 1930s.  He was a particular fan of the Fleischer Brothers so it only seems right that today, on Halloween, we should share one of those cartoons.  Here is 1930’s Swing You Sinners.

In this bizarre cartoon, a dog named Bimbo attempts to steal a chicken.  After the police chase him into a cemetery, Bimbo is confronted by ghosts, demons, and apparently death.  Shockingly, there is no escape offered in this film.  Abandon all hope!

I guess chicken theft was a really huge problem in 1930.