Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 6.18 “The Devil Stick/Touch and Go”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites.  Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

It’s time to go back to the Island.  Smiles, everyone, smiles!

Episode 6.18 “The Devil Stick/Touch and Go”

(Dir by George McCowan, originally aired on March 19th, 1983)

I had mixed feelings about this episode.

On the one hand, we do learn a little bit about Tattoo’s past in this episode.  We discover that he lived in Paris before coming to Fantasy Island and becoming Roarke’s assistant and we learn that he may have been a taxi driver.  At one point, his life was saved by a woman named Susan Henderson (Georgia Engel).  To repay her, Tattoo arranges for Susan to come to the Island so that she can pursue her fantasy of getting concert pianist Carter Ransome (Bernie Kopell — who I love on The Love Boat but who is just plain miscast here) to fall in love with her.  Even though Roarke says it will only be for the weekend, Susan is okay with that.  Of course, things get complicated.  Roarke also asks Tattoo how he plans to pay for the fantasy.  Since when does Roarke care about money?  Seriously, after all of the free fantasies that he’s handed out!?  Give Tattoo a break, Roarke!

On the other hand, this fantasy featured Georgia Engel.  Georgia Engel was an actress who specialized in playing very nice women who rarely spoke above a whisper.  Ever since I’ve started doing these retro television reviews, I’ve watched countless episodes featuring Georgia Engel as quirky women who refuse to speak above a whisper.  At first, it didn’t bother me.  Then I watched Jennifer Slept Here, a short-lived sitcom co-starring Georgia Engel.  It was while watching Jennifer Slept Here that I found myself yelling, “SPEAK UP!” whenever Georgia Engel appeared onscreen.

I feel bad because Georgia Engel, in every role that I’ve seen her play, came across as being a genuinely kind soul but the whispering thing …. oh my God, it just annoys the Hell out of me.  And that was certainly the case with this episode.  It was nice to learn more about Tattoo’s life and I’m glad that everyone found love but I’m sick of having to strain to understand or even hear the dialogue whenever Georgia Engel guest stars on one of these shows.

The other fantasy, I liked a bit more.  Carl Peters (Dean Butler) comes to Fantasy Island to meet a woman who has loved for afar, Hallie Miller (Crystal Bernard).  It turns out that Hallie lives on a village on the other side of the Island.  Roarke warns that it’s a weird village that’s never gotten over the execution of a witch several centuries earlier.  At first, I was like, “Since when is there a town on the other side of the Island?” but then I remembered that, during the first season, there was a whole fantasy that took place in fishing village that happened to be on the Island.  Anyway, this fantasy is supernatural-themed and I always like it when Fantasy Island embraces its supernatural origins.

It was an uneven trip to the Island this week but what can I say?  I like island trips!

 

Brad reviews DEATH HUNT (1981), starring Charles Bronson, Lee Marvin, Carl Weathers, and Andrew Stevens! 


Today is actor Andrew Stevens’ 70th birthday. I grew up watching Stevens in the Charles Bronson films 10 TO MIDNIGHT (1983) and DEATH HUNT (1981), the movie I’m reviewing today. I also enjoyed watching him in Brian De Palma’s THE FURY (1978). Later in his career he stepped behind the camera where he produces and directs mostly low budget films. As of this writing, he’s still going strong, and he’s built quite a nice career. And for me, my appreciation all started because he worked with Charles Bronson when he was in his twenties!

In the “based on a true story” DEATH HUNT, Charles Bronson plays trapper Albert Johnson, who lives in the Yukon Territory in the year of 1931 and just wants to be left alone. Early in the film, Johnson comes across a vicious dogfight and rescues one of the participants who’s almost dead. The problem is that the dog belongs to a piece of shit named Hazel (Ed Lauter), and even though Johnson pays him for the dog, Hazel heads to town and tells Sergeant Edgar Millen (Lee Marvin), of the Royal Canadian Mountain Police, that Johnson stole his dog. Millen doesn’t have time for Hazel’s B.S., so he tells him to go on. Millen would rather drink whiskey and hang out with his friends and co-workers in town. These people include the experienced tracker Sundog, aka George Washington Lincoln Brown (Carl Weathers), a young fresh-faced constable with the RCMP named Alvin Adams (Andrew Stevens), his latest lover Vanessa McBride (Angie Dickinson), and everyone’s favorite sidepiece, the Buffalo woman (Amy Marie George). Not willing to let things slide, Hazel and his men go up to Johnson’s cabin and start some more trouble, and one of his buddies gets his scalp shot off by the more than capable Johnson. Even though the entire mess has been started by Hazel and his crew of goons, who include character actors William Sanderson and Maury Chaykin, Millen is forced to try to bring Johnson in, so they can straighten everything out. When it seems Johnson may be about to go in with Millen, one of Hazel’s dumbass men opens fire, and all hell breaks loose. In the aftermath, Johnson escapes, kicking off a massive manhunt across the mountains and wilderness of the Yukon Territory! 

DEATH HUNT is an awesome film, primarily because it pairs Charles Bronson, as the tough mountain man, against Lee Marvin, as the seasoned lawman who probably has only one chase left in him. This is a match made in heaven, and even though the two stars share little screen time, the icons dominate each frame of the film. Their characters respect each other and you get the feeling the two men, who couldn’t be more different in real life, probably felt the same way about each other. The remainder of the cast is filled with so many recognizable names and faces. I’d say the the best performances outside of Bronson and Marvin come from Carl Weathers, Andrew Stevens and Ed Lauter. I like the camaraderie that Weathers shares with Marvin, and of course he’s a lot of help when the action starts. Initially, Stevens seems like he’s going to be another “new kid” who’s too inexperienced to be of much help, but he proves to be more than capable by the end of the film. And good grief is Lauter good at playing a piece of crap! Everything about Hazel is cruel, sadistic, and ignorant, and he plays the part perfectly. A scene where a bullying Hazel gets his comeuppance at the hands of the young Adams (Stevens), is a highlight of the film. Sadly, Angie Dickinson, one of the most beautiful women in the history of cinema, is somewhat wasted in her small, unimportant role. I still like seeing her though, even if the part is beneath her. 

Aside from the phenomenal cast that Director Peter R. Hunt (DR. NO and THUNDERBALL) was able to assemble, there are other good reasons to watch DEATH HUNT. I love movies that are filmed outside of the city, and you can’t get much further out of the city than the Canadian Rocky Mountains. This setting provides plenty of beauty, but its frozen landscape and bitter conditions also allow for a sense of loneliness, isolation and desperation to seep in for the various characters as the manhunt stretches out over time. There is also some rugged and violent action spread out through the film. I was caught off guard the first time I watched the film by some of the more graphic violence in the action scenes. I’ve already mentioned Bronson’s character basically blowing a guy’s head off, and there’s another scene involving William Sanderson getting his arm caught in a trap. These scenes make my toes curl up just thinking about them. The action highlight occurs when the men think they have killed Johnson in an explosion, to only have him emerge from the smoke and flames of his decimated cabin with slow motion shotgun blasting. It’s an incredibly badass moment in the movie and in Bronson’s overall filmography. Finally, the story is interested in contrasting the old ways of doing things, as exemplified by Bronson and Marvin, versus the new ways of doing things, as exemplified by the young Stevens and a hotshot pilot (Scott Hylands) who is called in to help with the search. Edgar Millen is somewhat of a dinosaur who isn’t ready to truly move into the 20th century. He wants to catch Johnson through old-fashioned, out maneuvering him in the wilderness, while Stevens’ character brings in a radio and the expertise to use it, and Hylands tries to locate him and gun him down from high in the sky. These two schools of thought clash and play out to varying degrees of success and failure as the chase rushes toward its conclusion.

DEATH HUNT is not a perfect film by any stretch of the imagination, but it’s been one of my favorite Bronson films since I first saw it the mid to later 80’s. Just seeing Bronson and Marvin together on screen, in a rugged, violent, badass story, goes a long way with me. It’s as simple as that! See the trailer below:

Moments #22: That Ugly Old Swing


This backyard swing may not have looked like much.

The first night in my current house, I stood in the kitchen and looked out the window at the backyard and I said, “That swing has got to go.”  The wood looked old.  The chain was rusted.  It was an ugly old swing, left behind by the house’s former owners.  It was easy to dismiss but, the first time I sat in that swing and I let the wind gently rock me back and forth, I fell in love with it.

It was my place to go if I was feeling down or if I just needed some time to myself.  If the world was getting too chaotic or if I came home hating my job or cursing biology, I would sit on that swing and the gentle rocking would take all of my troubles.

That swing went from being an eyesore to being home.

A little over a year ago, our town got hit by a violent storm.  Throughout the night, rain pounded on the roof, the wind shook the windows, thunder made the house tremble, and the flashes of lightning were so bright and frequent that I barely noticed that the power can gone out.  In the morning, when the rain had finally become a drizzle, my sister and I stepped outside.  Our backyard was flooded and littered with debris.  Our neighbor’s tree had collapsed, smashing his fence and then crashing into our yard.

Underneath the tree were the crushed remains of the swing.

I was upset, even though I knew it was just something that no one could have controlled.  I didn’t blame my neighbor.  I certainly didn’t blame the tree.  I didn’t even blame the storm.  There was no one to blame.  I guess we were lucky.  If the tree had fallen in a different direction, it would have hit our house.  If the cats had been outside, it could have fallen on them.  When we cleaned up the backyard, we didn’t find any dead squirrels, birds, or possums under the tree.  It could have been so much worse.

The man who lived across the street helped us to move the remains of the swing out of our backyard.  We put it on the curb so that the city could pick it up.  Because of the storm, the debris left by the storm were not picked up for three weeks.  But the swing only lasted a day on the curb before someone — I don’t know who — picked it up.  I take some comfort that someone took it, rather than it being tossed in a garbage truck.  The swing is serving a purpose somewhere.

One year later, I still miss that ugly old swing.  I guess I always will.

Previous Moments:

  1. My Dolphin by Case Wright
  2. His Name Was Zac by Lisa Marie Bowman
  3. The Neighborhood, This Morning by Erin Nicole
  4. The Neighborhood, This Afternoon by Erin Nicole
  5. Walking In The Rain by Erin Nicole
  6. The Abandoned RV by Erin Nicole
  7. A Visit To The Cemetery by Erin Nicole
  8. The Woman In The Hallway by Lisa Marie Bowman
  9. Visiting Another Cemetery by Erin Nicole
  10. The Alley Series by Erin Nicole
  11. Exploring The Red House by Erin Nicole
  12. The Halloween That Nearly Wasn’t by Erin Nicole
  13. Watchers and Followers by Erin Nicole
  14. Visitors by Erin Nicole
  15. Fighting by Case Wright
  16. Walking In The Fog by Erin Nicole
  17. A Spider Does What It Can by Erin Nicole
  18. Downtown Richardson, In The Rain by Erin Nicole
  19. Me, our kids, and ONCE UPON A TIME IN HOLLYWOOD! by Bradley Crain
  20. The Statues of SMU by Erin Nicole
  21. Exploring the Back Yard Of An Abandoned House by Erin Nicole

Song of the Day: Helpless in Love by Andrew Stevens


I’ve been searching YouTube for a good Andrew Stevens scene for about 90 minutes now.  Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to find the one that I’m looking for.

However, I did find this one of Andrew Stevens singing in the 70s!

Here is Andrew Stevens with our song of the day, Helpless In Love.

4 Shots From 4 Films: Special Andrew Stevens Edition


4 Or More Shots From 4 Or More Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking!

Today, the Shattered Lens wish a happy birthday to actor, producer, and occasional director Andrew Stevens!

It’s time for….

4 Shots From 4 Andrew Stevens Films

The Terror Within II (1991, dir by Andrew Stevens)

Scorned (1993, dir by Andrew Stevens)

Illicit Dreams (1994, dir by Andrew Stevens)

Breaking the Press (2010, dir by Andrew Stevens)

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 3.21 “Thrill Show”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week’s episode is all about the thrills!

Episode 3.21 “Thrill Show”

(Dir by Gordon Hessler, originally aired on February 23rd, 1980)

Bonnie (Randi Oakes) has a decision to make.  Her ex-boyfriend and mentor, Ray (John McCook, of Bold and the Beautiful fame) has come to Los Angeles and is trying to convince her to quit the force and join him as a member of the Joie Chitwood Thrill Show!

The what?

I have to admit that I had no idea what the Joie Chitwood Thrill Show was but all of the police officers were really excited about it and the episode’s storylines all came to a halt for ten minutes so we could have an extended sequences of drivers doing stunts.  I assumed that the Joie Chitwood Thrill Show was a real thing and a quick check with Wikipedia confirmed that I was correct.  (In fact, Chitwood played Charlie, James Bond’s unfortunate driver in Live and Let Die.)

While Bonnie struggles with her future, Baker and Ponch pursue the members of a rock band who have been robbing tourist buses so that they can raise the money to record their first album.  Hell yeah, that’s taking control of your future!  The leader of the band was named Malcolm and he was played by Paul Nicholas, who also played Peter Frampton’s brother in Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band.  Whatever else you may think of that film, Nicholas’s performance of You Never Give Me Your Money was nicely done.

This episode seemed to primarily exist to advertise the Chitwood show but, as I’ve stated before, I’ve always liked fast cars and dramatic stunts.  What can I say?  I’m a Southern girl, it’s in my blood.  The idea of a band robbing tourists to pay for its album was actually kind of interesting, even if the episode didn’t really do much with it.  Paul Nicholas was a bit more charismatic than the typical CHiPs co-star.

In other words, this episode …. hey, it was okay!

The Hong Kong Film Corner – JACKIE CHAN’S FIRST STRIKE (1996)!


In JACKIE CHAN’S FIRST STRIKE (1996), aka POLICE STORY 4: FIRST STRIKE, Jackie Chan plays Inspector Chan Ka-Kui (called “Jackie” in the dubbed version), a Hong Kong police officer tasked with helping CIA and Russian authorities track a missing nuclear warhead. His investigation leads him to Ukraine and Australia, where he discovers a conspiracy involving a rogue CIA agent named Jackson Tsui (Jackson Lui) and a criminal organization. Chan teams up with Annie (Annie Wu), a marine biologist and Tsui’s sister, to try to stop the rogue agent from selling the warhead to global terrorists. 

As you might imagine, JACKIE CHAN’S FIRST STRIKE has incredible stunt work. Chan was 42 years old when he made this movie, but he still has “it!” His amazing acrobatic ability is on full display as he engages in snowy mountain top chases, ladder fights, shark tank shenanigans, all leading to a final showdown in an aquarium! Every set piece highlights Chan’s special blend of martial arts, comedy, and scary stunts. Aside from the incredible stunts, Chan brings so much charm and humor to the table. He’s so likable that you can’t help but smile as he goes from one crazy situation to the next. This is why I watch Jackie Chan movies, and this one has a lot of good stuff!

As far as the supporting performances, Bill Tung, who plays his boss “Uncle Bill Wong,” is the only real connection to the earlier “POLICE STORY” movies. He pops up at the very beginning and a couple of times during the movie, but that’s about it. Having enjoyed all the prior films in the series, it is fun seeing him here, but there is certainly no need to watch the others to be able to enjoy this one. Annie Wu was only 18 years old when she made this movie, which is her first credit, and she’s as cute as it gets! There’s nothing that special about the villains. They’re mostly here to be used as punching bags for Chan to work off of during his unique action sequences. 

Overall, I really enjoy JACKIE CHAN’S FIRST STRIKE because I’m a big fan of the unique blend of action and comedy that Chan brings to his movies. It may not be his very best, but it’s a pleasant reminder of what Hong Kong cinema was like in the 90’s before the 1997 handover. I miss those days of Hong Kong cinema. There was nothing like it in the world. 

The Secret of My Success (1987, directed by Herbert Ross)


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Brantley Foster (Michael J. Fox) heads to New York City with his business degree from the University of Kansas and the promise of an entry-level job as a financier.  He arrives to discover that the company that hired him no longer exists and that Brantley is out of a job.  New York is a harsh town for someone who is down on his luck and all of out of money.  Brantley eventually gets a job working in the mail room of a company owned by his wealthy uncle (Richard Jordan).  His uncle doesn’t even know who he is but soon, Brantley becomes just as rich and successful as he always dreamed.

What’s the secret of Brantley’s success?

Screwing his Aunt Vera (played by Margaret Whitton).

What’s the other other secret of his success?

Pretending to be named Carlton Whitfield and claiming that he’s a new executive at the corporation.

I remember when Kramer did the same thing on Seinfeld.  It didn’t work out for Kramer.  He got fired after turning in his first report.

“This is gibberish,” his boss said, “It’s almost as if you have no business training at all.  I’m afraid we have to let you go.”

“I don’t actually work here,” Kramer replied.

“That’s what makes this so hard.”

Seinfeld, never topped.

Back to The Secret of My Success, this is the most 80s film ever made, complete with montages of Brantley exploring New York and a saxophone playing on the soundtrack.  Brantley’s all about TCB, taking care of business.  He screws his aunt but falls in love with Christy Wills (Helen Slater).  Brantley doesn’t learn anything but he gets the best office and becomes a success without actually doing any real work.  It’s the ultimate fantasy and, like many fantasies, The Secret of My Success is superficially appealing.  Michael J. Fox is likable as Brantley.  Margaret Whitton is outrageously sexy as Vera.  Helen Slater is pretty and boring, traits that made her the ideal “good” girlfriend for Brantley’s story.

The Secret of My Success is your ticket to the 80s.