Category Archives: Game Review

President Elect: Nixon vs Frankenstein’s Monster

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

Yesterday, I used the old President Elect simulator to determine who would win a presidential election between Frankenstein’s Monster, Dracula, and The Mummy.  Dracula crushed both of his opponents, mostly because neither Frankenstein nor The Mummy could really speak.

Today, I decided to see if Frankenstein’s Monster would have had better luck if the Democrats had nominated him to run against Richard M. Nixon in 1960.  In the real world, John F. Kennedy narrowly defeated Nixon, despite the popularity of Dwight Eisenhower.  (Kennedy had some extra help in Illinois.)  Nixon had the experience and the depth of policy knowledge but Kennedy had the charisma that Nixon lacked.  After logging into President Elect, I imagined a situation in which the Democrats of 1960 turned not to Kennedy but to Frankenstein’s Monster.  Just as he had with Dracula, I imagined that Frankenstein would run on a largely non-partisan platform that put strong emphasis on fire prevention.  As well, I had to give Frankenstein low scores on his speaking ability and his ability to stay cool under pressure.  But he did get a high personal magnetism score because people have been interested in him for over 200 years.  Would that be enough to beat the similarly challenged Nixon?

No, it would not.

Just as with the campaign against Dracula, it was obvious who was going to win from the start.  Frankenstein’s Monster barely campaigned and, unlike Kennedy, he refused to debate Nixon.

On election night, the first result told the story.

The good news is that, unlike when he ran against Dracula, Frankenstein’s Monster actually did manage carry a state.  In fact, he carried two.  He won both Mississippi and Georgia, receiving 51% of the vote in both.  Every other state, he lost to Nixon.

The final vote tally:

Managing to win 43% of the vote while being unable to speak or be around fire is actually pretty impressive.  But Frankenstein’s Monster still could not beat Richard Nixon.

Frankenstein vs. Dracula vs. The Mummy: Who Would Win?

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

If the next presidential election were held today and the major candidates were Frankenstein, Dracula, and The Mummy, who would win?

I know that’s a question that has been on everyone’s mind and, in order to find out, I went to the Internet Archive and ran the scenario through a game called President Elect.  President Elect was developed as an election simulator in the 80s and it is still considered to be one of the best and most accurate games of its type.  Over the years, President Elect has correctly predicted the results of almost every election since 1988.

After setting the game to duplicate both the fragile state of the American economy and the uncertain outlook of our current place in the world, I then selected my three nominees.  Frankenstein’s Monster ran as the Democratic candidate.  He had no platform, beyond more funds for fire prevention.  As a public speaker, I had to give him a low rating and I also had to admit that he wasn’t good at maintaining his cool under pressure.  However, I did give him high marks on the “personal magnetism” scale because people have been fascinated by the monster for over two hundred years.  Frankenstein’s Monster may seemed like the underdog but perhaps voters would be moved by his personal story and his refusal to take definite positions on the issues.

Running for the Republicans was Dracula.  As for as public speaking, personal magnetism, and staying calm under pressure, Dracula got the highest rating available.  But his platform was undeniably extreme, with absolutely no concern for human rights.  Dracula was the only candidate to be opposed to the agendas of the Religious Right, the National Organization for Women, and the NRA.  (The last thing that a vampire would want would be for everyone to have access to silver bullets.)  Would he be too extreme for the voters?

Finally, running as an independent was the Mummy.  The Mummy had roughly the same platform as Dracula but little of the personal magnetism.  In fact, the Mummy could not even speak.  But he was determined to get what he wanted and again, he scored high on the personal magnetism because he’s been in so many movies despite spending all of his time under wraps.

I allowed the game to simulate the 9 weeks between Labor Day and the election.  Not surprisingly, Frankenstein’s Monster refused to debate Dracula.  As a third party candidate, the Mummy struggled to keep up financially.  I was expecting a close election with a lot of fireworks but instead, it was clear from week one who was going to win.  Dracula led in the polls from the start and, within the first hour of election night, he had the 270 electoral votes necessary to claim the presidency.  He went on to win a lot more than just 270 though.

Here are the votes by state:

America went full Dracula, not only giving him 60% of the popular vote but also 535 electoral votes.  Frankenstein’s Monster won only the District of Columbia and, even then, he only received 67% of the vote in this Democratic stronghold.  After D.C., Frankenstein’s best states were Minnesota and Rhode Island, in which he took 47% of the vote.  The Mummy turned out not to be a factor at all, despite winning 5% of the vote in Florida.  Frankenstein’s Monster may have had the most compassionate platform but Dracula had the charisma.  His best states were Idaho and Utah, both of which he won with 71% of the vote.

See you at the inauguration!

Game Review: Europop Vampire (2021, Chris Chinchilla)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

You’re a vampire so get out there and party!

That is pretty much the plot of this short Twine game.  You are given the option of deciding what type of vampire you are (Are you a Nosferatu or a Twilight or a Gothic Vampire?) and you’re also allowed to decide just how exactly you want to spend your evening.  Do you want to hit the clubs or would you rather spend your night singing karaoke?  It’s up to you.

This game feels like it may have been abandoned why it was still being developed but what there is of it is enjoyable.  The game at least has a sense of humor.  There’s even an ending where the game says that you’re obviously looking for something darker than this game is prepared to offer up.  Not much happens in this game but a few of the jokes did make me laugh.  After you’ve played as many overlong, overly serious Twine games as I have, it’s hard not to appreciate something as unpretentious as Europop Vampire.

Play Europop Vampire.

Horror Game Review: Power, MT (2017, Phil Strahl)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

You were just a traveler, passing through Power, Montana, when your car broke down.  Temporarily stranded, you were thankful when a local farmer offered to let you stay in his guest room for the night.  But then something terrible descends upon Power and you find yourself running through the town, fearful for your life.

The objective of Power, MT is straight-forward.  Make your way through town and hopefully, find some sort of protection before you are captured by the strange, apparently supernatural storm that is pursuing you.  To be able to do this, though, you’re going to need the flashlight on your phone to see where you are going.  And, with each turn, that flashlight drains your battery and leaves you that much close to being plunged into a darkness from which there is no escape.  It’s a simple and relatable premise.  Who hasn’t hit the panic button while searching for a place to recharge their phone?  The game is well-written and there are a lot of places to explore, even if there’s not always a lot of time to reach them.  Power, MT captures the feeling of running for your life.  It’s a challenging game (so be prepared to die a few times while figure it out) but it’s also not impossible to win.

Play Power, MT

Game Review: The Twine Fishing Simulator (2022, maxine sophia wolff)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

The Twine Fishing Simulator starts out like an old school fishing simulator.  At first, everything about it, from the font to the simple directions, reminded me of the type of clunky but addictive text games that I used to play back in the early 90s.  Back then, we didn’t need a lot of fancy graphics or even much descriptive text.  We just needed our imagination.

You are fishing.  You start at the Lake.  If you catch enough different types of fish, new locations will be opened.  Each new location gets bigger and there are new fish to catch at each place.  There are also various rewards that you can get after you catch certain fish.  There are NPCs who you can talk to.  You can ask them questions about fishing.  Some of them offer hints.  Some offer side quests.  Some ruminate on the nature of existence.

The further you get into the game, the stranger it gets.  This is not a typical fishing simulator.  It’s not just about catching the fish.  It’s about why you’re catching the fish and why you’re moving from one location to another.  It starts out as nostalgic fun and then gets increasingly surreal as the game progresses.  I can’t reveal too much about it without spoiling the game’s puzzles but it’s ultimately one gigantic mindscrew disguised as a fishing simulator, and an entertaining one at that.  Anyone can write a strange game but it takes talent and imagination to write a strange game that, like this one, is worth playing and even replaying.

It was only after I finished the game that I realized that I could have just stayed at the Lake and kept fishing.

Play The Twin Fishing Simulator.

Horror Game Review: Zombie Blast 2023 (2022, Sam Ursu)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

The year is 2023 and the zombie apocalypse has begun.  First, you parents were killed.  Then, your spouse was killed.  All you have left is your baby and you are going to do whatever you need to do to protect the last remaining member of your family.

Zombie Blast 2023 starts out simply enough.  You are in a house with four room.  The baby is in one of the rooms.  (The room changes each time that you play.)  You have an axe.  You have a shotgun that carries a limited amount of shells.  You have a limited amount of energy and, if you don’t stop to rest occasionally, you’ll weaken and maybe even find yourself incapable of moving.  You also have to find time to eat.  Your number one objective is to protect the baby from the zombie horde that is approaching the house.  Whenever a zombie gets in the house, you have to kill it before it reaches the baby’s room.  As the game progresses, you can level up and become a better zombie killer but, at the same time, the number of zombies will also increase.

Zombie Blast 2023 is an addictive work of interactive fiction.  I played it several times, trying out different strategies and seeing how long I could last before I was “overwhelmed.”  As you level up and as the zombies become more aggressive it becomes a real challenge to try to make sure that you’re in the right place to kill them before they manage to get into whichever room the baby is in.  Can you make it through to the morning?  It’s not as easy you might think.

Play Zombie Blast 2023.

Horror Game Review: A Shift In The Night (2022, Muulk)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

You have a job working the graveyard shift at a gas station in the desert.  Because you have been hearing things coming from the backroom, you go to see a doctor.  He tells you that hallucinations are an occupational hazzard for people who work overnight.  He gives you some pills to control them.  He says that you must take them every hour.

Feeling better about things, you go to work and discover that you left your pills at home.  Can you survive the night?

A Shift In the Night is a work simulator where you attempt to get through your shift without dying.  It’s not just the weird buzzing coming from the stockroom that’s a threat.  There are also customers to deal with.  Some of them are harmless.  Some of them are crazy.  One of them is definitely very dangerous.  Good luck guessing which is which.

You would think that surviving an 8-hour night shift wouldn’t be that difficult but I have so far managed to die in four different ways while playing A Shift In The Night and absolutely none of those deaths were pleasant.  The game uses graphics and sound effects to put you right in that gas station.  When I was 18 and fresh out of high school, I worked nights part-time to help pay my college tuition and this game captures the atmosphere of the night shift.  I always enjoyed the freedom of not having to deal with salaried management but I also knew that I had a greater chance of getting shot at night than during the day.  This game brought back memories.

Play A Shift In The Night.

Remember When The Burger King Was Your Trainer?

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

The bad news is that work has been really busy this week.

The good news is that, a few weekends ago, I got my old Xbox out of storage and I discovered that it still works!  I’ve been blowing off steam by playing Fight Night Round 3, which I still think is the best boxing game that I’ve ever played.  From the creation of your boxer to the training to the path to becoming champion, Fight Night Round 3 is one addicting fight game.  I do think that the game cheats by letting your opponent take more punishment than I think any other boxer could handle but that’s what games do.

After all these years, I had forgotten that you could pick the Burger King to be your trainer.

Back when this game first came out, how many of you were like me and automatically picked The Burger King because you thought he’d give you some sort of special skill in the ring that none of the other, non-mascot trainers could provide?  I always went with The Burger King as my trainer until I realized he wasn’t any good.  All he did was dance around the stage and probably steal my prize money when I wasn’t looking.  Back in the day, I actually got sick of seeing him listed as even being an option.  I wanted to fire him and bring in a real trainer, like Jack from Jack in the Box or maybe the Grimace.

This weekend, when I played the game for the first time in years, I used the Burger King as my trainer for old times sake.  Oscar de la Hoya knocked me out in three rounds.  I’m done with the Burger King but I look forward to playing Fight Night until my Xbox finally gives up the ghost.

Horror Game Review: Kiss of Beth (2021, Charm Cochran)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

Cordero has just knocked on the door of your home.  He’s here to take your roommate Beth on a date.  While Beth gets ready, your job is to check Cordero out.  Have a conversation with him.  Find out what he’s planning to do on the date.  Maybe ask him about his family or his plans for school.  You could even ask to see pictures of his dog if you want.  Find out all that you feel you need to know about Cordero because, towards the end of the game, you’re going to have to make a big decision.  And that decision will effect not only how Cordero views you but also your relationship with Beth.

With the exception of the final few moments of the game, Kiss of Beth is a conversation simulator.  At the start of the game, it seems like you are just being an overprotective friend but, as things progress, it becomes obvious that there is more to your relationship with Beth than just friendship.  There are two potential endings, a good one and a bad one.  I’ve discovered that it’s a lot easier to get the bad one than the good one.

Kiss of Beth can be played in less than 15 minutes and, because of the number of choices and the multiple endings, it’s a game that can be replayed several times.  After you finish the game the first time and learn the true nature of your relationship with Beth, you’ll be surprised when you play the game a second time and see that all the clues were right there for you to see.

Play Kiss of Beth.

Horror Game Review: Friends? (2022, MBoone)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

One night, Natt is woken up by his friends Josh and Stan.  Josh and Stan want Natt to step outside and have a drink.  Natt has not seen or checked up on Josh and Stan for a while.  Natt can be a friend and have a drink or he can go back to sleep.  Either way, he is going to end up in a bad situation.  Are Josh and Stan friends?  Natt soon discovers that there are consequences for not keeping up with people.

Friends? is a choose you own adventure style horror game.  You decide how Natt reacts to things and then you discover what happens as a result of Natt’s decisions.  The majority of the decisions appear to lead to Natt dying a horrible and gruesome death.  If you make the right choices, Natt can survive but it’s very difficult to get through the game without Natt taking on some damage, both physically and mentally.

A few typos aside, Friends? is well-written and the endings are gruesome and twisted enough to keep most horror game players happy.  It doesn’t take long to discover that there are very real consequences to making the wrong decision.  The game features multiple endings and multiple paths to those endings, making it a game that can replayed several times.

Play it and then check up on your friends.  They would probably love to hear from you.

Play Friends?