Let Us Now Praise Number 34, Big Papi


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For many of us, October doesn’t just mean Halloween and all things horror, it also means playoff baseball. Unfortunately, my Boston Red Sox were eliminated last night by the Cleveland Indians. Fenway Park has locked its gates for the winter, but the Boys of Summer will return next April. Only there will be something missing in 2017. There will be no more Big Papi.

David Ortiz has decided to call it a career after nineteen glorious seasons as the best Designated Hitter in baseball. The 40-year-old slugger gave us his all, but the wear and tear on his body told him to make this season his last. And what a tremendous final season it was: .315 Batting Average, 38 Home Runs, 127 RBI, and he led the American League in OPS (1.021), Doubles (48), Slugging Percentage (.620), and Intentional Walks (15). Not bad for an old geezer, and Papi will…

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In Memory of Steven Hill


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When I was younger, I was really proud of my Adam Schiff imitation.  I would sigh with resignation and then say, in my best weary, old man voice, “This case has got loser written all over it.  Take the deal, Jack.  Take the deal.”

Of course, I later discovered that every fan of Law & Order could do a perfect Adam Schiff impersonation.  Even in the 1990s, Law & Order was known for its high cast turnover but, for the first ten seasons, Steven Hill’s Adam Schiff would always be the show’s constant.  It didn’t matter if the main prosecutor was played by Michael Moriarty or Sam Waterston or if the senior detective was Jerry Orbach or (God help us) George Dzundza.  We always knew that the Adam Schiff would be the district attorney and that, 40 minutes into the show, he would order either Stone or McCoy to “take the deal.”

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Steven Hill played many roles before he was cast as Adam Schiff.  He was even the original lead on Mission Impossible, until he left the role because the show’s producers were not prepared to accommodate his adherence to the Sabbath.  After leaving Mission Impossible, he did not act for ten years and when he returned, he made a career out of playing no-nonsense authority figures.

But, for people my age, Steven Hill will always be Adam Schiff.  Hill brought gravitas to every line he spoke and, as New York’s veteran district attorney, Hill came to represent the type of unimpeachable integrity that we all wished we could see in real-life public officials.  For many of us, Steven Hill was Law & Order and the show never recovered after he retired from the role.

Steven Hill died earlier today, at the age of 94.  Thanks for the memories, Mr. Hill.  Thank you for bringing Adam Schiff and so many other characters to life.

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Here’s The Latest Image of It’s Pennywise The Clown!


So, as you may know, there’s a new version Stephen King’s It coming out.  It’s scheduled to be released next year and it’ll star Bill Skarsgard as everyone’s favorite killer clown, Pennywise!

A new image of Pennywise’s costume appeared earlier today in Entertainment Weekly and here it is:

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I have to admit that I’m not a huge fan of this look.  According to the EW article, the film’s costume designer decided to incorporate ideas from all eras of clowning, in order to show that Pennywise has been around for centuries.

But, to me, that kind of misses the point.  In the book, It appeared in many different forms, depending on who it was dealing with and it’s goal was at the time.  It used the form of Pennywise the Clown to both get the attention of and to scare the Hell out of children.  In the book, Pennywise kills Georgie Denbrough in 1957.  In the upcoming film, the timeline has been updated so that Georgie dies in 1989.  But, in both cases, why would Pennywise use the form of a Victorian-era clown to attack children in the 20th Century?  Wouldn’t Pennywise appear as a contemporary clown?

I may be overthinking this but, honestly, it’s difficult for me to look at this Pennywise without thinking about the time that Bobby Hill performed as Tartuffe the Spry Wonder Dog on King of the Hill.

 

Am I right?  Am I wrong?  What do you think of this new Pennywise?

And now a political endorsement from Lisa Marie…


Normally, I don’t get political on this site.  But I think New Hampshire deserves a congressman of whom it can be proud.

In Memory of Crazy Ralph


Today is Friday the 13th, which is basically an unofficial holiday.  But you know what?  Instead of celebrating Jason Voorhees today, maybe we should celebrate Crazy Ralph.  For countless years, Crazy Old Ralph warned everyone, “You’re doomed!”  He told them that Camp Crystal Lake had a death curse.  He warned them that Jason was still out there…

And nobody listened to Ralph.  People accused Ralph of being drunk.  (Of course, he was.)  They called him crazy.  (Of course, he was.)  The police harassed him.  The local truckers laughed at him.  The waitresses in the diner all said, “Oh, that’s just old Ralph being crazy and drunk!”  The camp counselors ignored him.

But you know what?

Crazy Old Ralph was right!

Sadly, Ralph wasn’t that smart or maybe he was just too drunk and/or crazy to take his own advice because, for some reason, he always seemed to be hanging out around Camp Crystal Lake.  Sure, maybe he was just coming by to remind everyone that they were doomed and, if that’s the case, that was nice of him to do.

But actually, I think Ralph’s motives were a little more icky.  After all, Ralph did die while hiding behind a tree and spying on Ginny and Paul…

But fear not!  The actor who played Ralph survived.  Walt Gorney was mostly a stage actor.  He appeared in a handful of films and he typically played characters with names like “Homeless guy” and “Drunk man.”  According to the book Crystal Lake Memories, Gorney was a nice man and a dedicated actor who insisted on “staying in character” whenever he played Crazy Old Ralph.

Ralph may have died by Gorney was invited back to provide the opening narration for Friday The 13th Part VII: The New Blood. 

So, on this Friday the 13th, let’s all take a moment to remember Crazy Old Ralph and the actor who brought him to life, Walt Gorney!

Happy Ralph Day!

An Exorcist TV pilot? What Sweet Hell is This?


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I don’t wear hats but if I did, I would give a tip of the hat to my friends over at Horrorpedia for the news that apparently, a pilot has been put into production for an Exorcist TV show.

And then I would sigh.  Actually, that’s what I’m doing right now.

Seriously, an Exorcist TV show?  Which dumbfug toadsucker thought this was a good idea?  What damnable dumbfuckery is this?

Oh!  And hey, the pilot is being written by the same guy who wrote the Fantastic Four movie!  It gets even better!

For what it’s worth, here’s the plot description:

Two very different men — Father Tomas Ortega (Alfonso Herrera) and Father Marcus Lang (Ben Daniels) — tackle one family’s case of horrifying demonic possession and confronting the face of true evil…

To be honest, I could probably get enthusiastic if the show was a prequel about the early life of Father Merrin.  But this sounds more like a remake of Deliver Us From Evil and that movie was pretty bad!  I mean, not even Joel McHale could save that movie…

And seriously — what type of priest is named Marcus Lang?

Here’s hoping that Pazuzu puts a stop to this before the legacy of a true horror classic is tarnished any further.

A Few Final Thoughts On The 88th Academy Awards…


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Well, another Oscar season has come to an end.  I’m going to take one day off from thinking about the Oscars and then, once March begins, it’ll be time to start speculating about what will win next year.

Like the majority of our readers, I just finished watching the 88th Academy Awards.  It was an interesting ceremony.  It was strange.  It was full of moments that made me cringe.  And, at the same time, there were a few moments that left me feeling very inspired.  Clocking in at 3 hours and 30-something minutes, it was neither the worst nor the best Oscar telecast that I’ve ever watched.  (My favorite remains the ceremony that was hosted by James Franco and Anne Hathaway.  It was such a fun disaster.)  On twitter, people seem to think that it was either the greatest or the worst thing ever.  I am one of the few to think that it actually fell somewhere in the middle.

Let’s talk about the awards.  Going into this, I was hoping there would be a few upsets and there were.  Unfortunately, few of them were upsets that I was particularly looking forward to.  For instance, Mark Rylance won best supporting actor for Bridge of Spies and, no offense meant to Rylance, but it was hard not to wish that the award had instead gone to Creed‘s Sylvester Stallone.  Stallone, no matter what you may think of the majority of his films, is a cinematic icon and this was probably his last chance to win an Oscar.  Rylance, meanwhile, seems to be destined to being the actor you call when you can’t get Richard Jenkins.

And then there was Best Original Song.  I, for one, am still stunned that the song from SPECTRE was even nominated.  But then it actually won the Oscar!  And, in doing so, it defeated Lady Gaga’s anthem of survival and strength, Til It Happens To You.  Lady Gaga’s performance of Til It Happens To You was definitely one of the show’s highlights.  Not even the presence of our long-winded, gropey Vice President could diminish the strength and power of that performance.  Just imagine what a great moment it would have been if that performance had been followed by Til It Happens To You actually winning the Oscar.

I got really excited when, early on, Mad Max: Fury Road started to win all of the technical awards.  Oh my God, I thought, what if Mad Max actually wins Best Picture!?  That would be a game changer as far as the future of the Oscars is concerned…

But then Alejandro Inarritu won best director and gave his typical sermon.  And then Leonardo DiCaprio won best actor and used it as an excuse to lecture us all about global warming.  And I started to dread the idea of The Revenant winning best picture and having to sit through another speech from either of these two undeniably talented gentlemen.  But then, after being shut out for most of the night, Spotlight won best picture.  The producers ran up on stage and started to lecture the Vatican…

It’s a strange victory.  Spotlight won a total of two Oscars.  Mad Max won six Oscars.  The Revenant won three.  The Big Short and Room took one.  Though the vote totals are never released, I’m going to guess it was a very close race.

I have to admit that I always cringe a little whenever the Oscars get political because celebrities, on the whole, tend to be flaky.  And, often times, they lecture everyone else without bothering to look at or modify any of their own behavior.  Frequently, it leads to a hypocrisy on their part that, over the years, has tarnished some very worthy causes.  It’s not surprising that the 88th Academy Awards were extremely political.  A lot of people said a lot of things but did they actually understand what they were saying or were they just playing another role?  That’s the question I always ask whenever a celeb says to vote this way or that.

I have to admit that I got kind of bored with Chris Rock trying to get people to buy girl scout cookies.  But, let’s give credit where credit is due.  Chris Rock called the film industry out on its own bullshit as far as diversity is concerned.  He told the self-congratulatory Academy audience that they too were capable of being racists and, even watching on TV, you could feel the tension in the room.  This was the epitome of speaking truth to power and good for Chris Rock for going there and, hopefully, making everyone in that audience feel a little bit uncomfortable.

And yet, at the same time, it was hard not to feel that it won’t make much of a difference.  The assembled members of the Academy applauded whenever a presenter or a winner called for diversity but, in the end, are they going to do anything more than applaud?  Watching the show, I imagine that most of the rich white people in the theater were thinking to themselves, “Chris isn’t talking about us.  He’s talking about those other rich white people.”

What’s the solution to the industry’s diversity problem?  Well, the first thing that would have to happen would be for the industry to admit that it has a problem and that’s never going to happen.  The mainstream American film industry is too high on its own rhetoric to ever take an honest look at itself.  Instead, studio execs and producers are always going to put the blame on “those other white people.”

There are so many stories out there waiting to be told.   At some point, the industry is going to have to stop bragging about how they tolerant they are and instead help those unique and interesting stories to be told.  Out there right now, there are people of every race, gender, religion, and political ideology who have a story to tell.  At some point, if the film industry really wants to change, it’s going to have to start seeking out those stories and giving those storytellers a chance.   At some point, those in industry are going to have to stop bragging about how much they donated to which campaign and actually put their rhetoric into action.

Until then, it’s going to take a lot more than merely giving Chris Rock a standing ovation to truly bring diversity to the film industry.

Did anyone else find it weird that the show ended with “Fight the Power” being played over pictures of wealthy white people accepting awards?  I don’t think the show’s producers really considered what that would look like.

Anyway, that concludes this Oscar season!  It was an exciting one and I can hardly wait for a new one to begin!